Forgive to live: The challenge

Unburdened Heart_Waterfall_small

Your challenge this week is:

  • To accept that addiction or alcoholism of a parent isn’t your burden to fix or to bear
  • To consider that this person is valuable to God, even in his or her mess
  • To write a letter to the person who hurt you, and be totally honest, then place that burden before the Lord and ask Him to carry it for you
  • To surrender to whatever God wants to do in your heart, regardless of the circumstances or the past or another person


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  2. MichelleB says:

    One of the best comments I take with me from recovering family groups impacted by another’s abuse is that “satan must want my loved one really bad’. Then i am able to to take the focus off the person and put it where it belongs. Satan is the reason for all this and he gets huge pleasure destroying the person damaged by addiction and the relationships tied to that person who suffer. If the destroyer can just get one person hooked, then there are 5-20 other people that can be taken down…don’t let him win…forgiveness is best step to getting God to protect you…

    • I love that you shift your perspective from what is to what can be, even if that is in your own heart and no one else’s. That’s the power of getting out of the debt collection business. We are free to stop trying to fix someone, and let God and their consequences help them find change. We are free to see them beyond the alcoholism to the person beneath. It allows us to set healthy (not punitive) boundaries that help us have the relationship possible within the realities of the addiction. It frees us to see the possibilities of what it means to be a child of God, not just a child of an alcoholic.

  3. These are good guidelines for anyone who feels unjustly hurt, who harbors the cruelty and disrespect of another, or who holds onto resentment. Accept. Love. Recognize self-worth and the worth of others as we put appropriate boundaries in place. And, most importantly (and certainly not last), ask for help. Especially ask for God to help do what may seem impossible. “With God, all things are possible.” (Matt.19:26)
    I also would add that, for me, forgiveness is a process that is not necessarily linear. It spirals around and around, but it unravels hate as it unties the knots of an unforgiving soul.
    I have suffered in ways that I consider unjust and unwarranted through much of my childhood and adult life, and I have done so very quietly for the most part. Yet patterns of cruelty finally have become evident to me. I suppose I helped create some of these behavior/situation patterns, partly because this is what I knew, and so I just chose what was familiar. Finally, I am beginning to see my part in continuing the hurt.
    As I forgive myself and others, my compassion for myself as well as for those who struck out and inflicted pain on me – for whatever reason – is gently awakening. With this comes change and the hope of a new way of living in spite of the past. And I have a depth of understanding I did not before I actively chose to forgive. In our own ways, we are all so tender.
    Even though this is so good, it is change and, for me, change is hard. I have old habits of begrudging and rejoicing in the blame of others. Still, the work is worth it, and God is good, and I am practicing the Grace first given to me. I get better each time I forgive.
    Thank you for the sharing and support of this ministry. There is a great need for it across all socio-economic and cultural groups.

    • I describe forgiveness much like layers. God gently peels away a layer at a time, allowing the scar tissue to heal and then He begins again until He gets the core of our real self. <3

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