21 years. Is that even possible?
When I found out I had cancer, I was 31 years old, just days shy of 32. My beautiful children were young. My marriage was 12 years young, and I had planned on growing old with this guy.
If you came over from Encouragement for Today, I’m so glad you are here to celebrate with me. Not just 21 years of survival, which is a gift of proportion that I cannot repay, but for the do-overs we get in life with people.
I shared my story of dealing with Jack* and how this gruff-on-the-surface guy became a friend against all odds. It’s a story I first shared in Chicken Soup for the Survivor’s Soul over 10 years ago. I can’t begin to tell you how delighted I was to write the words 21 years as I shared this story again.
You see, in the past 11 years since this story first ran, I’ve had more opportunities to forgive and heal relationships, or to change me when another person isn’t willing or able to change.
Forgiving has become a way to live free.
Free of emotional entaglements that keep me stuck.
Free of trying to fix other people.
Free to move forward regardless of others choices or response to forgiveness.
Is it easy to forgive?
I wish I could say that it is, but when we understand the power of forgiveness, as well as what forgiveness is not, we can’t help but respond to this gift we both receive and give to others.
To celebrate my 21 years of loving my husband more (who is going gray and I love it because it means I am getting to grow older with him), of watching my children grow up to become the beautiful adults that they are, and my grandbabies who bring me joy, I am giving away two copies of my new book The Unburdended Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness. It’s release is in a couple of months, but I’ll preorder it for you and it will arrive in your mailbox as soon as it is released!
Just leave a comment today. Share with me your story of second chances, whether with survival or a second chance with a friend.
Conviction or God’s timing? This week I have had the song Jesu, Jesu, stuck in my head…. Catching myself humming it at random times. My Pastor spoke about forgiveness, and he shared a personal conversation. Short part is I found myself sharing the question from the conversation with two of my sisters. Most of my friends know that my family is trying to help my Mom recover from a broken femur. It is a struggle, not because of anything she has done. This is what God has helped me realize with His Conviction or Timing.
I did not have a bad or good childhood…. Just a childhood. I carry scars, but they are my scars. The ones that have shaped the good in me and the bad. I am not the perfect Christian that I wish to be, but I am still God’s clay that He is working into His image for me. HIS GRACE is what I have learned through this trial and those that came before this time in my life. I am not the keeper of my Mom’s actions (during the growing up years or now). I do not need to worry with how she acts at times…. Only my reaction to it. Jesus gave His life (His reaction) to my actions (sin). God calls me to be HIS GRACE and LOVE out loud, in 3D. In living breathing color. I am called as a follower of Jesus to fill those around me with His love and forgiveness. I am to serve those around me ….. Even when I do not want to, or in spite of those whose actions are not how I think they should be.
This is to say…. Do I forgive my Mom? YES, Because God has forgiven me. I will use my time, talents, words, and the Love God bestows on me every minute to be the change (forgiveness) that I would like to see in my Mom and those around me. For one day I will be the one hoping for forgiveness from my daughter.
Lindsay Raymond is our second winner of The Unburdened Heart. Congrats, Lindsay. My prayer is that this book helps you begin the healing journey. Suzie
It’s quite exciting that you have survived breast cancer for 21 years now!
Forgiveness and second chances are so needed for me every day!
My second chance has been with my mother. We were at odds in my childhood. I was her only daughter and she had three sons. She related better to my brothers, perhaps because she had a very difficult mother growing up… a mother who at one time told her she could not call her “mother” because she didn’t want people she met to know she was old enough to have a daughter my mother’s age. Not having a warm mother/daughter relationship she lacked the skills to have one with me and our relationship suffered for many years. However in the last twelve years God has restored what the “locusts had eaten”. In my having to come into the role of caregiver and with my faith in Christ, a deep love has been born. Today we are closer than we both could ever have imagined. I am so grateful that God gifted my mother and me with this second chance to have a loving mother/daughter relationship. It is a blessing and a joy.
