Suzanne Eller, Living Free Together

Living free in faith, family, and feelings

The last thing we need is another list. . .

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I feel out of sorts and I’m not sure why.

Should I “do” something? 

That’s where my brain goes, because that’s the way we are wired. We try to fill up those out-of-sort feelings with tasks and goals — or we try to work our way out of them instead of asking ourselves what we really need.

So I pick up the Bible. The words as familiar as my heartbeat. Something fresh, something new leaps from the page into that mile-wide valley in my heart.

I read a couple of pages in a devotional. Words settle like cool rain on a scorching summer morning.

God is with you. His perpetual presence with you can be a source of joy, springing up and flowing out in streams of abundant life.

Then I simply talk to him. No agendas. No big requests. I just open my heart and talk.

Yep, that’s what I needed. 

In the busyness, I let this part of me fade away. I’ve been in the Bible, studying for ministry, but not just me and God.

Are you listening to @HolleyGerth, @SuzanneEller, and @JReneeWatson on More Than Small Talk #podcast? Check out the new episode today on your fav podcast app. #klrcpodcastnetwork

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I sink to my knees in the carpet. I stop wrestling with that nudge that says, “I miss you, Suzie”.

That I’ve been push, pushing away. 

Knowing Christ is part of who I am. I’m out of sorts because I can’t ignore that part of me and feel whole.

It’s not about what I need to do, but Who I need.

Just knowing that leads to renewal as I step into that need with him. He becomes the center of my life again, and suddenly I’m centered too.

I’m not there out of duty. Not to check off my to-do list, but simply to read a scripture, a passage. To call out his name.

And I am filled. Springs of living water, just as promised in John 7:38.

Are you out of sorts and unsure why?

Don’t start that to-do list. Don’t try to work your way out of it. Those to-do’s will be there when you get back.

He’s waiting for you.

Suzie

In today’s More Than Small Talk podcast, Holley, Jennifer, and I talk about our lists. You know, the one that’s always going on in our brain. The ones that try to take over our life.

While lists are important (I’m a huge list maker), sometimes we just need to put the lists aside. Or, if you are like me, make those lists work for you instead of be the boss of you.

I hope you’ll tune in today at KLRC.com or on your favorite podcast app. Click here to see all the possibilities available to you to listen.

Hey, let’s laugh again

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When was the last time you really laughed? That deep belly laugh that goes all the way to your toes.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 says that there’s “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”

To live free: Make time to laugh

That may seem like an odd concept, but if we’ve fallen out of practice, it’s time to learn to laugh again.

It begins by laughing with those closest to us. 

Have you ever watched your child laugh with friends? You watch their lighthearted chatter and wish they’d do that more with you. There may be times our loved ones think the same thing. They see that smile or light-hearted banter and long for it to be aimed in their direction.

Our home is where stress can be the highest but it’s also where the people we love the most reside. If it’s been a while since you laughed, surprise your loved ones with that gift. It absolutely changes the mood of your home.

Give less of yourself to joy-robbing activities

We all have a lot of roles and responsibilities, but how much of ourselves do we offer to those tasks?

  • Do they consume all of our free time?
  • Do they take the place of refueling and rest?
  • Is every job our job?

The answers to those questions help us as we do the best we can to carve out pockets of space just for down time with those we love best. [Read more…]

No is not a dirty word

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Is it hard for you to say no — and why or why not?

That was our confession question today on the More Than Small Talk podcast.

If you are a people pleaser, saying no is your kryptonite. It may make you feel like you are letting someone down, down, down. So you say yes, even when it’s not the best choice and resentment creeps in.

If you aren’t a people pleaser, saying no can still feel hard. You might feel obliged to give a long list of excuses. Maybe they push back and that just feels awkward, or eventually wears you down. So you say yes, even when it’s the best choice and resentment creeps in.

