Did you count them? Your choices, I mean. Are you surprised at how many you make and how those choices affect others?
If you came over today from Encouragement for Today, welcome! I’m so glad you are here.
What do you do when you hit a choice point?
Sometimes I have failed in those choice points, and those failures have become a teacher. This is what I have learned.
First, step back.
The other day a friend of mine rushed at me with open arms. I hadn’t seen her in several days, and I playfully drew my leg and arms into a Karate-kid style posture in defense.
We had a great laugh, but honestly there are times that I feel someone “rushing at me” in a less positive way and I do the same thing emotionally.
Stepping back for a moment helps us to let the defensive instincts settle down. If my instinct is to lash out or say something I’ll regret, I’ve given that instict pause.
Second, believe the best.
Have you ever said something because you were rushed, hurting from something else, or just flat out spilled out your words without thinking? I have.
Believing the best means that we give some depth to the situation. We look past the words or the action to the person beneath. It means we offer a little grace, the same grace we hope to receive when the words come out all wrong.
Third, ask for wisdom.
God offers it, willingly.
Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart. Psalm 51:6
If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him. James 1: 5
We aren’t without help in our choice points. We can go with feelings and rash reactions and come unglued, or we can invite our Heavenly Father into the situation, and into the relationship.
Last, make amends.
If the choice you made is the choice you wish you hadn’t, there is power in a sincere apology. Make amends, which is to offer more than just words. It is to repair the rift you created in the moment.
Have you ever struggled with making the wrong choice? Sure, we all have! That’s why I love Lysa TerKeurst’s newest book. Unglued.
My beautiful friend, Lysa, has offered to give away one copy of her new book to one of you today. Just share your struggle or what you learned in the Choice Points, and we’ll choose one lucky winner. I’ll announce the winner on Monday! Take a look at the great new trailer for Unglued!
Thank you Suzie for reminding me how my choices affect others. It’s amazing how many choices one makes in a day when you really take the time to think about them. Those bits of wisdom you shared with us, will help me on my journey of rebuilding my unglued moments into Godly moments.
Having problems in my marriage, the easy choice is to leave, find someone else. The consequences of this
“easy” choice? Confusion, anger,fear etc. the hard choice is to stay, work on something I don’t believe in any more. The consequences of this choice? Steadfastness, unity, peace. The “hard” choice told my children that these wrongs can be corrected. The hard choice brings glory to God while the easy choice brings glory to ourselves.
The best two choices I made so far today? I chose to read the Proverbs 31 devotion and then came over to your site to read more! Thanks for the reminder that all decisions can make a difference. One that I have had to remember lately is that a gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger (Proverbs 15:1). I need to chose to remain calm rather than come “unglued” when dealing with our teenagers and their moody behavior.
Thanks for the beautiful reminder of our choices! The other day my 11 year old twins were trying to help me by closing the kitchen table when I took out the leaf. It wouldn’t close afterwards likely due to them forcing the slide somehow. I had to disassemble the entire table and remove the wood that became splintered… I could have blown my top, but instead responded with grace. That does NOT always happen, but it is certainly something I work on- daily with the help of God!!
I just wrote a post last night about anger management–basically I had come upon an important choice point with my daughter. The only way I know to make a good choice when I’m as frustrated as I was last night is to pray! Thanks for this post and for the P31 devotion–what a great reminder that actions don’t just affect me or the person I’m dealing with, but others around us, too.
“Believe the best.” Thank you for that reminder. What a change in my attitude and how I react when I am able to put those words into practice.
Most of my worst choice points are directed at my husband :(. I regret this and think it is because we are wired to take out our bad feelings on those closest to us. He is very patient and gentle and kind anyway. He puts up with me and we get through with God’s grace. Don’t get me wrong, I am not an overbearing nag, I just take some of my grouchy times out on him but I do take the time to get quiet with God every morning before everyone else gets up and that helps a lot! Thank you for this mornings devotional and the opportunity to share! May God Bless your ministry and you!
Thank you Suzie for this posting. It is good to be reminded just how many choices we have and the impact they not only make on us but on and in others. May you be blessed this day and each day to come.
I need to be fully aware of all my decisions and think what would Jesus do in this situation. I believing praying about it is the first decision.
