If you came over from Encouragement for Today titled To Fly Again, welcome! I’m so glad you are here.
Recently I read an article by Erich Bridges that described the top five regrets of the dying.
These were the top five regrets:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish I’d let myself be happier.
All of them are important, but #5 is what captured my attention. That is a sad thing to realize only when your life is about to end.
And yet, it’s not uncommon.
In today’s devo I described how I found a trapped bird in my outdoor light fixture. I don’t know how it got there, but what I do know is that when I reached to gently pull that bird out it pecked my hand like crazy.
It wanted me to let go.
Leave it alone.
That bird had no idea that on the other side was freedom.
As we begin to talk about forgiveness in our upcoming Bible study, the questions have rolled in. Many have shared their stories, and I’ve wept over many, prayed over almost every one, and yet there’s a theme that occured in some.
I won’t forgive until they say they are sorry.
I know it’s what God is asking, but I’m not ready.
Me forgive? Tell them to ask for my forgiveness.
Based on their life experiences, these responses make sense in the natural. Except I also hear these sentiments:
I’m so stuck.
I wish I didn’t feel this way anymore.
I’m angry and it spills out in my other relationships.
Where’s the joy I’m supposed to experience as a child of God?
What I hear is “I’m unhappy”, and “I feel trapped or stuck”, and when we begin to discuss the possibility of a journey toward forgiveness, some start pecking away at these scriptures or this concept.
And yet we were never intended to be stuck because of someone else’s choices or actions or words.
We were never intended to have clipped wings, but to fly. . . even if that means haltingly in the beginning.
If forgiveness means, that at the end, you won’t have lived your entire life waiting for someone else to change, or say their sorry before you’ll live free and find happiness, but allowed God to carve out a path with your name on it instead, why wouldn’t we take that first step?
Yes, it’s scary. Yes, there are unknowns.
But that’s what happens when you fly.
You climb out of the familiar to explore what is beyond the same old horizon.
Are you ready to fly?
I hope you’ll join me here on February 25th as we begin The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness study. I don’t know what your journey has been, or what you will gain, but it’s fluffing out your wings to prepare to fly when the time arrives.
This subscribes you to this blog, and when the study begins, it will offer a Monday video, Wednesday and Friday “Take it Deeper” individual study. You can use these free resources in your personal time, or with a loved one, or in your church.
To win a copy of The Unburdened Heart, my new book we’ll use in the study, simply leave a comment below.
Share one way you might feel stuck, or one way forgiving helped you move forward, or anything else you’d like to share with us today.
Would love to ready your new book The Unbudened Heart. LOVED The story about the bird in the light and forgiveness. How do you move forward when someone you are angry with is dead? I know it’s one sided but … Thank you..
How- I’m not sure exactly. It’s one of my personal struggles. However, I find it helpful to realize they’re dead and by being angry with them I’m truly only hurting myself. It’s not worth it. I need to process those hurts in a constructive manner. One idea is counseling. And two others are certainly Suzie’s books and another titled Healing For Damaged Emotions. You should check it out.
I am stuck in a marriage that has been full of hurt and pain when we thought it was healing for a widow and widower. A step-daughter who has rejected me and my children and zapped every bit of life out of our family, a divided family when I tried so hard to unite. Where do I begin, how do I begin, I am consumed with hurt and rejection, with pain. Would love your help! Blessings, kareng
I learned roh forgive and move on because life is too short to go around hurting. The only one who is truly hurting is the one who carries the burden of unforgiveness. The one you are mad at usually is totally clueless about it. Of course I needed a wise pastor to point this out to me. I wish a few of my close family members would learn this. They would be living a life that is fulfilled instead being so unhappy. Hope I win and can give this to one of them.
After my divorce, It was very hard to forgive. I was a victim of child abuse and domestic violence. I was blessed with a child at the age of 45 before I divorced. My son brought with him healing and redemption. I forgave my parents and my son’s dad. My little boy does everything I do; I want him to grow to be a healthy, compassionate and godly man. I asked God to help me to forgive so I could be honest to my son, when the time comes that I have to explain and teach him about forgiveness. Blessings!
Thank you, I know the freedom i’ve experienced when i have truly forgiven. Thank you for reminding me not to let any attiudes of unforgiveness (toward different situations) creep back in. Would love to read your new book.
Forgiveness is a choice.. a hard choice. It is about me willing to forget what was said. Most things are said in a fit of emotions and I think if a person took time to cool off a lot of angry words would not have been said. Assumptions are another bad mistake I make a lot of time. Half the time these assumptions are not true I need to remember the devil loves it when there is hate and strife amongst where peace and love used to be. I cannot let him win.
Forgiveness is a soul task that has to be learned. I come from a family in which grudge holding is an art form-grievances are nurtured and carried for years. As I grew up I began to see how much effort and time was invested in holding on to the supposed hurt, slight or insult. The investment sapped some of the people in the family of any chance at being truly happy and living a life of peace and contentment. These family members became so convinced that appearances meant everything, they concealed a grievous sin in their own midst. The really sad part of this is that all of these family members were professed Christians. I had to learn to forgive and unfortunately I was a very mature adult when I finally mastered the task of forgiveness. It took going to a place in my feelings for another family member that was so dark and outside of God’s purpose, that I finally realized my sin was greater than the supposed sin of that family member. I could not belive that I had let myself go to that place and had to humble myself beg forgiveness for my sin. It is still a challenge some days to “let things go”, but I am working daily to be forgiven and grant forgivenss and am truly content in the place where God has me now. it is very true that it is hard to hold a grudge against someone when you pray routinely for that person. To Phyllis i would say that it is not our job to judge the person-God has taken care of that. If you can just put your burden of anger at the individal in God’s hands and pour out all your hurt and pain to Him and ask for His intervention, He will remove the anger and give you peace. I have lots of questions regarding the actions of my family in concealing the sin in their midst-but those souls have all passed on. I know I will understand things one day, but don’t understand any of it today.
I have to get this book. I am struggling with the idea of forgiving my husband of 9 years (together 15) who has lied and cheated way to many times. Your blog today really hits home for me! I had to take that first step to fly and wow was that hard! I decided I was done with trying, since I was the only one trying, almost 4 months ago and told him I wanted to separate. He finally moved out 2 weeks ago and I feel so much lighter and happier already. However, there is still something tugging at the deepest part of my soul and I know it is God wanting me to forgive him. I know it is the right thing to do but man it is hard to think about! I can only imagine what God has in store for my future but I do think I need to get to a place where I can forgive him for what he has done, not forget or take him back over it but forgive him so I can move forward and I suppose so he can as well and become a better father to our two boys. Thank you so much for your post today!
