Suzanne Eller, Living Free Together

Living free in faith, family, and feelings

Thank you Day #4: Speaking words that heal

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Kindness matters

A few years ago I was searching in my husband’s sock drawer (I always steal his socks) when I found a thick white envelope with my son’s handwriting on the outside. I sat and started reading.

“Dad, you are my hero.”

Ryan penned these words the day Richard finished graduate school. The words revealed a young man who was not afraid to open his heart and let his dad see inside. There were three pages in that letter, words that Richard treasured as he read them.

Words he kept in his drawer so many years later.

Kindness has a domino effect. One kind word leads to another. #ComeWithMe #livingfreetogether Click To Tweet

Kindness can have a domino effect. Reading the letter made me want to write a letter to my son.

I wanted to tell him that I remembered when he was a little boy and he offered drive-by kisses as he ran past, so energetic he barely had time to stop, but he did because he loved his mama. I wanted to tell him that when I was an exhausted mother to three toddlers, that his lopsided smile and Kermit the Frog belly laugh made me happy to be a mom.

 

 

Kindness matters.

Yesterday a friend of mine posted this on Facebook this week: “I’m no longer concerned about living a life that makes a difference. I just want to be kind.”

Because he is kind, he is living a life that makes a difference. 

What a concept, right?

One of the kindest things we can do is to tell someone what they mean to us, and yet we often leave precious words unsaid. Words with the power to heal. Words that share the way we feel. Words that become treasures one day when words are all that remain.

We might not share those words because we feel that they already know them.

Sometimes they don’t. 

We might not share them because others have rejected our kindness.

It’s not about what others do with your words, but the fact that you are willing to say them. 

 

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)

 

We often talk about the negative words we should hold back. But what about the words that have the power of life?

On Day #4 of Living a Life of Thank You, the adventure is to speak words that heal.

Maybe you are unsure how to say them, especially if this is rare for you. Share the words in a note. Leave it somewhere unexpected like on a pillow, taped to a steering wheel, or in a favorite chair.

When we speak words of life over others, we live a life that matters. #ComeWithMe #livingfreetogether Click To Tweet

Tell them something they do that makes you happy. Share a treasured memory, or a moment when they brightened your day.

Blaise Pascal once said, “Kind words do not cost much. They never blister the tongue or lips. They make other people good-natured. They also produce their own image on men’s (women’s, children’s) souls, and a beautiful image it is.”

When we begin to speak those words sincerely, they take root in the hearts of those receiving them. It might be a seed which will push up through fertile ground right before your eyes. It might be a seed that is planted, and the Holy Spirit waters it year after year until it takes root.

Speaking them has the power to change others, but it changes us first.

When we speak with kindness, we live a life that matters.

Suzie

Day #4 of Living a Life of Thank You

Dear Lord, scripture is filled with words that remind us of your love. Today use our words to affirm, encourage, lift up, and to say “I love you” to the treasured people you put in our lives. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

  • Choose to speak healing words throughout this entire day. Choose kind words. Don’t expect anything in return. Give them because you can. 

Q: Was this a challenge? Why or why not?

Q: Proverbs 18:21 says that the tongue has the power of life or death. What does that mean to you personally?

Q: “I only offer kind words when they are deserved.” Share your response to this statement.

Related Resources:

Read pages 131-133 in Come With Me: Discovering the Beauty of Following Where He Leads.

  • List at least two things for which you are thankful about a friend, loved one, or family member.
  • Call, write, or text that person and tell them. It doesn’t have to be lengthy. Use healing, kind words.

Listen to this word of encouragement for you today:

Thank you Day #3 – Giving the junk “up”

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I’m on a mission.

I’ve been piling items in a black trash bag. I do this on a regular basis. A nice shirt I just don’t wear. A pair of shoes. A comforter that is pretty, but has never made it out of the closet. My goal is to take the bag somewhere where these items will be used. My house will be a little less cluttered, and it will make someone else happy.

It’s amazing the things we acquire, isn’t it?

It’s also kind of amazing that we keep those things — even though we don’t want them.

Yesterday we looked at areas where we are the least thankful. Was that hard for you? It can feel painful to rummage through the drawers of our hearts. So what do we do when we find that we are walking around with a lot of emotional junk we never wanted in the first place?

Three things:

First, don’t pile more junk on

One of the hardest stories in the Bible to read is that of Judas Iscariot. He was chosen. Jesus saw something in him. Something good. Jesus told Judas Iscariot, along with the others, that following him wasn’t going to be easy. There would be hard days. There would be nights they slept with only a rock for a pillow. They’d leave everything familiar to find a new path.

