It’s important to know what forgiveness is, and we’ll go so much more in depth on that in coming weeks.
But it’s important to know what it’s not. This is an area where we can get really, really stuck.
Forgiveness is not:
- allowing abuse to continue
- it’s not trying to outforgive God
After your personal study time in the word, get out your journal and read Chapter One if you haven’t already where we take this much deeper together.
Now, take our your journal. Share your thoughts as you answer these questions. If you have additional questions, you are in the right place. While I don’t have all the answers, we can look into scripture together. We can pray together. We can ask God to begin to gently show us His heartbeat in this stage of forgiveness.
1. “Surrendering is an active form of spiritual warfare, because you are no longer battling alone. With God’s help, you are resisting the enemy who desires nothing more than to rob you of purpose and joy (John 10:10)”.
a. What were your thoughts as you read that statement?
b. How does it apply to you today?
2. What confusing messages do we often receive about forgiving? Name one that you’ve struggled with.
3. Read 2 Corinthians 3:17-18. The word “transformed” in this passage means a spiritual inner change. If no one but you changes in this journey to forgive, what do you stand to gain regardless of any other person’s inability to change?
4. Have you ever tried to out forgive God (see page 25-28)? Describe a different way that you might be able to forgive in this instance?
5. Why is it so important that we understand the context of scripture as we give or receive advice?
I think I have been trying unsuccessfully to forgive in a way that doesn’t work for lack of any better way to put it. I really want to walk in the ways of Jesus, and I felt like to do anything less than be loving toward the friend that hurt me was not Christ like. Plus the love I felt for her in my heart kind of backed that up. However, what I didn’t see was that I was loosing my Identity. I think sometimes this goes against “religion” but I have to love myself enough to stand up and say I may have made mistakes, but I don’t deserve to be treated poorly. Jesus would not treat me this way, why would I take this kind of treatment from a human being.
Submitting to God because he is perfect is absolutely essential, but submitting ones self to another person and this may get me in trouble… but even to a (christian) husband who is not respecting me or who is denying my feelings is not called for. Someone who never stands up for themselves or speaks up with the truth I think will be subject to whatever that person wants, which is not what God would want for us. He is the God of our lives not some person. A pastors wife has been speaking with me about how my husband and I have to be equal partners otherwise I will loose my voice and become frustrated and resentful.
So with all that said, I think I have to care enough about myself and becoming whole to say this person hurt me and yes I’ll forgive them, but I am not a puppy to go follow them around, if they don’t own their part of it, they are no friend and I have to carry on with my life with them out of the picture. I will be friendly as I can be to them… but that’s it.
I kind of have a hard time with that because I almost feel… well I have something against that person still.. But If I don’t “cut her loose” then I will stay stuck seeking something from her she probably can’t or won’t give me. Those are my thoughts this morning.
Holly, This week the focus is surrendering to the process. There is a difference between speaking the truth from a point of pain, and speaking the truth out of healing. One comes from absolutely knowing your value to Christ, but knowing your friend’s value to Him as well. Only you, with God’s help, can answer your last question, but let Him keep shining a light in your heart. Let Him be your need-meeter, rather than people, and then when you meet friends or people who are a work in progress, or unkind, or hurtful, you can speak the truth in love, or love from a distance, or stop absorbing their words or actions as a definition of who you are, and you walk free — but in love.
John 10:10 reveals to me that my human offenders are not my enemy, but The Enemy Himself is the true enemy. This is a spiritual battle, and Jesus told us that we WILL have trials in our life.
I have many confusing thoughts about forgiveness: 1) forgiveness is a feeling and I’d better feel it or I’m not a true Christian; 2) I have to “feel” an emotional tie to others and want to be around them and enjoy being around them- if I don’t, I’m not really loving them.
What is “loving from afar”? I have a very “toxic” family. I don’t want the people that hurt me to go to hell. I just don’t want to be around them.They call themselves “Christians”, yet there is nothing in their life I want to emulate. Is that wrong? I’m tired of being responsible for my mom’s happiness; and when she doesn’t get her way, she’s not happy. If I don’t think, act, and have the same viewpoints as her, I’m accused of “not honoring” her, and that I “obviously need saved”- which leads me to my answer of the last question about taking Scripture out of context. Other family members have been “Christian counseling” my mom. One is a pastor, another has absolutley no professional counseling training whatsoever. They tell her how the Bible says she should be honored, and how everyone is failing her and not meeting her expectations. This advice has completely destroyed my family. These people are not “well-meaning”- if they were, they would promote peace. I know I must see myself through the eyes of who God says I am, but family ties are very powerful.
I’m learning so much on forgiveness. I was so hard and so religious before but God changed me in a supernatural way but sometimes I feel like a pushover or have no backbone. My goal is to pursue peace in all level and I have a hard time letting go of controlling my youngest daughter who is now 19 and was born and raised in church because we were fortunate enough to be a Believer when she was born but she is the most challenged child we ever had. More of controlling instead of leading and guiding her back to the Lord. I preached more than leading & guiding her because she is in rebellion since the time she became a teenager but I know deep down she has the Lord in her heart. With that said, I know I just have to trust and let her go to God and forgive her. We’ve been through so much and it’s all about her relationship to her boyfriend who is not a Believer but I’ve been ministering to him the love of God. So my husband and I are not in the same page most of the time and I know I have to forgive him because I’m frustrated & disappointed that he is backsliding and always calling me perfect when I try to correct him and his relationship with my daughter is not doing too well because of the hurt he receives from her and he has not been going to church. Anyways, I want to be set free and experience that freedom that only the Lord can give me and will ultimately bring me joy. Thank you for this.