I’m going to keep this mostly short and to the point (because to say “short, sweet and to the point would be false. Forgiveness is rarely sweet in the beginning). My Dad and I are very very similar. For a lot of people, that is ok. Unless you are both OCD. And your OCD habits are opposite. I have always been quite particular about where and how things are in my life and in the space I live. It is usually not a big deal when I live alone, but a year ago, my financial situation plummeted because of a HUGE amount of student loans that I needed to start paying back. (>$85,000 total) I had to move back in with my parents because it was all I could do to scrape up the money for the loans every month let zone rent, food and other bills. Fast forward to now: I am extremely grateful for my parents allowing me to relocate to their house, but my Dad and I are always, ALWAYS butting heads about everything. There is never an end in sight to the arguing. A few months ago it was so bad that I got depressed and suicidal. I couldn’t stand living here because I always felt anxious for the next fight. He just always wanted to “fix” me and being 25, it made me upset that he thought he could control me when I wasn’t his baby anymore. Well, I am constantly praying and asking/begging God to help me give my dad grace and it is VERY hard when I am always the one apologizing and I feel he should also apologize. I am still struggling immensely with this every single day and I feel this study will help direct me towards a better path in my relationship with BOTH of my fathers.
One of the greatest lessons I learned on forgiving is that sometimes you have to pray for God to ENABLE you to forgive. Sometimes no matter how much you want to forgive, it takes the power of God working in you to forgive.
I’ve experienced many deep hurts in my life. I have days where I feel Ive forgiven and moved on. Then there are days I just want to blame them for all of my problems. I realize I have a choice. I can move on and live my life, or choose to let them consistently bring me down. It’s a simple concept mentally, but one I have to remind myself of almost daily. It does also help to think back on the past and see how I’ve benefited or learned. Not how I would’ve chosen it, but useful in its own way. God has a plan for my current situation. I’m being patient. I just need to keep remembering these things, because every day is a struggle and I look forward to the day that God’s plan comes to fruition.
I just feel stuck period right now. I don’t know what to do with my life. I have spent practically my whole doing things because others wanted me to do them. And now I don’t have any idea what I really want. This book sounds amazing and I can’t wait to read it!
I have tried to forgive a deep hurt many years ago from a family member. Many times I thought I had forgiven but sometimes something will trigger an emotion that brings that feeling of unforgiveness , bitterness and hurt back into my soul. I so desperately want to be freed from this…I hope through this book I can… Thank you
The above book sounds like a book I would like to read for the purpose of finding wholeness, purpose in life, living fully in the present and enjoying every minute of each day God gives me with no pain or regrets! I did take a step of faith and climbed out of the familiar to explore what is beyond the same old horizon and exchanged that which kept me stuck for the hope of renewed joy. I am anxious to see where God is leading me but I am determined to Trust Him every step of the way, one day at a time.
My biggest challenge has alwys been that I needed to get the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I have lived in abusive home. My father was extremely emotionally abusive, consequently I married an abusive husband. Between both of them I was constantly put down and they made me believe that I don’t amount to nothing and cannot do anything right. It took me a long time to realize who Il am in Christ and this is how I cnanged my outlook of life.
I once freed a hummingbird from a skylight in our breezeway. I held the tiny bird in my hand, and it felt almost weightless. I could feel its tiny heart beating so fast against my fingers. Either it was exhausted or grateful, I’m not sure, but when I opened my hand it sat there for a few more seconds before whirring away in flight. It was an experience I will never forget!
Recently my husband of 31 years delivered news to me that he had an affair half way into our married life. With that affair there was a child. I answered the phone one evening and there was a female on the other end asking for him, he wasn’t home and I asked if she would like to leave a message. I felt the back of my neck hairs go up and knew something was off. She said she was looking for someone that my husband knew, so I took her number. Her daughter is 19 years old and she shared the information that the dad she was raised by wasn’t her real dad and so she wanted to meet with her real father. So he had to confess. Up until that day, I thought I had a wonderful marriage. We loved and liked being together, did everything together, pretty much the perfect couple and friends were in awe of us. To say my world has been crushed, would be an understatement. I know I still love this man, but I’ve lost my butterflies and want them back. I’m so angry and hurt that I can’t move forward. I know I need to forgive him in order to get past this. I’m hoping this book will give me some answers.
Sometimes it SEEMS just too hard to forgive others, much less ourselves! Thank God He can carry us through the steps, even when we don’t feel like it. Looking forward to some deep revelations during this study!
Forgiveness is a daily struggle for me, but through the power of The Holy Spirit, I am finally beginning to truly understand how essential it is. Thanks so much for your encouraging blog. I look forward to reading, The Unburdened Heart.
I’m stuck in being angry and frustrated all the time. I feel like I have no joy. I have tried to forgive many times and yet somehow I’m stuck in the pain still. Can’t wait to learn more and move on in an abundant, joy filled life that He promised me.
After 34 years I finally divorced a man who had been unfaithful most of those years and had wasted over $150,000 in about five years in gambling, other women, & drinking. I was extremely bitter & hurt. I wanted to forgive & said that I had forgiven, but one day I realized that I hadn’t really. I made the choice to truly forgive because Jesus’ words of “forgive them for they know not what they do” came into my heart. Now, I feel pity for my ex-husband & try to help him whenever I can. When the devil tries to bring those memories back into my mind, I cast them down & remember that my “ex” doesn’t know what he’s done – to himself most of all. Me not forgiving didn’t hurt him – it hurt me.
It took several years…and still working on it some…to forgive my parents for something that happened in my childhood. They have made me feel like I’m not a priority in their lives and I have learned to deal with that because I am a child of God and he cherishes me. When I got married, my sister-in-law started causing trouble in our families and was accusing me of things I did not do and began stalking me. It was so bad I had to get a restraining order. We don’t speak at all now…I hate if for my husband and his brother to be torn from each other but it’s the best for our family to stay out of all the drama. Forgiveness has been more difficult for this situation….I feel like I have done so, but when the accusations keep going on and on and I keep ignoring them it doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt. There are people that don’t know me that hear her stories and I just want to tell them the truth but I refuse to lower myself to her standards and keep talking about it. I feel like I am on the right track but this book will be so good for me during those rough periods when the attacks are coming in again and again.
