Melinda and Kathy are two of my favorite people. They minister to moms, but they don’t pretend that they have all the answers. In fact, they’re pretty open about the hard places in motherhood and how faith helps them navigate through them.
Today, Melinda and Kathy Helgemo share three BIG truths about being a mom. They’re also offering a giveaway of their brand new book, Mothering From Scratch: Finding the Best Parenting Style for You and Your Children (January, 2015, Bethany House Publishers).
3 BIG Truths About Being a Mom
Kathy Helgemo and Melinda Means
Over and over again, our minds replay them.
Those times when we lost our temper with our child, forgot something important or didn’t give our child something that they needed.
Our mothering mistakes seem to get bigger and more permanent the longer we dwell on them.
We begin to think that we’ve done damage that can’t be reversed. It’s surely the reason why they’re struggling in school, fighting with their siblings, having trouble making friends or fill in the blank.
(Melinda) My oldest is now 18. I have a lot of mistakes and shortcomings to reflect on. I know so much more now than I did as a mom of little ones. The error of my ways seems so maddeningly obvious now. And I find myself at times overcome with regret and apologizing to my kids for incidents and mistakes that haunt me.
More often than not, I get the same response from them. And every time I hear it, it sets me free just a little bit. Here it is:
“Mom, I honestly don’t remember that.”
Really? Then why does it keep me up at night?
(Kathy) I will never forget an incident on a stressful road trip with all four of my kids under the age of 10. I had been driving for over 8 hours, escaping our post-Hurricane Charley town.
What do you mean they don’t remember me pulling off of the interstate and losing my religion as I yelled and shoved them around in the car because they wouldn’t stop talking while the baby was sleeping?
I sure do. I cried in the car for the next two hours looking at little, shell-shocked faces who were wondering when their maniac of a mother was going to exit the vehicle.
Our inability to “let it go” comes down to this: We don’t have enough faith in God that He can use us in spite of our flaws and that He can redeem our mistakes. We make Him … small. We’re essentially telling Him that what He did on the cross doesn’t apply to motherhood.
We work overtime to be “enough,” do enough — when God is the only one who will ever be “enough” for our kids.
“Imperfection breeds humility. Our kids will understand that God’s grace is easily accessible…It impacts their view of God. It mirrors a fraction of God’s forgiveness of us.” — Mothering From Scratch: Finding the Best Parenting Style for You and Your Family
We can model the idea of asking for forgiveness and show firsthand the power of the Holy Spirit and His ability to change us — in an up close and personal way.
Here are three big truths God wants moms to know:
I am a big God.
The Bible is full of people who God used in spite of themselves. We can remind ourselves that He still used David even though he was an adulterer and a murderer. What about Matthew? He wasn’t exactly an example of exemplary moral character. Sarah? She laughed at God’s power. Jonah? He had a major attitude problem. Yet, God was able to work powerfully through these very flawed people.
God hasn’t changed. He still works through very imperfect moms.
My truth is bigger than the enemy’s lies.
If we’re worried about whether we’re doing a good job as a mom, then our kids are blessed. A mom who is worried about whether she is a good mom or not is probably a good one by default. Our conscience IS speaking to us. We realize our imperfections. The problem comes in when that’s all we see about our mothering. Discouragement is a powerful tactic of the enemy. It keeps us rooted in the past, paralyzed and ineffective.
Satan is a liar. And we need to call him on it. The most potent weapon against the lies he whispers is Truth. I (Melinda) remember reading about a powerful tactic that has stuck with me: When the devil tells us, “You’re not enough. You’ll never measure up as a mom,” acknowledge that he’s right! Then pull out the Sword. Respond with, “Yes, Satan, you’re right. But God’s grace is sufficient for me. His power is made perfect in my weakness. I am not enough, but He is.” (2 Cor. 12:9)
I see the big picture — and I’m working behind the scenes.
Imagine zooming out, if you will, from your mothering story over the course of their life — not the course of their day, or month, or even year. What would you see? Chances are the colors are brighter and more positive than you see them when you are zoomed in on one pixel of their little lives.
“We tend to judge our success halfway through the hands-on period of mothering, rather than when it’s finished.” — Mothering From Scratch: Finding the Best Parenting Style for You and Your Family
We’ve both been moms long enough now to know that challenging seasons and struggles with our kids usually pass — or at least become somewhat easier. Behaviors that we thought would doom them to a life of difficulty often improve or disappear. This happens as they mature and as we follow God’s lead in providing boundaries and discipline. When they don’t, we have to trust that He’s big enough to give us the power to handle it.
We want to encourage you to let God be big in your mothering. Allow Him to show you His mercy and grace in places where you feel inadequate or uneasy.
He won’t let you down.
Melinda and Kathy
Did you enjoy this bite from Mothering From Scratch?
Their book Mothering From Scratch: Finding the Best Parenting Style that Works for You and Your Family is available in bookstores nationwide and online.
And don’t forget today’s giveaway!