Starting each morning with quiet time with the Lord helps to put our daily choices into perspective. When you give your life over to God each day, you can trust that God has given you these choice points to help you grow in your walk with Him. When we honor God with the decisions we make we are strengthened and blessed. But don’t fret, for when we make a poor decision, but come to our Father for forgiveness, we are also strengthened and blessed through His love and grace..and He will give us another opportunity to honor Him through our next choice point. So I give praise to God for Proverbs 31 ministries and these great words of encouragement from Suzie, which help us align each day with God’s path, and help us give honor and glory to Him through all that we do.
This has been something that God has been teaching me for the past year. A year ago my husband and I separated because our relationship (especially at that point) was at the point that neither of us could make the changes within ourseleves if we wwere together…so the kids and I moved back to my hometown as my husband prepared for deployment. We started talking about reconcilation and once i prayed about it…realized that that is what God wanted me to do. That is when God really showed me my flaw….choice points. I gave in to frustrations…I would stay unglued…my reactions pushed people away. Now, I am bipolar…and in frustrating times it is often hard for me to think about how my actions affect those around me…but since finding Lysa’s site, this site, proverbs31, and becoming part of a beth moore bible study….i am really starting to see that i dont have to be unglued…and having realized that…my marriage is better…my relationships with family, friends, my kids…have all gotten better….it has been a journey….a season…but i am so glad that i learned the importance of choice points in my life. thank you.
This is such a continuation of what I just recently finished with Ms. TerKeurst and the “No more unglued mama” mornings series. To be aware of my choices in reactions especially is my personal struggle. I am very guilty of shooting from the hip and find myself asking my children’s and husband’s forgiveness my immaturity more than I would like. I am going to try to implement the three steps listed above:
1.Take a step back- some of this has to be premeditated I think. For me having the opportunity to take a step back from my tasks has everything to do with creating a pace to my life as well as my children’s that allows time for that. In our overscheduled days that are stuffed with to do’s this can be a challenge. But I am committed to being concious about how the way I plan my/their days sets us up for choice failure.
2. Believe the best- My children are young, 7 and under, my husband has currently turned his back on the Lord. These are the major players in my life. I don’t want to change that. But my frustration can show when I’ve taught my daughter how to pull the covers up on her bed but she still stomps her feet saying she doesn’t know how to make it. And my nagging tongue can rear an ugly head when I’m trying to teach my kids biblical principals that I have to constantly defend to my husband. “No dear, the children cannot watch PG-13 movies even if they aren’t sexual. That isn’t appropriate for the developing minds.” I digress, To recognize that each of my children and husband is on their own journey with the Lord and believe that makes the grace I should be offering automatic. The knee jerk response is then to smile knowingly because I was where they were once too and they will get there just like I did. If I can manage to stay out of God’s way.
3. To seek wisdom- This point really called me out. My personal prayer life has been drying up. I do great some days but not so great in others. I can read my emails maybe get to my proverbs for the day in the am but that’s it most days. I’m getting the word but not the relationship and that’s only half my tools. Like building a house with a hammer and no nails.
So I think this has boiled down for me as prepare, patience and pray. Prepare my time to offer the opportunity to take my step back and make the right choice. Have patience because God’s not done with anyone yet and everyone’s on a different place in their journey with the Lord. Finally, PRAY. Pray without ceasing. Bookend my day with prayer. Get back in relationship with God because while all things are possible with Him, nothing is possible without Him.
Sorry this was so long.
Jeniece
A lot of my life lessons were learned by making the wrong choices. I didn’t have a lot of direction when I was young and went down a lot of wrong paths due to losing a close loved one and not knowing how to cope. But I know that even though I made all the wrong choices, I made a few right ones along the way and it’s comforting to know that inspite of the wrong choices I made, that through them God is molding me into what I am meant to be. But I so appreciate your blog and today’s post. I will definitely try to be more aware of how my decision, though how small it may seem, can have a huge impact upon someone else, and may even ripple onto others throughout the day. Thank you for your insight.
Long to listen, slow to react(speak). Pray constantly about my responses. That speaks volumes to me.
WOW! I had no idea I made so many choices each day! You are right! I need to spend time with God 1st thing and ask Him for wisdom and direction throughout the day. The hard part is remembering to listen:)
Thanks for your devotional on P31. I am so glad I came on over to your blog for some great encouragement. God bless you and your ministry!