He also told them they’d be changed by the adventure. They’d walk daily with Jesus. They’d see miracles and learn at the feet of the Savior.

At some point Judas picked up some junk. A little complaining. A little griping. A lot of discontent. Junk piled on top of each other, leading only to more junk.

In John 12:3-6, a woman pours out costly perfume over Jesus’ feet. He’s changed her life, and this is her way of showing Jesus her gratitude. This is a stunning moment. One that should cause Judas to dance in joy. A woman’s life has been changed! Instead, Judas complains about the cost of the perfume. He gripes that it could have been sold for a tidy sum.

John tells us the reason why Judas responds this way: Judas was the caretaker of the money box, and he was stealing from it.

He had become a thief.

This didn’t happen overnight. He didn’t go from “chosen” to thief in a day. It started with discontent. Which led to to greed. Which led to stealing.

Discontent completely derailed Judas from his purpose. 

Unresolved junk can do the same to us.

 

Why do we call out our junk?

It’s because God has more for us than that.

He didn’t promise easy. He didn’t say that we’d never have hardships. He does tell us that the enemy tries to distract and destroy us from God’s best (John 10:10a).

He also promises to be with us to the ends of the earth (Matthew 28:20).

He said we’ll discover joy that isn’t rooted in what we have (Romans 15:13) and that fills us even in trials (1 Peter 1:6-9).

He promises an abundant life (John 10:10b).

Second, we give our junk up.

Long before Judas betrayed Jesus, he had options.

What if Judas had talked to Jesus about his discontent?

What if he had noticed the miracle in the woman’s life instead of focusing on the cost of the perfume?

What if he had acknowledged the junk, long before it piled up and led him down the wrong road?

What if his kiss on Jesus’ cheek had been that of gratitude, rather than betrayal?

Thankfulness is not a feeling but rather a choice of our will.

We become ruthless as we scoop out the junk in our own life because we are chosen. Chosen to love others. Chosen to let his light shine through us. Chosen to be noticers, to be adventurers, to be world changers.

Thankfulness is not a feeling, but a choice of our will. #ComeWithMe #21DayChallenge Click To Tweet

We give our junk up. We take it to God. And if it’s been there awhile, we aren’t afraid to be honest about that.

Lord, I’m discontented and I don’t like this feeling. I give this to you today, and tomorrow, and every day thereafter until it’s no longer junk in my life. Show me the source of my discontent. 

Lord, I’m piling up complaints and accusations in my heart. It spills from my mouth. Help me to become a noticer of the miracles.

Maybe we are struggling, but see how hard he’s working. Maybe she has a nicer house, but thank you for the laughter in this one. Maybe my feet are tired, but thank you for my job. 

Jesus, remove this junk out of my heart. Put my feet back on the path I once walked. 

When we give up our junk to him, it really goes . . . up.

The Holy Spirit gently shows us areas that need emptied. We ask God to break habits or patterns that drag us down, that drag others down with us.

Will you consider giving up your junk?

Gossip.

Complaints.

Bitterness.

Unforgiveness.

Words that make others feel “less than”.

Negative self-talk.

Imagine a large black bag. Every day it fills with the junk you no longer want. Instead of you placing it there, you are offering it up and he’s making the deposit. The more you are emptied, the more room there is for God to take up residence in you.

You might miss your old junk at first, because it’s familiar. Starting something new always offers a learning curve.

When we allow God to empty us of junk, we make more room for joy, more room for strength. #ComeWithMe Click To Tweet

You might try to take it back a time or two, like the time my father-in-law rummaged in the trash to pull out the vacuum cleaner that hadn’t worked for ten years. You know, the one he planned to fix one day.

Third, if you pick it back up, go through the process one more time.

It happens. We are human and sometimes we realize that the old junk is right back where we don’t wan it. Offer it back up. The more we offer up our junk, the more we start to recognize it as junk.

The less we want it.

The less it defines us.

The less it distracts us from God’s best.

Suzie

Day #3 of Living a Life of Thank You.

If you own a copy of Come With Me: Discovering the Beauty of Following Where He Leads, read pages 122-126.

If you don’t own it, it’s a great book to help you in this process. 

Our 21-Day Adventure so far:

Day #1 – Start the journey.

Day #2 – We define the areas where negativity wants to live.

Day #3 – We offer it up.

Q: What does it look like to offer up our junk? Name one practical way to do this.

Q: Why do we hold on so tightly to our junk?

