If you came over from Encouragement for Today, I’m so glad you are here.
Sometimes life hits us with mountains that seem impossible to move. You are living life, doing all the things you know that are good, and then someone’s else’s choices knock you down.
In today’s devotional I shared the story of Claire, a real woman whose husband left her for someone else.
Her story isn’t unique in that sense, as unfaithfulness isn’t unique, but her story is one of healing and restoration and strength in that God began to move in from the moment she heard the words “I’m leaving”.
At first those words, “forgive” sounded more like God was taking her husband’s side. It made no sense to forgive something that she didn’t see coming, didn’t ask for, and that caused so much pain.
But God knew Claire. He knew her heart. He knew her desire was to love God and her family, but most of all to be a habitation for God’s richest blessings.
You see, God knows you just as well. By asking so soon to move in to the broken and raw places, He isasking to fill those gaps with His presence, because there are plenty of emotions that will want to move in, like hatred or revenge or bitterness or anger.
Your feelings are valid. For Claire, there were many times over the next several months that she hit those emotional roadblocks and she shut herself in with God and intentionally moved into a deeper walk with Him, placing anger in His hands.
Rather than a move of weakness, this was a powerful and strong move of a woman of faith who acknowledged that God had her future in His hands, and that the actions of someone else could not distract or destroy God’s plan for her.
Perhaps you are in that place today. Someone you loved has hurt you, and it’s bottomed out your world. It may seem crazy, but perhaps you’ve heard God whisper the same words, “forgive”.
That whisper is an invitation into an intentional relationship with Him as you leads you over that mountain, and through the hard places, teaching you, loving you, showing you that regardless of another person’s unfaithfulness, God and His plan for you remains always faithful.
So, what about today?
Ask God to move in
Open the door wide. He’s not afraid of your emotions or the raw places.
Listen
There are a lot of voices crowding in right now. Shut yourself in with God and ask the Holy Spirit to lead you.
Slow down
Emotions can result in impulsive action. Let God be your “pause” in the situation. Soak in His presence before you react or respond. Again, this is a safe place to be you. To be honest.
Open Your Hands
Maybe forgiving seems impossible at this time. That thought says that you believe that forgiving is totally your responsibility, an act of will. What if forgiving was less about action and more about surrender?
Lord, I offer up this pain.
Lord, I can’t forgive on my own, but I’m willing to begin the process with your help.
I surrender my anger, my hurt, my life to You, knowing that You know me well. You know the plans for me. You know where You are leading me, regardless of whether anyone else follows.
Rest
Upheaval is exhausting. Christ promises us that He will be our rest. That’s your place of peace. The place where you’ll heal. Where answers will come. Where eventually strength will help you find your way into wholeness.
Forgiving is powerful. It’s something that mattered to God, because it transforms us, frees us, but can we be honest? It’s one of the hardest journeys that we take. Discover what it means to forgive (it might surprise you how many diverse meanings there are for this one word), how to let go, and how to gain healing and freedom in the process.
Today I’ll choose two from today’s conversation to win my new book, The Unburdened Heart: Finding Freedom Through Forgiveness.
Today I’ll choose two from today’s conversation to win my new book,
I am currently struggling with forgiving someone who has hurt me in the past, and I really appreciated your devotion and blog post. I know I can’t do it on my own, and I’ve been praying about it, but I feel like nothing is changing and I don’t know what to do next. I would love the opportunity to read your book, and would love to win it, but if I don’t, I will still be seeking God’s will and help in this situation and maybe I can buy your book sometime. God bless!
I spent years forgiving and re-forgiving my husband of 15 years. He struggled with a sex addiction and we dealt with years of porn and affairs. God miraculously healed me, and then him, and He is using my story to help others. Just 2 weeks ago, a close friend discovered that her husband had hurt her deeply in a similar way. I am committed to letting God use me in her life, as well as in the life of any others He may lead me too. This book sounds like a wonderful resource for this. I was so happy to come across it today!!
