I’m too busy to have cancer.
Those are the words I spoke to my doctor 25 years ago.
I was a young mom to three. There were snacks to be made for soccer games, and a million tasks of managing life as a mom. I worked full-time, commuting 65 miles each way. Every Wednesday night I served as youth group staff, and I taught a Sunday school class on Sunday morning. So when the doctor said that I had cancer, these words fell from my lips.
I.am.too.busy.
Looking back, I’m certain that my response originated from the shock of the news. I didn’t go to the doctor thinking I had cancer. It was a lump. I had one removed before and it was benign. I thought it was going to be the same ‘ole, same ‘ole.
Well, it wasn’t.
And cancer didn’t care about my schedule, or snacks, or how busy my life might be.
For the next year I had no choice but to slow down as as I went through surgeries and radiation and chemotherapy. I was Stage 2B (now considered Stage 3). Lymph nodes were involved. It was risky and scary, and everything that seemed ultra-important took second place as I fought for my life.
What a gift.
Not the cancer, but what came out of that incredibly hard time.
I learned that “busy” was part-life, part-Suzie. I discovered that I didn’t have to be all things, omnipresent (that’s God’s job), or required to run myself ragged.
[bctt tweet=”I am not required to be all things, or omnipresent. That is God’s job. #livingfreetogether ” username=”suzanneeller”]
The other day a friend shared something as we dipped into this conversation on rest. She said, “I don’t know how to rest. Is that even possible?“
If you’d asked me 25 years ago as a young mom if physical rest was possible, I would have said, “I don’t think so.”
Yet I learned that it is. It doesn’t look the same for each of us. We are in different seasons. We have different needs. We have different levels of support. Yet there are things we can all do.
When forced to slow down, I begin to ask the following questions:
What is non-negotiable?
What is negotiable?
What if?
What is non-negotiable?
I couldn’t slow down until I answered this question for myself. My children were non-negotiable. My relationship with my husband was also a non-negotiable.
My job wasn’t just something to do. It was necessary financially. Medical bills made it even more so, but there were negotiables within my job.
What mattered most to me where the people I loved. They were my non-negotiables.
What is negotiable?
Year-round soccer — negotiable.
Commuting — negotiable.
Teaching and volunteering in church — negotiable.
Clean house — negotiable.
A negotiable simply means that there is leeway. Listing them as a negotiable doesn’t mean that they aren’t important, but that they can be renegotiated.
Which leads to the last question.
What if?
What if we played soccer for one season, rather than year round?
What if I talked to my boss to see if there were other opportunities in my job, or if I could work part-time, or what if I worked a different job (which I eventually did).
What if I prayed and chose one area of ministry, and did that with all my heart instead of being pulled in several different directions?
[bctt tweet=”What if? That is the question that will help us rediscover rest. Join us as we find it together. www.tsuzanneeller.com/blog ” username=”suzanneeller”]
What if the living room and kitchen were clean, and the other rooms were cleaned on different days? (These were actually negotiated way more than that. I learned that as long as it was clean underneath, the clutter on top was lovely.)
What if I started to see physical rest as important as the work I used to do?
What if I started to play more with my kids, and worry less about things that wouldn’t matter in the end?
What if I asked for help occasionally, rather than trying to do everything on my own?
What if I put it all on the table (everything I do, along with all my roles) and I invited God to help me sort out what I was supposed to do, versus what I thought I had to do?
This changed me. This was the gift that cancer gave me.
Though it’s been 25 years, I still put everything on the table every six months. Not physically, of course, but I lay everything that I am doing before the Lord. I ask for wisdom. I ask him to show me those things I picked up because I thought I was responsible. I ask him to show me those things that he has placed there for a season, and if it’s time to put them down. I ask him to show me if I’m out of balance.
Sometimes I am out of balance.
Sometimes the things he shows me — or asks me to put down — I really don’t want to let go of them, but I’ve learned to listen.
Will you do this same exercise, along with me this week? I’m actually slipping away for a couple of days to do just that. I know most of us don’t have that luxury. I didn’t either when I was a mom of three kids, and to be honest it’s a sacrifice for us now. Yet I’ve found myself in a place of busyness all over again, and I need time with God.
However, we don’t have to go anywhere to do this. Just hang out with God for a half hour. Journal it. Write it all down, and invite him into your list.
Hold it all with open hands, because there’s a good chance that he might show you something that needs to be renegotiated or set aside.
As you go into that quiet place, just you and God, hold up your schedule. Hold up your ambitions. Hold up your busy life. Ask him:
What is supposed to be on my schedule?
Is it time to let something go?
If I struggle to let go, why am I holding so tightly?
Will it really matter in the end, this thing I hang on to with all my might?
There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Hebrews 4:9-10
That’s our promise.
While I would never wish to go through that difficult season of cancer again, I will always be thankful for the lessons it taught me. By nature, I pile things on my plate. By nature, I am a doer. His nature of rest shows me how to do that in a way that honors him, and allows me to step into his rest. I don’t do it perfectly friends, but by asking these questions, he helps me find my way back when I’m out of balance.