Yesterday, I received an inbox from the cousin of my best friend that his mom took a letter I had wrote to him and read it to his aunt also who’s a Christian and that cousin was sent to tell me that they were very mad at me for what I wrote through fb inbox… It caught me by surprise, because the letter was long but i only remember that in 3 pages out of 16 there were things said out of upset feelings and i apologized before and after, i told them to him in the letter because i needed to vent my feelings and since we weren’t seeing each other again (he was doing drugs and stuff and i am not going to expose myself to that) that was my only opportunity to tell him how i felt… I read the letter over and still am like what are they so mad about because even the part when i’m angry and upset with him there’s nothing there that’s bad and un-Christian of me… The letter even has devotionals, two Bible reading plans, and some Christian advice I had gotten from reading the past few weeks (that was the las 9 pages) so i really don’t know what they are truly upset about… I feel like they should come up to me and tell me to see if I should explain anything in the letter to them but idk… I was upset that they invaded our privacy and on top of that that they sent a msnger to say they are mad… Frankly, yesterday I decided to forgive them and move on from them invading my privacy and saying wtv they said about me as a Christian afterwards though it really hurt because I’m very careful with mh testimony. But, i’m having trouble as to how to act; should I say I’m sorry to them? Or will that just end up causing more drama? I mean, they were never supposed to see that so i don’t know if i should wait a few days until their anger subsides and then apologize and explain wtv may have upset them or if I should just let it go and let them deal with it and God. (If someone could give me advice I would appreciate it) This family is always in a fight; by November the Lord gave me a verse at Church “He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.” (Psalms 37:6 ESV) right before another trouble exploded. ((Btw, this letter was written over a month ago.)) I’m like Father I stepped away from this friend because of all the drama and now without moving a finger it’s coming to me. What to do? On top of that my friend’s father died two weeks ago from today… That’s why him and I started talking again… He was thinking of commiting suicide and was taking even more pills and having panic attacks and stuff and would call me every time… I started praying with him on the phone on Monday and on Tuesday he accepted God as Savior! So I’m like why are this women bringing trouble now; they really don’t know what her son/nephew and I have been through in the last week and a half. Okay, sorry for the long msg. If anyone has any advice I’ll gladly take it! Thank you! God bless you all!
One line that really struck me in the devotional was keep heart guarded & closed off. After being hurt so many times, it is so easy to not want to take a chance on being hurt again. Really struggle with this. I know that the walls I build to keep people out also keep God out but so hard to trully let go, and allow myself to be vulnerable.
Holly, I can relate on those WALLS! Lets both try and work hard on tearing them down and believe what God says! To forgive… Greek word “aphiemi” – to exchange it for something else – let’s choose to give up bitterness and exchange it for joy. I’m praying for you Holly, may God bless all you do and may this study bring us closer to Him and His Word. God Bless You! Sincerely, Noreen
I would really love to check out this book. I did not have a great upbringing and it started when my mother walked about on our family when I was 6. It took a long time but I am at the point of forgiveness with her, even though we have not talked or seen each other in many years. If she were to come into my life, I think that I could apply God’s grace. However I am not there with the rest of my family that really hurt me. I need to find that way to have forgiveness and live it. I constantly try and give it to God but I find myself taking it back. I need to figure it out before I live a life of regret and chained to these scenarios and going over and over things in my head. I want to be free so that I can let God take over my life and do with me what He wants and not be stuck in my head.
I’m excited about this study (one that I think I need, on many levels), and grateful to be able to join with the other women who are going to be doing it too! I’d love to win a book, but if all I get to do is see what you post, that will be great. I’m sure it will be a blessing!
I have been searching for a book on forgiveness. I have faced lots of hurt and betrayal over the past several years. I want to forgive but it’s not necessarily an easy thing to do. I do know God calls me to forgive. I would love to read your book!
Suzie: Thank you for your post and for your new book. A dear sister in Christ and I are starting a ministry to help women in crisis with legal matters, housing, and healing. I’m sure your book will be a valuable resource for our ladies.
So many times I think I’ve forgiven my husband and his family members for their part in a family crisis, but when the thoughts come up again, I start to relive the situation and all the emotional angst. My children and I all need healing in this area; I hope doing this study will help.
I thinkf this study is just what I need. I am now out of an abusive marriage and finally divorced from him. Even though life now is incredibly so much better and more than I imagined it could be, I still harbor alot of hurt and anger about the things he did to me and our children. I thought I was over it and “healed” from those wounds but I don’t think I am at that place yet. I wonder if I ever will be. I know I need to forgive, but Ido not know how to forgive a person with no remorse, with no idea of how much he has hurt us. My hope is that this study will help me on my journey to forgiveness. I want to move forward with my life and feel like something is holding me back.
I am praying for you Michelle. My daughter has gone through an abusive marriage too. I have seen the devastation it causes. I am lifting up you and your children…praying that God will give you a break through as you immerse yourself into this book and into God’s word! I know He wants to free us, but it can only happen by forgiveness. I am struggling with it in the same way right now…but trusting that God will help us to break free!
I keep praying for God to help me forgive. I know it is only hurting me. I have done my share of wrongs, I know God will forgive me, and I must forgive others.
Wow! So many amazing comments. I’m tired of living in the past and letting toxic wastes spill into my thoughts. Forgiveness is not as much for others as it is for ourselves. Once we forgive others we are free to move forward with our lives. Really looking forward to this book study
I am in prayerful need of this book. I’m trying to learn to forgive my biological family and their abusiveness, and the abusive situation I am now in. Is your book available on kindle?
I am so thankful I read the Proverbs 31 devotion today. I need to read this book so badly. I want FREEDOM and JOY in my life! I don’t want these chains affecting my marriage and my small children. I definitely struggle with having a hard time forgiving my parents because the hurt and abuse still continues and it still negatively effects my siblings and me in a devastating way. I definitely need to reconcile that forgiving is not condoning or saying it’s ok, because they definitely want me to pretend that it’s normal and there is nothing wrong. Thank you Jesus for this opportunity. I pray that He will set me and many others free from this heavy burden.