Saying no isn’t a bad word. It doesn’t make you a bad person. In a world where there are a thousand things pulling at you, saying no allows you to say yes to those things that are your assignment.

In the podcast Holley, Jennifer, and I shared all the reasons it’s sometimes wise to say no. Not just for us, but for others involved. But we also explored why it’s so stinking hard.

Discover all the ways you can listen to the podcast right now.

I hope you’ll listen to the discussion. I want to hear what you’ve learned about saying no.

What I learned is that:

  • If saying no makes me feel resentful, I may want to take a deeper look at why.
  • There are gentle ways to say no, and still be firm.
  • Saying no doesn’t make me a bad person.
  • My “no” may open the door for someone else’s yes.
  • Saying no allows me to step fully into my assignment(s).

How do you respond when the answer is supposed to be no?

Are you sucked into an unhealthy dance of pressure/power/persistence?

What is one step you can take today to break that pattern?I

For me, it was simply saying no. That sounds easy, right? It wasn’t, but the more I did it the more it felt natural. Will you join me in a simple challenge?

For the next 24 hours, give a clear no if it’s not your assignment.

If it is your assignment, by all means say yes! Give it your all.

As we learn to give a gentle, but firm, “no” to some things, we are free to run after the yes meant for us.

Suzie

Resources

Do you ever wish you had a like-minded community? There’s nothing that beats a face-to-face community, but it’s also beneficial to boost that with others who share a passion. I want to share two options with you.

The first is my Living Free Together Facebook ministry page. This community offers daily “live free” encouragement, occasional studies, and nightly prayer starters. It’s a larger group but a beautiful way to get a dose of “living free” every single day. Come join in!

Jennifer, Suzie, and Holley (More Than Small Talk podcast)

The second is the More Than Small Talk Facebook group! If you already listen to the podcast, join Holley Gerth, Jennifer Watson, and me five days a week for fun conversation, giveaways, and a weekly confession question. I can’t wait to see you there!

Last, listen to today’s More Than Small Talk podcast, Episode #25. You can listen on KLRC.com or your favorite podcast app, like iTunes!

Following Jesus when the world feels chaotic (a new study)

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Beginning June 3, 2019

When the world feels chaotic, we can feel chaotic.

So what can we do?

Beginning June 3rd on my Facebook page (@SuzanneEller) we’ll explore this topic together. We’ll discover how to follow Jesus when the world feels chaotic due to:

  • transition or the unfamiliar
  • politics, debates, and tension
  • loss
  • God is asking you to do something that feels big
  • inner turmoil
  • feeling pulled in too many directions

What is chaos? We’ll talk about that.

How do we tune out the chatter to hear God’s voice? We’ll talk about that too.

Is it possible to make a difference in the midst of chaos? It is, and we’ll dig deep into that.

What do you need to do?

Buy the book — Come With Me: Discovering the Beauty of Following Where He Leads

Join the event page on Facebook – Click here.

The study begins June 3rd, 2019 on FB. It will include live studies, mini-teachings, and practical application for a 21-day faith adventure.

I hope I see you there!

Join Suzie Eller in the 21-day faith adventure, Following Jesus when the world feels chaotic. https://tsuzanneeller.com/?p=19138 Click To Tweet

What is one thing that feels chaotic to you right now? Share how your faith plays a part as you navigate that chaos.

Suzie

Did you know that Episode 24 of More Than Small Talk is out today? It’s titled Shameless. Holley, Jennifer, and I get real about the grip of shame and what to do about it.

Check out all the ways you can listen!

While you are there, we’d love for you to leave a review or share it with a friend. <3

Living free: Shame vs. a changed heart

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You know the feeling.

You just did something you promised you’d never do. But there it is. Maybe no one sees it but you.

Regret sets in. Guilt tangles. Shame follows.

This puts us at a crossroads.

When you find yourself wrestling with shame, the following can help lead you out of shame and into a changed heart.

What triggered my action/reaction?