Suzie
Printable (just for you!)
- Download the printable — {{My Life}} — for your personal reflection time with God.
Related posts:
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Thank you for sharing this wisdom in laying down everything at His feet as asking the Lord to guide us. I tend to be out of balance too! When i get that way, i shut down and lay still….
God bless you and your family and Happy Easter in advance
I love your technique for finding balance when you realize that it’s out of whack! Shut down and lay still…. such a simple notion, yet so powerful, right?
I love this!
Suzie (and Living Free sisters <# ) I SO appreciate this. I'm taking some time this week, two hour and a half time slots, on two different days, to do just this. I'm feeling like God is calling me to FOCUS on doing fewer things really well. In fact, I just let go of a ministry I was involved with on Tuesday nights for 6 years: serving our community by volunteering at an English club. I've known a while I was supposed to let go of that in favor of more focus on mentoring/encouraging younger women from a more rested place. Thanks for this valuable guide for putting it all on the table. This will help me!
I've not had cancer, but I could relate to "I don't have time." That's how I felt during my cancer scare last spring, when I was going to doctors and hospitals every week, sometimes every day, with barely enough energy to make it til 9:00 pm every night. So grateful that's over.
I’m grateful that’s over for you! What a beautiful lesson that came from it, though. I love your heart, Betsy!
Thank you, dear Crystal.
Suzie, your words, your wisdom, your experience you share…thank you. In ministry and life I feel I might be tapped out. I have been asked to continue a role in our church and I am unsure: will it be for me or for Him to continue? After reading your post I am going to fill the “My Life” chart and God and I will have a chat together. Thank you and I hope your get away with God was restful.
LOVE this printable, too! I’m right there with ya, sister!
I went through a similar “finding rest” period a few years ago when I broke my leg. I couldn’t get up the stairs to my bedroom, I couldn’t get out of the house to drive. Lots of things had to go undone. It was miserable on one hand, and yet turned out to be an incredibly sacred time for me. I had lots of time to rest, be with God, listen to Him. And it taught me to be thankful for things I had taken very much for granted. All of a sudden, being able to walk up the stairs and do laundry, or getting in my car and driving to the grocery store were huge gifts!
Isn’t it funny how reset that comes from an uncontrollable source can end up being a blessing in disguise?! I love that you found the simple things to be beautiful!
One of my favorite parts of moving every couple years with the Military is that I get to renegotiate EVERYTHING. It can be awkward to slip out of commitments when you’re still physically in the same location. But I get a fresh start, a clean plate, every 2-3 years. The more I learn to treasure my gifts and the way God made me, the more I learn to trust His plan for me, the less likely I am to get bogged down in more than I can handle. Thanks for talking about this important topic!
I absolutely LOVE the outlook you’ve taken on this, Liz! I used to see moving often as a curse, until I began to embrace whatever God had for us in that place, for that time. What an adventure!
My story is similar. Cancer diagnosis 3 years ago. Three little kids at home. Now I am facing a possible reoccurrence. Three kids at home but a little older and more independent this time. It is time to prioritize. Time to rest. Time to trust that God once again has a plan for this. Thank you for your posts to comfort and to remind of what is important.
Lord, I pray that you would cover Sharyn’s body with your healing hands. Offer peace and rest in the depths of her soul. Strengthen her family as they prepare to walk through a second round of this journey. Carry them through this wilderness and bring beauty around every corner. In Jesus name!
Sharyn, Praying for God to guide you and your medical team and to bring you comfort and peace during this next health issue. Praying peace for you and your children!
Thank you for this message, Suzie. It is so needed within our Christian community of women. We are vulnerable in this area. We are often tempted to take on to much, to expect more of ourselves. I love your list of what if questions! If only more women would follow the example you’ve set forth in this article.
Here’s the thing about “putting it all on the table,” asking God to show you what He wants you to do, and faithfully reassessing…..it paves the way for a bountiful life. We need rest and restoration to be effective, God made us that way! Even the “good things” like ministry, friendship, and family activities can become harmful if we take on too much.
So let’s get busy doing the God things and rejoice in our newfound restorative lifestyle.
I loved this list of questions too, Sarah. And I DO think women are particularly vulnerable in this area.
Doing more good is quite an enticing trap to fall into! It’s taken me many years to understand that too much good is bad, but it’s the truth! As Suzie said, we aren’t Omnipotent…that’s God’s job!
When I realize that I’m thinking the world can’t get along without me, it’s time to step back, for the sake of my body, but more importantly, for the sake of my theology!
Oh Michele, I get exactly what you are saying about, “the world can’t get along without me.” I giggled when I read that. Me too…
I needed this today. I am feeling overwhelmed with busy. I do find it difficult to rest. Thank goodness I take Sunday to do just that. It sustains me.
Yes, I will put everything on the table and ask GOD. Ha – but not this week I am too busy. After Tuesday I will have this conversation with God. I am so confused on what I can let go of. All is good, all is important, and all I feel God brought me to. But maybe it is time to let something go.