I am looking forward to this Bible Study. On New Years my resolution was to work on forgiveness. I know this came from God because I was thinking more along the lines of working on joy, peace, happiness, etc. One of my issues is dealing with people who would never acknowledge that they have hurt me (my husband has never once apologized to me in our 13 years of marriage). My biggest issue is trying to forgive myself, I have always felt shame that I was born and that I exist. I have been told all my life that if it wasn’t for me, my parents woundn’t have had to get married and my family wouldn’t have had to bear the embarrassment.
FOUR AND A HALF YEARS AGO MY HUSBAND HAD AN AFFAIR WITH A CO-WORKER. I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FORGIVE MY HUSBAND, BUT NOT THE WOMAN THAT HE HAD THE AFFAIR WITH. I HAD CONSIDERED THIS WOMAN MY FRIEND, SO I FELT BETRAYED BY BOTH OF THEM. EVERY TIME I SEE HER THE PAIN AND BITTERNESS ALL COMES BACK. I KNOW THAT GOD WANTS ME TO FORGIVE HER, BUT RIGHT NOW I DON’T KNOW IF I WILL EVER BE ABLE TO.
I’ve always wanted to fly. I even started classes to get my private pilots license but had to quit due to expense. I’m excited about learning how to fly above all the hurt and anger through the art of forgiveness. Please speak Lord for your servant is listening. Blessings
Sounds like a great book! I am stuck in having a “schedule”. Sounds crazy but true. I am trying to let go, and let life happen. To enjoy the surprises life holds and not to worry if things don’t go as planned. -Colleen G.
I am looking forward to this study with so much excitement! I’m praying I have an open heart to apply what I hear to my life. I have struggled with being hurt deeply by other’s words. I question why they don’t realize it and apologize. I’ve learned the hard way that they are not the one being held back from what God wants; I am. I don’t need an apology from them as long as I have the approval of God for my actions. It’s still tough though. Praying for lots of chains to hit the floor during this study. It is for freedom that Christ died. Galatians 5:1. Thank you for caring and loving on hurting women!
I love the devotions that Proverbs 31 Ministries provides! I stumbled across the “Unburdened Heart” Bible Study while actually having time to spend in the website and was so excited to see all that is offered. I registered immediately and cannot wait to start. I haven’t purchased book yet and pray I will be able to get it in enough time. Three weeks ago I quit a job that I loved so much and have now caused my family some financial difficulties. I took care of patients with Alzheimer’s Disease and BELIEVED I was doing Gods work. For four years I worked 12 to 16 hours a day; picking up the slack where others just didn’t care! I raised 3 wonderful boys, all grown and out of the house; while letting satan convince me “they don’t need me, they could care less,” and as for my husband of 30 years…. Well lets just say we didn’t argue because I was NEVER home! What did he care any how? He’s never paid attention to me through our entire marriage, it’s always been about him! Then in December I began to realize that I never have time to go to Church, to pray, no time for God… How could I even think I was doing His work any longer? God had been calling out to me for a while and I didn’t even open my ears to hear His “still small voice!” In January, things began to get crazy at work and after days if being sick, I just could no longer go back in! I QUIT! I know God has other plans for my life and I need to seek Him first. I’m now going back to church and tonight I rededicated myself to The Lord, making him first…and with faith believing everything else will come. My marriage has been broken for years and after reading “We were made to fly,” I know I’ve built a wall around my feelings, so afraid to be hurt again! Then I read that God will remove the debris and carve a path to my heart, and gently lift me up to freedom! I want that more then anything. I don’t want satan to steal my joy, my marriage, my children, my LIFE! I want Jesus… After all “The enemy has been defeated, and death couldn’t hold Him down, we’re gonna lift our voices in victory, we’re gonna shout His praises LOUD!” I’m believing God and I’m going to study His Word, hear His calling for me, believe my finances will be in order again soon, and know that His Truth will set me free. I’m praying that all who take your study will learn forgiveness, learn to open their hearts and let the light of Jesus shine in all the lives they touch. Thank you God for Proverbs 31 Ministries and the women you have chosen to share your Word. In Jesus Holy Name….Amen
Life is not fair. Not everyone will like me. Betrayal hits the core of trust, the foundation of all relationships. Of all the places to feel safe ideally, is church, yet it is the very place where myself & my family have been hit. Satan is so sneaky! It would be easy to walk away. I want the freedome to face my betrayors without the hurt that I sometimes feel, not expecting anything from them. The church is comprised of people & people will not always treat me the way I want them to. I am looking forward to this study. Thank-you Proverbs 31.
When someone hurts your child….it brings out the “mother bear”! Just 3 years ago we were in the thick of wedding planning. I was the excited “Mother of the Bride” as I helped my daughter make all the preparations for that special day. She was marrying a young pastor….something every Christian mom hopes and prays for her daughter! But in less than 2 years of marriage, my baby girl was brave enough to break free from her abusive husband!! It was the most painful thing my family and I have ever had to go through. How do you move past this? I know that only God can help me to forgive. He is the only one who can heal and restore us. But it is so hard! Some days I feel like I am making progress. Other days the anger resurfaces again. How can I forget the pain that I have watched my daughter go through? Every day I see the results of the damage that was done to her emotionally and spiritually. It has caused her to become hardened towards God. My heart breaks daily as I pray for her. I need a break through…so does she! Oh God please help me to forgive!
Excited to read your new book. I have a very strained relationship with my mother and feel “stuck” in that relationship often. Thank you for your encouraging words.
We also need to remember to express love and forgiveness towards ourselves as we work and struggle through the difficult process of forgiveness. We will all experience moments and times when we will have to choose once again to remain in a position of humility and not take back the gift of forgiveness that we have given to an offender. Please stop beating yourselves up because you fear that the Lord is disappointed with your forgiveness performance. As long as you are not making excuses for yourself to remain stuck in past or even present violations from others that have hurt us and we continue to make the effort necessary to follow God’s ways of loving we will ultimately be successful in forgiving!!!!
I need to forgive my past so I can have a future. I have been waiting for one for 56 years . I’m so stuck at this point I’m crippled. I need help and can’t do this alone. I’m so hoping this book and study will help.