  • In Luke 22:1-3, Judas goes to the authorities to betray Jesus. Even at that moment, he could have made a turnaround. Jesus would have welcomed a repentant heart. No matter how deeply ingrained your junk might feel, it’s not too late for transformation. Make this a matter of prayer. Go to him today, knowing he welcomes you, always.

Q: What is the cost of your junk?

Be truthful about your answer. There’s no judgment. Hold it up to him. Shine a light on it. Rejoice that it’s being removed from your identity and from your heart.

 

Thank you Day #2: Let’s be honest about where we fall short

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Last year I shared this study and it changed me. I feel so compelled to do this again with you. Thank you for joining me in this 21-day adventure to Living a Life of Thank You. ~ Suzie

I fall short all the time.

Do you fall short in the area of thankfulness? We all do. We want to be thankful. We wish that we were thankful. And yet we continually fall into a pit of unthankfulness.

Perhaps it’s a critical spirit. Complaining. Wishing, wishing, wishing for what we don’t have, while forgetting what we do have. Finding ourselves so busy that we don’t have time to breathe, much less say thank you. We climb out of that pit, and then turn around and jump back in. It’s exhausting!

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. Romans 7:15 (NLT)

In Romans 7, Paul describes the battle that takes place in all of us, whether that is being thankful or another battleground.

Naming our struggle

On Day #2 of Living a Live of Thank You, we are going to shine a light on our struggle. You see, we often point at everything else.

Her. Him. Our schedule. That problem. That child. That issue. That job. That church. That neighbor. 

If we could wave a magic wand and fix everything and everyone else, but our heart still needs repair, the problem is still there. [Read more…]

Join me for the next 21-day adventure: Living a life of thank you

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A 21-day adventure begins today

The holidays are beautiful. . . and hard for so many of us. This year my family is walking into the holidays with loss. There’s a huge whole that my father-in-law used to fill. I miss Jimmy so much. We all do. I can only imagine what it will feel like without him sitting in his brown chair, directing us with that ornery smile of his.

Right now there’s a woman who seems to have everything, but she’s discontented and doesn’t want to be. That makes her feel guilty, or like she’s a failure somehow. Especially at the holidays.

Right now there’s a woman who feels misunderstood. She’s just being honest. Why isn’t anyone listening?

There’s a woman who is doing everything she knows to do, and she’s tired. Is it possible to slow it all down and just enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas? Is that really possible?

Welcome to a 21-Day Adventure: Living a Life of Thank You.

That title sounds fluffy, sweet. Yet this adventure has the potential to change us from the inside out.

 

 

This is a study I do every year within this community, because living a life of thank you is intentional. It doesn’t always come natural for us. It often goes against feelings. It’s learning to search for the good even on the harder days.

It’s discovering how to find ways to implement joy that doesn’t make sense in the natural, but in the hands of God it’s transformational.

Living a life of thank you changes us.

It has the power to change our relationships.

It changes our attitude. . . which can change our life.

It’s not living in denial.

It’s not pretending that things aren’t hard.

It’s not denying the right to be honest, or real.

It’s finding the joy in others, in your circumstances (yes, even the hard ones). It’s being honest about our unhealthy go-tos, like blame, complaint, looking for greener pastures, or anything else that knocks the joy right out of our lives.

I am joining @suzanneeller in the 21 Days to Living a Life of Thank You adventure. #livingfreetogether https://ctt.ec/ehEiU+

Click to tweet

I hope you sign up for this 21-day adventure.

We’ll have a lot of fun. We’ll pray and grow together. We’ll do some things that seem a little upside down. We’ll challenge long-held attitudes, and open our hearts and hands to the new that God wants to do in each of us.

Each week I’ll slip into Facebook and Instagram and we’ll just hang out and talk. I’ll share a Living a Life of Thank You Challenge for the weekend.

Our adventure begins today.

What do you need to do to join 21 Days to Living a Life of Thank You?

If you are already subscribed to the blog, you are in!

If you haven’t subscribed to the blog, you can do that in under a minute! Once you subscribe, please look for the confirmation email to show up in your in-box. That launches your subscription.

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I can’t wait to begin this new adventure with you. I can’t promise that it will change your life, but I can tell you that it changed mine.

Let’s start the conversation today.

What do you believe “living a life of thank you” might look like?

What are you asking God to do in you as you join in the adventure?

Suzie

 


21 Days to Living a Life of Thank You is based on Chapter 7 of Come With Me: Discovering the Beauty of Following Where He Leads.

