I hate mother-in-law jokes.
But let’s be honest, there’s not a manual that tells us how to be a good mother-in-law.
And it can be tricky.
But this is where I wanted to be a risk taker.
I wanted to break the stereotype of the word mother-in-law. I didn’t want to be a bad joke.
I wanted to take the risk, not just to do it, but because there were people I love involved, and it mattered.
My first risk was to embrace the new.
The old way is comfortable, but my way isn’t always the best way. It’s definitely not the only way. I decided to hold our traditions and way of doing things a little less sacred.
What makes anything sacred are the memories involved, right?
Embracing the new allowed us to make new memories together as a family.
My second risk was to hold loosely.
When you’ve been a mom for 21+ years, you’ve been used to giving advice. Used to Sunday dinners, or Christmas around your tree. You treasure the one-to-one conversations, and time with your child.
Now you’re sharing them with someone else. Lots of someone else’s as you include their spouse’s family.
Holding loosely might feel like strange at first, but holding tightly allows no room for growth in an adult relationship. I discovered something incredible as I opened my hands in my relationships with my adult children:
Holding loosely allows them to come freely.
Holding tightly might look like this:
Giving advice where it’s not needed.
Pushing in too close when a couple needs space to define what their family is going to look like.
Questioning their choices.
Being jealous of a relationship because you feel that they’ve taken the place you used to hold.
Holding loosely is:
Waiting to share advice when they come to you.
Giving space for the new relationship to flourish, and finding that there’s still lots of room for you in there, too.
Trusting their choices, and if they are wrong, letting them learn through them just like you did.
I wish that I could say that I do these things perfectly, but I’m not a perfect anything.
But this is what the word mother-in-law looks like to me. It’s family. It’s discovering that you can love beyond borders.
It’s what makes this girl happy.
I love this picture because it wasn’t supposed to look like this. It was a last minute squeeze by my son (the tall guy in the back) that just happened to be caught on camera.
But if I could describe my journey as a risk taker, this just might be the image.
I never know exactly what it’s going to look like as a risk taker. I’m not even certain it will all work out.
But then there are those sweet moments when you just happen to get a glimpse that it’s messy and fun and totally worth the risk.
Suzie
Suzie,
You are the ultimate risktaker! The greatest thing about our risks is that they are taken for Jesus thus we are not alone and we can trust he will respond in ways that we could never imagine! He did not give us a spirit of timidity but one of power! Risking today with you over at http://www.faithfully-following.com . Stepping out in faith to encourage others to take the next step! Never fear the Yes you make when it’s the next step Jesus asked you to take! Stop over!
https://faithfully-following.com/2014/10/10/taking-the-risk-for-jesus/
Hey, Suzie! Still can’t link up via InLinkz, so I’m just going to leave my link to my post here. 🙂
https://motheringfromscratch.com/2014/09/05/moms-faith/
I loved the idea of painting our faith in bold colors. It’s a beautiful post and it’s one that makes me think, and I’m grateful to have read it.
https://jenniferreneewatson.com/2014/10/10/worth-the-risk-my-adoption-story/ So excited to link up with these amazing risk takers!
I didn’t know your story. Now I realize you are even braver and more giving than I thought (and I thought it was BIG). Powerful!
So excited to join this group of risk takers! Here’s mine:
My Risk: Trusting God to Stick by Me When Others Ran Away <3
https://laurapolk.org/?p=485
Laura, as I read this I know that your risk can be misunderstood. I also know that you fought hard for your marriage for years, and that ultimately you couldn’t on to something or someone who didn’t want to be there. So, your risk to hold tight to God, to hold tight to your children, to keep your head up and keep walking the path that God has carved out for you as a strong, joy-filled, loving woman, amazes me. I love, love you girl.
Love these thoughts, Suzie! I hope one day I get to be a MIL and I hope I remember all this wisdom right here. To hold loosely is not a trait of mine and that will surely take work, but you are right, it’s worth the risk. So much in life is worth the risk if we just give it to God and let Him work in and through the situation. Love your words, your heart and your ministry. xoxo
I didn’t realize how powerful “holding loosely” was in relationships. The longer we call ourselves family and the bigger and more extended we get, the more I realize that holding loosely truly allows them to come freely, and they do because there aren’t restraints or demands or conflicting feelings. There is just family. <3
Thank you Suzie for the linkup. You rock. We are all blessed by you!
Loved your post on guilt! Awesome.
Thank you Suzie. Thank you for being so generous. 😉
Oh my, I see myself in the holding too tight spot. I am not a MIL yet. I do have only one child though so you can see I have lots of prayers and risk involved. I have prayed for me to be a good one-one that my SIL wants to call mom and loves to see coming for a visit. I am counting on God to help me do my part. I love your transparency and your love for others.
Thanks, Carmen. As I share, I’m such a work in progress, but holding loosely is something that is starting to feel completely natural. It’s freeing. <3
Suzie, I love this blog post. When my daughter-in-law, Jill, was first married to my son Ben, it sure was bumpy. I had to let go of the way things were done before, too. The biggest risk: talking out the accusation, critical spirit, and offense that had been in the past for both of our families. The turning point? When I sat down with her in my living room and tearfully spoke things directly to her. “I want to break the cycle of negativity in our families,”I told her. “I want to be connected. You’re special to me. Let’s not let any differences define our relationship.” You know what? We’ve grown closer ever since then. It worked. Taking the risk thrust us to the next level.
One of my favorite bloggers. Hands down. I’m so glad you shared this with me!
You did it! Keep taking those risks. The women you love in Faithfully Fit are so blessed!