Yes God has been dealing with me about Forgiviness and it seems every time I give it to God I take it back, so I have been really praying to put myself aside and just let God take over but it has been a deep struggle for me. I have to pray constantly to get my mind in with God and not with Heidi thinking about those hurts and lies that I have been told. I would love to read this book about forgivness.
Forgiveness is hard. I have prayed for God to give me a checklist to get through so it would just happen. It is not that easy. Especially when it is family still in your daily life and continually repeating the hurt! Can’t wait to read this book!
Thank you for your blog/post today – as silly as it may seem it wasn’t until I read it that I realized I needed to forgive someone. My husband has hurt me deeply but because I wasn’t angry with him I didn’t feel like I needed to forgive him. God spoke to me through your post today and made me realize that I need to forgive my husband before I can continue with my healing and with the future plans God has for me. Thank you!
While reading the Devotion & then this my first thought was how my cousin was having to deal with her situation & then God used to to help me better understand my situation. There is no hope for my marriage it has been officially over for 4 years now, but still dealing with the aftermath of the abuse, lies, loss of dreams, etc. God has really been working in my this year through a variety of sources. Think your book would be a big help in the process of trully forgiving & moving on.
From an early age I forgave my rapist… And prayed for him.
Today I can say that I forgive him for things that resulted from that.
P.T.S.D. Not believing I was good enough for my dreams, for living in isolation, for so so many things.For living my life with a make believe sign that says flawed, or you’ll never be good enough.
God is good.
Matthew 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
Mark 11:25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses
Romans 8:28
Thanks for the devotion today.
It’s like someone (God) is trying to hit me over the head. I am 59 and grew up with a crazy mother. I don’t even call her mother-I call her by her first name. I am the eldest of four but am the only one she beat with a belt, smacked in the face in front of other people, always told me I was fat (had me on diet pills when I was 14), etc. I was so terrified of her I was a good girl, was underweight all my life until the age of 20 but to this day deal with weight issues. She would beat me until I had welts all over my body, then ask me ‘why do you make me do this?”. Then she would put ice on the welts before my Dad got home. Then to make it worse, I wanted to get away from home so badly, I married at 20 to a man that broke both wrists and one kneecap and busted my lip at least 3-4 week. Know what he would ask me? “Why do you make me do this”. I never knew what I did except try to please as much as possible as I so craved love. Thank God for my church family, without them I truly believe I would be dead today. All my life, since the age of 20 I have dealt with bulima and compulsive eating. When does it stop? Everyone wants me to forgive Juanita (mother) but I can’t. I have prayed on it, asked for help, etc. Even my father who has been divorced from her for over 20 yrs says I need to forgive her. I can’t and I always ask God not to send me to hell for this. Thanks for listening, debbie
I too am struggling with the hurt and emotional upheaval of being betrayed by someone close to me. For weeks, I have been consumed by pain, rage, unforgiveness, bouts of crying, and turning from the things that I know God requires of me; forgiveness, love, prayer for the one who hurt me, etc. God has put some amazing people in my life to try and help with this journey, and I am truly blessed. Each day I wake up not knowing how I will feel, or when it will hit me, but I trust God and I know I am not alone. Thank you for accepting the calling God has placed on your life, to write books to help those of us who have no idea where, or even how to begin.
I struggle with forgiveness, too. I’ve been hurt and betrayed but the Lord is helping me through it. It’s not an easy road but I know that God would never give me a burden I couldn’t handle.
I liked what you said about forgiving being an act of surrender. Someone hurt me very much a long time ago, but just this weekend he showed up in my dream/nightmare. When it woke me up, I just cried out the name of Jesus over and over until I fell back asleep. I forgave this man years ago, but I had to do it again, and I know I will have to forgive him again when a memory comes again. But I will surrender my hurt to Jesus because He is my Strength to forgive.
I have been officially separated from my husband for almost a month now — he decided a co-worker was more fun that his family even though he said he wanted “space” to figure things out. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions.
Just recently — God told me to pray for him — and myself! God needs to change ME too — he has already done that but he has more work to do.
I would love to win your new book – I have found myself hungry for God’s guidance.
