You want to fix your husband.
You want to fix your teenager.
You want to fix your church or your pastor.
You want to fix that mother-in-law whose words hurt your heart.
If you, like me, could be a member of Fixers Anonymous, wave your hand. For years I thought this was a strength, when it was actually bondage.
I was trapped in thinking that I somehow had the ability to fix a situation when two people were at odds with each other, especially in my family.
I was mired in the emotions that rose inside of me when it didn’t work like I hoped it would.
I wanted members of my family to play fair, be nice, live a life that produced good fruit, make good choices, treat me with respect, treat each other with respect, treat themselves with respect, love God, be kind with their words . . .
That’s a really long list, isn’t it?
It was exhausting to be the overseer of that list. It set us all up for failure.
It also didn’t allow that person to find their own way, to experience consequences (negative or positive), or to listen to God for themselves because my fixer upper voice was so loud, even if I didn’t say a word.
But that wasn’t the worst of my fixer upper tendencies. When you are actively trying to fix everyone else, it doesn’t leave much room for God to do His work in you.
If I’m trying to fix you, how can God work on me?
That’s the question I began to ask. It was life changing.
We aren’t in the fixing business. We don’t get to chisel and hammer away until a person fits our mold.
Here are three things we can do.
What are your thoughts about fixing others? What have you learned?
How does our faith help us in those hard places where we really want to fix something or someone?
It’s #livefreeThursday. We’ll be talking about those things we feel we need to fix all day long. Let’s pray for each other, encourage each other, and grow together.
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Both hands are lifted Suzie. I am the queen of fixing. God’s way of dealing with me has been to shut all my resources, ideas, options, and abilities DOWN in order to prevent me from fixing. It is working. Presently I’m in one of the most challenging situations of my adult life and I can’t fix it. I am forced to trust the God I say I believe in. So I will wait, pray, SUBMIT, hold on and cling to my savior as I believe that the ultimate fixer is truly capable of fixing a situation that I can’t fix. Love you Suzie! Glad you are back. Be blessed! – Kia
Father, thank you for Kia. Thank you that she is a strong woman of faith, holding tight to You, trusting You. Greater is He who is in us than he that is in the world. Yes, Father, we trust and hold tight to that. Move on the behalf of Kia. Give her peace that passes all understanding. Give her wisdom beyond her years. In Jesus’ name we trust and celebrate, amen.
Suzie, I have an awesome testimony of this from just this week! It involved a family member, so I didn’t write a blog post about it. I didn’t feel it was the right time to share publicly, but I can tell you that God worked everything out when I gave it over to Him! God is amazing.
I’m so glad it worked out. It doesn’t always, at least right away, but something powerful begins to take place (many times in ways we don’t see) when we release the need to fix and allow God to do His work in their heart, whatever that looks like.
Wise words! May I grasp this and release my need to be the fixer upper and commit to prayer and trust God!
I’m a fixer. I wish I could have learned this lesson in my high school and college years before I dove head first into ministry. OH, how many mistakes I could have avoided. So many times my pride tells me I could do that better or improve that or fix her or give him some tips….Letting go is difficult, but so freeing. It truly is bondage to live as a fixer. Learning to let go, Suzie! Learning every single day. Thank you so much for this message! I’m so glad you are back and refreshed! Your words are needed!
Last night at Bible study my fixer upper tendencies were hammering to get out. I denied them. Instead I could listen, I could pray, I could laugh with these women, and I could respond with encouragement or advice when asked. God is leading each of them in a new path and it’s their (and His) joy to figure out what that looks like.
I love that! Isn’t is amazing when we surrender! It’s the process of surrender that is so difficult, but the result is freedom.
“It also didn’t allow that person to find their own way, to experience consequences (negative or positive), or to listen to God for themselves because my fixer upper voice was so loud, even if I didn’t say a word.” This is going on a stick-em note and will be pasted to my fridge until its pasted in my head! Truth!