From the time we are born, our life is full of second chances. A second chance at trying to walk. A second chance at learning to use the potty. A second chance at taking a test over in school. Through life, we are given many. So why is it so hard to extend that same Grace when it comes to people in our lives? When my first grandchild was one years old, she was taken out of our lives. Last May, her mother contacted us and wanted to ‘reconnect’. She is now 13. With 12 long years in between, and a roller coaster of emotions that could cover a mountain, we were left with the choice to forgive and embrace what God has for us with our precious granddaughter, or to allow resentment to rule towards her mother and miss a ‘second chance’. We chose the ‘second chance’! Throwing your cares onto HIM – all the what ifs – all the past hurts – all the fears – is actually liberating. And because of that we are experienceing catch up with our beautiful 13 year old granddaughter, and enjoying the journey of reconnection in our family. Thank God for Second Chances.
Hello everyone. I grew up in a disfunctional family….dad drank & had a nasty temper. One of my 1st memories of him is him arguing/swinging at my mom in our tiny kitchen when I was maybe 3 yrs. old. I feared him growing up. He was a tyrant. Since then our entire family has come to know Christ as our saviour. It has made a HUGE impact on my dad. He still struggles with his temper. But He knows that nothing is impossible with God & I’ve had the pleasure of watching him grow in his faith. I forgave him long ago. But my sister still has trouble letting it go. I pray for her. She firmly believes in Christ’s. Healing powers. But Satan just will not let this one go. Please join me in prayer for her. I want to give her Susie’s Unburdened Heart book. But I don’t want to offend her. Any suggestions ladies?
What an awesome story of 21 years!!! That is so inspiring! I was 37 when diagnosed and had a 22 month old. In December, I will be a 6-year survivor—Praise the Lord!! I can remember almost “making a deal with God” that if he gave me another chance I would be the daughter He wanted me to be and I honestly believe in my heart that the entire breast cancer journey was Him gently putting my perspectives in line on life, family and everything! He used it to show me that I need to let go and let Him guide me. If I left this world today, I know that I am completely and amazingly blessed with all that I have in my life!! You are such an inspiration to those of us who want to say I’m 21 years out!!! God bless you and your wonderful devotions!!! Love to all survivors!!!
I have had so many chances as second chances. Being born but not wanted by a grandfather. Then enduring a father who struggled to love me. Now a woman who’s been abandoned by two husbands. I have just this week been diagnosed with breast cancer and needless to say I am struggling to know why me right now? I do need to learn the freedom of forgiveness so I can move on with God.
So thankful for do overs. 10 yrs ago my marriage was in a mess. God intervened and we are still together. However, sometimes the ugly times reappear and the forgiveness has been very hard for me. My husband and I just discussed this fact this week. He never apologized for the affair or said a simple “Im sorry”. How do you get totally over the past and move on? Does it ever go away forever? I am so thankful for your devotions and post. Somedays that is all that gets me through.
Congratulations on 21yrs of blessings! Thank you for sharing God’s love with all of us and reminding us that we can make it with His wonderful grace!
Its been such a rough year and I know God led me to your devotions. My search for Godly advice started in Jan of this year. Your posts have carried me through some rough waters …so I am so thankful for the online mentoring through your life, as an example of God’s love through forgiving. I have forgiven but I struggle with daily reminders. I have learned more about God’s love this year as I work through boundaries. Thank you and congrats on 21 yrs! Blessings!
Your story touched my heart because it brought memories of my aunt. When my mom died, she became my mother. I would go to her and talk,she would listen, and offer advice when necessary. She never had children of her own. She noticed a lump in her breast,she was afraid and chose to ignore it. Finally after several years had passed she mentioned it. We told her she needed to see a doctor, and took her. We found out it was cancer.
She had to have surgery. My uncles (her husband’s) response was , “Now how am I going to eat?” No compassion or support for her. You see, for all their married years she catered to his every whim. I was so angry at him! My aunt had her surgery, had her breast removed, and a biopsy done. We found out that the cancer had spread. She began chemo, and suffered all that it entails. She lasted about 2 years, and passed away. I miss her a lot , but I know she is in Heaven with Jesus, and is healthy and whole now. My uncle? Well it was a hard adjustment for him. Me? I forgave him. That’s what Jesus wants us to do, and also my aunt would want that too.
So please, everyone, if you find a lump, don’t ignore it!
I’m trying to forgive my husband and his very vindictive mother. We re divorcing. It’s so painful but I want a second chance at peace and joy. Your book will be a blessing
Thank you for sharing a very inspiring and bold story. Two personal experiences come to mind:
1) My hubby (then boyfriend) forgiving me for some bad choices and we grew stronger through all that
2) Having to forgive my father (still in progress) for what he did to my family and I. He doesn’t see his mistakes but that’s where the continual journey with forgiveness comes into play.