Thank you for the printable and this beautiful post.
Sorry, you had to go through cancer but so glad you found a message in it. My guess is you found many.
Happy Easter!
Maree Dee
Marie Dee, Praying that God orders your steps during this busy time and will speak loud and clear on what you should continue and what to lay down-Have a blessed Easter!!
Darn auto correct I know I typed Maree Dee!!
Speaking. To. My. Heart. So much this. I want to do it all and learning to say no is hard, but definitely what God wants me to do in some areas. I’ve already noticed that by “pruning” I’m able to bear a lot more fruit in the areas he wants me to be.
It’s SO HARD, isn’t it?! I’m right there with ya. I totally agree with you; once we begin to prune, the fruit bearing becomes more abundant! He’s so cool!!!
Sometimes I may get asked if I ever questioned God about why I had to go through breast cancer. My response has always been because we are human. Our bodies deal with physical illnesses all the time. We know that God is able to completely heal us so that we don’t have to go through hell on earth to get healed, but there are times that He will not. That’s when you question why?
In my case, I knew deep down it was cancer as soon as I found the lump. One reason is because I knew the bra I usually wore was in my room but that morning I couldn’t find it. Which led me to rummaging for an old one. Which led to my underwire popping. Which led to me finding the lump when I rubbed that area that evening. You would think since breast cancer was in my family with my mother having breast cancer that I would be doing self checks and going to the doctor. But I didn’t. At the time I was going through a divorce so this was actually the last thing on my mind. After the official diagnosis, with still needing to work and two older teenage boys that were having issues, being left by my ex husband in a run down double wide with floors falling through and ceilings falling in, worry about money and how I was going to make everything work, chasing after someone I shouldn’t because I was scared of going through this alone and turning to people for comfort instead of God, I was at my wits end. You get very vulnerable with God when you don’t feel well after a chemo treatment and it’s the middle of the night and there is no one else to turn to.
I did learn some valuable lessons during that time, though some of them didn’t become realized until several years later. One is that God will sometimes use your biggest fear to finally get through to you that He will overcome that fear. My biggest fear has always been ending up alone. Which is where I’ve ended up and it’s during this time that I realized He has never left me. He was with me through cancer, through my divorce, through being an empty nester, and will always be with me. I can also look back on that time and know that He taught me the value of being still. Of listening to Him. Of resting in Him and listening to those around me that are going through the same thing I am. He showed me then and it’s a lesson I’m fully understanding that I cannot turn to people for comfort first thing. Sometimes not at all. He is my refuge, my rock, the person I need to go to where I find rest and comfort. He will provide for me needs, I just need to be still and listen.
(sorry for such a long post)
Oh my goodness, what a powerful and beautiful testimony you have! Praying you continue to feel His hand upon you as you journey onward! Blessings!
What a powerful testimony JR!! Thank you for sharing! Praying that God continues to guide you as you seek him each day!
super post! and necessary as I struggle to be all tlhings to all people and balance my Mary with my Martha. Hardest at the holidays – which can become less of a holy day when I don’t get back to the basics. Thanks, Suzie.
Sue, oh…”back to basics”…keep it simple…quality not quantity. Why is it so hard to wrestle out our way and lean into His? Let me know how you meshed Mary and Martha together, share that formula please! Happy Easter.
Suzie, Thank you so much for this message. It hits home with me for sure. I loved that printable. It makes it so much easier to see our thoughts organized on paper. Thank you so much for sharing it!
Chronic Lymes and a few other health issues have forced me to re-evaluate all that I do. Still, there are times my sweet husband needs to remind me of being careful not to over commit. It’s such a blessing! Thank you for this printable I will definitely take some time to pray fully consider these questions.
In 2012 I was completing my masters degree and working for Apple as a teacher/mentor. All of a sudden I was on my back…Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue running a low grade fever for 10 months. I’ve learned to rest and to appreciate my granddaughters. The rest of the family is difficult, but there is joy in new life. Both of my parents have gone home to be with the Lord since then. But some day I will see my loved ones who have gone before me, and I celebrate the resurrection of Jesus who makes that reality possible.
I read your other blogs listed on the bottom of this one. You have such a beautiful story of healing!! I love your life lessons too!
I’ve been quite confused with what I’m suppose to be doing. Doors I thought were opening seem like they are closing. The unknown can cause a lot of fears for me, but I keep being put in a place where I just need to Trust and take God at His word. I have been in isolation, because these invisible forces that keep attacking me make living daily life such a battle. I feel really stuck, but my faith is growing. I used to try to do everything. Get to every social event, help where it was needed, try my best to succeed, have all the answers, run around until I was worn out, not making healthy choices. My outlook is really changing though. When you get knocked down and your forced to live differently things that were unnoticed become more noticed. The little things matter now! Life matters! Then the struggle seems like such a blessing. To be able to realize that! To be able to be pulled aside by God and have Him show the best way.