Today my friend Karen Ehman, Proverbs 31 Ministries author and speaker, joins us to share how “keeping it shut” was her biggest battle.
Maybe you identify with Karen’s temptation to just let words fly. I think we all do at some point. Right? If so, you’ll want to check out her new book, Keep It Shut: What to Say. How to Say It. When to Say Nothing at All.
Keep It Shut
w/Karen Ehman
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26–27
I wrestled with several plastic grocery bags as my purse swung wildly from my shoulder. I was trying desperately to free up a hand to open the back door that leads from our garage into the kitchen. Tired from a long day of errands and appointments, I just wanted to get into the house, put the groceries away, and then collapse on the couch.
As I fumbled with my keys and stepped up onto the landing that leads into the kitchen, I nearly tripped and broke my neck. I also broke out into a horrible rant as I saw the reason for my near trip and fall.
“Kenna! Mitchell! Spencer! You kids get out here right now and take care of these shoes and boots. I am sick and tired of how you all just toss your shoes here with absolutely no regard for what I’ve told you. You know your shoes go on the rug. I don’t want to ever see this junk lying here again. You hear me? You are all so lazy! Now I said get out here … right now!”
My kids heard me all right.
So did half the neighborhood.
I have a major pet peeve about the shoes, sports cleats, boots, and flip-flops that collect in our garage. First, I’d prefer that each family member have only a pair or two there. (That day there were about nineteen, and only four were from my husband and me. The other fifteen or so were from our three darlings. Yes. Crunch the numbers. That’s five pairs each!)
I also prefer that shoes be lined up neatly in a row on the lovely industrial rug that is strategically placed just to the right of the landing for my clan’s convenience. I’ve even timed out how much longer it takes to actually place said pairs of shoes neatly on the rug instead of kicking them off haphazardly.
Just three seconds!
But my kids couldn’t seem to get with the program and so? It made me angry. This wasn’t the only time a domestic dispute broke out. There were other shouting bouts as well. Sometimes they were over issues of outright disobedience when I had specifically instructed a particular child to clean up a mess they had made. Other times it was over an accident: spilled grape juice on the light-colored carpet, too much laundry soap in the new front-loading washing machine, a screen door left open and now there were mosquitoes in the house. Many normal mishaps of childhood.
Although on the one hand it felt good to vent my anger, on the other hand it made me gulp in guilt for barking so angrily at my sweet children. Later, after the shoes were straightened and some even put away, I felt God tap me on the heart, prompting me to apologize to my kids. I fought it for a while, arguing that the kids were the ones who should be apologizing to me.
It was then that I felt God clearly say, “Mind your own sin, sweetheart.”
Ouch. Yes, my kids’ disregard of instructions wasn’t right. Children should obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1). But when they don’t? Well, I couldn’t recall a single verse that then grants parents the right to holler and scream, giving all of the neighbors who were trying to eat their spaghetti supper both dinner and a show.
I apologized to my kids that night before they went to bed. I asked them to forgive me for my angry mama mouth. Then together we strategized about how we could remedy the whole footwear fiasco in the garage. I realized that part of the reason I was always badgering my clan to get with the program was that there was no good program for them to get with in the first place.
The industrial rug just wasn’t cutting it. So we cut the rug. With a trip to the department store and some nice wire shelves, we found a solution to the footwear conglomeration.
We compromised.
I didn’t get my entire desired neat-as-a-pin plan, but the modified version still worked better than the industrial rug. As a result, I no longer badger my poor kids about their shoes. My vocal cords aren’t so sore, and the neighbors can now enjoy their dinner in peace.
And I learned that day a very valuable lesson…
Don’t say something permanently painful just because you are temporarily ticked off.
Co
What people are saying about Keep It Shut:
What People Are Saying About Keep It Shut
– Candace Cameron Bure, actor, producer, New York Times bestselling author, Dancing With the Stars Season 18 finalist
– Liz Curtis Higgs, bestselling author of The Girl’s Still Got It
Words are the most powerful weapons we have. They can be a sharp sword or a soothing salve, both having the ability to change someone’s path in an instant.. I wish every one of my social media followers would read this book along with me.”
“I’ve put Karen’s wise suggestions to the test and am already noticing an improvement: less talking, better listening! Helpful, practical, biblical.”
“This book is funny, honest, and tackles the hard subjects of gossip, speaking the truth in love and the power of our words from a biblical standpoint. It is the perfect book for our social media driven world.”- Lysa TerKeurst, New York Times bestselling author of The Best Yes and president of Proverbs 31 Ministries
“Our words have the power to build up or to destroy. It’s no wonder that the Bible compares the tongue to both forest fires and swords. Karen Ehman’s book offers solid biblical counsel for those who want their words to be vessels of grace and healing.”
I read the first chapter and I can so identify with what Karen says. I wish I had learned those lessons years ago. I wish there were do overs to. I didn’t learn the lessons and I can’t have do overs but I can start when I get the book and learn from what Karen has to say. Thanks. I would love to win the book and get started as soon as possible.
I definitely need this book. I am looking forward to reading it.
