Dear friend: How do I stop this anger?

Dear Suzie,

I am so glad God led me to this devotion today.

I have been married 11 years and it has been less than ideal.  Things have gotten worse over the years with my husband constantly hurting me and letting our family down.  I know I need to forgive for us to ever make it, but it is so hard when it happens daily.  I know I need to give it to God and stop letting the anger build up in me.  I so need Him right now.

Dear friend,

I hear you.

I pray that you hear me as well. Forgiveness isn’t allowing someone to continue to harm you, sis.
Sometimes what we perceive to be forgiveness is actually allowing a person to continue to walk further away from God’s best for him as we grant him permission to harm, to lie, to let down. None of that is God’s plan for him.

And it’s not God’s plan for you.

Turning the other cheek is meeting evil with dignity, with mercy, but it’s not allowing evil to run rampant. Perhaps it is a good time to talk to a godly counselor (someone who is licensed and can give you tools to set boundaries and to meet this behavior with loving and merciful strength).
Perhaps it’s time to surrender to God what you cannot change, and allow Him to begin to teach and encourage and show you what to do that is healthful and good.

You and your children are worthy of kindness and promises that are kept. Forgiving is definitely part of healing in a troubled marriage, but it’s so key that you understand what it means, and what it doesn’t.

And I pray that God is so near to You today and every day hereafter. I pray that You sense Him in an entirely and fresh new way. He loves you. So much. You are worthy of consistent and faithful love, and God gives each of us that.

Comments

  1. Robin Brennan says:

    Thank you GOD, for we need one another…and, there is strength in numbers!!! Especially, on the days when we pray & feel GOD hasn’t heard us, when we can’t see change that we desire to see in an unfaithful spouse of 18 years!! Change is so possible…I am proof of that… I am not the same as when I entered into this relationship. I became a faithful person, VERY loyal, growing closer to the Heavenly Father has helped so much!! I have learned when you can’t pray because of the pain the betrayal has caused, others will pray for you!! In fact, that is how I found this site, from a dear friend who knew my pain & encouraged me with these emails. And, now I need continued prayers that GOD will change my husband’s VERY destructive addictive behavior for other women! I’ve prayed for him to become closer to GOD & leave his dirty sin behind him! I know GOD answers Prayers…I saw how he changed my father from heavy drinking days while I was growing up. When my mother died recently his wife of 54 years, he didn’t return to drinking, he stayed strong & relied on the Love & support of family & friends. GOD even brought my Dad through a long journey of bad heart health struggles which led to open heart surgery of 5 bypass (1 for each of his 5 kids). GOD is so GREAT & so AMAZING, our family has been through so many trials the loss of the first 2 born, which was so difficult to endure, yet time can heal.Eccl3:1-9

  2. Thank you GOD, for we need one another…and, there is strength in numbers!!! Especially, on the days when we pray & feel GOD hasn’t heard us, when we can’t see change that we desire to see in an unfaithful spouse of 18 years!! Change is so possible…I am proof of that… I am not the same as when I entered into this relationship. I became a faithful person, VERY loyal, growing closer to the Heavenly Father has helped so much!! I have learned when you can’t pray because of the pain the betrayal has caused, others will pray for you!! In fact, that is how I found this site, from a dear friend who knew my pain & encouraged me with these emails. And, now I need continued prayers that GOD will change my husband’s VERY destructive addictive behavior for other women! I’ve prayed for him to become closer to GOD & leave his dirty sin behind him! I know GOD answers Prayers…I saw how he changed my father from heavy drinking days while I was growing up. When my mother died recently his wife of 54 years, he didn’t return to drinking, he stayed strong & relied on the Love & support of family & friends. GOD even brought my Dad through a long journey of bad heart health struggles which led to open heart surgery of 5 bypass (1 for each of his 5 kids)

  3. It is ironic that I have read the article, “How Do I Stop this Anger?”, and I could relate to it. I appreciate the encouragement upon reading the comments. I have been married for 8 years but dated for 6 years, so to be in a relationship not based on the common threshold of God centeredness and being unequally yoked is difficult at best. I apparently had been in denial for all those years until recently and understanding that I need counseling for being with an alcoholic. I am beginning that journey soon as I have contacted a SoulCare Advisor through my church and also going to attend Al-Anon. I pray for God’s loving intervention to end this conflict at home, and courage to continue moving forward. Thank you Proverbs 31 Ministries! God Bless!

  4. I found a copy of the “Love Is…” devotional on a table in the back of the chapel at Methodist Hospital, Medical Center, Houston, TX. My daughter was in the hospital for a second surgery to reconstruct her pelvis, which was shattered and dislocated in a vehicle accident. I was meant to find this. Shame is something I know all too well. I grew up being viciously shamed by family, classmates, and teachers. I don’t remember many hugs or anyone telling me how much they loved me or how beautiful and wonderfully created I was. I have carried with me feelings that I am not enough, that I am worthy of being criticized, betrayed, ostracized, forgotten, humiliated, abused. and ignored. I have made a choice to stay away from the people who have treated me and continue to treat me this way. Sadly, many are family; but for me, it’s safer and less painful. I am tired of working so hard to gain everyone’s approval. I read this devotional while sitting in the chapel. I read the scripture. I read that I am beloved, God’s woman, and beautifully and wonderfully made. I wept. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of me.God’s opinion of me is the only one that matters, making all others’ invalid. I am working on letting this truth invade every fiber of my soul, my mind, and my being. Suzie, your devotions are what I need. God knew what I needed.

  5. Dear Ladies,

    My heart hurts for you. I am praying for both of you. Please take Suz’s advice. Get help NOW. Do not wait another day. Things will not change on their own. They will only get worse. If you don’t act now, you will reap a harvest later on that includes a loveless marriage, bitterness, anger, and low self-esteem. You will look back and regret that you wasted the best years of your life.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Thank you for this post. I could have written the letter myself because it totally sums up where I am even to the point of being married for 11 years. Pls pray for me because I am so desperate for a change in my marriage. My husband does not listen to anyone so trying to talk achieves nothing. I really need supernatural intervention. I am so tired of being hurt and want to give up so many times but God always gives me a word of encouragement to lift me up but I want to see a change.

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