Suzanne Eller, Living Free Together

Living free in faith, family, and feelings

God knows exactly who you are

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I got really angry on the podcast today. Not at my friends, but at the word “imposter.” It makes me angry that this word dares to settle in the heart of anyone that I know. It makes me angry that it once occupied any part of my heart.

The truth is none of us show up knowing everything. There is a learning curve. There will be mistakes made.

Yet if God is the one asking us to do something, he knows what’s up. He knows the plans he has for us and it’s an adventure worth taking! I love this verse in the Message version.

He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. Romans 8:27-30 (The Msg)

In today’s More Than Small Talk podcast, Holley, Jennifer, and I shared the times we felt like a fraud, but also what God has taught us.

These are just a few of them.

  • The need to be perfect is almost always tied to fear
  • God knows who we are becoming
  • There’s always a learning curve (embrace it!)

Will you join us on the podcast today? Share your thoughts. If you need prayer in this area, I’m happy to pray with you and there’s an amazing team of prayer warriors who will join in.

What is one thing God is asking you to do?

Take one step toward that today.

Suzie

Related Resources

Listen to today’s More Than Small Talk episode #22 – “Afraid You’re a Fraud.” (Click on the link and it will give you options of how to listen!)

When a loved one is depressed. . .

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There are times I don’t know what to say, no matter how badly I want to.

When a loved one or friend is struggling with depression, we want to say the right thing. We want to be a good friend. In today’s conversation with Dr. Michelle Bengtson, a board-certified neuropsychologist, she and I talk about what helps and what doesn’t help when a friend is walking through depression.

Michelle is not only a neuropsychologist, she’s battled depression herself.

She wrote about her experience in a book titled, “Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression.”

Join me in this conversation.

If you can’t see the video, click here.

These are four things that Michelle says will help.

  • You don’t have to know what to say, just be present
  • Don’t offer advice
  • Check in from time to time
  • Be aware that depression isn’t his or her identity

I hope you’ll check out Dr. Michelle’s Bengston’s book, Hope Prevails.

I also invite you to join Holley, Jennifer, and I today on More Than Small Talk Podcast for Episode #20 — Depression Doesn’t Define You! You can listen at KLRC.com or on your favorite podcast app.

What is one thing you learned from today’s conversation with Dr. Michelle? If you struggle with depression, what is one thing you want us to know about you? Let’s take this deeper. . .

Suzie

Find out more about Dr. Michelle Bengtson at:

What if waiting is part of the plan?

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I admit it. I stink at waiting.

What does waiting feel like to you? It can bring out sadness or frustration. Maybe it makes you feel like God has forgotten that dream he poured over your heart.

I hear from God and I’m ready to do it yesterday. When it doesn’t happen, no matter how I’m feeling, I need to take a step back and remember this one thing:

Waiting isn’t wasted.

In fact, the finish line may not be the actual goal at all.

In today’s More Than Small Talk podcast, Holley, Jennifer, and I honestly share about those times when waiting felt like the hardest place to be.

Jennifer, Suzie, Holley — More Than Small Talk

Jennifer waited through a season of infertility. I waited when I felt like God had given me a message to share, but six years later all the doors were closed. Holley shared how her answer to a waiting prayer didn’t look anything like she thought it would.

If you are in a waiting season, I know it’s hard. I’ve been there too. You are not alone in that waiting place. There is comfort and clarity as we honestly talk about it with our Savior. These are the questions I ask in waiting seasons. Maybe they’ll be a great prayer starter for you too.

  1. Lord, is there a miracle you trying to perform right where I am?
  2. Will you help me to trust you with your timeline?
  3. Show me today’s assignment.

I don’t always hear the answers right away, but often find one thing he’s showing me that day. I find one thing that seems small, but it brings him joy. It takes my eyes off my timeline, my plan, and I start to see power of his work in the waiting season.

Are you in a waiting season? I’d love to pray with you. My prayer team would love to wrap around you.

Suzie

Related Resources

Listen to More Than Small Talk podcast.

While you’re there, we’d love for you to leave a review or share it with a friend. Today’s episode was Episode #19.

The resources mentioned in today’s podcast were:

Strong women, soft hearts

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If you had to pick only one attribute to describe yourself — a strong woman or a woman with a soft heart — which would you choose?

This felt like an impossible question when we asked it on More Than Small Talk today.

It led to a bigger question.

Why in the world should we have to choose?

Sometimes culture tries to tell us what strength should look like. We are told that being soft-hearted is weak. We are told that being a strong woman makes us “too much.” We can be both soft-hearted and strong. And the world needs both.

KLRC Podcast Network

In today’s More Than Small Talk podcast, we wrestled with this conversation.

These were some of our thoughts:

  • Never let the world define you (amen!)
  • Shut out negative voices to listen for God’s leading
  • You don’t have to choose to be strong or soft-hearted

I may have even quoted a line from one of my all-time favorite shows to prove my point, but this is a better word from Paul.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NLT)

There are times you won’t feel strong. There are times when your soft heart fails to lead. Don’t feel condemned when that happens. Instead, that’s exactly when we lean into our relationship with Christ to find what we need — and that is strong!

Never ever apologize for being a strong woman with a soft heart. Be who you are. Let God use those traits to impact a world.

And let’s be strong together.

Suzie

Resources

Listen to today’s More Than Small Talk podcast (Episode #16) on KLRC.com podcast network or on your favorite podcast app.