This resource isn’t necessary for the 21-Day Adventure, but it takes it deeper. It also challenges you to follow Jesus in other ways that might surprise you!

Purchase Come With Me: Discovering the Beauty of Following Where He Leads to take this topic (and others) deeper.

 

It’s all under control, or is it? {{Giveaway}}

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Today I am excited to share a conversation with Jennifer Dukes Lee. The first time I met Jennifer I felt like I met a sister. Someone I loved, and whose heart was both honest and free. In this conversation, Jennifer shares why she wrote “It’s All Under Control.” She helps us live free as we let go, loosen our grip, and admit that we can’t do it all — nor should we. ~ Suzie

It’s all under control, or is it?

Jennifer Dukes Lee never thought she struggled with control. As long as everything went exactly the way she wanted it to, she was totally flexible.

But then Jennifer discovered what happens when you try to wrap your arms around everything, thinking it’s all on you: You get burned out on hustle. You toss and turn more at night, and you laugh less during the day.

You’re so busy—caring, serving, working, and trying so hard—that you can’t even hear God’s voice anymore. It’s All Under Control is a book for every woman who is hanging on tight and trying to get each day right—yet finding that life often feels out of control and chaotic.

 

In this conversation, Jennifer assures us that we can:

  • Overcome the anxieties and worries that burden our heart
  • Prioritize our busy life so we can make choices that align with God’s best for us
  • Find freedom through a new “Do, Delegate, or Dismiss” approach to daily tasks
  • Let go of what God has not asked us to do, so we can shine at what he has

Listen to this conversation. If you can’t access it here, then take a listen on YouTube.

Jennifer’s publisher has agreed to give away one copy of this gorgeous, helpful book to one of you! Just check out the question below. Share your thoughts. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about this topic.

Are we willing to let go, let loose, and live free in this area?

I am. Let’s do this!

Suzie

Q: Why do you think we fall into the trap of trying to do it all, fix it all, be all? 

Please check out my friend, Jennifer Dukes Lee.

I know you’ll love her as much as I do.

Jennifer’s blog  Take a fun quiz and learn more about this amazing book and author.

Jennifer on Instagram

Jennifer on Twitter

Jennifer on Facebook

When the boundaries I need to place are on me

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It’s good to be back.

I’ve been off of social media for a month. I removed it from my phone and from my life for 30 days. There was no posting about daily events. No updates on the lives of others.

Sometimes my husband would say something like, “Hey babe, isn’t it awesome that so-and-so did this or that,” and I’d stare blankly.

“Oh yeah, you are on a break,” he’d respond.

And somehow it felt like I was missing something, at least at first. Yet as the days passed, the desire to be so connected diminished. My thoughts calmed. I was able to read an entire chapter of a book without the need to “check in.” [Read more…]

12 truths to transform a torn-up heart {{giveaway}}

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If you came over from Encouragement for Today, welcome! I’ve been on a blogging break, but slipped in today so we could hang out together. In today’s devo I shared that our heart isn’t always trustworthy. But truth will set us free. Let’s take that deeper together today! ~ Suzie

 

Lies can tear up our heart

We know that truth is important, but the problem is truth doesn’t always feel true because we’ve believed the lie for such a long time. That’s why it’s so key to soak in truth daily — until it breaks through the lie. Until we embrace it. Until truth grows a new groove in our thinking . . .

So today I want to share 12 truths to transform a torn-up heart.

These are truths grounded in scripture. Perhaps one of these truths are exactly what your heart needs to hear today.

  • Truth #1) You are not required to do anything without God. So, stop trying to do it on your own. If shame or fear has caused you to hide from him, or if you have been told you are weak if you call out to God for help, silence that lie and run to your Heavenly Father who loves you like crazy.

 

  • 2) You are chosen. God chose to love the entire world. That includes you. Always.

 

  •  3) God sees you, and not in a bad way. Not in a “I’m gonna get you” or “you’ve messed up” kind of way. He truly sees you. He knows your potential. He knows how he crafted and formed you. He knows how hard you are trying. He is keenly aware of his plans for his daughter.

[Read more…]

Why do we resist rest?

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I’m taking a break and that should be a good thing, right?

I know that God is asking me to step away for an entire month from social media and blogging.

If you disappear for a month on social media, do you cease to exist?

Well, of course not, and yet that’s the first thought that tends to hit. Especially when it such is a powerful way to connect and minister to women.

But I can’t talk to you about living free if I fail to do it myself.

Listening to the Lord and saying yes are a beautiful way to live free, and if he’s asking me to step away and spend time with him, then it’s a yes for me. There will be a couple of things that come your way between October 1 and October 31, because they were already in the queue, but otherwise this girl is going to be hanging out with the Lord.