Thank you for your words of wisdom that spoke directly to ne today where I am in my season of life. The last year has presented many challenges physically, personally and spiritually and recently I have found myself completely spent out with nothing else to give to others and therefore many of my choices and responses have been poor. Unglued could describe many of those moments. Thankfully God does not let us go too far or too deep without hearing much needed words to help guide us back to the the truths. I praise Him for his unending love and truths! Thank you for your faithfulness to minister to those of us who need a little nudge.
I always feel unglued and not very in charge of my emotions and it affects my family greatly. I often feel unable to control my reactions because of my problems with severe anxiety, I allow it to make the choices for me. It seems like being unglued is who I am, I want to change that. Prayers needed and the motivation to change.
Thanks for the reminder this morning about our words. This is something I have always struggled with. As a Mom and wife I set the stage for the mood for my home. I need to pray before I speak and try not to become unglued…
Suzie, how timely your words came into my box today. I am struggling with the choice points in life – and several times in the last week I have chosen to be thankful for God’s new mercies, rather than dwell in the crummy choices I’ve made. It’s my mouth! I need to breathe and think and listen to the filter God has given me! Lysa’s devotionals this week and yours today have been ‘in my face’ reminders … and the truth is, I am not seeking wisdom. I am going with my feelings, not what I *know* in my heart is a better reaction. THANK YOU for writing from your experiences and your heart – I needed to be reminded that my reactions are a choice.
I blew it yesterday with my kids. I blow it all the time. I also get it right sometimes, and I’m grateful for the kindred spirits and honesty and admonishment. We will not let our enemy win the next generation because he defeated the mommies.
I am mentally “Unglued” since my accident in 2007 & I am slowly recovering.(I had a Brain Injury)This book would help me put things in order for my thinking.
This was so good for me today. With it being summer and the kids home
on top of the fact that I am a Home Child Care Provider and my husband works with me. I have found myself sometimes making the wrong choices and coming unglued. I am so glad I did make the right decision this morning to spend time with God and this devotion. I will try to remember of how my choice may affect others and the choice to be a wife that wants to be show compassion and patience 🙂
“Stepping back for a moment helps us to let the defensive instincts settle down. If my instinct is to lash out or say something I’ll regret, I’ve given that instinct pause.” This point is what is striking me right now. I call this instict a sin, though. I am so often into “works” of getting this/that done (EFFICIENTLY on my timetable) and when someone interrupts my agenda- I do get defensive and angry. I hope I’m more often able to contain it…but you have reminded me to stay on guard against this sin..and to give him room to shine thru me. I don’t want to be arrogant of my importance in the way I feel/of my time etc. I want to live each moment to allow the holy spirit to work in and thru me. Thanks for the reminder to step back. I think this would be a great idea for the next bible study I facilitate. Just finished one on Anger; and almost finished with one on Confrontation. Thanks!
Suzie, thank you for your devotion and more here on your site about choices. I really enjoyed what you shared about someone “rushing in” to you. My pastor is like that for me. He likes to hug me and I am uncomfortable with it. It always feels like he is “rushing in” to me with more than I am comfortable with. If I try to avoid it, he almost literally chases me around the church as I try to avoid him. (we attend a TINY church, so this is difficult) I need to face why this makes me so uncomfortable and make the right choice to deal with it, instead of running.
I always need a reminder to “step back” before responding to a situation. I am more of a “reactor” than a “responder”, especially if I am tired and feeling overburdened. I must remember to pray first, respond second!!!
Thanks
Yesterday I made the choice to take out my frustration over a certain situation on my 16 year old son. Today I am convicted to go to him and ask his forgiveness. I can blame what I did on a lot of things, like sleep deprivation, stupidity, not thinking before I speak, etc. The bottom line is that I had a choice. I chose to do the wrong thing. Thank you God for allowing me to step back and see that I was wrong, thank you God for making me humble enough to go to my son today and seek his forgiveness, and thank you God for amazing women who You have gifted to speak to us, bring us together, and show us that we are not alone in our struggles. God bless you all! Thank you God for your example of mercy, grace, love, and forgiveness.