So many of you have such powerful testimonies of forgiveness. It makes me want to follow up The Unburdened Heart with your tangible stories of faith and overcoming. God indeed wants us to live free and your stories are such a testiment to that. Love, love each of you who have shared your hard and wonderful stories and thoughts.
Jenna, you are one of my two winners! Congratulations!
I thank you for your story and it seems to come when I need to hear it. Isn’t God so good!
I’m trying to work through some childhood trauma and while I feel like I have forgiven my parents, it’s still hard. The emotional abuse stills haunts me because they are the same way now as they were then. Many things were taken from me…trust, confidence, love, etc. I know my parents were hand picked for me by our Lord and I know great things wil come from the trials of my childhood, but I have a long way to go. I know that everyday I’m progressing and I’m hopeful that someday I can be a beacon of hope to others who have suffered. How lucky I am that I have been forgiven by God and I’m not getting what I deserve so how can I not find the forgiveness for others.
I just simply have to say thank you! Forgiveness is something I’ve been fighting with as I told you earlier. You’ve given me a new perspective and a lot to think about. You ate a blessing to many!
Hi thank you for the chance to share some of my long story. Im a survivor of domestic violence and after 20 years of a unhealthy marraige God provided a way for me to be free. i am now married to a godly man who has shown me what gentleness is. by god removing me from the situation he allowed me to be able to forgive and heal.
I will never forget the day i told my ex husband on the phone “I forgive you” he paused and said “You do?” that was such a great time he told me thank you for forgiving me. its a long journey but it releases you from the weight of sorrow and pain when we forgive and if we are able to tell that person that we forgive them then it releases them as well and allows God to do his part in repairing what was broken. Now i can share with others my life and my healing one day at a time to forgive and let go always have wisdom but always look with a heart for Jesus thanks again
Stephanie
I thank you for sharing your story, especially as we honor Breast Cancer Awareness month. My mother battled breast cancer for 10 years, having it come to each breast and then hide in her brain before spreading to her spine. Each time she stood with the courage that only her faith in God could give. Seeing her strength, even when doctors told her there was no hope, continues to inspire me to stand in the face of adversity. She finished her race in 2008 but left a legacy of faith.
As today’s devotion showed, you never know what seeds are planted when you in love towards another. Thank you for that reminder.
I used to read stories like this and be happy that I really didn’t have any difficult people in my life. Then, right in a row I had problems with a co-worker, my pastor, and a few members of my church. I have forgiven and am feeling the true freedom that comes from that. I would love to read your book and share it with some others who were affected by these situations as well.
CONGRATULATIONS on 21 years of survival AND on your upcoming book release!! We’ve had a rough road with my husband’s family for several years. Lots of anger, hurt feelings, unkind things said by all to the point where we just didn’t speak for a long time. I was diagnosed with non-hodgkin’s lymphoma last year and God has used my cancer as a catalyst to begin the healing and restoration process within our family. So much so that we are all going away together to the mountains for a few days this weekend. We’ve come a long way and we still have a long way to go, but God is good and He never, ever gives up on us.
I did not think I will have the patience to read through all the comments but I did. God bless you all. Everyday brings its own challenges to everyone. For me I have to either forgive myself or someone everyday though its not easy. God is faithful. Those fighting cancer you are not forsaken. I have learnt a lot from all the comments and the devotion itself. Suzzie thanks a lot. Be blessed beautiful ladies!
Congratulations on 21 years of survival & beating the odds!! Working in mammography for 15+ years, I know what a miracle this is. Thank you for your words on forgiveness. This is something I struggle with everyday in all aspects of my life. With God’s help & guidance, I have made alot of progress, but still have a long way to go. I was able to forgive an absent father after 26 years & allow him the opportunity to be a grandparent to my children. Eleven years later, God helped me to be able to forgive him for taking his own life and leaving my us all with many unanswered questions, guilt, & grief. I have been able to forgive coworkers who have who have wronged me and I currently struggle with forgiving teen bullies that have targeted my children. Forgiveness is not a trait that comes easily to me, but I am trying to grow this fruit. I would love to be able to read more about setting myself free from the trememdous burdens of unforgiveness.
I don’t have a story to share, but I wanted to say thank you for sharing your beautiful devotional today.