It is amazing how God used this devotional about an unfaithful husband in a divorcing situation to speak to me in regards to a totally non-related circumstance concerning my mother’s estate. I am having to forgive my mother for her actions during her life, that have spilled over into her estate, that are threatening the well being of our immediate family. I know that God is watching over us and is protecting us. But now I see where God is showing me that the way to be totally free and heal from the circumstances, that we have been thrown into by our mother’s actions, is to forgive her and continue our grieving of her loss without the entanglement of anger. Thank you Suzanne for being so faithful to God. Joy & Blessings ~ Kathy
Your devotional spoke to my spirit as I feel verbally abused by my husband. It is hard to forgive when I hear hurtful words and critical comments that are demeaning and brutal. It is up to me to give the Lord these hurts that bruise my soul. He will only heal as I forgive and let the Him heal and give me inner strength in my spirit to let go and give my husband to the Lord.
I went through Claire’s experience several times. First time handled it like her but the next times not so much. I have been in a prison of anger, bitterness, rage, and hate. Strange thing was because my now ex was a pastor, somehow I felt more betrayed by God than I did him. I attended a women’s conference this weekend and for the first time in a long time I feel free. I finally admitted I was angry at God and then I found myself crying asking for His forgiveness for doubting His love for me expressed by removing me from a loveless (on ex’s part) marriage. I realize in hindsight that a lot of the pain of the past three years of divorce adjustment was because I had turned my back on my source of comfort. What a fool I was but His mercy is Great and His Love has washed me clean…kind of like a bride in white. You gotta love Him!!! Thank you Suzy for putting pen to paper or rather fingers to keyboard…it’s a God-thing when simply a title can teach.
I read your devotional this morning, A Place of Forgiveness.I thought you were talking about me,just substituting Claire’s name. You see 15 months ago my husband of 23 years left me for a younger woman. Devastation can not describe the feeling I felt. Broken, hurt, pain, worthless, used, rejected, betrayed, oh I could go on and on.I did not want those feeling to take over my life or person. I knew God was a awesome God. A God of truth, love, faithfulness.I clung to God like glue.I intentionally turned to God every minute of the day. When the emotions would get more than I could bare, He would come to me and show me He was working in my life and with me. God showed me the true meaning of forgiveness one day with a pile of junk I had been cleaning our property. I had a pile of junk that need hauled off. God brought a person to me to haul it away, but I had been praying for my own
forgiveness as well and couldn’t seem to grasp it.After the junk was gone I looked out where it had laid and seen such beauty. God spoke to me and said. This is the sins you carry, I have taken them away, put them in a hole and set them afire to be seen no more. I forgave you- Know this, belive this.
Now, I am where I can ask God to help me forgive my husband and his lady so I can fully heal from all the hurts. I know this is what God wants. But the question I had been asking your devotional answered. Forgive and Pray for them as you mean it.I thought I had but God knew there was more healing and this is part of the answer.God has taken a broken woman, who felt worthless and is making a beautiful beginning and new life.
I am so glad I came across your blog. I too thought you were talking straight to me. I have been separated from my husband for 8 months. We are both in our 60’s and have been married 12 years. I came home from work one day and found a note on the table and all his clothes and him gone. This was not the first time either. Just one year before he did the same thing to me. I forgave him, but he did it to me again. I have been an emotional mess. My heart is broken. I decided to start going to church to have a “church family support system”. I am so glad I did. But I still struggle with the “forgiveness” issue and moving on. I have asked God to give me strength and show me that I can do this alone. I still have thoughts of taking him back (which he has just came back to the area to work), which I know would be a disaster. I need to forgive, but after all the lies and sneaking out and destroying my life, I just don’t know if I can do it.
I do not feel comfortable leaving my name for many reasons. I so want to post I just can’t in case someone reads this because of my place in ministry. I need to read your book and find a new way to make things ok.
Thank you for giving me new hope, that forgiveness really is possible in the worst of circumstances. Over and over again I have tried to forgive the person who caused so much hurt to my daughter and to our family. It is so easy for bitterness to sneak in and settle in. Thanks for the reminder that we don’t have to forgive on our own strength…that is more about surrender! I am so thankful and humbled that Father God is the one who can bring us freedom through forgiveness!