I never realized just how many choices I make in one day. To look at them with a fresh perspective of how my decisions may effect others was a wake-up call. Thanks for sharing!
You have touched on a major struggle I am having now. Though I want to make the right choices, each time I make that wrong choice instead, it’s like pulling a weed without getting to the root of the problem: more weeds pop up in that same place. I choose stay up late at night on the computer or mindlessly watching TV; that leads to getting up late in the morning and, oops! I don’t have enough time to spend with God! I get to bed earlier but I choose to check my email first thing in the morning and oops! an hour later I’ve chased around after multiple meaningless things online and I skip time with the Lord. The root: I have been avoiding spending time with God, maybe because I don’t want Him to tell me that I should choose to do things His way and WAIT for His solutions, rather than my way and live with the frustration that creates. I must choose to step back, believe God that He knows what is best for me, ask for wisdom at each decision point, each node (interconnection point), and make amends, first and most importantly with God. I will start now by reading Isaiah 30:18-33 about My Gracious Father, making that choice from the opening scripture you used today. Thank you, Suzanne, for seeing those statistics through the eyes of Jesus!
I am struggling in a relationship now because of words I wish I could take back. Looking forward to reading Unglued. I know the Lord is working out His character in me
I have been thinking about the choices I make when confronted with stressful situations. Today’s devotion was very helpful in that I will now try to pause at these choice points and weigh the choices versus just responding without thinking through the choices.
I have so many choice points everyday with my little kids. Right now it’s how I respond to puddles of pee on the floor! I get frustrated when my kids “make bad choices”, but today I’ll be paying more attention to my own behavior.
I chose this morning to read the devotion aloud to my mom who is on vacation with my family. While not a huge deal, it’s one little way to begin a conversation about Christ!
i struggle with my choice points, esp. With my 19 yr/o son. I must make a strong effort to not mother strongly and let him make his own choices good or bad. When I try to advise I come across as nagging and push him further away. He recently moved home, after 3 weeks of not job searching (a requirment to live ar home) I began strongly encouraging with places hiring. This seems to make him less motivated. We gave him until Sept. 1 to gain employment or move the other day. If he would really try there would be no issue. This makes making choice points more difficult now. I must let him make his own, as a parent my expAMPLE IS NOW MORE IMP. I pray for the ability to make better choices in order to gently guide my childre. Prayers Please thank you all
My biggest problem is not stepping back when I should. In an argument I always think I am right, and I will stand there until the other person agrees with me. Thanks for the reminder to just walk away sometimes.
Thank you for the gentle reminder about choices. My daughter has been ill for 3 years with no definite diagnosis. Over 100 doctors and I get weary and frustrated. My biggest choice-point is how I respond to the medical personnel who ask the same questions. I need to remember that they have not heard the answers before and are trying to help. Step back (breathe!), believe they are trying to help and then answer with kindness.
Great reminder, great timing – it’s been a tough parenting morning, requiring many moments where I need to stop and choose not to yell and lose it. I want to respond to my kids in love, and not let my anger or frustration get the best of me.
A friend hurt me in a recent email and I made the choice to not respond, to step back. Thank you for the reminder that she was just trying to help. I have definately found that stepping back to evaluate (and reevaluate) a situation is the best course of action.
Thank you for the great reminder so wonderfully well written.
Thanx so much for the reminder that each day is so full of choices. Some times it feels like each day just happens yet we have an impact on HOW it happens by our choices/reactions!!!
I am so glad that after reading the Encouragement for Today email, I made the choice to read further by coming to your blog. I, like everyone else, have failed in many choice points, and I pray with each of those I am able to learn something that will help me avoid making a future poor decision with a similar choice point. Just this morning I made a poor decision when faced with a “choice point” in the midst of my “Unglued Mama Morning” [enjoyed that blog entry too]… Here I am ready to walk out the door with my 9-year old son and 4-year old daughter, when I look at my son and see he forgot (yet again) to fix his hair. Something so small seemed like such a big thing at the moment and I reacted in anger; saying that he’s going to be ten soon and he can’t even remember the simplest tasks like combing his hair. I could clearly tell the words that were just flowing out in frustration, were hurting his feelings. In hindsight, I wish I would’ve taken a moment before speaking to “step back”. That would’ve given my initial instinct to react in frustration time to pause. Thankfully, I realized the poor decision I made in that “choice point” moment, and I was able to make amends with him prior to leaving for work. Thank you again for sharing these priceless suggestions. The guidance is always useful and greatly appreciated!