For the past possibly 6 years (since my number 6 child was born) I have totally felt “stuck”, and I had “lost” myself”. It wasn’t until the fall of 2011 when God started nudging my husband & I to start making changes, as in locations. Needless to say since then lots of obstacles have stood in the way, lots of hurt feelings. Someone had posted something about Proverbs 31 women & it caught my eye (I know it was God), and all these devotions, bible studies, etc…have been such an encouragment and I am finally starting to recognize what is happening, and starting to “let go” and I’m ever so thankful for everyone involved in these ministries! Thank you for letting God use you and sharing your stories. It truly has been a blessing in my life. I am finally starting to “find” myself and what God wants in my life.
I’m working on my perspective. In part realizing that others might be different from mine. Having patience and calm when appropriate- especially when needed.
Just wanted to send a thankyou to you for your devotion entitled, To Fly Again. I started writing in my journal several points you made and before I knew it, I almost wrote the whole devotion! So good. So wonderfully written. Such a gift.
Forgiveness, to me, is the difference between bitter and better. But it is so hard…and is not a one time thing. It is an everyday, by the grace of God process. Looking forward to the insights in the new study.
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Would love to ready your new book The Unbudened Heart. LOVED The story about the bird in the light and forgiveness. How do you move forward when someone you are angry with is dead? I know it’s one sided but … Thank you..
How- I’m not sure exactly. It’s one of my personal struggles. However, I find it helpful to realize they’re dead and by being angry with them I’m truly only hurting myself. It’s not worth it. I need to process those hurts in a constructive manner. One idea is counseling. And two others are certainly Suzie’s books and another titled Healing For Damaged Emotions. You should check it out.
I am stuck in a marriage that has been full of hurt and pain when we thought it was healing for a widow and widower. A step-daughter who has rejected me and my children and zapped every bit of life out of our family, a divided family when I tried so hard to unite. Where do I begin, how do I begin, I am consumed with hurt and rejection, with pain. Would love your help!
Blessings,
kareng
I learned roh forgive and move on because life is too short to go around hurting. The only one who is truly hurting is the one who carries the burden of unforgiveness. The one you are mad at usually is totally clueless about it. Of course I needed a wise pastor to point this out to me. I wish a few of my close family members would learn this. They would be living a life that is fulfilled instead being so unhappy. Hope I win and can give this to one of them.
After my divorce, It was very hard to forgive. I was a victim of child abuse and domestic violence. I was blessed with a child at the age of 45 before I divorced. My son brought with him healing and redemption. I forgave my parents and my son’s dad. My little boy does everything I do; I want him to grow to be a healthy, compassionate and godly man. I asked God to help me to forgive so I could be honest to my son, when the time comes that I have to explain and teach him about forgiveness.
Blessings!
Thank you, I know the freedom i’ve experienced when i have truly forgiven. Thank you for reminding me not to let any attiudes of unforgiveness (toward different situations) creep back in. Would love to read your new book.
Forgiveness is a choice.. a hard choice. It is about me willing to forget what was said. Most things are said in a fit of emotions and I think if a person took time to cool off a lot of angry words would not have been said. Assumptions are another bad mistake I make a lot of time. Half the time these assumptions are not true I need to remember the devil loves it when there is hate and strife amongst where peace and love used to be. I cannot let him win.
Forgiveness is a soul task that has to be learned. I come from a family in which grudge holding is an art form-grievances are nurtured and carried for years. As I grew up I began to see how much effort and time was invested in holding on to the supposed hurt, slight or insult. The investment sapped some of the people in the family of any chance at being truly happy and living a life of peace and contentment. These family members became so convinced that appearances meant everything, they concealed a grievous sin in their own midst. The really sad part of this is that all of these family members were professed Christians. I had to learn to forgive and unfortunately I was a very mature adult when I finally mastered the task of forgiveness. It took going to a place in my feelings for another family member that was so dark and outside of God’s purpose, that I finally realized my sin was greater than the supposed sin of that family member. I could not belive that I had let myself go to that place and had to humble myself beg forgiveness for my sin. It is still a challenge some days to “let things go”, but I am working daily to be forgiven and grant forgivenss and am truly content in the place where God has me now. it is very true that it is hard to hold a grudge against someone when you pray routinely for that person.
To Phyllis i would say that it is not our job to judge the person-God has taken care of that. If you can just put your burden of anger at the individal in God’s hands and pour out all your hurt and pain to Him and ask for His intervention, He will remove the anger and give you peace. I have lots of questions regarding the actions of my family in concealing the sin in their midst-but those souls have all passed on. I know I will understand things one day, but don’t understand any of it today.
I have to get this book. I am struggling with the idea of forgiving my husband of 9 years (together 15) who has lied and cheated way to many times. Your blog today really hits home for me! I had to take that first step to fly and wow was that hard! I decided I was done with trying, since I was the only one trying, almost 4 months ago and told him I wanted to separate. He finally moved out 2 weeks ago and I feel so much lighter and happier already. However, there is still something tugging at the deepest part of my soul and I know it is God wanting me to forgive him. I know it is the right thing to do but man it is hard to think about! I can only imagine what God has in store for my future but I do think I need to get to a place where I can forgive him for what he has done, not forget or take him back over it but forgive him so I can move forward and I suppose so he can as well and become a better father to our two boys. Thank you so much for your post today!
I’m going to keep this mostly short and to the point (because to say “short, sweet and to the point would be false. Forgiveness is rarely sweet in the beginning). My Dad and I are very very similar. For a lot of people, that is ok. Unless you are both OCD. And your OCD habits are opposite. I have always been quite particular about where and how things are in my life and in the space I live. It is usually not a big deal when I live alone, but a year ago, my financial situation plummeted because of a HUGE amount of student loans that I needed to start paying back. (>$85,000 total) I had to move back in with my parents because it was all I could do to scrape up the money for the loans every month let zone rent, food and other bills. Fast forward to now: I am extremely grateful for my parents allowing me to relocate to their house, but my Dad and I are always, ALWAYS butting heads about everything. There is never an end in sight to the arguing. A few months ago it was so bad that I got depressed and suicidal. I couldn’t stand living here because I always felt anxious for the next fight. He just always wanted to “fix” me and being 25, it made me upset that he thought he could control me when I wasn’t his baby anymore. Well, I am constantly praying and asking/begging God to help me give my dad grace and it is VERY hard when I am always the one apologizing and I feel he should also apologize. I am still struggling immensely with this every single day and I feel this study will help direct me towards a better path in my relationship with BOTH of my fathers.
