Your past matters.

To God. To those who love you best. To you.

But you might not feel comfortable talking about it because you don’t want to be a victim.

Maybe you are saying, “It happened then. Not now.”

You don’t want to be labeled by your past. You don’t want what someone else did, or even what you might have done years ago, to define you.

I get that. 

Can I share something that absolutely changed everything for me?

We walk into our past — not as a victim — but as a scholar.

When I began to seriously look at my legacy, it was because I wanted more.

Not just for me, but for my children.

Unpacking my legacy allowed me to not only pinpoint generational patterns, but to break the cycle. 

It allowed me to discover good in there, for there was good. It allowed me to unpack the negative.



Imagine a woman standing at a crossroads. Behind her is generations of abuse, or chaos, or addiction, or confusing teachings that use scripture to whip you into shape.

She can take one direction or another. One leads to the same ‘ole, same ‘ole.

The other draws a line in the sand and says, “It stops here.”

That woman is you. 

This new path promises transformation. It helps you learn how to offer your children a healthy legacy. It’s marked with forgiveness, compassion, restoration, education, change in the way you think, a new way of responding, and a brand new way to view yourself.

The word victim won’t be on that road. Instead, it’s a road where a strong woman of faith who doesn’t have all the answers and won’t do this perfectly is running after all God has for her. . . and her children.

And her children’s children.

It’s not an easy road. I can’t promise you that because restoration and healing is hard work.

I’ll simply share this promise instead.

new life

As you take a new road — as you become a scholar of the past — you aren’t denying what took place, but rather giving it its proper weight in your present and your future.

You are discovering the real you. All of the chapters, not just the one written in the past.

Yes, your past shaped you. . . but it doesn’t define you. 

It certainly doesn’t limit you.

Not when you partner with a God who knows exactly what is needed, and where He is taking you.



momiwanttobe1Read pages 20 to 25 in The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future.

Q: On page 24, I describe rings that are found in a tree. Some rings represent a year when there was a terrible drought. Another might represent a year of incredible growth. Consider the person who harmed or raised you in an unhealthy way. What rings are in their family tree. Were they hurt by others? How did that impact them?

Q: How can this information be helpful to you?

Q: Describe one way that viewing our past as a victim keep us from healing.

Q: On page 23 I share that I didn’t know how to work through conflict, even as an adult. Instead, I wanted to sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn’t happen. It’s one legacy that I needed to be unpacked and repack with something better. What is one dysfunctional pattern you want to unpack?

Read Hebrews 12:1 becky bible art

I’m going to ask you to do something bold. In the margin of your Bible, write down one weight that has slowed you down. Then beside it, write the words you sense God speaking to you.

Make it beautiful. 

This is an example from my friend Becky.

Sometimes there are pivotal moments when we know that God is doing something. And you just want to celebrate that promise or that truth.

Don’t make this hard or a task. Just make it beautiful, however that looks like for you, in your Bible. If it makes you uncomfortable, make it beautiful in your journal.