A few weeks ago I ran smack into a difference of opinion with someone I care about. She was adamant that she was right. I was pretty certain she was wrong.
It was a perfect opportunity for drama.
I wish that I could say that I walked away from that with peace, or that I just let it go, but I didn’t.
I felt caught in the middle — and I hated that.
In our back-and-forth discussions, innocent words took on greater significance than they should have.
John Bevere, in his book Bait of Satan: Living Free from the Deadly Trap of Offense, says:
No two-year-old child has ever been six feet tall. Intellectual growth is a function of learning. Spiritual growth is neither a function of time or learning, but it is a function of obedience.”
We can learn to give up the opportunity for drama for something healthier.
Don’t let it hook you
Like a sharp hook, offense can grab your heart and lead toward anger, or resentment, or words or actions that you later regret.
In this instance, I could not only take the bait of offense (which I did), but I could remain in those unhealthy feelings or go to that “playground” we talked about last week and rehearse it, and play with those thoughts, and let them sink in deep.
The hook had to go. It has no place in my heart.
It was time to rest in the fact that I had shared my thoughts, and this person was free to listen, or not.
It was time to accept that I don’t have the ability, or even the right, to bend every conversation or opinion to my own.
Know going in that it’s not easy
You want to be heard.
Perhaps you want that person to act differently.
You want the feelings to just go away.
When we go in to conflict knowing that it’s not always going to be easy to give up the opportunity for drama, we lean toward growth. The harder work becomes worth it.
Admit when you are wrong, keep moving when you are not
Now, this is the hard part.
She was right.
She saw something that I had missed. In a sense, I have never been so glad to be so wrong. A lack of drama gave me that clarity when things turned out differently than I imagined.
It doesn’t always work out this way.
Sometimes that person is clearly in the wrong.
But we still gain.
Giving up the opportunity for drama allows resolution later, if things change.
It gives peace and allows you to move and live life rather than existing continually tangled up in drama that goes on and on and on.
What about you? Take a look at your week. Was there an opportunity to give up drama? Is offense a hook for you that keeps you dangling just out of reach of wholeness?
Let’s take this a little deeper.
Read pages 191-197. In these pages, “choice points” are described.
Q: Which choice point has caused you drama?
Q: If the enemy desires to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10), how has being offended continually played into his plan?
Q: Let’s flip that scripture. In The Message version of this scripture, it says that Jesus’ plan is for you to have “a better life than you dreamed of”. How does giving up an opportunity for drama lead you to that plan instead?