This is the message I shared on my Facebook page.

In it, I share the struggle that we sometimes have when God asks us to do something counter-cultural, or perhaps counter-what-I-think-I-should-be-doing. There’s also a question for you in this video.

I’ll be back on November 1st, excited to see you. <3

Questions from the video:

  • What is God asking you to do?
  • Are you resisting?
  • Are you willing to say yes? 
Suzie

 

When you don’t have the words to pray

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I sat in my quiet time this morning, but the words wouldn’t come.

Have you ever been there?

You want to pray but you don’t know what to say. You have listened as people shared their stories and the things they are going through, and you can’t fix it. You have watched as our world gets a little more unkind every day, and you wonder why we aren’t doing more about that.

You see prejudice flaunted and it makes you want to weep. You see the refugee child separated from her mama, and you wonder why we aren’t telling the world how wrong that is.

So you go to God and you know that your voice is one of millions bending his ear. Yet deep inside you trust that he’s listening to each of us, and he’s near. But you still don’t know what to say.

It’s just too big. Too hard to know what to ask.

When that happens, maybe like me, the temptation is to not speak at all to this God who loves us so very much. Yet when we do that, our bottled up words swirl in our thoughts, show up in our dreams, and try to rob us of joy.

So, what can we do?

[Read more…]

Is it even possible to love like Jesus? {{free audio devos for you}}

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If you came over from Encouragement for Today, welcome! I’m so glad you are here. In this devotional I shared the challenge of loving like Jesus, and what that might look like. Today I take that a little deeper.

 

It’s fascinating to watch Jesus interact with the disciples.

They trailed him everywhere he went. They slept close by, whether under the stars or in the upper room of a stranger’s home. They watched as people mocked him or threw verbal stones. They were witnesses as people cried out to him in pain, suffering, and loneliness.

They had a front row seat as Jesus prayed for people, spoke life into them, uttered truth, and pulled them close, touching them when everyone else had said, “Unclean, unclean, unclean!”

So, when Jesus shared this new commandment, they understood what he was asking them to do.

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:34-35 (NLT)

This wasn’t a vague feel-good commandment.

This commandment came with specific instructions. “Love others like I have loved you.”

When I think about the ways that Jesus has loved me, it brings me to tears.

He has been patient with me.

He has been close, whether I’m on a mountain top or deep in a pit.

He has believed in me, when I struggled to believe in myself.

He has forgiven me.

And that’s only the beginning of the ways Jesus has loved me.

What does it look like to love like Jesus loves us?

We may struggle with this question because people have hurt us. We may believe that this kind of love might open the door for someone to take advantage. Perhaps we don’t think we can love like Jesus because we are angry or hurt. Or maybe we feel we have too little to offer.

Isn’t it funny how we make our questions of faith so complicated? In this commandment, Jesus was asking the disciples to take a good look at the ways he has loved them. . . and then to share that with others.

If you listed the ways Jesus has loved you, and then offered that to others, how would it change things? How would it change you? https://wp.me/p4jbdw-4H8 #livingfreetogether #freeaudiodevos Click To Tweet

A few weeks ago a friend was hurting. I didn’t know how to respond. However, loving her like Jesus has loved me meant that I could show up in that hard place. I could listen. I could remind her of her value.

When I did this, the burden she carried in was a little lighter when she left. 

Will you join me in a sweet challenge today?

When God places that person in your path today, no matter who it is, will you ask this question: How can I love this person like you have loved me?

As we love others like Jesus loves us, it changes things. Maybe a conversation takes a different turn. Maybe a grudge is exchanged for mercy. Perhaps we listen and offer empathy or prayer, or hold back words that would add weight to an already heavy burden.

That’s world-changing faith, but the most drastic change starts in our own hearts and that’s a beautiful gift.

Suzie

Q: How has Jesus loved you? (Write it in your journal or share it here.)

Related Resources

I’m so excited about this offer from Proverbs 31 Ministries. They are offering my book, Come With Me Devotional, to everyone for a gift of any amount. It’s a hardbound, embossed, beautiful devotional that will allow you to walk with Jesus five days a week all year long.

Get your copy of this timeless devotional today to help you draw closer to Jesus through every step of your journey. It’s also a great, early Christmas gift.

A freebie for you

I professionally recorded several of the devotions in this book. I want to share five of them with you today. I pray they encourage you!

Filled

Hungry

More than a carpenter

You are wanted

Sent