Great reminder that our choices (however small) affect others around us. With family visiting this weekend, I need to remember that I have to think carefully about the choices that I make!
I would love to win a copy of Lysa’s new book.
I feel like I am being attacked in many different areas and cannot quite catch my breath to recover and so I am feeling a little discouraged.
These devotions and all of the Unglued information are great reminders and check points.
And from the devotion I really liked the example of how you wanted to react and how you actually reacted and how it made a difference…it is not all about me.
When life’s stress level rises in my life so does the tendency to enter an unglued state. Nothing like the pressure cooker can have me placing aside the available sensible, rational and God centered reactions and falling into the “old self”. Yuck! First in need of my apology is my Heavenly Father for my slipping into “reliance on me” mode instead of drawing on the “new creation” he’s given. It’s so easy for me to let one event define the events further down the day. That’s exhausting! Not to mention damaging to me and others. I want to develop the tools to put on the breaks when I’m heading down that unglued path, to be able to stop and turn around (repent) and get back on the right track.
Hi Suzanna, what I have found most encouraging since signing up for the daily messages from proverbs 31 ministries is that the Christian women writing the articles have experienced so many of the same feelings and issues I have in my quest to be the best wife, mom, sister etc. that I can be. Making the time every morning to read my emails from the ministries has. been life changing! Thank you to you and all the women who give us the inspiration daily to grow in so many ways.
Hello there, thank you for a wonderful blog and the opporunity to win the book Unglued. I had the most terrible experience last week in an arguement with my sister (it always seems to be family). It could have been prevented, I could have behaved like a grown up christian, instead I collapsed in tears and spent a terrible night and following day in terrible state. I could have done with some good advice on how to handle my emotions then.I’m still learning to cope after a breakdown and find myself on a roller coaster more times than I care to admit. God bless you in your ministry and thank you again for your continual support and encouragement. Kind Regards Mandy
I struggle with a lot of the things mentioned. However, thinking the best & making amends would be two that I especially need to work on. Making amends requires one to set pride aside, admit you were wrong & to show love to the other person no matter who they are or what has gone on. This can be so hard at times, yet it is what Jesus would do & asks of me as well. Oh, and just as an aside, I watched the trailer for Unglued & I think this book was written for me:) Whether I win a copy or not I will definitely be trying to get a copy to read!
~Blessings~
Todays devo hit the nail right on the head in my life. I have been struggling with making the right choice in what to say regarding some issues with my adult son. But what I appreciate most is the scripture you reference to use as a tool to help me make those Godly choices. Being the emotional creature that I am, I have pondered for some time about how to learn to control them and not let them control me. When they control me I always end up exhausted, frustrated and sometimes discouraged. I’m happy to know there is a book that can help navigate us through the sometimes stormy waters of emotions. Thank you.
I so loved your response after missing the train. The choice of a tired, frustrated response or a quiet martyr would have been so easy, but pausing made all the difference. I need to pause before I respond with both my words and my body language because sometimes our body language can speak even louder than our words.
Thank you so much for your truths and vulnerability it makes the rest of us breathe a sigh of relief and think it’s not just me…and there is hope. My husband and I have experienced a rough patch this last year. He is a strong godly man who I admire and love, yet in the face of the daily grind I get so irritable worn out from always trying and then always crying. I stuff and explode more than I want to admit. Taking a step back in the midst of swimming in the victim sea enables me to see how the other person is hurting and why they are reacting the way they are. I can look at what is in my control and what is not. I can see is yelling, stuffing and giving in to the insecurities and fear worth it? I am so blown away at how much influence us ladies have in the lives of the people around us. I am either building up others or tearing them down. I know that God can change these destructive thought patterns in my mind; instead of stuffing and exploding I can take thoughts captive and believe the best about my husband, about God, and about myself. In the end I’m the one who is free from this prison I built around my heart yet my husband has room for God to grow Him in the man He wants him to be. Praying for wisdom and ready to make imperfect progress!
