If you came over from Encouragement for Today, welcome!
Your child is in trouble. Maybe you suspect it. Or maybe it’s obvious to the world. And you’re worried.
What can you do?
I shared the story of my friend who prayed for her son. He came from a strong family, one that cared, but somehow he got mixed up with drugs. Bad drugs that led him to steal. To do things that he would have never done before.
His mother feared that he would go to jail, but feared more that she would one day find out that he had lost his life.
Maybe your story isn’t as scary as my friend’s was, but you love your child and you don’t know what to do.
1. Don’t pretend that nothing is wrong.
My friend Mickey lay it all out before God, but also to others. Not the whole world, but to close friends, to other moms who loved her. And to those who asked.
She didn’t pretend that her son wasn’t in trouble, because he was. Long before it became public. This did two things: One, it helped her focus. It wasn’t about reputation or embarrassment. She was in a fight for her son’s life.
Two, it banished the obstacles of secret keeping. It allowed her to pull in people who would pray with her, who would believe with her, and be truthful if they heard or saw something that she didn’t.
If someone asked about her, she said, “Yes, he’s doing that and I can’t change him, but I believe in the power of prayer and I believe that my son will one day be the man he is supposed to be.”
2. Pray
There’s nothing harder than praying when you see no answers, but every Tuesday night she met with other moms and they warred spiritually for their sons, believing that God loved their children even more than they.
3. Don’t protect your child from natural consequences
This is the hardest. The most frightening. If your child is in trouble, be upfront with him. Let them know you will never stop believing in him. Tell her that you will always be family. But stop cushioning the blows. Don’t take care of the consequences for them. Don’t offer money when it’s not earned. Don’t bow to pressure or guilt.
Natural consequences will feel harder for you in the beginning, but allowing our children to feel the pain of consequences (paying back money, losing freedom momentarily, losing cell phones or other material items that you pay for) help them understand that they are in trouble.
Maybe this doesn’t fit your child. It’s not that bad. Not that scary. But the concept is the same. Allow natural consequences to take their course. Love your son or daughter, but love them enough to let them hate you for a moment as they endure the consequences from their choices.
4. Don’t give up on your child
Don’t give up on your child. He or she is valuable to God. Your child has a purpose. She’s beautiful in the sight of God though her sin causes such chaos. He hates sin, but He knows your precious child. Every hair on her head. Every plan He’s ever made for him.
Tell your child that you believe in him. Let her know she’s precious to God. That her life matters. See her through the power of your prayers. See the good in him.
5. Know that you matter
In my book, Real Issues, Real Teens: What Every Parent Needs to Know, I asked hundreds of teens what they would say to their parent if they could say only one thing. And the answer was almost always, “I love my parent. I want them to know that what they do matters.”
Even in challenging relationships. Even when things weren’t going the way they hoped. If a parent cared, they noticed. Did they tell you? No. That comes later when they find their way and they mature. For now, you tell yourself this one thing: you matter.
Everything you do. Your prayers. Your love. Your touch. Your hope. Your belief.
It all matters.
If you are looking for a group of moms to encourage you, pray with you, and where you can find community, come join me on Facebook at Moms Together.
This is a very powerful topic that, unfortunately, does not get brought to light very often in our local congregations. Our pastor had a sermon a little over a year ago on this and what an amazing service it was. The part that was the most powerful, however, was when he asked the parents of prodigals to come to the altar and offer up their child to God. . . you just can’t imagine the emotion of the moment. Not one of those parents had to step out alone. God was there in a huge way to give the strength to say “my child is one of them”. What a difficult admission to make as a parent. There was “finger pointing” or condemnation that day. The entire congregation gathered around those hurting, praying mommas (and daddys) and we had a time of recommitting this wayward children back to the Father. A few of these have graciously been welcomed back into the arms of their church family, while there are others for whom we are still praying and will continue to until Christ’s return.
Thank you.
Thanks for sharing this story. There is a place for us mammas to go to “pour out our hearts like water before the face of the Lord. …to lift up our hands toward Him for the lives of our children” (Lam. 2:19) I am a mom just like Mickey. God knew I couldn’t do it alone and 19 years ago He graciously introduced me to the ministry of Moms in Prayer International (formerly Moms In Touch). Through years of heart-wrenching prayers, He not only saved our prodigal, but He changed me in the process and kept our family together. I encourage every mom to start praying now for their children by starting or joining a Moms in Prayer group. Moms in Prayer International is a prayer ministry that impacts children and schools worldwide for Christ by gathering mothers to pray. Groups meet one hour, once a week, and follow a simple four step format. Moms in Prayer teaches moms how to pray and to trust God and brings encouragement and hope to our weary and heavy burdened hearts. Our prayers have an eternal impact. http://www.MomsInPrayer.org
I would also like to encourage your readers to pray for the Mom’s and to pray that the hearts of those who would condemn the Mom’s be softened. A friend’s son just went to jail. She didn’t bail him out so he was in for two months. She’d raised him right. She’d given him wise counsel but he has an addictive personality. When she let the natural consequences happen, many of the other Moms turned away from her. Tough, tough situation.
