Feel it, felt it, find it. . .

hebrews 4

She had lied.

Not just a white lie, but a blatant lie. . . that came right after doing something nice for her.

The hurt was deep, and I was confused.

And more than a little angry.

Have you ever been there? You want to do something with those feelings, but what?

Step into them. 

My friend, Luann, calls this “feel/felt/found.”

Give yourself permission to feel them 

Just this past weekend I spoke at a women’s conference, and I prayed with a woman.

“Why won’t these feelings go away?” she asked.

As she explained her feelings, I realized that she had never given herself permission to feel them.

They had been buried. . . alive

As we prayed, I encouraged her to feel them. For the first time she held up those feelings openly and grieved the pain and the hurt. She acknowledged that it hurt, that it was unfair, that it wasn’t okay. Which allowed her to offer them up rather than push them down.

Which allowed healing to begin. 

She described it as a weight lifted that she had carried for far too long.

Remember a time you felt this before

Many times, in the heat of the moment, we can forget that we are strong. We’ve been through hard situations before, and we not only made it, but we grew through it.

When this person lied about me, it hurt my heart. But as I looked back, I remembered times when I had felt similar hurt, and with God’s help I was able to work through it.

Which helped me remember that I wasn’t alone. I had a Savior, close as a whisper, who empathized with my feelings, and even the temptations associated with them (Hebrews 4:15-16).

 Find clarity

What is the bigger picture?

Sometimes broken people hurt others out of their brokenness.  And God loves them. It wasn’t my job to fix her, or to say that what she did was okay, or try to make her see it my way. I could ask for compassion, and I could pray for her.

But He loves me too.

I didn’t have to linger in that hurt, or make it my identity. With the heat of emotion set aside, I could rest in Whose I was. That hurt lost its power as I saw God’s love for both of us, and rested in my portion.

What might this process (feel/felt/find) look like for you?

In Chapter Eight of The Mended Heart: God’s Healing for Your Broken Places, Suzie describes a playground of the mind. In what ways could you identify with her story?

Why do you struggle to “feel” it? What might happen if you allow yourself to feel it?

 

 

Comments

  1. What a wonderful devotion. I am new to proverb 31 ministry.

  2. II Corinthians 10:5-7
    For the weapons of are warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds; Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; and having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled. Do ye look on things after the outward appearance? If any man trust to himself that he is Christ’s , let him of himself think this again, that, as he is Christ’s, even so are we Christ’s.” God, thank you that you are the sorter of truth and lies. Thank you that as long as we walk after your Spirit, the enemy cannot touch us without your loving permission. Thank you that you promise no weapon formed against us shall prosper and that all tongues spoken in lies against us will be silenced. Thank you that you are more powerful than any lie. Thank you that you say that we are to rejoice and be exceedingly glad when men say all manner of evil against us falsely, for great is our reward in heaven. Thank you that we are in good company, because you say the world has hated and done that to the prophets that have gone before us. Thank you that your opinion, and your truth is what matters, not the opinions of men. Thank you that when we gather together to speak of what you have done in our lives, that you bend your ear, and listen, and write our words in a book of remembrance, and that we are ushered into your presence. Thank you, that one day every lie and ever y truth will be revealed. We commit ourselves to you, the one who judges righteously. We let go of whatever hurts we have because of lies spoken, and turn to your truths to heal our hearts and transform us to live victoriously in you, regardless of what is said or done. You are our shield, our protector, the lifter of our heads. We rejoice in you, in your truth. You are the living truth. Live out your truths in and through us for the glory of your name. amen.

  3. Suzie, wow! This chapter was powerful. I often content with the feel/felt/found experience. I sometimes get my heart hurt when the other person didn’t mean to be hurtful at all. Stuff hits a nerve, from previously “felt” experiences of people treating me wrong, rejecting me, or closing me out.

    I, too had a playground where I could withdraw from people. But my sense of boldness is gradually emerging as I learn my identity in Christ. He gives me nicknames like “Forgiver” and “Joy-Starter” and “Friend of God.” I revel in times spent alone with Him.

    Jesus is showing me how to be bold. My playground had a lot of sand boxes, where I was an ostrich, hiding my head from everyone. But the Holy Spirit is teaching me how to be bold and spit the sand out of my ostrich cheeks. Holding your breath beneath a sand dune is underrated. I asked Papa for an upgrade in confronting others in a Christ-like, encouraging sort of way. I’m still processing the upgrade (and blowing leftover sand out my nostrils).

    Here is a true FIND: joyfully believing the Holy Spirit is up to something magnificent. That’s what gives me the confidence to shut the gate on my playground.

    • Isn’t it hard when people suffer because of what others have done. It can affect marriages, relationships with children, friendships. Coming out of that “playground” allows you to begin to work through those things, to deal with hard issues that God desires to heal, and to live in real life. So proud of this aha moment!

  4. It feels as if this were written directly for me. I feel. I still feel every day; almost stuck in this playground of my mind. How long is too long to feel? Why {won’t} these feelings go away? I don’t like these feelings. The hurt, anger, apathy, and guilt. I don’t remember what it feels like to not have those feelings at the front of my mind; taking over my whole body. I definately don’t “struggle” to feel it. Its moving past it where I can say ‘I remember when I “felt” that way’. I struggle to find the peace, to really heal, without the feelings coming back just a fresh as they were/are now.

    • That’s where feel/felt/find are all important. Pam, we feel it. It hurts. It wasn’t okay. It shouldn’t have happened. It’s almost like sitting across from our Heavenly Father to grieve what should have been.

      The “felt” portion is to remember a time when you felt hurt and worked through it. But what I think I am hearing you share is that it’s been this same hurt for such a long time that there’s no point of reference. Am I correct in that?

      If so, perhaps this is a place where we can simply sit beside you for a moment and say, “I remember feeling that way,” with you. To say that there have been times when it felt like we’d never get well, and then one day we realized that we had. Small little baby steps with aha moments along the way where our perception changed, or something simple but beautiful settled in our being and we didn’t see it the same way anymore, or we stepped into another layer of healing.

      My prayer is that this speaks hope to you. Hang in there. Don’t give up. For me, leaving that playground was a process of days of putting it down, only to find I’d picked it back up. So I put it down again, closing that door. Until one day I started to go there and thought, “I don’t want that. I recognize it for what it is, and I want so much more than that.”

      Let this growth process unfold inside of you, with His help. Celebrate any small victories. Don’t give up, as you move forward, even if it’s at a crawl : )

      So very thankful for your honesty. So very thankful for you.

      • Oh Suzie- instant tears. I wish i felt i was even crawling at this point. i feel like I’m going backwards. The thoughts you have shared and the prayers you have prayed over me have been heard and felt. I appreciate knowing there is a community of women who have and share the love of Christ, especially when all i feel is alone.

  5. Helen Crews, LMFT says:

    This was wonderful! I’ve been struggling with some of my feelings and beating up on myself because I couldn’t be like Christ on the cross saying, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do”. I needed to hear this. Thanks so much!

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