This note dropped in my in-box.
I read your devotional on Christianity.com, but this one touched me. My daughter and I have a problem getting along. I am always wrong and she will go for long periods without talking or seeing me. I pray about it and it hurts me deeply. Please pray for us.
A hurting mama
This was my response.
I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. My mama’s heart goes out to you. You didn’t share their ages, or what led to the separation, but I hear your heart. I don’t have all the answers. No one does. No one has walked in your shoes.
It’s in times like these that we feel helpless, but there are some things we can do.
One, pray for your girls and your relationship. Take this to God and lay it on the table before Him. He loves you, he loves your family. As you do this, you invite him into the healing process. You are trusting that God will meet you right where you are.
Second, send a note to your girls affirming your love for them. Sometimes we just don’t have the words. A note is non-threatening. Let them know what you see in them that is good. Tell them that they are loved. Invite them to talk with you, whatever and whenever that might be.
Maybe, there are unresolved issues. Things you don’t know. Things you don’t see. Things that they’ve never been able to tell you. Sending this note is simply letting them know that you love them and are open to a conversation.
If they take you up on a conversation, listen. You may not agree with what they have to share. You may feel that you need to defend yourself. Instead, let them know that you want to rebuild your relationship with them, to start fresh. Ask them to share from their heart what they believe has separated the relationship.
Then just listen. Truly hear them all the way to the end. Don’t interrupt. You may not agree, but at least the issues will be in the open.
When your daughter no longer wants to talk to you, you aren’t without help. https://ctt.ec/0ds6H+ #livingfreetogether
Then take it all back to your Heavenly Father.
Ask the Holy Spirit to shine a light on the conversation. Ask these questions:
- What can I learn from this?
- What do I need to change in either my response or actions?
- How can I grow through this?
But what if it’s all their fault?
If that’s true, then you’ve acted out of love and not hurt. You’ve turned to God, rather than into anger. When she’s ready, you’ve knocked down the wall between you to the best of your ability. You’ve shown her how a mama will fight for her daughter, even when she’s hurting and angry.
Just like God does for us.
I love that you wrote me. I’m reaching with a huge hug for you today, and praying for your mama heart.
- The Mom I Want to Be
- The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness
- The Mended Heart: God’s Healing for Your Broken Places
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