I spent a large portion of my life feeling incredibly insecure.
Many childhood memories are of family battles with my older sibling, who battles drug addiction. We were constantly doing damage control, struggling through another relapse and often, admittedly, enabling the cycle to continue.
I wanted so badly for someone to say they were proud of me.
I was afraid I could never do or be enough, and went to extreme lengths to please others.
One way I sought security is through relationships, especially those with men. I thought that if someone truly saw me and loved me for who I was, I would be content.
When I met my husband, I knew I’d found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He was confident and driven, and within a year of getting married we moved cross-country so he could pursue a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity.
For a person who’d lived in the same town her entire life, this was a huge step.
Within months of arriving in our new location, I discovered I was pregnant. I was terrified. Here we were, two thousand miles away from any friends or family, and I didn’t have the first clue how to take care of a baby.
The day after giving birth via emergency c-section, my Dad came into the room with news that my grandmother had died. In the midst of grief, shock, and trying to embrace my role as a new wife and mom, I sank into a long battle with depression.
At times, I wasn’t sure if the struggle would ever end.
Guilt followed me everywhere and I wondered why I felt so dark inside when new life was constantly before me.
As I look back on this period of my life, I see God’s fingerprints everywhere.
I see them through a friend who reached out.
I see them through a book recommendation that changed my perspective.
After a year as a stay-at-home mom, I reluctantly joined a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. As I was sitting at a meeting one morning, they played a video reading of Psalm 139 with clips of women pushing their babies on swings, feeding, and playing with their children.
Something inside of me broke. For the first time, I had a tiny inkling of just how much God loved me.
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 1st John 4:16
He had searched the depths of me. He’d seen the ugly and bruised parts, but He loved me just the same.
I couldn’t fathom it but the knowledge of a love so deep changed me. I finally realized I was known and loved by the Creator of the Universe, and that was more than enough.
As I embraced the community around me and accepted his divine grace, my confidence grew. I saw that I was securely held by the only One who truly sees me.
I recognized it was his approval and love I’d been searching for. . . and I had it all along.
Have you struggled with insecurity? Do you long to discover just how much you are known and loved?
This is just one of many aresa where we can find healing and wholeness. It’s one area that matters to God, according to Luke 4:18-19.
I hope you’ll consider joining thousands of women as we study The Mended Heart: God’s Healing for Your Broken Places. It’s convenient, dropping in to your in-box.
There are community gatherings like a Twitter party (not required, just hanging out with each other) as well as available small groups if you want one, or you can study in the sanctuary of just you and God. We’ll have Thursday night Bible Live sessions, again, just another option if you want community.
The Bible study is free. Any profits from the books sold through P31 go right back in to the ministry to help support these free studies.
Thank you for sharing your past struggles and the victory you have through Him, Abby. Oh, how our experiences growing up can shape how we view ourselves. So thankful that God pursues us with an everlasting love! Beautiful story, girlfriend!
What a beautiful story, Abby. I’m so glad to see you here at Suzie’s. Your story is powerful because we can all relate. Thanks for your transparency. May God continue to use your words to set others free.
Yours is a strong story, Abby, that certainly brings God glory. I love getting to know you more and more, and I thank God that you found acceptance. It’s a powerful thing.You’re a beautiful, strong woman of God. What a joy to read your post on sweet Suzie Eller’s blog (Hi Suzie!) first thing this morning!
Abby, what a beautiful surprise to find you at Suzie’s on this Monday morning! Your words inspire me. I can definitely relate to the desire to find someone who will love me for who I am. For years I have wrestled with my singleness and with the ache that comes with being the one who is never pursued. Even though I grew up knowing about God, it wasn’t until recently that I came to truly believe how He feels about me–and to know, deep down in my heart, that I AM wanted and pursued by my Creator! Thanks for sharing today, friend–what a joy it is to celebrate God’s faithfulness together!
Katie, I am so glad to hear you came to that realization and I know he has beautiful plans for your future. Praying his blessings over your life, friend.
Abby, Thank you so much for being bold, brave, and vulnerable enough to share your story so that others might have hope. I struggled with some of the same insecurities you dealt with and can relate to so desperately wanting to be seen, known, and loved. What joy when we discover the first true love of our life – Jesus! I love you just for being you…and so glad you know that God does too! Sharing in your victories! Blessings and ((hugs)) and Hi to Suzie too 🙂 Bev
Amen, Bev! There is so much joy when we discover how much he truly loves us. I want to give that hope to women. Thanks for walking alongside me on this journey. You are a blessing.
It was so wonderful to see you here this morning! Such a beautiful post that I wish every woman could grasp and truly feel deep into the core of her soul! Thank you for sharing your story!!!
“He had searched the depths of me. He’d seen the ugly and bruised parts, but He loved me just the same.” Such powerful words for all women, Abby! Thank you for sharing your journey of discovering God’s love.
It’s amazing what his power in us can do, isn’t it? He can even use our weaknesses to bring Him glory. Thank you, Jesus. And thanks for your encouragement, Julie!
