I noticed several weeks ago that my Iphone was like a dog yanking on a chain. I took it out to glance at it when it buzzed. Even when I was talking to my handsome guy, I looked away to see who was on the other side of that notification.
Texts
Periscope
Messenger
Google calendar
That’s just a few that buzzed, beeped, chirped and pinged, depending on the current setting.
I’m not addicted. . .
At least that’s what I told myself.
I reasoned, reminding myself that this is how we work nowadays (I sound 102 when I say that, I know) and it’s handy, yes it is. The problem is that all of those alerts and notifications weren’t really that important, not really, not enough to take my attention away consistently.
They could wait, I told myself, except for they didn’t.
Is it okay if I’m honest with you and don’t pretend that I have it 100% together? Because somewhere around this time is when I knew it had crossed from accessing some really great tools to addiction.
Yes, that’s what I said: addiction.
I really wanted to check my phone even when I made a conscious choice to put it down. It was habit to continually scroll through Facebook (after all, I’m in ministry and that’s where the people are), or to check my emails one more time or click that heart on Instagram.
There were times that my phone buzzed or vibrated in the night and I picked it up just to see. . . and that blue screen led me from the notification to reading a chapter of a book to checking Facebook.
And what do you know it’s 1 a.m. in the morning and I’m going to be super tired the next day.
I turned off notifications on almost everything except my calendar and texts and messages, because I didn’t need them.
I didn’t want them.
Can you hear the addict behavior? Deep inside I KNEW it was moving into unhealthy territory, but I continued to check it because I didn’t need notifications anymore. My need to tune in was my notification.
Dog.on.a.chain.
One night Richard and I were sitting in a restaurant and I saw a couple with their kids. Dad was scrolling. Mom was texting away. Kids were sitting in silence eating. I looked at more families and couples and friends, and saw much of the same.
It broke my heart.
It’s not the first time I’ve noticed this new way of doing things and I was feeling frustrated about it, because after all this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Why would you ignore the loved one across from you to check out what someone had for dinner or to watch that funny video or play yet one more game of Candy Crush?
That’s when the Counselor, our Advocate, the One who loves us spoke to my heart.
You do it too.
How many times had I chose social media over the warm body in the next room? How many times did I stand up at the dinner table and walk away because I heard a text ping?
How many times had I woke up with circles under my eyes because I read one more chapter, played one more game, checked one more status update. . .
Addiction to anything is never pretty because it means that we’ve allowed something to be bigger than us and it’s a bully, but we continue to feed it and nurture it as if it has value.
Oh, Lord, the addict is me.
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV)
That’s the freedom offered in any addiction. As women who are absolutely loved by God, we are not powerless. Jesus may not have been tempted with Instagram, but He knows what it is to be distracted by the enemy and offers a way out.
{Click to Tweet} When something tilts from harmless to unhealthy, we are not powerless
When I talked about this with a friend, she said, “Sometimes those things are just a way to have some downtime,” and she’s absolutely right. This isn’t pointing a finger at you if you wile away a few moments checking out FB or play a hand of Spades. It’s not saying that these aren’t amazing tools that help us stay connected, or that my struggle is yours.
It’s simply saying that when the Holy Spirit gently points out something (even if it’s good) that has tilted from harmless to unhealthy, we aren’t stuck in that behavior.
When something of lesser value is claiming a bigger part of our identity or our family or our hearts, we still have a Helper who leads us back to those things that are of greater value. It puts us back in balance, right where we long to be.
So I’m in the process of actively choosing something of greater worth over that of lesser value.
Sure, I’ll still have my phone. But it won’t have me.
Suzie
It’s #livefreeThursday. Women from all over the world are gathering to talk about “I give up,” today. What has God been leading you to give up? OR what does it mean for you to give up, good or bad?
I can’t wait to dig in deeper with you.
[inlinkz_linkup id=579169 mode=1]
Suzie !!!!! So good. My husband (whom the Holy Spirit speaks through from time to time) is constantly reminding me to be present when I’m sitting in the passenger side of the car rather than glued to my cell phone. I FEEL YOU on so many levels regarding the addition. I realize I have some warm bodies that need my attention and they should matter more than my electronic device. Thanks for the reminder and the gut level honesty. I linked up a post similar to this that I wrote in June. Apparently, I haven’t learned my lessons yet. So glad to link up with you and BE BLESSED! – Kia
It’s a daily struggle, isn’t it?! Our eyes are opened up to this offense, and we do really well for awhile, and then we slowly trickle back into the game. I’m so grateful for God’s grace! I’m also very glad to know that it’s not just me who is still learning this lesson! I feel ya!