There was once a popular television program called, “Forgive or Forget?” Is it possible to forgive and forget? Is it necessary to forget an offense if we have forgiven? One of the things that Scripture is teaching me is to stop talking about the offense when I have forgiven the offender. I would say I forgave, but under certain circumstances, I would find myself commenting about it. I have had to repent of continuing to talk about what I have forgiven. To not mention the offense is to “forget” it; not in the sense of memorary loss, but in the sense of no longer making that person owe me a debt.
Its like when a person does something nice for you and you attempt to thank them and they say, “Oh, forget about it!” They are not saying, “never remember it again”, but “you don’t owe me anything.”
The BIble says whom the Son of God sets free is free indeed. And freedom feels better than unforgiveness!
Love the perspective shifts in 1 and 3. They give power back to us when we feel robbed or disenfranchised. 3 reminds me of the Special K model (a great shift, IMO): “What will you gain when you lose?” But enough pondering. For me? It’s anger. . . hopelessness. Those two get pretty weighty to carry with my daughter, pretty often if I’m honest. Thanks for the exhortation and the shift in how to see the battle.
1a. As I read and digested your statement, I was struck by how appropriate it is. Surrendering is an active form of spiritual warfare. These words serve to remind me that God’s got me; I can entrust myself into His keeping. I am assured a successful campaign with Him as my leader.
1b. How does surrendering apply to me today? In the purest sense, it is about me giving God total ownership over my life. It is about trusting Him with…everything – who I am, who I was. It frees me up to be who He declared me to be.
2. Although I don’t necessarily struggle with this, I have always thought this remark was a bit confusing. “You should forgive, but don’t forget.” I think about God and how He forgives us. He doesn’t hold our sins or previous assaults against Him over our heads. He doesn’t make forgiveness conditional. Umm… Do we? Why?
One confusing message I receive is that everything is all my fault when it’s probably not. I then am struggling and confused and worried about the situation instead of forgiving and having peace and joy and allowing Satan to rob me from it. There is a song out now on forgiveness with the words “I feel like the one losing” and that is so true when I do not forgive.
That is some song — Losing by Tenth Avenue North. I cried when I first heard it!
4. Have you ever tried to out forgive God (see page 25-28)? Describe a different way that you might be able to forgive in this instance?
I am struggling with this question. I have the book on my book and I am have trouble finding the pages it talks about this. I think the pages are different in the ebooks. Or I could just be overlooking it lol But could anyone help explain this question a little better and maybe share their answer with me? That would be super helpful! Thank you!
Blessings to all!
Kristen
Kristen,
I was having trouble understanding that too. To the best of my understanding, the question means that people take the fact that God loves us unconditionally as a license to do whatever we/they want. We have to pair that love with the call to repentance so that we/they are willing to stop whatever they are doing as a sin. I also think it means that we have to remember that God loves the person doing the wrong too, even if they are not repentant yet. (Or ever? That doesn’t seem right.) I am having a hard time understanding all of that.
My answer was that I really don’t think I have tried to out forgive God, but I might not be really understanding it either. The book says that a different way to forgive is – “You forgive like Jesus by living at peace with all,so far as it depends on you.” and to see Romans 12:18.
I hope I didn’t confuse you more! I confuse myself enough. 🙂
Julia,
Thank you! I understand a little better now. I will re read chapter 1 tomorrow with that question in mind in hopes of more understanding! Thanks again for responding!
Blessings to you dear!
I am struggling right now with the whole idea of surrendering. I’ve always thought it means you are weak if you surrender. I’m trying to understand how forgiving those that have hurt me would in essence make me stronger, but it’s very confusing to grasp that.
Thank you for writing about this! Not only that, but the “digging deeper” that you have us do so that we can really think more and learn. Thank you too for having a place for us to talk about it and learn from others. 🙂
Hopefully I will get my book this week, I think it was supposed to ship out on the 13th.
I am hit again this week how Surrendering is really active. As I continually work on Surrendering, not just in areas of forgiveness, but in all of life. It is hard, it’s a real fight trying to line your actions up with what you say you believe. Because even while we agree it sounds good, living it out is a bit harder than simply agreeing as the flesh fights the spirit and you have to actively make your flesh do as you know to do. A real fight, in ways I didn’t understand until reading that. Because like others I thought surrender was like giving up. But it is not!! In fact as my pastor said this morning, God’s power comes in weakness. Jesus weakness in obedience to death, which appears as defeat to others, was in fact His strongest thing. In God’s kingdom what appears as weakness to others, really is what gives us the most strength.
The confusing message about forgiveness I have been taught is “forgiveness means you never bring up the offense again.” But if forgiveness is a process…how do you work through it if you can never bring up the offense or talk about it again?
1. “Surrendering is an active form of spiritual warfare, because you are no longer battling alone. With God’s help, you are resisting the enemy who desires nothing more than to rob you of purpose and joy (John 10:10)”.
a. What were your thoughts as you read that statement? Reassurance knowing that God is on my side.
b. How does it apply to you today?Every time I draw near to God by call upon His name in prayer and reading scripture He provides me with the strength and courage I need to get through the tough situations. Baby steps, but I have to surrender all to him and praise Him. I love the illustrations in the book on under the heading “How do you Forgive”: Stand, Pickup your Mat, Walk, and Praise. Thank you as this book is helping me in so many areas. I need to read and reread, to let it soak in. I’m falling a little behind in the study, but that’s ok as I need the time to prepare my heart, or should I say allow God to work in my heart as He peels away the layers. Thank you Lord and thank you Suzie.