How did your 24-hour challenge go?
Did you learn something new about yourself?
Maybe you are much more of an encourager than you realized!
Perhaps there are words you speak that you don’t like.
Whatever you discovered, it will help you live a life of thank you. ♥
When we are aware of what we are saying, we can look at why.
Take a look at the words you recorded.
Are they generational? Is this the same thing you heard as a child? You are a new creation, my friend. You aren’t stuck with that second-hand love language. God is bigger than your past and he promises to help you.
Did these words come from tiredness or discouragement? If so, be honest about that, for it allows you to deal with the core issue.
If you are tired (and most of us are), what changes need to be made? I realize that caregivers and new mamas don’t get sleep. There are some seasons that are harder. So, is there anything that can be changed? If your schedule is overpacked, will you give yourself permission to pare it down as much as you can?
We aren’t obligated to do and be everything. We just aren’t. We have the right to see our family and lives in a holistic manner and make room for rest and balance. It might not look like the family next door, but you aren’t the family next door. Do what works for your family.
Are your words a bad habit? Sometimes when our people love us like we are, or we know they’ll forgive us, we keep doing it. We don’t necessarily like it, and we know that they don’t like it either. We just haven’t done anything about it.
The fact that they love you that much is actually motivation to learn a new love language.
Knowing why leads to how
How do you begin to learn a new love language, one that helps you and your loved ones live a life of thank you?
Pray. The Lord loves you and the desires of your heart matter to him. Invite him in to the process.
Listen to what they are saying. We are not just learning to listen to ourselves, but to listen to the person standing in front of us. I had to work on this for a long time, but the longer we do it, the more ingrained it becomes.
Listen to the end, which sounds awesome, but it’s not instinctive. Instead of thinking of your response, tune in to what they are saying. Instead of being all up in your feelers, try to empathize with theirs.
This changes the conversation because it actually becomes a conversation.
Use a lot less words. Did you know that yelling shuts a conversation down, while a gentle word grabs their attention. This takes practice, but it’s powerful. Don’t give up on it if it doesn’t work right away. If you are stuck in an unhealthy pattern where everybody knows the dance steps, it’s going to take a little time to form a new rhythm.
Replace words with simple action. A touch. A gentle kiss. A pat on the arm. A stick of gum left on a pillow with a tender or silly note.
If a child says they’ll do it and they don’t, hold them responsible. Rather than nag, yell, or using words to punish or shame, give them a reasonable consequence. Once they’ve done that, it’s over. Move on. Let them know you are proud they followed through. (Again, sounds easier than it is. Anything new takes time, but you and your child are worth it.)
Stop doing it alone. We reach for help without an ounce of shame. We might find that help in a mom’s group, in a great book on marriage or relationships or parenting, with a counselor, or tucked in our prayer closet where we find encouragement.Asking for help is a strong and courageous move. #ComeWithMe #livingalifeofthankyou Click To Tweet
Allow for do-overs. Sometimes our best love language is a sincere apology.
None of us will do this perfectly, because perfection isn’t our goal. A do-over means that you start fresh. You ask for forgiveness. You grant it, where needed. The old is put away, and it’s not pulled back out when you are angry.
New mercies. New beginnings. Just like we are given by God every day.
Sometimes our best love language is a sincere apology. https://ctt.ec/xa0Fw+ #livefree
Your love language won’t sound like mine
You’ll begin to develop a genuine love language that makes sense for you and those you care about. Some of the most beautiful conversations I’ve had are with a daughter who is feisty and fun.
I never know what she’s going to say. I don’t want to change that about her. I don’t want to change that about us. That might not work in someone else’s family, but it absolutely works in ours.
Give yourself lots of grace as you adapt to your new love language.
Make adjustments as you go. Add in grace. Add in give and take. Add in lots and lots of love. It may take time to learn your new love language, but over time it will feel like you.
Day #9 of Living a Life of Thank You
Journal a prayer inviting God into your new love language. Show him the areas where you need help. Celebrate with him over those words that encouraged, or taught, or lifted up.
Q: Were you surprised at the results of your 24-hour challenge? (See yesterday’s blog post if you missed this.)
Read Psalm 141:3; Proverbs 15:1; Psalm 19:14; Proverbs 15:23. Each of these speak of the power of our words.
Q: In what ways do you hope to enrich or change your love language?
Do you want to take this topic deeper? You might love these!
- Faith for when you have a bad day
- Faith in hurtful places
- Praying for those we don’t like (It’s okay to admit sometimes we have days that we don’t like those we love.)
Maybe we learned how to speak to others by how others spoke to us. If that’s negative, you aren’t stuck. I promise. Walking daily with Jesus makes us more like him.
The Come With Me Devotional: A Yearlong Adventure in Following Jesus is gentle, challenging, and transforming as we start our day with him.
A free gift for you — a free digital Come With Me Prayer Booklet that can help you when you don’t know the words to pray.