I’m constantly fighting this battle, too! Now that my kids are noticing, I know I need to put better boundaries and limits on my own screen time, not only to set the example for them, but to make sure I’m fully present in their lives. i don’t want their childhood memories to be of mom with my nose buried in a computer or phone. Thanks for this reminder and challenge to just put it down!
This is a struggle that weighs on me as well. Being in the moment is so hard when your connected to everything else. I intentionally turn my phone to silent and let it get lost in the bottom of my purse at times. Still, I’m convicted to be connected to my family more than my phone. Thanks.
Yep, yep, yep. It’s a struggle in my life too. I’ve justified it by saying it’s part of ministry. Thank you for the direction.
Another wisdom filled post. Thank you.
Suzie, cheers to you for writing this post. This topic is so important, and it’s freeing to hear you talk so openly about this.
I just joined the world of smart phones 2 months ago, and although I’m thankful for the handy convenience,I’m mindful of the need to be vigilant over my own heart. My heart also BREAKS when I see parents in public glued to their phones and ipads. We have a family rule: NO PHONES at the dinner table. Since I began writing, I try to also physically put my laptop down if one of my kids has something to ask or say to me.
We have the same rule! However, I am guilty of NOT focusing 100% on a kiddo or my husband when my laptop is in front of me, as I use the “I’m working” excuse. ARGH! What a daily struggle it is! So grateful for God’s grace on days when I mess up!
Believe me, Crystal, there are times when I don’t put the laptop down either, but I try to make them the exception. 🙂 So hard, but I want my family to have priority. Sometimes I will say, “Mom is writing for 30 minutes. Please don’t come in here unless the house is on fire! 🙂
Suzie, thank you for your transparency in this post. I think all of us in the world of smart phones has been there and rather than ignore it, we need to set boundaries. Like Betsy, we have the no phones at dinner rule but need to be mindful all the time. So glad I stopped here today. Blessed by you.
I had a no cell phone rule at restaurants, but I’m a mostly cook-at-home girl. So, it was always on the table while we ate. Why? I don’t know. So was Richard’s. No more.
Bruce and I have started implementing a mini “unplugged” Sabbath into our week. We put down our phones and silence them at dinner time on Friday night and then stay offlline until after lunch on Saturday. It helps give us some breathing room and helps us to hear the Lord in the quiet.
Love that!
Oh, a cell phone sabbath. I LOVE that!
This one hit home 100%! I could relate on all counts and I am encouraged to hear your Me Too. Let’s choose wisely together to really be present where we are. Thanks for your brave sharing and encouragement!
“Sure, I’ll still have my phone. But it won’t have me.” LOVE this phrase, Suzie! Guilty as charged. It’s a daily struggle in our house, but we try. I recently read of a family that started scheduling from 3-7pm everyday as a “no cell” window. I like the idea; it’s during the time when the kids arrive home from school, hubby from work… it makes perfect sense. Being in ministry does become a valid excuse, but we are definitely guilty of taking that too far at times, as well. Thank you for this timely reminder, and thank you for always keeping it REAL! You’re right there, and you’re not afraid to admit it. Love that about you!
Last night I sat it in the other room while we ate. I placed it across the room while we watched the CMA awards (a huge Carrie Underwood fan as she’s from our old home town). I looked over across the room and smiled at my sweet guy. I SAW him. Rather than the phone in my hand reading tweets “about” the CMA awards. : ) Later when we took our late-night walk I felt the difference in just connecting.
Yes!! My husband is about to throw the mini-computer known as my phone out the window. I’ve shut off a number of notifications and we’ve set time parameters for returning emails, texts, etc. It can easily be an all day event if I’m not careful. I’m really praying about this not only for me, but for all of us who write/speak/interact online. It’s a huge deal. I’m thankful for you just laying it right out there today Suzie!
Meg, it’s resonating with many of us. Thank you for such raw honesty.
