Suzanne Eller, Living Free Together

Living free in faith, family, and feelings

31 prayer starters when you don’t know what to say to God {{plus a free Ebook}}

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Years ago I discovered that if I would just sit with God and start the conversation with him, something opened up.

Sometimes I used scripture. Other times I pulled a line from a devotional that resonated deeply and spoke that out loud. As time passed, I started calling these prayer starters.

In today’s episode of More Than Small Talk podcast, Holley, Jennifer and I discussed how hard can be to ask for help. While our focus was asking people for help, some of those same challenges arise when talking to God.

So today, as promised, I am sharing 31 prayer starters. Most are right in this post, but I am also including a free gift of a printable prayer Ebook — just for you.

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Releasing unrealistic expectations on those we love

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Oh, those pesky unrealistic expectations

I love my sweet guy. I do. He’s kind. He’s funny. He loves God and lives his faith.

But he’s not God.

When we first married I was a bit of a mess. The Lord had begun an incredible work in me, but there was a lot of work left to do. There were times I felt inadequate, overwhelmed, too shy, and I had a long way to go in the area of confidence.

So I wanted Richard to be my safe place. I wanted him to make me feel better about myself. If I felt overwhelmed, alone, or insecure, I looked to him to step in and fill those gaps.

That’s a huge order for any relationship, but especially in a new marriage.

To make it even more complicated, this was not a conscious act. I had no idea that I was placing unrealistic expectations on our relationship. I didn’t have a healthy view of marriage, so I was flying by love alone. And this is what I thought love looked like. Though our marriage was sweet and I loved this man so much, cracks started to develop.

What I didn’t realize then is this: There is no person on earth capable of filling our every need.

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Four R’s for when a family hasn’t healed…

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In today’s More Than Small Talk podcast, Holley, Jennifer, and I get real about what it looks like to deal with difficult people. But can we be honest? That’s tough when it’s family. Today I want to share four R’s that help when God has done a work in your heart, but your extended family hasn’t healed.

Before I begin this post I want you to know something. . . 

I haven’t walked in your shoes. Our circumstances are different. This is not a formula because formulas rarely work the same when the ingredients are different.

Instead, I’m just sitting with you as a friend saying, “I’ve been there.”

I’ve watched my family heal and it’s been an amazing gift, but long before that took place God asked me to begin the healing process. These aren’t steps near as much as they are a shift in what we’ve been doing. 

In today’s More Than Small Talk podcast, Holley Gerth, Jennifer Watson, and I talked about dealing with difficult people. As we talked, it was with the understanding that I haven’t done everything well. Yet I’ve learned, sometimes the hard way. These are four things that helped me.

Redefine

One of the most powerful steps we can take is to redefine our identity separate from our past or the actions of others. You are not defined by their mistakes. You are not defined by their words. It is a chapter in your story, but there are hundreds of chapters written as you live life as you!

Let that new chapter begin today. Hold up the pen. Let the Lord spill the ink on your heart and life. 

As we do this, we separate who we are from what someone else did (or does). This releases a ton of resentment and defensiveness. We know what the past held, but we also know who we are today. That’s freeing!

Be Realistic

As a family heals, they’ll still make mistakes. You’ll make mistakes. Even normal families have conflict. Giving grace as you all grow is a beautiful gift. 

If a family member is harmful, they refuse to heal, or their words or actions inflict damage on you, your marriage, or your children, be realistic about that too. Those relationships need boundaries. 

In either case, you still get to choose community. That might be family. That might not. We don’t get to choose our birth family, but we can choose community. Choose to surround yourself with people who have the characteristics of family that you desire. They too won’t be perfect (no one is and perfection is daunting), but you can build a community that is real, and strong, and healing. 

We may not get to choose family, but we can choose community. #livingfreetogether #MoreThanSmallTalk

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Relent

Just as we desire that others change, there is transformation as we forgive, as we heal, and as we move beyond labels, resentment, and unrealistic expectations.

If we are rehashing old stories, long after a person has apologized or is changing, then that’s an area where we need to heal.

Receive

Sometimes a person’s amends may be awkward and not what you think they should be. True grace is receiving a gesture with the same spirit with which it is offered.

But if they aren’t willing to make amends, will you receive the healing God has for your heart anyway? Long before a person is willing to say they are sorry (or maybe they never will), you can break that generational pattern and start a new branch of your family tree. 

That’s powerful, friend! Regardless of whether anyone else is willing to heal or not, you are receiving every good thing God has for you so you can pass it down to the next generation, and the next after that. 

Suzie 

Q: What new chapter is God writing inside of you? 

If you don’t know the answer to this question, share it with God. Let the answer begin to unfold in you. It may take time, and that’s okay. 

More Than Small Talk Podcast, Episode #6 – Dealing with Difficult people 

Listen to the podcast on KLRC.com 

Listen to podcast on iTunes

Related Resources

Do you long to heal? The Mended Heart: God’s Healing for Your Broken Places is a gentle resource.

Are you ready to release that burden of unforgiveness? The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness will powerfully show you how, what that looks like, and what it doesn’t mean. 

 

Drama, get off of me! {{giveaway}}

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Some days I see someone I care about getting pulled into drama. . .

. . . and I want to come alongside and whisper, “Watch out, sweet friend! That’s a trap.”

The reality is that drama is all around us. People are ready to share their opinion or point a finger, or say those words designed to raise the hair on the back of your head so you’ll jump into the fray. And sometimes we take that invitation and jump in with both feet, and hate it afterward.

But this is our truth: We are never powerless. We are never at the mercy of drama.

The Spirit lives inside of us and we have access to wisdom, discernment, and faith that is bigger than our feelings, rather than being yanked to and fro by drama.

There are two kinds of drama.

One is what I just described, but the second is when uninvited drama creeps into your personal space. Someone close to you makes a wrong decision, and now it impacts you. Or two people close to you are fighting, and they ask you to choose.

Whatever uninvited drama looks like for you, those same gifts live inside of you to help. You may not be able to make the drama go away, but with God’s help, you can navigate uninvited drama in a way that it doesn’t get to be the boss of you, your family, or your heart.

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