Thank you, Cindy, for such a beautiful example of living this out loud. We know where you are and I see strength, wisdom, and compassion emanating from you. <3
Suzie, it is so wonderful to have you back. I cannot tell you how much this post and podcast spoke to my heart. There are issues in my family I long to fix, but deep inside I know I can’t. I know, like you say, he’s not asking me too. Today coming to the throne of grace and asking what work he wants to do in me, and not my family member. It is hard, but also freeing. Love and hugs to you.
It’s SO hard. Let’s be real about that. We feel like we have some sort of control if we are trying to manage another person’s life, but it stops us from doing what we really can do — pray, love, trust God, respond with truth. . . all that are in our control.
Abby, I love that you show up each Thursday. You are a gift to #livefreeThursday. <3
I am easily a member of fixers anonymous…actually I still fight the urge to try to fix those closest to me. I do, however, see God trying to pry my grip free of the people I’m trying to fix, because when I let go and get out of the way I give God the room to work. I needed this reminder this morning! So glad you’re back!
I’m thrilled to be back. It was a restful and beautiful respite, but I missed this community!
Wow, How could you know that I’m really struggling in this area right no, Suzie?? Thank you for this beautiful reminder that we all struggle in this area, as loving and caring human beings! I am currently trying to be intentional with letting God lead my daughter in college. I drove myself crazy last year trying to FIX all of her issues with friends, etc, and this year I made a commitment to myself, to my daughter and to God that He’s GOT THIS! Praise Him!! It’s SO uplifting when we give God permission to do what He does best, lead us! Praise Him and Bless You, Lady!
I am the first born in my dysfunctional family so I guess I have probably been trying to fix the unfixable most of my life. Thank God and thank my counselor that I am better today than yesterday. You always inspire me with your stories of victory. Blessings friend! Happy birthday month to ya 🙂
We may have lived parallel lives! I’m right there with ya, Carmen… so extremely grateful for a God whose mercies cover me!
Oh yes Crystal. My today is a product of God’s grace and mercy as well.
Waving my hands like mad over here! Oh my golly, this is me all over. I’ve come a long way from where I started in Fixers Anonymous, but I still have work to do. LOVE the video… and oh my, how true all of those words are. I’m going to keep pressing on! I’m so grateful for your example, and for a God whose grace covers me when that Fixer wants to wriggle it’s way out. Love you!
Welcome back Suzie! I hope your break was both restful and full of insight 🙂
Amen! What a great post! I used to think I could fix and change my dad, but over the years I’ve learned that loving and praying for Him is far more helpful than me trying to fix something that’s not mine to fix.
Lord, thank you for Lauren’s dad. You see him. You’ve written his name on the palm of your hand. Reach into his heart and draw him close to you. Open his eyes to his need for you. Cover Lauren with strength and joy that makes no sense in relation to circumstances. May your joy radiate from her. <3
Welcome back, Suzie! Fix them…or ME? Start with me, Lord… Thank you for this reminder that fixing’ is God’s job, not ours. Susan
I’m trading in my fixer-upper tool kit (that by the way is broken and has never worked) today so that I can have a closer relastionship with God and allow God to work in my life.
So wise, Marilyn! Lord, give her the wisdom to know what to do and what to place in your capable hands.
When I step back, I often realize that things I’m trying to “fix” in others are the things I should be trying harder to fix in myself!
I have a tendency to want to fix the world, and I have been known to set out to do that, one person or one situation at a time. Only to find out I’m weary and exhausted and miserable. Be still and know I am God (Psalm 46:10) keeps speaking to me today from everywhere. I obviously need to learn this lesson again! Thank you for allowing God to use you today to unwind my “fixer” tendencies! Much love to you, friend!
This is such a refreshing post. Thanks for taking the time to share:). Food for thought!:)
Hi Bomi, I’m so thankful you are here with us today.
Great post, Suzie! Blessed and honored to visit and link-up with you today! Peace and many blessings to you, Love! 🙂
A fixer inside….oh, yes. Had to chuckle reading your comment on my blog yesterday, Suzie. Do you know what I found – just yesterday? The fixer even lives within the heart of a daughter watching her parents age. Wow…working through some heart issues. Timely week for “fixer” posts. Thank You, Jesus.
THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS SUZIE!! Your blog has blessed my life in so many ways today. Thank you for sharing these truths that have helped me so much!