I am so glad God led me to this today. I have been married 11 years and it has been less than ideal. Things have gotten worse over the years with my husband constantly hurting me and letting our family down. I know I need to forgive for us to ever make it, but it is so hard when it happens daily. I know i need to give it to God and stop letting the anger build up in me. I so need Him right now.
I really seem to need this message as Im going through a really tough time with my mom. All her high expectations of me, have me running away to hide and not want to deal with it. Issues from the past are being brought up and I find it hard to forgive her. Im hoping that this book will help me lean on the Lord extra hard to take away these feelings since mom is getting up there in years. I want to have a relationship with her, but many things are coming in as obstacles. I will definately be spending waayyy more time than usual with the Lord to work this issue out. Thank you for your words of encouragement at such a time as this! Be blessed!
Wow! Really hit home to me. Its been 6 months since my husband said those words “I don’t love you anymore” and left his family for another “woman”. I’m trying hard to forgive but struggling with it. Trusting God to turn this trial into something wonderful! Please pray for us!
Wow, I needed this! It has been 3 years since this happened to me and my daughter, the first 2 years, he was back and forth, and the last year we had a restraining order. It is about to be up, and he has been pushing for visitation, which legally he is not entitled. I have told him he can see our daughter who is 8 with her counselor. I forgive him for making the choice he made to leave us, but I am very hurt and angry and don’t want him to poison my daughter. He is very manipulative. Thanks again for this – Lisa
I have forgiven my husband for leaving me for another woman and leaving me with 3 children to raise all by myself(and for being abused and beaten by him). I should be thankful he left me, but the journey with me children all by myself has left me beaten down completely. They are all adults now, but the burning hurts often comes rushing back at me. Very difficult to deal with. Always praying for the hurt to go away, and sometimes it does. It always filters its way back into my life. It has been 18 years. I have a new and wonderful husband. The pain i have seen my children go through and now watch their stuggles in their own adult life, brings back all the hurt from him. God showed me forgiveness, but why does the hurt hang around? I need God and his wisdom so bad right now! The praying never stops.
I can relate to this story so well. It hurts like a death. I pray and talk to God and ask him to take away the pain. And when I do this, I always get tears. Please God Help! But, then I remember that God has put me in the place that I am at now, and I need to remember to always thank Him for being my Lord and Savior and that He alone knows what is best for me. I have gone through Divorce Care and it has helped. But, I continue with the battle of the mind, the thoughts keep coming to me daily and I try to not have a pity party. Please pray for me and for my continued walk with the Lord. With Eternity In View, always.
You can’t imagine the timing of your message to me…. or shall I say God’s message to me through you. Just last night the incident occurred.
I need to go where you’ve been.
15 months ago my husband of 18 years told me he didn’t love me anymore, didn’t want to be married to me, and he was leaving. We have a special needs daughter and at the time had a daughter that was 7 months old. The pain and hurt has been unbearable at times when I look at these precious children and think of the “love” we had that created them. I thank God that they are in my life. Over the last 15 months, it has also become clear that he was having an affair with some 11 years our junior as well as someone who worked closely with our special needs daughter. The betrayal by both of them is almost more than I can handle. I have been talking with my pastor regarding the fact that I need to move on and I just don’t know how to let go of the love for this man. This devotional couldn’t have come at a better time as I see now that God needs me to forgive him and her before I can truly move on to a better place and perhaps meet someone who will love me and stay committed to a relationship. I feel so alone at times but reading the comments I see I’m not alone when it comes to betrayal by a spouse.
Lisa, I’m so sorry that this happened. It never should have. But I’m also so moved by the fact that you see what God wants to do inside of you, and for you regardless of another person’s painful actions. I pray that today God wraps you in His peace and joy.
Stephanie, I pray that your journey is so God-led, so God-filled, regardless of what the enemy wants or tried to do. I pray that you are led into peace, into purpose, and that You sense God in a way that is more powerful than ever before. I’m so sorry for your hurt, but so hopeful for your journey with God.