This is a post that resonates with many people, especially me! What I recently did is turn off alerts on my social media accounts that way I’m not checking my phone 24/7. We need to make sure those warm bodies know how much more they mean to us than our phones. Blessings Suzie!
This is what I need to do – turn off my alerts on FB! I really get tired of hearing my phone “ding” when someone posts something! Thanks, Crystal! and You too, Suzie! This is a great lesson for all of us!!
I’m down to a gentle buzz with my texts and my FB messenger. The only reason I’m keeping on FB messenger is that one time my daughter was locked away from her phone and the only way she could contact me for help was through the computer in her room (her door was jammed shut). <3 But I’m working on this with His help. Admitting that something has a larger hold on you than you want isn’t fun, but knowing that He leads us to freedom in every area is breathtaking to me.
Father, our eyes are opened. Thank you for leading us into freedom in every area, no matter how small or large. May this moment not just be a hiccup, but transformation. Real change. Walk through it with us. We hold up distractions and things of little value and ask for divine guidance, in the powerful name of Jesus.
Oh Suzie, this so reason ated with me, so much so, that I sit here wondering how you got into my head and wrote my story?!! Except the only thing that gets my attention at night is if my husband calls out in pain or one of my pups is crying. The phone is far away while sleeping.
I just made a conscious decision to leave technology quiet on Sunday’s, in the car when out with my sweetie or visiting and to be present with the warm body in front of me. Thank you sweet friend!!
Wow. I loved this. Guilty. As. Charged. My kith and kin too. The age of information is a gift on so many levels but sometimes I think it has slid a rope around our necks. Appreciated your perspective and the reminder. 🙂
Love, love, love this! Especially the very last sentence. Thanking God for the convicting message He gave you here. My phone has me, and I’m done with that. Bless you, Suzie! Thank you for a great link-up!
Julie, thanks for joining in the linkup every week. You are wise and wonderful.
Technology is wonderful except when it isn’t.
Communication today is “instant”.
Today, interactions with others functions on instant communication.
Gone are the days of acknowledging “regular–routine” work hours.
Gone are the days of respecting individual “private time.”
Messages are sent today regardless of what day of the week it is, and regardless of what time of the day or night it is–and without regard to level of importance.
Technology has placed huge imposing burdens on each of us in managing our day to day business and transactions with others as you have so well described.
We need to “step-away,” “put-away” all of our wonderful technology devices and apps so that we can learn once again how to interact and communicate with each other, especially with our loved ones on a daily personal basis.
Thankfully, we don’t need any form of technology to communicate with God.
Amen, amen, amen, & amen. It was hard being in Jerusalem with intermittent access. And every time connects worked, I was working them. Not connecting with people-silly internet connections! Until I looked up and realized…
BUSTED. Just like an addict. Busted
So much truth here Suzie. Hugs. Susan
Ouch!! So very well said!! It resonates with me. Truly it does! One way I know and see that is that I recognize it and implement a commitment to turn it around, to stop, to not miss a moment of the now for whatever the notification might be and I succeed for a little while. Then, before I realize it, something happens ( crisis perhaps) that causes me to feel that I need to be available and I slip back into it. Lord, help us all with this one. Good things can so often become snares! Great post!!
Blessings,
Pam
Oh, Suzie. As always, God uses your words to speak straight to our hearts. Todd and I were having this conversation last week. We’re making the commitment to be together when we are together. Our relationships have enough competition without us allowing social media to create even more.
Thank you for sharing your ‘real’ and encouraging us to do the same – XOXO!
Nichole
I’ve read that any addiction is due to a hunger of love. We tend to fill in the gap that only real love can fill. Great take on addiction. 🙂
This is a very convicting article, Suzie. Thank you for sharing your addiction with us! It is one of the negative sides of being a blogger, the connection we feel with the intangible. The scewed sense of reality that comes from spending so much time being “social” through our technological devices. I agree with you that they are all good things, but moderation is key. And perspective is everything. Learning the art of keeping one’s life in order (balanced) is one of the most difficult tasks a woman will face in her life. I think you’ve got it right, we simply need to give priority to the beating hearts within physical reach of our own over the hearts we are capable of reaching through technology. Both are important, but one takes precedence (at least during the hours of the day that aren’t scheduled for work!).