Just leave a comment below. Kathy and Melinda will be checking in throughout the day to answer any of your questions, to pray with you mom to mom, or to just say hello!
Suzie
God’s grace is amazing!!
{Kathy} Amen!
Tracy, you are the winner of a copy of Mothering From Scratch! Please send me your mailing address. I’ll privately email you.
It is so true, we forget God is big enough to forgive us of our mistakes throughout our journey of parenting.
{Kathy} The journey of parenting is a long, rewarding one. It’s so important that we give Him room to move and walk along side of us. Thanks for commenting.
I needed that this morning! Thanks for being a “blessing”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{Kathy} I’m so pleased this post resonated with you. You are so welcome!
I had one of these “bad-mama” moments last night when i lost my cool with my kids. I am going through separation and divorce and my kids just wanted to be with me. they were laughing and playing with eachother and i was trying to put together a piece of furniture and i needed a little quiet. i sent my son to his room for something he did and he left, slamming the door behind him. i was not a happy-mama. he came back later and apologized and i cried with him, asking for forgiveness for losing my cool. It sounds like this book is something i need to read as i struggle with parenting on my own and learning how to do this mama-thing better with Gods grace and forgiveness.
One of my favorite bloggers is a single mama (newly single last year) who shares what it looks like to do this mama-thing alone. I hope you’ll check her out. You’ll love her wit, and her wisdom and her honesty. It’s http://www.laurapolk.com. Click through to her blog.
What I hear in this comment is a mama who wants to do the best she can and who isn’t pointing fingers at anyone else, but opening her heart to grow through the mistakes. That’s strength! That’s beautiful. So, this “Gaga” to five and mom to three beautiful daughters is reaching to give you a hug and tell you that I’m proud of you. I’m proud of the fact that you want to do it well.
Grace, grace, grace. Yes! Growth through grace, yes to that too!
I’m thrilled that you shared your heart with us, Pam.
Thanks Suzie! I will check out her blog! I need all the help i can get! 🙂
{Kathy} Pam, just the mere mention of trying to put together furniture with kids around and I totally understand. Our attention as moms can be so difficult to divide. Give yourself some grace today and let tomorrow go. You are doing the best you can do in the circumstances that are happening. God bless you and your kids. And may the instructions be clear for the furniture!
Oh my! Do i ever need this! I have 4 kiddos! 3 girls and one sweet boy who range from 11 down to 1 1/2! There have been many times that I have lost my cool and have to ask for forgiveness. You are right, kids are alot more forgiving and forget things more than we mommies do! i feel inadequate alot! i am trying to just go to His Word and know that He has me where He wants me. I heard someone talk about that God knew what child would be mine and that I am the mommy to them for a reason! He had them especially picked out just for me and our family. I could sure use this book! TY for this post. I am sharing!
Hi Julie, parenting can be downright wonderful and hard all at the same time. Yesterday I watched a mom with two little girls in her basket at the grocery store. One little one had a continual runny nose. The other was riding in the basket, but tired of it. The basket was filled with groceries, and both little girls were hungry. She continually played with them, speaking softly, and setting boundaries when the little one in the basket was about to have a meltdown.
That was my daughter and it brought me back to when she was the one in the basket. When I had three little ones. When I wasn’t sure if what I was doing was always (or ever) the right way to handle it. Watching her helped me understand that years ago I was planting seeds in the heart of my child, who would one day be a strong woman. I didn’t know it then, because there wasn’t anything that told me that the hard work and consistency and prayer and tears paid off. I didn’t know that my apologies when I messed up would settle in her heart.
What you do matters, Julie. So much.
{Kathy} Yes, Julie! You are right! God did pick you to be the mother for these beautiful blessings. Four kiddos is a handful — I know. I do also want you to know that you will never regret the energy and time you are putting into them. God will bless your efforts — your imperfect efforts — I promise.
I have struggled with this alot, as I am sure many have. Guilt is satans big tool for me. I learned alot about myself though this year and have had some wise words shared with me from wise women that have lead me in a new direction. Sounds like this books would be a great support to my journey. Thank you for sharing some of it.
{Melinda} Tiffany, Satan has used guilt big time in my mothering. He still tries, but I’m better at recognizing it for what it is. He is relentless! I am so grateful for wise women God has put in my life, as well. Praying right now for continued direction and acceptance of God’s grace for you. <3
I also struggle with guilt. I will dwell on times I lost my patience. This is a book I could definitely use!!
{Melinda} I think so many of us do, Laura! I think the enemy wants to keep us in that place of “I should have” or “I wish I hadn’t”, which keeps us from being effective right now.
Oh my goodness. I certainly know I’ve had my moments! This sounds like a great book.
Thank you the reassurance to us Momma’s! Love this… “Yes, Satan, you’re right. But God’s grace is sufficient for me. His power is made perfect in my weakness. I am not enough, but He is.” (2 Cor. 12:9).
AMEN, AMEN, AMEN (One for each of my 3 children!)