Danita, I’m so sorry for the hurt. I want you to know that God grieves with us when someone abandons family, and one of His own are broken and hurting. My prayer is that this season of your life will take its rightful place in your heart and thoughts, and that you will be able to release that pain and hurt to God so that you can live fully in today and embrace and discover all that God has for you today and for tomorrow. It’s not a series of steps, but rather a surrendering of what we cannot fix on our own to a God who will take that burden from you simply because you are His.
Pam, I loved your comment! I love it when God speaks hope into our situation. I hear Him calling his beautiful daughter named Pam into freedom as she surrenders every thought, every hurt, every raw and wounded place so He can fill you up and over with His grace and joy
My husband of 16 1/2 years said the words, “I don’t love you anymore” to me in May of this year. I was shocked! I had no idea he was feeling that way. He told me he didn’t think I loved him, and many other very hurtful things, blaming me for his feelings and our problems. I was devastated. I love my husband more than anything else on this earth! I found out in July that he had been having an affair with a good friend of mine, whose marriage was in trouble, for several months. I had suspected there might be something between them, but he had denied it to me and to friends. When they admitted it, they said they felt released from their marriage vows, by God, and that God was telling them to be together. She had continued to act like a friend up until the time they admitted to the affair. The betrayal I feel is deeper than I can even put into words! The impact this has had on our two daughters, 12 and 8 years, is very hard to see. I struggle with feelings of disgust, anger, sadness, but also am not sure what to do with the love that I have for my husband, even after all of this. I think this book might be able to shed some light on this for me.
Diane, That was quite possibly the most beautiful God-filled comment ever. I see Jesus in you, sis.
Kathy, I pray that this releases you and causes you to live so free. What a beautiful response.
Hey Nicole,
As I read your words I very much hear the echo of the scripture that reads: The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.
Not just your family, but your trust in what you believed, your beautiful children, and even your husband and your former friend. None of this is God’s plan.
My prayer is that your husband meets God head-on and truth and light shows him the plan of the enemy, and how that we can buy into the lies that says, “this feels better so it must be good”.
But regardless of his actions or words, my prayer is first that you’ll intentionally walk into the arms of a loving God who is grieved with you. Forgiveness might just mean surrendering to what God wants to do in you regardless of what your husband does or doesn’t do. It might mean surrendering to the second half of the verse above, which is “and I come to give you abundant life”. It’s the portion of that verse that I would hang on to when my world comes crashing down, because that love and that promise is truth and consistent. God’s love is the one that will fill the raw places. It’s His love that will wrap around you and your daughters (as you show them how to also hang tight and be grounded in God’s love when daddy’s love has confused them).
I am praying with you today, Nicole, and for your beautiful daughters. I’m so sorry that you are hurting and that this happened. My prayer is that God becomes more real and more strong in you than ever before.
Ranae, This is one of the most beautiful comments I received after my devo. What a powerful testimony of faith and love for your precious Heavenly Father. It was honest, and yet it’s so beautiful to see the change of direction from hurting, angry and in pain to healing and the realization of what God offers in the darkest of places. Love, love your comment!
Debbie Kay,
First, I’m so sorry that you went through that. It’s not okay. It shouldn’t have happened, and my heart hurts for the girl and woman who struggled with someone else’s brokenness.
I also pray that the woman you are today begins to surrender what you cannot do on your own. It makes total sense that you can’t do this, but that’s where supernatural help comes in as you surrender those feelings to God who promises to bear our burdens, and who bore our “peace upon Himself” on the cross.
Let’s let go so that the past doesn’t keep you stuck. Because God wants to take you deeper, freer, and further than you’ve ever gone before. It’s not saying it was okay. It’s saying that God’s mercy covered you, so you offer mercy so big that it covers the past. Even if she doesn’t accept it, or doesn’t know how, or resists it, you’ve surrendered those emotions and are moving forward.
I pray today is a new day for you, Debbie Kay. A brand new start for a woman treasured by God.