We went to the doctor’s appointment carefree. The stats weren’t too worrisome. There was a 75% chance that we’d waltz in and waltz out and get on with our life.
Afterwards Richard and I stood in the parking lot, our arms wrapped around each other.
When I had cancer years ago it stopped our life as we dealt with surgeries and chemotherapy and radiation and bills. Lots and lots of medical bills. Then there was the fear tangled in faith so deep that it kept us from falling off the edge.
I have scars on my body that only Richard sees that speak of that battle, but the real war was fought somewhere between my heart and my head. It was hard but it drew us close to each other and to our God.
May I please be honest with you? When we heard that we were facing cancer as a couple again, my first reaction was shock but my second a sadness so deep that it wouldn’t leave no matter how many words I prayed.
You see. This is my guy.
The man I have loved for 35 years. He’s my heart. He makes me laugh until I cry (or run to the bathroom squeezing my legs while laughing so hard I’m not sure I’m going to make it). He is the father of my children. The man who lays on the floor while sweet grand babies crawl over him in delight.
It was easier when it was me somehow.
I know the truth. I love my Savior and how big He is. I’ve walked this rugged path before and know how close my God will be in every step.
But it’s okay to say that it’s hard.
There’s sacred space for grief, one in which you don’t have to be stronger than you feel. A place where you can rest in the strength that comes from a God that is big enough to bear that burden with you.
In the past two months we’ve been in that sacred space. I’ve been soaking in the verse that God placed on my heart in Jeremiah 17:7-8:
“Blessed is the [wo]man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord.
[S]He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
and never fails to bear fruit.”
Isn’t this beautiful? I don’t know what is ahead. I do know that there will be good days and hard days, but I also know where my strength will be found.
Thank you for allowing me to share this news with you. Maybe you don’t know what to say, and that’s okay. For now I just covet your prayers. I promise to hold those prayers close as I quietly dip my roots deep into a place of trust.
If you came over from Encouragement for Today, I’m so happy you dropped by. (I hope it’s not the last time.)
Today I’m offering one copy of my newest book, The Mended Heart: God’s Healing for Your Broken Places. Just leave a comment below to enter to win.
If you are struggling with hard news, please let me pray for you. I also have an amazing prayer team who will join me.
If you want to pray for my guy, I’d love that too. If you just want to say hello, I’ll treasure a new friendship. Just leave a comment and I’ll share the name of the winner at the end of the week.