I praise God for how he has delivered you Abby. You truly are free. What a beautiful testimony of God’s love. I am offering him praise for the beautiful daughter he has in you. Love seeing you here.
Thank you Abby for sharing your heart. I’m one of those also who know pain and rejection. We’re a cracked vessel aren’t we? But the love of God shines through to others.
Amen, Debbie. We are all cracked vessels but that allows his Light to shine through, doesn’t it? So grateful for that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here today.
Abby, I’m praising God for you and for how you willingly share your story of His love and redemption in your life! You are encouraging others, including me. So proud to call you friend. You are most certainly loved!!
I’m so glad I read this today. Your words give me strength in the middle of my process. You are blessed Abby… and you are letting others (like me) know they are loved too by a good God. Thanks for encouraging me.
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Oh Abby, this is beautiful. You are such a strong and wonderful woman of God. Thank you for opening your heart today.
You are such an encouragement to me, Jenny. I’m so grateful we crossed paths on this journey. Thank you, friend.
Abby, yes you ARE known and loved!!!! Made my morning to see your sweet smile here. Have an awesome day you two!
I always love seeing your smiling face too, Kim. Thank you, Jesus, for all the beautiful women who make this journey so much sweeter. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your past struggles and the victory you have through Him, Abby. Oh, how our experiences growing up can shape how we view ourselves. So thankful that God pursues us with an everlasting love! Beautiful story, girlfriend!
Amen, Kristine. He does pursue us and I am eternally grateful. Thank you so much for your sweet encouragement, friend!
What a beautiful story, Abby. I’m so glad to see you here at Suzie’s. Your story is powerful because we can all relate. Thanks for your transparency. May God continue to use your words to set others free.
That is my prayer, Betsy. In Him we are free, indeed. Thanks for your continual encouragement, dear friend.
Yours is a strong story, Abby, that certainly brings God glory. I love getting to know you more and more, and I thank God that you found acceptance. It’s a powerful thing.You’re a beautiful, strong woman of God. What a joy to read your post on sweet Suzie Eller’s blog (Hi Suzie!) first thing this morning!
I feel the same way, Kristi. It’s been a joy to getting to know you on this journey. I thank God for this beautiful community.
Abby, what a beautiful surprise to find you at Suzie’s on this Monday morning! Your words inspire me. I can definitely relate to the desire to find someone who will love me for who I am. For years I have wrestled with my singleness and with the ache that comes with being the one who is never pursued. Even though I grew up knowing about God, it wasn’t until recently that I came to truly believe how He feels about me–and to know, deep down in my heart, that I AM wanted and pursued by my Creator! Thanks for sharing today, friend–what a joy it is to celebrate God’s faithfulness together!
Katie, I am so glad to hear you came to that realization and I know he has beautiful plans for your future. Praying his blessings over your life, friend.
Abby,
Thank you so much for being bold, brave, and vulnerable enough to share your story so that others might have hope. I struggled with some of the same insecurities you dealt with and can relate to so desperately wanting to be seen, known, and loved. What joy when we discover the first true love of our life – Jesus! I love you just for being you…and so glad you know that God does too! Sharing in your victories!
Blessings and ((hugs)) and Hi to Suzie too 🙂
Bev
Amen, Bev! There is so much joy when we discover how much he truly loves us. I want to give that hope to women. Thanks for walking alongside me on this journey. You are a blessing.
Abby,
It was so wonderful to see you here this morning! Such a beautiful post that I wish every woman could grasp and truly feel deep into the core of her soul! Thank you for sharing your story!!!
Lori
Me too, Lori. I want women to know his love. That is my prayer. Thanks so much for your kind words here.
“He had searched the depths of me. He’d seen the ugly and bruised parts, but He loved me just the same.” Such powerful words for all women, Abby! Thank you for sharing your journey of discovering God’s love.
It’s amazing what his power in us can do, isn’t it? He can even use our weaknesses to bring Him glory. Thank you, Jesus. And thanks for your encouragement, Julie!
I praise God for how he has delivered you Abby. You truly are free. What a beautiful testimony of God’s love. I am offering him praise for the beautiful daughter he has in you. Love seeing you here.
I am praising Him along with you, Kelly. I thank Him also for bringing God loving women like you into my life to walk alongside me. He is so good.
Thank you Abby for sharing your heart. I’m one of those also who know pain and rejection. We’re a cracked vessel aren’t we? But the love of God shines through to others.
Amen, Debbie. We are all cracked vessels but that allows his Light to shine through, doesn’t it? So grateful for that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here today.
Abby, I’m praising God for you and for how you willingly share your story of His love and redemption in your life! You are encouraging others, including me. So proud to call you friend. You are most certainly loved!!
I feel the same way, Julie. You are a blessing in my life and I thank God for you. Blessings to you, friend.
I’m so glad I read this today. Your words give me strength in the middle of my process. You are blessed Abby… and you are letting others (like me) know they are loved too by a good God. Thanks for encouraging me.
Tayrina from
atinymixof.com