Today’s topic is a Throwback Tuesday
When your memories as a child were painful, you can become super sensitive to the words from your own children. After all, you want better for your children.
So when you try hard and they still throw a tantrum, or say “I hate you,” or embarrass you in the grocery store, you might want to take it personal.
Hey, don’t you know how much I love you!
Why are you embarrassing me?
Don’t you see what I do for you?
But this is the scoop:
Your child is a work in progress.
She has no idea of your past pain and that’s a gift. You’ve given her innocence and a childhood.
He isn’t big enough or wise enough to make your hopes for a good family come true. It’s not his job, and his shoulders aren’t big enough to carry that burden.
So, what do you do?
Mama, we take personalization out of the equation.
It’s not about you.
Your child is a little warm body with a brain that is still developing (and will be until their early twenties), and you and I have the most amazing responsibility and gift of teaching and loving and shaping them.
So, when they throw a fit in WalMart, forget the people around you. Don’t worry about what they are saying, and focus on your child. Stay calm. Be the adult.
Because this is a defining moment.
Your child has what you did not. . . a calm, reasonable, loving parent who is willing to tough it out through the bad moments.
A mama who knows that parenting is wonderful and hard.
A mama who sees this as a teachable moment so that her child can grow into the amazing adult he or she will one day be.
A mama who teaches rather than loses it.
When we don’t take it personal, we shape our children’s memories, instead of our old memories shaping our child.
Suzie
I hope this will be a helpful resource: The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future.
All this week and next I’ll be sharing retro posts as I prepare our next study. I’ll announce that study next Wednesday!
Wow, this totally hits home, Suzy! Thanks for the reminder that this is my chance to be the mo I always longed for! Thank You! <3
Hi Suzie,
I was reading through my 2011 She Speaks material again, and remembering hearing you speak then.
Thanks for this blog reminder here to not let our our issues shadow how we parent our kids. Your line: “Let’s shape our children’s memories, rather than our childhood memories shaping our child” was thought-provoking.
Warmly,
Jennifer Dougan
www,jenniferdougan.com
I certainly needed to read this. I grew up in an environment of yelling, inconsistent environments, and frankly seeing so much that little girls should not have to see. I’m so thankful my mom is now a Christian and serves in the same church as I do, but we struggle now that I am a mom of three (four in feb.). I’m so blessed to have a husband who grew up in a family that put God and togetherness as a priority! He has taught me so much, BUT I often have to stop and redirect my reactions so that I don’t act like my past. I pray daily to break the cycle and raise a family who loves God, talks around the table, giggles at the little messes, and embraces the pretty and ugly moments of life TOGETHER! I am a daily example of grace to them and I am so so SO thankful God sees me fit to raise these sticky fingered kiddos! Thanks for this post! I’m going to check out this book as well. Looking forward to the next bible study!
Thank you so much for this, I have been struggling with this issue of letting go of my past growing up….your quote of not letting our up bringing shape our children hit it right on the nail and turned the lights on for me. Thank you so much cant wait to read the book the mother I desired to be. God bless you. The yoke is broken!!!! in Jesus named