One of the greatest lessons I learned on forgiving is that sometimes you have to pray for God to ENABLE you to forgive. Sometimes no matter how much you want to forgive, it takes the power of God working in you to forgive.
I’ve experienced many deep hurts in my life. I have days where I feel Ive forgiven and moved on. Then there are days I just want to blame them for all of my problems. I realize I have a choice. I can move on and live my life, or choose to let them consistently bring me down. It’s a simple concept mentally, but one I have to remind myself of almost daily. It does also help to think back on the past and see how I’ve benefited or learned. Not how I would’ve chosen it, but useful in its own way. God has a plan for my current situation. I’m being patient. I just need to keep remembering these things, because every day is a struggle and I look forward to the day that God’s plan comes to fruition.
I just feel stuck period right now. I don’t know what to do with my life. I have spent practically my whole doing things because others wanted me to do them. And now I don’t have any idea what I really want. This book sounds amazing and I can’t wait to read it!
I have tried to forgive a deep hurt many years ago from a family member. Many times I thought I had forgiven but sometimes something will trigger an emotion that brings that feeling of unforgiveness , bitterness and hurt back into my soul. I so desperately want to be freed from this…I hope through this book I can…
Thank you
The above book sounds like a book I would like to read for the purpose of finding wholeness, purpose in life, living fully in the present and enjoying every minute of each day God gives me with no pain or regrets! I did take a step of faith and climbed out of the familiar to explore what is beyond the same old horizon and exchanged that which kept me stuck for the hope of renewed joy. I am anxious to see where God is leading me but I am determined to Trust Him every step of the way, one day at a time.
My biggest challenge has alwys been that I needed to get the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I have lived in abusive home. My father was extremely emotionally abusive, consequently I married an abusive husband. Between both of them I was constantly put down and they made me believe that I don’t amount to nothing and cannot do anything right. It took me a long time to realize who Il am in Christ and this is how I cnanged my outlook of life.
Congratulations on your new book! I look forward to reading it!
I once freed a hummingbird from a skylight in our breezeway. I held the tiny bird in my hand, and it felt almost weightless. I could feel its tiny heart beating so fast against my fingers. Either it was exhausted or grateful, I’m not sure, but when I opened my hand it sat there for a few more seconds before whirring away in flight. It was an experience I will never forget!
Recently my husband of 31 years delivered news to me that he had an affair half way into our married life. With that affair there was a child. I answered the phone one evening and there was a female on the other end asking for him, he wasn’t home and I asked if she would like to leave a message. I felt the back of my neck hairs go up and knew something was off. She said she was looking for someone that my husband knew, so I took her number. Her daughter is 19 years old and she shared the information that the dad she was raised by wasn’t her real dad and so she wanted to meet with her real father. So he had to confess. Up until that day, I thought I had a wonderful marriage. We loved and liked being together, did everything together, pretty much the perfect couple and friends were in awe of us. To say my world has been crushed, would be an understatement. I know I still love this man, but I’ve lost my butterflies and want them back. I’m so angry and hurt that I can’t move forward. I know I need to forgive him in order to get past this. I’m hoping this book will give me some answers.
Sometimes it SEEMS just too hard to forgive others, much less ourselves! Thank God He can carry us through the steps, even when we don’t feel like it. Looking forward to some deep revelations during this study!
I feel stuck when it comes to socializing
Forgiveness is a daily struggle for me, but through the power of The Holy Spirit, I am finally beginning to truly understand how essential it is. Thanks so much for your encouraging blog. I look forward to reading, The Unburdened Heart.
I’m stuck in being angry and frustrated all the time. I feel like I have no joy. I have tried to forgive many times and yet somehow I’m stuck in the pain still. Can’t wait to learn more and move on in an abundant, joy filled life that He promised me.
After 34 years I finally divorced a man who had been unfaithful most of those years and had wasted over $150,000 in about five years in gambling, other women, & drinking. I was extremely bitter & hurt. I wanted to forgive & said that I had forgiven, but one day I realized that I hadn’t really. I made the choice to truly forgive because Jesus’ words of “forgive them for they know not what they do” came into my heart. Now, I feel pity for my ex-husband & try to help him whenever I can. When the devil tries to bring those memories back into my mind, I cast them down & remember that my “ex” doesn’t know what he’s done – to himself most of all. Me not forgiving didn’t hurt him – it hurt me.
It took several years…and still working on it some…to forgive my parents for something that happened in my childhood. They have made me feel like I’m not a priority in their lives and I have learned to deal with that because I am a child of God and he cherishes me. When I got married, my sister-in-law started causing trouble in our families and was accusing me of things I did not do and began stalking me. It was so bad I had to get a restraining order. We don’t speak at all now…I hate if for my husband and his brother to be torn from each other but it’s the best for our family to stay out of all the drama. Forgiveness has been more difficult for this situation….I feel like I have done so, but when the accusations keep going on and on and I keep ignoring them it doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt. There are people that don’t know me that hear her stories and I just want to tell them the truth but I refuse to lower myself to her standards and keep talking about it. I feel like I am on the right track but this book will be so good for me during those rough periods when the attacks are coming in again and again.