Crazy, but we often focus on the obvious. Like, I did that because it felt good. Or I was so angry. But there’s usually something deeper. Something that needs to be recognized and addressed.

Maybe you don’t have the answer for that. Talking to a counselor can help. Talking to a friend who is wise and whose life you respect can offer clarity. But it begins with going deeper. Asking the harder questions. Being willing to go beyond the action/reaction to find that place that needs healing.

For you are worth fighting for, friend.

What can I do differently next time?

“People don’t plan to mess up their lives. They just don’t plan not to.” Andy Stanley

Once you begin to understand those trigger points (this takes time and that’s okay), make a plan. Write it down. Think it through.

Start to live it daily.

When you miss the mark, get back up and start over again. 

For you are worth fighting for, friend. You are worth the hard work. The falling down and getting back up. Eventually you’ll be stronger, wiser. Keep going. 

Ask for forgiveness

Many people say that we should forgive ourselves, but honestly that’s not what scripture says. It points to a place of mercy so rich and so great that our sins are cast as far as the East is from the West.

Tell God how you feel. Ask Him for forgiveness (1 John 1:9) and a fresh slate.

For you are worth fighting for, friend. Jesus stepped into the ultimate battle with you on his heart. 

Make it right

Tell that person you are sorry. Then take it one step further.

Make that wrong right, if you can. 

Maybe that person isn’t ready to forgive you yet, but that’s not why we forgive. That makes it about us. Do what is right while trust rebuilds and healing takes place in their heart, as well as your own.

For not only are you worth fighting for, friend, but so are they. 

Suzie

To live free: Exchange shame for a changed heart (transformation)

Scripture:  1 John 1:9

Just You and God: Has regret or shame been hanging over your head? It’s a feeling that signals that something needs changed within you. Let that lead you to mercy and back to who you really are.

Resources

In today’s More Than Small Talk podcast, “Shameless,” Holley, Jennifer, and I define what shame is and how to walk in something healthier and more life-changing. To listen, check out all the apps and options here. 

Sometimes we don’t have the words to pray, especially when we feel shame.

Download this beautiful 5 Prayers printable. (Just for you. <3)

God knows exactly who you are

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I got really angry on the podcast today. Not at my friends, but at the word “imposter.” It makes me angry that this word dares to settle in the heart of anyone that I know. It makes me angry that it once occupied any part of my heart.

The truth is none of us show up knowing everything. There is a learning curve. There will be mistakes made.

Yet if God is the one asking us to do something, he knows what’s up. He knows the plans he has for us and it’s an adventure worth taking! I love this verse in the Message version.

He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. Romans 8:27-30 (The Msg)

In today’s More Than Small Talk podcast, Holley, Jennifer, and I shared the times we felt like a fraud, but also what God has taught us.

These are just a few of them.

  • The need to be perfect is almost always tied to fear
  • God knows who we are becoming
  • There’s always a learning curve (embrace it!)

Will you join us on the podcast today? Share your thoughts. If you need prayer in this area, I’m happy to pray with you and there’s an amazing team of prayer warriors who will join in.

What is one thing God is asking you to do?

Take one step toward that today.

Suzie

Related Resources

Listen to today’s More Than Small Talk episode #22 – “Afraid You’re a Fraud.” (Click on the link and it will give you options of how to listen!)

When a loved one is depressed. . .

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There are times I don’t know what to say, no matter how badly I want to.

When a loved one or friend is struggling with depression, we want to say the right thing. We want to be a good friend. In today’s conversation with Dr. Michelle Bengtson, a board-certified neuropsychologist, she and I talk about what helps and what doesn’t help when a friend is walking through depression.

Michelle is not only a neuropsychologist, she’s battled depression herself.

She wrote about her experience in a book titled, “Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression.”

Join me in this conversation.

If you can’t see the video, click here.

These are four things that Michelle says will help.