–SueBE
Iknow what your friend is going through and then some. My daughter got into drugs and alcohol as a teen. She did do time. First in juvenile hall, then jail, then CYA ( a prison for kids).All in all she did abut 2 years. When she was released completely from the system, I watched her relapse a couple of times. Knowing that she was in denial made things very difficult between us. I gave her no money for anything because I knew where it would go. I did let her move back home because then I knew she was safe and she was eating some. I just never left her home alone. During all this I prayed for her. I prayed alot. Today she is living clean and sober, holding down a good job and is living on her own. She is engaged and she has a beautiful 3 month old boy. She has come back to God and wants her child to know the safe feeling of a good loving church and family as she did when she was a little girl. My daughter turns 24 in a couple months.
What a blessing this blog is.My son is in rehab now after spending 2 months in jail. I know how it feels to make the tough choice and not bail him out. I constantly had to remind myself that saving his life was more important than making him happy. Thank God that he loves our kids even more than we do. Stay the course moms we have a great God!!
God is amazing. My husband and I are in a similar situation with our son. We were talking last night about how some of our son’s actions are leading to scary consequences and I was worrying about if we are doing the right thing with our responses. I came to work this morning with this still heavily on my mind (it’s always on my mind). I opened my email and the first email I had was the Proverbs31 email and it was about “a praying momma”. I can’t tell you just how much this devotional has meant to me today. It was like getting a surge of energy, a surge of hope that things can change. I will definitely be looking for a local moms in prayer group.
I have a daughter who struggles in many ways. Adopted from Russia as a little girl she suffers from ADHD and auditory processing delays. She has a hard time making friends. She has turned int he last two years to drugs and alcohol and no matter how much we talk about how much she is loved by us and God she does not believe it. I have been in a Mom’s in Touch group for 21 years which helps but frankly the daily triage is exhausting. I know God has her. I know He has a plan and a purpose for her. I am so in the crisis that I can only hope and pray that someday she will be walking with the Lord. Today’s Proverbs31 reading was a GREAT comfort to me and finding all your stories in this blog encourages me. It is hard to watch this beautiful child be so angry, so defeated. I just keep speaking scripture over her and praying. I KNOW He is faithful. I just wish the circumstances would change SOON!!!!!
As I sit here writing through tears & and a heavy heart, I was finally able to hear stories from other women with a child in trouble. My husband & I have been getting our son help for 3 years now, while still praying & making an effort to keep our family stable. We know God is able & this journey has been long drawn out, yet we continue to seek God for him to be changed. The “Praying Mommas” devotion hit hard & reminded me that there are others like us waiting for our child to come home. Thank you for the encouragement-it was right on time!
I have ason into drugs and is an alcoholic for over 10 years. He was a good Christian before but has turned his back on religion. He has been in jail 3 times. I have been looking for a support group and cried when I read the message today . thank you.
This is the 1st time I’ve ever partcipated in a blog. Yesterdays message is what drew me in and I felt so blessed. My son is in rehab and was doing well. He has felony charges pending and a lot is riding on how he does at rehab and after care. When I got home from work yesterday my husband told me that our son had got in trouble at rehab and coukd’ve been kick out. For now they haven’t kicked him out but 1 bad move and he’s gone. The 1/2 way house that they are affiliated with however is now not an option. I don’t know what will happen. If the judge hears of this he could send him to prison. I’m so broken. This is so hard. I want it to end.
I agree, our tween got into some trouble over holiday break and broke our heart. Now she is facing consequences and I’ve cried, prayed, cried some more prayed more and put her in God’s hands. The positive side she is young and was caught early. I’m praying it wakened her. We’re slowly seeing fruit again. I’m going to look into your book for guidance. We’re taking Chip Ingram’s parenting class, very good and praying scripture. The power of scripture is awesome.
I shared your post with a friend in Bible study who asked us to pray for her son. He has not contacted the family in over two years and is living a very dark lifestyle. This story greatly encouraged her as we pray alongside her for her prodigal son to come home. Thank you for sharing this powerful testimony to prayer that never ceases!