Yesterday, I received an inbox from the cousin of my best friend that his mom took a letter I had wrote to him and read it to his aunt also who’s a Christian and that cousin was sent to tell me that they were very mad at me for what I wrote through fb inbox… It caught me by surprise, because the letter was long but i only remember that in 3 pages out of 16 there were things said out of upset feelings and i apologized before and after, i told them to him in the letter because i needed to vent my feelings and since we weren’t seeing each other again (he was doing drugs and stuff and i am not going to expose myself to that) that was my only opportunity to tell him how i felt… I read the letter over and still am like what are they so mad about because even the part when i’m angry and upset with him there’s nothing there that’s bad and un-Christian of me… The letter even has devotionals, two Bible reading plans, and some Christian advice I had gotten from reading the past few weeks (that was the las 9 pages) so i really don’t know what they are truly upset about… I feel like they should come up to me and tell me to see if I should explain anything in the letter to them but idk… I was upset that they invaded our privacy and on top of that that they sent a msnger to say they are mad… Frankly, yesterday I decided to forgive them and move on from them invading my privacy and saying wtv they said about me as a Christian afterwards though it really hurt because I’m very careful with mh testimony. But, i’m having trouble as to how to act; should I say I’m sorry to them? Or will that just end up causing more drama? I mean, they were never supposed to see that so i don’t know if i should wait a few days until their anger subsides and then apologize and explain wtv may have upset them or if I should just let it go and let them deal with it and God. (If someone could give me advice I would appreciate it) This family is always in a fight; by November the Lord gave me a verse at Church “He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.” (Psalms 37:6 ESV) right before another trouble exploded. ((Btw, this letter was written over a month ago.)) I’m like Father I stepped away from this friend because of all the drama and now without moving a finger it’s coming to me. What to do? On top of that my friend’s father died two weeks ago from today… That’s why him and I started talking again… He was thinking of commiting suicide and was taking even more pills and having panic attacks and stuff and would call me every time… I started praying with him on the phone on Monday and on Tuesday he accepted God as Savior! So I’m like why are this women bringing trouble now; they really don’t know what her son/nephew and I have been through in the last week and a half. Okay, sorry for the long msg. If anyone has any advice I’ll gladly take it! Thank you! God bless you all!
One line that really struck me in the devotional was keep heart guarded & closed off. After being hurt so many times, it is so easy to not want to take a chance on being hurt again. Really struggle with this. I know that the walls I build to keep people out also keep God out but so hard to trully let go, and allow myself to be vulnerable.
Holly, I can relate on those WALLS! Lets both try and work hard on tearing them down and believe what God says! To forgive… Greek word “aphiemi” – to exchange it for something else – let’s choose to give up bitterness and exchange it for joy. I’m praying for you Holly, may God bless all you do and may this study bring us closer to Him and His Word. God Bless You! Sincerely, Noreen
I would really love to check out this book. I did not have a great upbringing and it started when my mother walked about on our family when I was 6. It took a long time but I am at the point of forgiveness with her, even though we have not talked or seen each other in many years. If she were to come into my life, I think that I could apply God’s grace. However I am not there with the rest of my family that really hurt me. I need to find that way to have forgiveness and live it. I constantly try and give it to God but I find myself taking it back. I need to figure it out before I live a life of regret and chained to these scenarios and going over and over things in my head. I want to be free so that I can let God take over my life and do with me what He wants and not be stuck in my head.
I’m excited about this study (one that I think I need, on many levels), and grateful to be able to join with the other women who are going to be doing it too! I’d love to win a book, but if all I get to do is see what you post, that will be great. I’m sure it will be a blessing!
I have been searching for a book on forgiveness. I have faced lots of hurt and betrayal over the past several years. I want to forgive but it’s not necessarily an easy thing to do. I do know God calls me to forgive. I would love to read your book!
Suzie: Thank you for your post and for your new book. A dear sister in Christ and I are starting a ministry to help women in crisis with legal matters, housing, and healing. I’m sure your book will be a valuable resource for our ladies.
God bless your ministry.
Can’t wait to read!
So many times I think I’ve forgiven my husband and his family members for their part in a family crisis, but when the thoughts come up again, I start to relive the situation and all the emotional angst.
My children and I all need healing in this area; I hope doing this study will help.
Looking forward to getting a copy of this book. Sounds great!
Living a life of regret keeps me sad. I hate to think I have to continue to feel this way the rest of my life.
I thinkf this study is just what I need. I am now out of an abusive marriage and finally divorced from him. Even though life now is incredibly so much better and more than I imagined it could be, I still harbor alot of hurt and anger about the things he did to me and our children. I thought I was over it and “healed” from those wounds but I don’t think I am at that place yet. I wonder if I ever will be. I know I need to forgive, but Ido not know how to forgive a person with no remorse, with no idea of how much he has hurt us. My hope is that this study will help me on my journey to forgiveness. I want to move forward with my life and feel like something is holding me back.
I am praying for you Michelle. My daughter has gone through an abusive marriage too. I have seen the devastation it causes. I am lifting up you and your children…praying that God will give you a break through as you immerse yourself into this book and into God’s word! I know He wants to free us, but it can only happen by forgiveness. I am struggling with it in the same way right now…but trusting that God will help us to break free!
Freedom of forgiveness, this is something that I need discover!
I keep praying for God to help me forgive. I know it is only hurting me. I have done my share of wrongs, I know God will forgive me, and I must forgive others.
Wow! So many amazing comments. I’m tired of living in the past and letting toxic wastes spill into my thoughts. Forgiveness is not as much for others as it is for ourselves. Once we forgive others we are free to move forward with our lives. Really looking forward to this book study
I am in prayerful need of this book. I’m trying to learn to forgive my biological family and their abusiveness, and the abusive situation I am now in. Is your book available on kindle?
I am so thankful I read the Proverbs 31 devotion today. I need to read this book so badly. I want FREEDOM and JOY in my life! I don’t want these chains affecting my marriage and my small children. I definitely struggle with having a hard time forgiving my parents because the hurt and abuse still continues and it still negatively effects my siblings and me in a devastating way. I definitely need to reconcile that forgiving is not condoning or saying it’s ok, because they definitely want me to pretend that it’s normal and there is nothing wrong. Thank you Jesus for this opportunity. I pray that He will set me and many others free from this heavy burden.
I am looking forward to this Bible Study. On New Years my resolution was to work on forgiveness. I know this came from God because I was thinking more along the lines of working on joy, peace, happiness, etc. One of my issues is dealing with people who would never acknowledge that they have hurt me (my husband has never once apologized to me in our 13 years of marriage). My biggest issue is trying to forgive myself, I have always felt shame that I was born and that I exist. I have been told all my life that if it wasn’t for me, my parents woundn’t have had to get married and my family wouldn’t have had to bear the embarrassment.
FOUR AND A HALF YEARS AGO MY HUSBAND HAD AN AFFAIR WITH A CO-WORKER. I
HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FORGIVE MY HUSBAND, BUT NOT THE WOMAN THAT HE HAD
THE AFFAIR WITH. I HAD CONSIDERED THIS WOMAN MY FRIEND, SO I FELT BETRAYED
BY BOTH OF THEM. EVERY TIME I SEE HER THE PAIN AND BITTERNESS ALL COMES
BACK. I KNOW THAT GOD WANTS ME TO FORGIVE HER, BUT RIGHT NOW I DON’T
KNOW IF I WILL EVER BE ABLE TO.