  • You don’t have to know what to say, just be present
  • Don’t offer advice
  • Check in from time to time
  • Be aware that depression isn’t his or her identity

I hope you’ll check out Dr. Michelle’s Bengston’s book, Hope Prevails.

I also invite you to join Holley, Jennifer, and I today on More Than Small Talk Podcast for Episode #20 — Depression Doesn’t Define You! You can listen at KLRC.com or on your favorite podcast app.

What is one thing you learned from today’s conversation with Dr. Michelle? If you struggle with depression, what is one thing you want us to know about you? Let’s take this deeper. . .

Suzie

Find out more about Dr. Michelle Bengtson at:

You are free. . . from man-made rules

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If you came over from Encouragement for Today, welcome. I’m so glad you are here.

Sometimes we just don’t know what is true. We see it on social media and we wonder. . .

We hear it in a sermon and we wonder. . .

A trusted person speaks it with authority and we wonder. . .

Jesus warned against falling into faith built of man-made rules.

So, how do we know what is true?

We follow Jesus. We listen for Jesus. We say yes to Jesus.

Too simplistic? No, absolutely freeing.

A few years ago I spent months in the book of Luke. I watched how he interacted with the broken. I watched how he talked with the religious. I listened as he interacted with those who were curious about him.

Man-made rules started falling off, one by one.

When Jesus called people to follow him, there was no requirement. No level of holiness demanded beforehand. No Bible degrees to be a part of the miracles.

Wait, what?

While there is beauty in a holy life and goodness to be found in studying his word, Jesus’ example showed me that it was his holiness that changed people. It was relationship with him that brought about transformation.

I threw my mental list of man-made rules away in that department.

One by one I wrote down the man-made rules I had mentally stacked in my faith. One by one, they lost their power.

When we get tangled in rules, we let go of Jesus. 

Which never works. 

Are you ready to transition from following a man-made rule to following Jesus?

Write down one man-made rule or impossible expectation you’ve placed on your faith. Invite God to take these from you in exchange for freedom.

Suzie

Related Resources

Come With Me: Discovering the Beauty of Following Where He Leads

Hey, I’m doing a giveaway of my book, Come With Me, over at Instagram! Come join me.

What if waiting is part of the plan?

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I admit it. I stink at waiting.

What does waiting feel like to you? It can bring out sadness or frustration. Maybe it makes you feel like God has forgotten that dream he poured over your heart.

I hear from God and I’m ready to do it yesterday. When it doesn’t happen, no matter how I’m feeling, I need to take a step back and remember this one thing:

Waiting isn’t wasted.

In fact, the finish line may not be the actual goal at all.

In today’s More Than Small Talk podcast, Holley, Jennifer, and I honestly share about those times when waiting felt like the hardest place to be.

Jennifer, Suzie, Holley — More Than Small Talk

Jennifer waited through a season of infertility. I waited when I felt like God had given me a message to share, but six years later all the doors were closed. Holley shared how her answer to a waiting prayer didn’t look anything like she thought it would.

If you are in a waiting season, I know it’s hard. I’ve been there too. You are not alone in that waiting place. There is comfort and clarity as we honestly talk about it with our Savior. These are the questions I ask in waiting seasons. Maybe they’ll be a great prayer starter for you too.

  1. Lord, is there a miracle you trying to perform right where I am?
  2. Will you help me to trust you with your timeline?
  3. Show me today’s assignment.

I don’t always hear the answers right away, but often find one thing he’s showing me that day. I find one thing that seems small, but it brings him joy. It takes my eyes off my timeline, my plan, and I start to see power of his work in the waiting season.

Are you in a waiting season? I’d love to pray with you. My prayer team would love to wrap around you.

Suzie

Related Resources

Listen to More Than Small Talk podcast.

While you’re there, we’d love for you to leave a review or share it with a friend. Today’s episode was Episode #19.

The resources mentioned in today’s podcast were: