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Scripture Text: Matthew 16:13-23
1. How did Jesus set boundaries with flawed people?
2. In what way did Jesus show Peter love by being honest about His needs in that critical hour?
3. In what ways have you set boundaries with those who have crossed the line, are abusive, or who may cause harm to your relationship with your spouse, your children, or your faith?
4. When you hear the statement that “boundaries aren’t intended to punish, but to work toward the healthiest relationship possible”, what is your reaction?
5. Is forgiveness and loving with intention the foundation of your boundaries? If not, can you explain how that might change things?
6. What is one thing that spoke to you through this study?
7. What is one action step you can take?
Resource: The Mom I Want to Be-Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future
Read the first chapter of The Mom I Want to Be online free (on the Amazon site click on the Read First Chapter Free button on the right hand side of the page)
Resource: Boundaries by Dr’s. Henry Cloud and John Thompson
Wow. This one really spoke to me. I read Boundaries, at the urging of my counselor last Spring, and it was a very good book for me to read. I haven’t been very consistent with my boundaries since then, but awareness is the first step, right? 🙂
I have some good news to report, and I wanted you to be the first person I told. My mother, who hasn’t spoken to me in two years (since my father died, at which time she told me I was “dead to her” and a bunch of other very hurtful things), called me yesterday to wish me Happy Birthday. We had a brief but good conversation. It’s a start. 🙂
I also wanted to add another of Henry Cloud’s books that was a huge help for me to read is “Changes That Heal”. It has a section on Boundaries in there, and it’s a really good book for a person to read who is struggling to come to grips with their past and move from unhealthy to healthy. 🙂 Highly recommended.
Thank you Suzie!! This message is coming at a time when I really needed to hear it. I have recently separated from my husband of almost 3 years. We are stuck in a battle of him feeling disrespected by what I do or say, even though I am trying my best to be loving and respectful to him. He is extremely verbally and emotionally abusive to me and is also verbally abusive to my children (from before we married) and I feel like he won’t ever listen to how I feel or how this is all affecting me. I am seeking counsel from my church but he isn’t going to church or seeking counsel at this time. I want our marriage to work but I know that it can NOT continue this way. I wasn’t made to be treated this way and my daughters do NOT deserve to be put down in anyway. I really appreciate how straight forward and biblical your advice on setting boundaries is. I really never tried to set boundaries on how he treated me because I was trying so hard to be a submissive wife. I am going to try and get the book Boundaries that you mentioned (as soon as I have the money as things are really tight for me right now). I would appreciate your prayers as I walk through this situation. Your posts really speak to me and I am very thankful for your site, your love, your encouragement and your biblical advice. God bless you Suzie
My response to the video was sent via PM to avoid hurting certain one’s feelings.
Basically, it’s hard at first. It gets easier. Once new habits and boundaries are formed those abusive people learn to respect your wishes and requests.
I learned to forgive and move on. Those who haven’t will try to give you a hard time. I stood my ground.
It’s basically about control. When you take control it puts them in a place where they have to abide or be be thrown about by the turmoil until they comply. It hurts. In time healing happens.
I love Francine Rivers books about her family story, partly fiction, but mostly true. One person became the bridge. It may never happen… but keep yourself open to it. That’s when communication and healing happen.
Great study Suzie.
This was hard for me in a few was: questions one and two I could not gather or whatever so I will get back to you on those.
3.The boundaries I put forth was to move away and not telling certain people.
4.How could God want me to be apart of people that physically, emotionally, mentally abused me? My bill of health was a time bomb waiting to explode. High Blood Pressure, anxiety, depressed, hyper-tension and bad nerves. Why? Why? Why?
5.After leaving home…….I was not turning back. So I never forgave them for all the hurt the caused me. Way ………….. later on when I met God and he showed me that He forgave us for our sins, I needed to forgive them for theirs.It was and still is a work in progress.
6.The one thing that spoke to me ….this is me talking… God wants me to stand up for myself, not to be the doormat and be ran over. BUT….to know the God is my ROCK, MY Savior, My Healer, My Redeemer and that He is always with me!!
7. To let my light shine …for it is God that will judge me.
I sure hope this is somewhat….of what I am to do. I worry I’m not doing my studies right.
Thank you for a great study!
Michelle
Suzie,
This study was soothing to my heart – I am thankful for how God is using it. It rang clear to me when you talked about Jesus’ response to Peter (Get behind me Satan…you are dangerous to me…)and then talked about what Jesus needed at that moment. I have found myself frustrated in relationships…having needs not met…but it challenged me to think about whether my needs have been communicated clearly….I am grateful for what I am learning that will help me in my relationships. Thank you for this study.
🙂
Thank you. This is so helpful and true! I am going to check the two books you recommended out.
Hi Suzie,
Thanks for this message. My family has serious boundary issues — in talking to my sister she things boundaries to me means I don’t want you in my life which isn’t it at all as you so eleqountly pointed out! My Mom has way overstepped things multiple times and I honestly thank God at times for being military and not living closer. I am ordering boundaries (something I’ve started many times but not finished) and I also got the book No More Christian Nice Girl (which is a similar and about living Holy lives vs Nice ones)… it’s so easy to resort to the “always” and “never” when things get heated and you don’t feel heard.
Thank you so much for this.