Wow, this speaks right to me at this point in my life! Would love to do the study! 🙂
I’ve always wanted to fly. I even started classes to get my private pilots license but had to quit due to expense. I’m excited about learning how to fly above all the hurt and anger through the art of forgiveness. Please speak Lord for your servant is listening. Blessings
Sounds like a great book! I am stuck in having a “schedule”. Sounds crazy but true. I am trying to let go, and let life happen. To enjoy the surprises life holds and not to worry if things don’t go as planned.
-Colleen G.
I am looking forward to this study with so much excitement! I’m praying I have an open heart to apply what I hear to my life. I have struggled with being hurt deeply by other’s words. I question why they don’t realize it and apologize. I’ve learned the hard way that they are not the one being held back from what God wants; I am. I don’t need an apology from them as long as I have the approval of God for my actions. It’s still tough though. Praying for lots of chains to hit the floor during this study. It is for freedom that Christ died. Galatians 5:1. Thank you for caring and loving on hurting women!
I love the devotions that Proverbs 31 Ministries provides! I stumbled across the “Unburdened Heart” Bible Study while actually having time to spend in the website and was so excited to see all that is offered. I registered immediately and cannot wait to start. I haven’t purchased book yet and pray I will be able to get it in enough time. Three weeks ago I quit a job that I loved so much and have now caused my family some financial difficulties. I took care of patients with Alzheimer’s Disease and BELIEVED I was doing Gods work. For four years I worked 12 to 16 hours a day; picking up the slack where others just didn’t care! I raised 3 wonderful boys, all grown and out of the house; while letting satan convince me “they don’t need me, they could care less,” and as for my husband of 30 years…. Well lets just say we didn’t argue because I was NEVER home! What did he care any how? He’s never paid attention to me through our entire marriage, it’s always been about him! Then in December I began to realize that I never have time to go to Church, to pray, no time for God… How could I even think I was doing His work any longer? God had been calling out to me for a while and I didn’t even open my ears to hear His “still small voice!” In January, things began to get crazy at work and after days if being sick, I just could no longer go back in! I QUIT! I know God has other plans for my life and I need to seek Him first. I’m now going back to church and tonight I rededicated myself to The Lord, making him first…and with faith believing everything else will come. My marriage has been broken for years and after reading “We were made to fly,” I know I’ve built a wall around my feelings, so afraid to be hurt again! Then I read that God will remove the debris and carve a path to my heart, and gently lift me up to freedom! I want that more then anything. I don’t want satan to steal my joy, my marriage, my children, my LIFE! I want Jesus… After all “The enemy has been defeated, and death couldn’t hold Him down, we’re gonna lift our voices in victory, we’re gonna shout His praises LOUD!” I’m believing God and I’m going to study His Word, hear His calling for me, believe my finances will be in order again soon, and know that His Truth will set me free. I’m praying that all who take your study will learn forgiveness, learn to open their hearts and let the light of Jesus shine in all the lives they touch. Thank you God for Proverbs 31 Ministries and the women you have chosen to share your Word. In Jesus Holy Name….Amen
Life is not fair. Not everyone will like me. Betrayal hits the core of trust, the foundation of all relationships. Of all the places to feel safe ideally, is church, yet it is the very place where myself & my family have been hit. Satan is so sneaky! It would be easy to walk away. I want the freedome to face my betrayors without the hurt that I sometimes feel, not expecting anything from them. The church is comprised of people & people will not always treat me the way I want them to. I am looking forward to this study. Thank-you Proverbs 31.
When someone hurts your child….it brings out the “mother bear”! Just 3 years ago we were in the thick of wedding planning. I was the excited “Mother of the Bride” as I helped my daughter make all the preparations for that special day. She was marrying a young pastor….something every Christian mom hopes and prays for her daughter! But in less than 2 years of marriage, my baby girl was brave enough to break free from her abusive husband!! It was the most painful thing my family and I have ever had to go through. How do you move past this? I know that only God can help me to forgive. He is the only one who can heal and restore us. But it is so hard! Some days I feel like I am making progress. Other days the anger resurfaces again. How can I forget the pain that I have watched my daughter go through? Every day I see the results of the damage that was done to her emotionally and spiritually. It has caused her to become hardened towards God. My heart breaks daily as I pray for her. I need a break through…so does she! Oh God please help me to forgive!
Excited to read your new book. I have a very strained relationship with my mother and feel “stuck” in that relationship often. Thank you for your encouraging words.
We also need to remember to express love and forgiveness towards ourselves as we work and struggle through the difficult process of forgiveness. We will all experience moments and times when we will have to choose once again to remain in a position of humility and not take back the gift of forgiveness that we have given to an offender. Please stop beating yourselves up because you fear that the Lord is disappointed with your forgiveness performance. As long as you are not making excuses for yourself to remain stuck in past or even present violations from others that have hurt us and we continue to make the effort necessary to follow God’s ways of loving we will ultimately be successful in forgiving!!!!
I need to forgive my past so I can have a future. I have been waiting for one for 56 years . I’m so stuck at this point I’m crippled. I need help and can’t do this alone. I’m so hoping this book and study will help.
For the past possibly 6 years (since my number 6 child was born) I have totally felt “stuck”, and I had “lost” myself”. It wasn’t until the fall of 2011 when God started nudging my husband & I to start making changes, as in locations. Needless to say since then lots of obstacles have stood in the way, lots of hurt feelings. Someone had posted something about Proverbs 31 women & it caught my eye (I know it was God), and all these devotions, bible studies, etc…have been such an encouragment and I am finally starting to recognize what is happening, and starting to “let go” and I’m ever so thankful for everyone involved in these ministries! Thank you for letting God use you and sharing your stories. It truly has been a blessing in my life. I am finally starting to “find” myself and what God wants in my life.
I’m working on my perspective. In part realizing that others might be different from mine. Having patience and calm when appropriate- especially when needed.
Just wanted to send a thankyou to you for your devotion entitled, To Fly Again. I started writing in my journal several points you made and before I knew it, I almost wrote the whole devotion! So good. So wonderfully written. Such a gift.
Forgiveness, to me, is the difference between bitter and better. But it is so hard…and is not a one time thing. It is an everyday, by the grace of God process. Looking forward to the insights in the new study.