10 more days till surgery.
The moment the calendar flipped to April 1, it became real.
We’ve been on this grand honeymoon of sorts — just living life normally, with a heavy-duty doctor’s appointment or test here and there.
I know what it is to have faith. We’ve been here before. I know that deep in this Jesus girl is a reservoir of strength because the Holy Spirit lives inside of me.
But that doesn’t keep me from thinking about the real stuff. Like a five-hour surgery. Like hospitalization. Like bringing home my strong guy to take care of him while he heals.
Sometimes we have to walk through places we’d rather detour.
Years ago I listened to a speaker and the title of her message was, “Grow where you are planted.”
At the time I was pretty young. Grow where you are planted seemed like nonsense because my philosophy was, “Get out of that stupid garden and grow where you want to grow.”
My response revealed a serious need of a dose of spiritual maturity. Later, walking through the harder places gave me exactly that.
What does it mean to grow where you are planted?
It means that we experience real emotions, but that our first step is to look for Jesus in the midst of that hard place.
Because He’s there.
He’s always there.
Instead of bracing myself for what is to come, I’m looking for Jesus in my relationship with Richard.
We’re laughing a lot. We are taking long walks in the evening. We are praying together.
I’m looking for Jesus in my thought life.
Instead of giving worry more than its fair share, I’m praising Him for what we have, for being with us in the past, for being an anchor in the present.
I’m also honest about those times that it feels overwhelming and I ask Him to carry that burden with me.
Because I’m not big enough.
Seriously, I’m not.big.enough.
I’m looking for Jesus in the myriad of details that come with the word “cancer” like insurance, and bills, and doctor’s visits and preparing for recovery.
When I look for Jesus I find Him and that gives me the roots to push down deep in unforgiving soil.
Last week Richard and were walking through an old cemetery. It was fascinating! Many of the markers and tombstones date back to the mid-1800’s.
It’s spring here in Arkansas and tiny purple Grape Hyacinths were strewn across our path. In the midst of a cemetery, these perfectly formed splashes of God’s creation grew where they were planted.
I don’t think it’s nonsense anymore.
In fact, I am so grateful that it’s exactly what our faith offers in the more challenging (and unasked for) places.
We can grow where are planted because there’s peace to be found.
My tender heart, wrapped around my love for my guy, is guarded by God Himself.
Are you in a hard place that you don’t want to be?
Please let me pray for you.
Together, as we walk through our hard places, we’ll find support where we need. We’ll ask God to lead the way. We’ll be honest about our needs — with God and with people.
We’ll admit it’s not where we want to be and it’s certainly not where we plan to be forever.
But for now, we’ll grow where we are planted. We’ll look for the beauty in those hard places and we’ll watch as God shows up in the unexpected.