Resource mentioned in podcast today is Fiercehearted by Holley Gerth.

Hey friend, if you enjoyed today’s post, you might find these blog posts helpful as well.

*An Open Letter to Women: Let’s be strong together

* When You Feel Less Than Strong

31 prayer starters when you don’t know what to say to God {{plus a free Ebook}}

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Years ago I discovered that if I would just sit with God and start the conversation with him, something opened up.

Sometimes I used scripture. Other times I pulled a line from a devotional that resonated deeply and spoke that out loud. As time passed, I started calling these prayer starters.

In today’s episode of More Than Small Talk podcast, Holley, Jennifer and I discussed how hard can be to ask for help. While our focus was asking people for help, some of those same challenges arise when talking to God.

So today, as promised, I am sharing 31 prayer starters. Most are right in this post, but I am also including a free gift of a printable prayer Ebook — just for you.

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Releasing unrealistic expectations on those we love

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Oh, those pesky unrealistic expectations

I love my sweet guy. I do. He’s kind. He’s funny. He loves God and lives his faith.

But he’s not God.

When we first married I was a bit of a mess. The Lord had begun an incredible work in me, but there was a lot of work left to do. There were times I felt inadequate, overwhelmed, too shy, and I had a long way to go in the area of confidence.

So I wanted Richard to be my safe place. I wanted him to make me feel better about myself. If I felt overwhelmed, alone, or insecure, I looked to him to step in and fill those gaps.

That’s a huge order for any relationship, but especially in a new marriage.

To make it even more complicated, this was not a conscious act. I had no idea that I was placing unrealistic expectations on our relationship. I didn’t have a healthy view of marriage, so I was flying by love alone. And this is what I thought love looked like. Though our marriage was sweet and I loved this man so much, cracks started to develop.

What I didn’t realize then is this: There is no person on earth capable of filling our every need.

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Four R’s for when a family hasn’t healed…

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In today’s More Than Small Talk podcast, Holley, Jennifer, and I get real about what it looks like to deal with difficult people. But can we be honest? That’s tough when it’s family. Today I want to share four R’s that help when God has done a work in your heart, but your extended family hasn’t healed.

Before I begin this post I want you to know something. . . 

I haven’t walked in your shoes. Our circumstances are different. This is not a formula because formulas rarely work the same when the ingredients are different.

Instead, I’m just sitting with you as a friend saying, “I’ve been there.”

I’ve watched my family heal and it’s been an amazing gift, but long before that took place God asked me to begin the healing process. These aren’t steps near as much as they are a shift in what we’ve been doing. 

In today’s More Than Small Talk podcast, Holley Gerth, Jennifer Watson, and I talked about dealing with difficult people. As we talked, it was with the understanding that I haven’t done everything well. Yet I’ve learned, sometimes the hard way. These are four things that helped me.

Redefine

One of the most powerful steps we can take is to redefine our identity separate from our past or the actions of others. You are not defined by their mistakes. You are not defined by their words. It is a chapter in your story, but there are hundreds of chapters written as you live life as you!

Let that new chapter begin today. Hold up the pen. Let the Lord spill the ink on your heart and life. 

As we do this, we separate who we are from what someone else did (or does). This releases a ton of resentment and defensiveness. We know what the past held, but we also know who we are today. That’s freeing!

Be Realistic

As a family heals, they’ll still make mistakes. You’ll make mistakes. Even normal families have conflict. Giving grace as you all grow is a beautiful gift. 

If a family member is harmful, they refuse to heal, or their words or actions inflict damage on you, your marriage, or your children, be realistic about that too. Those relationships need boundaries. 

In either case, you still get to choose community. That might be family. That might not. We don’t get to choose our birth family, but we can choose community. Choose to surround yourself with people who have the characteristics of family that you desire. They too won’t be perfect (no one is and perfection is daunting), but you can build a community that is real, and strong, and healing. 

We may not get to choose family, but we can choose community. #livingfreetogether #MoreThanSmallTalk

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Relent

Just as we desire that others change, there is transformation as we forgive, as we heal, and as we move beyond labels, resentment, and unrealistic expectations. If we are rehashing old stories, long after a person has apologized or is changing, then that’s an area where we need to heal.

Receive

Sometimes a person’s amends may be awkward and not what you think they should be. True grace is receiving a gesture with the same spirit with which it is offered.

But if they aren’t willing to make amends, will you receive the healing God has for your heart anyway? Long before a person is willing to say they are sorry (or maybe they never will), you can break that generational pattern and start a new branch of your family tree. 

That’s powerful, friend! Regardless of whether anyone else is willing to heal or not, you are receiving every good thing God has for you so you can pass it down to the next generation, and the next after that. 

Suzie 

Q: What new chapter is God writing inside of you? 

If you don’t know the answer to this question, share it with God. Let the answer begin to unfold in you. It may take time, and that’s okay. 

More Than Small Talk Podcast, Episode #6 – Dealing with Difficult people 

Listen to the podcast on KLRC.com 

Listen to podcast on iTunes

Related Resources

Sometimes we long to take a topic deeper. Let me walk with you with these resources I’ve written. 

Do you long to heal? The Mended Heart: God’s Healing for Your Broken Places is a gentle resource.

Walking with Jesus daily helps us as we heal. Check out my daily devotional, Come With Me Devotional: A Year-Long Adventure in Following Jesus. 

And finally, The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness will powerfully show you how to forgive, what that looks like, and what it doesn’t mean.