I used to be afraid to talk to people.
If I were in WalMart and I saw you across the store, I’d go down a different aisle. It wasn’t that I didn’t like you, or that I didn’t want to be your friend, but I wasn’t sure what to say.
If you spotted me first, I’d chat and put on a good face and pretend that I wasn’t afraid, but afterward I’d wonder. . .
Did I say the wrong thing?
Or a dumb thing?
It’s so weird to consider the girl I once was, because today I’d put my hands on the cart and march across the store to say hello.
And I wouldn’t give a thought about what I said, or didn’t say. I’d simply enjoy the conversation.
Why?
When you discover your true identity, you don’t have to pretend (or be afraid) anymore.
Our broken mirror of the past can cause us to see a distorted image staring back at us.
That distorted image isn’t just a detriment to you personally, it can trip you up as a mom.
When your child gets angry or acts up or it’s a hard mom day, you might cave in to fear.
I must be really bad at this.
I will never get this right.
When I finally looked in the mirror and saw a beautiful, work-in-progress, loved-like-crazy woman of faith, everything changed.
If I had a hard mom day/wife day/Suzie day/afraid of my shadow day, I just accepted that most of the universe faces fear at some point, and we get to work through it.
The Message version of Proverbs 27:19 says, “Just as water mirrors your face, so your face mirrors your heart.”
When I began to see myself through the eyes of God, rather than the eyes of my past it took the pressure off to be perfect. . . because no one is perfect.
It took the pressure off to try to pretend to have all the answers. . . because no one has all the answers.
I could just be me.
The mom who might not be the best PTA volunteer (and if you are, thank God for you!), but loved to jump on the bed with her kids.
The mom who wasn’t afraid to be goofy and silly with her children.
The mom who apologized when she messed up.
The mom who was learning, and would always be learning, to be the most honest and best version of herself that she could be.
Suzie
Re-read Chapter Two of The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above the Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future.
Q: Imagine that mirror. If you’ve been seeing a distorted image based on the past or words or actions of others, then ask God to show you your heart. Journal what you sense God speaking to you.
Q: Rather than “perfect,” use one word to describe you as a mom.
Q: Do you ever compare yourself to other moms? What might happen if you began to value your unique attributes in this role?
Lord, thank you for the woman reading this today. You see her. She is uniquely and wonderfully made by you. There are qualities in her that delight you. Thank you for creating us so individually. Thank you for her child. Today she delights in her child, and in his or her differences and unique qualities. In Your powerful, beautiful name, amen.
My problem is that I can not talk in public and more so, I cannot read very well because of spelling so how do I over come this.
Hi Helen,
Maybe reading or spelling isn’t your strength, but what is? What is it about you that is unique and that draws others to you? For me, it’s cooking. I love bringing people around the table and talking. Share more with us, okay?
I love these thoughts today, Suzie. I’m sadly still the person in Walmart going down the other aisle most of the time. :-\ I haven’t seen this verse in this translation, but I like it…a lot. I’m going to carry this with me today…and to Walmart next time I go. 😉 Love you.
And I didn’t read directions very well. Another flaw of mine. This week the word to describe me is “unfocused.” I can’t focus on anything to save. my. life. And yes, I compare myself to other moms all of the time. I’ve considered myself a “mom fail” more than once this week. I know I need to look up to see my true identity…sometimes it just takes me a while to lift my head.
I’d chase you across WalMart just to talk to you. You are delightful!
I could just hug you Suzie, you wrote my heart, my fears and what I so desperately need to know to get better at being a good mom. I live with this everyday and I really don’t want my negativity and lack of confidence and fear in myself to fall on my daughter. I very much need to realize my self worth in Jesus, which I’m finding very hard to do. Pray for me to have the victory to be me and not be afraid to be, for fear of messing up again, but to trust Jesus is in control and He won’t fail me. Bless you. xxx
You said it so well Judy. Right where I am also. I desire to grow confident and secure children yet I am not confident and am so insecure and they are seeing it. I want so much to be stronger, to be able to handle the days with more grace and poise; to have enough confidence and calmness in myself to put my mind to something and get it done without spending my time and energy doubting myself and asking “i dont know? maybe i should do something else? maybe this wrong?” (even over little things like what im cooking for dinner!!! AHHH!!. I love how you put it…to find VICTORY and put our TRUST IN JESUS. I am having a really hard time with the trust in Jesus part because I have felt so abandoned by Him during this stage in life.
Your posts are such an encouragement. I find hope in them and I’ve recommended your Bible Study for the Women’s Clinic where I volunteer. So many of our poor choices in the present stem from how we view ourselves from the past. Working toward spreading freedom!
Have you ever just felt so helpless in a relationship that’s torn your heart and life apart? Trust is a huge difficulty for me. I seen to have had more than my fair share of family and friendships that have been difficult.
Many years ago I went through a horrible divorce. I then reconciled and allowed my husband to come back home. Being a Christian, I knew that was Gods heart. It was difficult because my husband had been in several affairs. He also claimed to be a Christian. Two months after he car home, my best friend came to visit with her two girls. I got up to make morning coffee and found my girlfriend in my husbands arms. I completely had a nervous breakdown! The betrayal was deep.During that time of my brokenness, my husband got an attorney to attempt to prove I was an unfit mother so he would not need to pay any child support. My boys suffered very much. Now fast forward…I forgave. In fact my oldest son married my old girlfriends daughter. We now share grandchildren. My middle son has never forgiven me for the fall out of his childhood, and he has punished me over the years.I have tried to keep the doors open for relationship though he mistreated me and is disrespectfulI understand the old wounds he Carries.My youngest son and I have a great relationship, we worked through all the old wounds. He actually heard his father confess to the sins he committed against me and asked my sons forgiveness.my ex has not done this with our other sons as of yet.My boys are all men now with families of their own.the most painful thing is waiting.I have limited access to my grandchildren as we live a great distance away. Any attempt to be a part of their life is one sided. I am expected to do all the relationship.
I keep forgiving, I keep reaching out. But I have a need to be loved back.And I am seeking God. This last year I was very I’ll. In the hospital Four times. My boys, exception my youngest,Could have cared less.
I just loss my dearest older brother a few weeks ago to cancer.He was my best friend.He saw me through all those hard times and kept pointing me to God.
I ground your blog through my daughter in laws Facebook devotional tonight.And I just started typing this.I know I am grieving my brothers death, and this sadness has brought slot of past hurt to the surface.pray for me to keep focused on Jesus, and living a forgiving life. But also for wisdom to love from a distance those who mean me harm. God bless you! Thank you for letting me write my heart. Ann
Sometimes just writing the words is healing.
I’m glad you did.
May I pray for you? Lord, I pray for Ann. Life has been hard, and yet in the midst of the hard times there are also miracles. A son who loves her. Grandbabies. Survival and faith and courage to get back up in spite of sickness and hurt. She’s your precious daughter, Lord. I thank you for sustaining her, for continued healing in her relationship with her boys, and for continued healing through you, so that when the doors open to a relationship with her other children and grandchildren, they’ll find a woman who sought and found wholeness while she waited for those doors to open. Thank you for her honesty and her courage, in Jesus’ name.