Today I sent a message to a friend.
How are you?
She’s in a hard place. She’s going through treatment for cancer and it’s knocked her down hard. She’s brave and strong and filled with faith, but her body doesn’t feel strong at all.
It made me think of a time nearly 25 years ago when I took my kids to the park. Natural rock stairs clambered up a steep hill to a lookout point.
I had climbed those rocks a hundred times.
At that time I was in treatment for breast cancer and I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I was the same person on the inside but my outside didn’t look anything like me. Neither did my once-strong self.
I stepped on those rocks and started climbing, realizing quickly I was going nowhere fast. I couldn’t breathe. I was exhausted, but I pushed on.
I could DO this.
No I couldn’t.
While my young children raced up the hill, shouts of “come on, mom” in my ears, I sat on the rock and wept.
I had lost me.
Today as I thought about that story, I sent a second message to my friend: “I wish someone had told my younger self that one day I’d race up those rocks. That I’d be me again. You’ll be “you” again, too. Hang tight, sis. Just hang tight. I’m praying for you.”
Later, she wrote this:
Today I’ve been thinking about the loneliness of suffering, and how rare it is to find the friend who can speak into it with a depth of empathy and tenderness. In fact, only those who have experienced deep loss and suffering themselves can even come close.
And then your email came. And I almost burst into tears. You get it. Because you’ve been there. I’ve lost track of how many days I’ve cried because it seems this will never end, that I will never again feel like myself.
Thank you for stepping into my suffering today. A sweet gift.
Right now my friend doesn’t feel like enough, but together we can be.
This past week when my sweet guy was wheeled into surgery I felt like anything but enough, but people wrapped around me in that waiting room. Since then, people have brought food and sent cards and private messages. And do you know what I know now, more than ever:
We need each other. Good grief, how we need each other.
Just as I know I’ll be there for my friend, and as others have been there for me, there are a lot of people who don’t feel enough because they are doing it all alone.
Will you do me a favor?
Look around. Find that person who’s in a hard place and pushing on because that’s all she can do. I promise you’ll notice someone, then. . .
Bring her a meal.
Send her a card.
Pray for her.
Step into her suffering and let her know that you get it.
And if you don’t get it, just walk beside her in silence until she feels the “enough” rising up inside of her.
Our Savior took up our pain and became enough for us. Let’s become enough for each other in His name.
Suzie
Oh my Suzie, you just reached right in and grabbed my heart. “Our Savior took up our pain and became enough for us. Let’s become enough for each other in His name.” Amen! Thank you for encouraging us and teaching us how to #livefree. Blessings sweet friend.
Jana, you are a treasure. Thank you for showing up each Thursday!
Yes! We never suffer alone and we are blessed to share in the sufferings of others.
As always Suzie, a message that drives us to be Christ out load with and for others! Many come to mind that I can walk alongside today. Thank you for the reminder! Also thank you for driving me to Isaiah 53…wonderful verses of truth that tie into to something I am studying! Wrapping you and Richard in hugs of prayer!
I often make the mistake of ‘keeping my distance’ when someone is going through a difficulty that I’ve never experienced. I think part of the reason is fear that I will say the wrong thing. I also convince myself that she doesn’t need to be bothered- that she just needs time alone. But those feelings are just caused by fear and doubt! Even if I don’t know exactly what to say, I need to pray that God will give me the words and the boldness to be what she needs me to be:) Thank you, Suzie. Great post!
Sometimes a warm meal and a warm embrace are worth more than 10,000 words. Words fail and it’s okay not to have them, but your presence is a blessing.
So beautiful. Thank you for sharing the depth of your heart while you are in the middle of the undone-ness of life.
Suzie, I know you know ALL about this today! “We need each other. Good grief, how we need each other. ” So glad you received what you needed last week with Richard’s surgery. Praying for you sweet friend!
Thank you, Kim. It makes me want to be SO aware of others who are in that hard place.
Enough. Yes there are moments in our lives where we truly realize we are not enough by ourselves yet with God and surrounded by our commUNITY we are united. And that’s enough. Lots of prayers for a speedy recovery for your precious husband, Suzie. Susan
Susan, I’m watching the message of your book spread right now and I’m rejoicing in that. How beautiful that you’ve experienced the suffering of grief and take that experience to walk alongside others in comfort and faith.
So very proud of you.
Amen, dear Suzie! You are speaking His word to us this morning…
“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Cor 1:3-4
True and deep empathy is born out of our hardships. It is by having been there, that we understand. In this sense, we can even begin to see our suffering as a gift, and thank Him for it.
Blessings and hugs,
Kamea
I love this verse!
What good words. It seems also that once we’ve suffered in a certain way, our eyes our opened to so many others that are also suffering that same way. Praying God is bringing this empathy friends alongside you all right now.
I think about Job and the “friends” that came alongside. What a difference it would have made for them to sit in the ashes with him. To take a warm cloth and to bathe his wounds. To weep and weep with him.
The other night two friends came over and one pulled out his Bible and said, “I feel God leading me to read the first few verses of Psalm 103. Is that okay?”
When we happily said yes, he read these words:
Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
Then he prayed with us. We all knelt and believed in and accepted these words as healing over my husband. What a beautiful night.
They also brought cookies! <3 The combination of friendship, cookies and the power of prayer and the Word was a gift.
No pithy answers. No formulas. Just straight up God-friendships that filled us up.
Love this! How beautiful are those friendships!!!
No better display of love than to walk alongside another in their suffering. Excellent post.
We are called to do that! Also, when we suffer for something in our lives we need that person by our side. Thanks for sharing this encouragement post! Blessings!
W/Love,
Tayrina from TGAWrites
Tayrina, I’m so glad you are showing up every Thursday! It’s so great to meet you.
Currently walking with a friend through “the valley of the shadow of cancer,” and so appreciate your wisdom and biblical insights here.
Thank you, Michelle. What joy it is to have someone close by, if only to hold our hand through the hard places.
Great post! Encouraging to those going through something tough and to those who want to help but don’t know what to do.
Thank you Suzie for encouraging us to come outside of ourself to see another’s pain. I need to step in more. I value your words.
Oh Suzanne, this is beautiful and filled with heart, lessons for my compassionate heart, and for the part of me that sometimes just doesn’t know what to say or how to say it. God will give me the words by staying close and recognizing those places where I have walked and can comfort another.
Caring through Christ, ~ linda
I think we’ve all been there, Linda. When we don’t know what to say. Sometimes silence and a warm embrace says 1000 words. Just the right words. <3
Thank you for this beautiful and encouraging post! May we love one another as He loves us, offering compassion and help in time of need. Thanks fore hosting & God bless!
Good stuff! God intended for us to support, love and hold one another’s arms up-just like He does for US.
This is powerful. Togetherness is the kind of thing that changes everything. Thank you, Suzie.