My choice points come after I have stuffed for days our even weeks. In a misguidedattempt to be peaceful & not to be a nagger but an encourager, I don’t really deal with my own emotions & things get pushed back; however, once they come our they have festered & become nasty, hurtful, even destructive. Then I feel worse than ever & my relationship is damaged, sometimes beyond repair. I’m trying to learn how to deal with each situation but now people think I’m riding their case allday. I feel I can’t win for loosing :’ (
It puts me at ease to read that He will give us wisdom generously. I’m so in need of it ahead of time for those choice points that pop up so fast. I’m a person who lives in amends. I’m sorrowful, repentant, sincere but nevertheless it’s an apology not doing the right thing the first time. Thank you for your words this morning.
Decisions, decisions, decisions! I admit that ere are times in the day when I ask my three year old to make a decision for me because I don’t mind what the outcome is, but I’m to weary to make the decision myself! Chicken or pasta for lunch? Do you want to wear a red shirt or a grey shirt? Sigh… He’s also the little guy that sometimes gets the grumpy responses from me when I’m irritable because he’s whining and his baby sister is crying and I’m trying to make it out the door on time, etc. I pray for wisdom for my husband daily, but sometimes forget to ask for it for myself! I will try to remember that this week! Thank you!
I needed to read this devotion this morning! I often find myself making a bad choice in terms of my emotions or reactions. I really need to learn to stop and slow down long enough to allow God to work through me and plant positive words in my heart. Thank you for the reminder! Whether I win or not, I will be reading Lysa’s new book!
I am at a low point. My back went “out” while on a long weekend for R&R. In the midst of the pain and agony, I was also dealing with trying to get out of pain from some unknown condition, I am awaiting full diagnosis and receiving news that my nephew is very ill. My nephew’s white cells, hemoglobin and platelets are all very low and he is awaiting a bone marrow biopsy for diagnosis. My world seems out of control and it would be easy to just give in to my addictions, alcohol & overeating, and reacting to others with moodiness, impatience and neediness; but I am trying hard not to come unglued and pressing in asking God to give me His strength. I am determined to believe He will supply all my needs and that my pain is only for a season and good will come from it. The uncertainty and waiting are difficult. Your message today, just reinforces what I know is true. God delivers the right word at the right time. Thanks for being a willing vessel. I will refuse to become unglued and seek God and trust Him and rely on my His Word to fill my mind and His people to pray for me. I pray for all my sisters who face the same struggles. We are victorious because He is and He lives! I choose to believe.
Hi Suzanne
Well, I have always been a very stong feeler and very impulsive. I also have a very strong temperament and am quite opinionated. Thank God that he’s patient with me. He has done a lot of work in my life in developing my character, but I know that there’s still a long way to go. I struggle with depression off and on and this has really been a struggle for me to make healthy choices concerning the way that I act towards and react towards my husband and my family. Lately I’ve been really seeking God about my future. At the moment I am at home all day because my youngest daughter isn’t in school yet. Next year I will be free in the afternoons and really want to be relevant and used by God in what I do. I’m really struggling with doubting that God will answer my prayer and direct me and that has caused me to be really down. My attitudes towards my husband have been aweful, which really causes tension. I did download to two free chapters of Unglued and really enjoyed them and could relate. I would love to receive a copy of it. God bless you all at Proverbs 31.
This devotion confirmed Gods speaking to me over the past couple of weeks. I’ve been struggling with how I interact with a couple of co-workers (girls). They don’t have a relationship with Christ and I want to be salt and light. I want to yet its easier for me to act and talk in a way that fits in but isn’t Christ-like. Many days I leave work feeling disgusted with my poor hypocritical behavior. I’ve begun to pray for wisdom and discernment before entering the doors at work. Even tonight in my reply text MSG to these women I was prepared to write a snarky but witty reply. But God whispered to me not to. To reply simply, see you in the morning. I want to be different and ring mindful of choice points is where I’m starting. Thank you for the encouragement and your service to the kingdom.
Its something I learn and relearn daily almost- I have a choice! No one decides forme to be a hag to my husband or kids or the person that cuts me off in traffic but ME!
Stepping back is helpful to me but also very hard. If I can stop myself from immediately reacting, the situation usually turns out much better. Thank you for your helpful words of encouragement.
Debbie, you are my hero. I hear you making powerful choice points to fight for a marriage that isn’t easy. So powerful!