A friend and I just encountered this issue as we both used our words to hurt rather than to build up. She went to the scriptures and wrote about the topic and I mentioned this book! We are certainly interested in the book and possible small group study. Thanks for sharing!
Sounds like a great book!!
I still struggle with what I say to my two young girls and my husband. I have learned to pick my battles but I still sometimes let my anger and frustration get the best of me. I think this book could help me tame my tongue!
Thank you for sharing this powerful message. It needs to be heard, by me. I have been looking forward to this book since I saw it featured on Proverbs 31. What a treat to read that first chapter. God bless you, and of course, I would love a free copy. Best of luck to all of you out there,
Grateful,
Stasia
I can’t wait to read this book! I’m reading “Let it Go” now, and am getting so much out of it. Karen, you are so wise, funny, and real. You tell a great story and you pack a powerful punch when it comes to applying God’s word to everyday life. Blessings on your ministry.
Sounds like a good book for teachers too.
I have to remind myself continuously of this. Proverbs is without a doubt my favorite book of the Bible, and the wisdom found there never goes out of date, and always turns back to the reader! I try to practice it, but at times am not sure if what I am doing is just the opposite! This chapter is wonderful, lessons that we all need and that I truly would love to keep in my heart! Can’t wait to read the entire book!
What an important word for everyone- especially parents!
Yep. I am pretty sure this book was written after watching a day in the life of my family. Definitely need to pick this one up. Soon.
This is such a common occurance in our home, I am sad to say! It’s helpful knowing we’re all human, and it happens, but I’d love to have a copy of Karen’s book to help me avoid them all together!
Thank you for your honesty! God bless!!
xoxo
Looks like a must read.
A must read for me :-)) When it comes to words, I do a have regrets…. Thank God for His redeeming grace and a new start!
I’m so very guilty of “letting it fly” when I should “let it lie.” This is a daily struggle for me! I love the premise of this book and would love to hear more of what Karen has to say in regards to keeping it shut. 😉 Thanks for sharing this today.
Definitely been there; definitely trying to be there less and less. Karen’s book sounds like the help many of us need.
Looking forward to reading this book. Words are powerful aren’t they?! It’s been a journey for me realizing this – I could qualify as a before & after project. When my heart realized how I carelessly used words as an outlet for emotions, I asked the Lord to do a mighty work in me. And He has been faithful, speaking to me and transforming me – through His Word. I am blessed!
I so want to read this book, it’s such a struggle of mine 🙁
Your number was chosen by a random number generator, so you are the winner! I sent an email to you just a few moments ago!
I’ve so enjoyed the snippets I’ve read so far of this book! It definitely requires intentionality to use our words to build others up and not tear them down. I look forward to reading the rest, as God continues to teach me this truth!
I’ve already finished the first chapter. We sure do
Learn from our mistakes, but changing them can be
Hard at times. I’m so glad I joined this study group.
So i can learn when to shut up and how to tame my tongue.
Suzie, I loved your story too, Thanks! For sharing!
Janet
I know all to well how hard it is to keep it shut….. I am one to hold it in then when I an pushed too far again I blow up. Not goofiness many ways…..I keep praying.
I struggle with keeping my mouth shut when anger builds up in me. I am trying to check myself more with those I love, as they are the ones that usually I let go with the most easily. Not how it should be, I know. I need to work on this. I would love to win a copy and read more about what Karen has to say on how to better at this.
I am guilty of speaking in ways that are too harsh, and then feel remorseful afterwards. I need to learn how to say things, and when to keep it shut. Thanks for spreading God’s words through your book.
This sounds like a must read because this is a definite area I need to grow.
so hard to read these words, as I am guilty of so much of what Karen talks about! And how I wish that I could learn to keep my mouth shut, especially when I am angry!
I have a personality that doesn’t always say a ton, but when I do it sometimes spews. This book sounds fabulous!
Reading the book RIGHT NOW but needed it YESTERDAY! So looking forward to the P31 Online Bible Study!
Definitely needed to read this… I get so overwhelmed and just go on and on throwing little temper tantrums… Then my son begins learning proverbs 20:11 for Awana on Wednesday and I humbly use my little rants to explain what that verse meant to his momma.
Great subject! I’ve often struggled with filtering my words especially when emotions are high. Loved the 1st chapter and looking forward to reading the rest of the book. Thanks for the chance to win a copy.
I would love to win this book. It seems here lately that is what keeps coming to me. Keep your mouth shut….. There is nothing like good instruction to help you get better.
I’m reading rave reviews of this book all over the net and would love to win and read it! 🙂
OH, this sounds so wonderful to read! I should never really stop reminding myself of how powerful my mouth is, particularly since I’m influencing my husband AND my three children all day, every day. I’d love to read a copy of this book and have wanted to since I first saw it. What a great, great and relevant topic to constantly remind myself about, my mouth. Thank you so much for this opportunity!
I have read the first 2 chapters and all I can say is THANK YOU AND AWESOME! This book is so good. It is really helping me think before I talk and to remember God does care about everything, even our talk and tone. Thank you for sharing.
Jen Mc was the winner of Karen’s book, Keep It Shut! Thanks for sharing your stories. Thanks for coming by this little corner of cyberspace. I hope I see you all again soon!
Suzie