I was driving down the street but I aware of nothing.
Not the beautiful clouds floating in the sky. Not the blooming trees. Not the sound of my children’s voices from the back seat.
Instead I was rehearsing the things I should have said. The things I could have said. In my thoughts, things worked out the way they should.
There was just one problem.
Nothing changed in my situation. I didn’t gain the upper hand. I hadn’t resolved the conflict.
Absolutely nothing took place . . . except my thoughts were on everything but what was really important to me.
The way that we think takes place in a lot of different ways. Our background, through pain, joy, and also through our natural temperament.
The way our heart thinks creates a distinct path that often leads us, rather than being led by us.
Years and years ago I spent an incredible amount of time trying to re-imagine conversations or encounters, or wishing I had known how to respond, or change the way something had gone. And in doing so, nothing was ever resolved. Not in the harder places.
Not in me.
Maybe you relate. When we go down that path, it’s time to shut the door because God had more for us.
We can learn how to deal with conflict and then move on.
We can guard our heart, being aware of what leads us down unhealthy thinking.
We can ask God for help (and He gives it).
We can intentionally refocus to find the good all around us.
Let’s begin by honestly answering these questions:
• Where does your thought life lead you?
• How does it impact those you love?
• What does it offer you? (There must be benefits, or we wouldn’t hold on to it.)
• What might God want to offer you instead?
Hard questions, but in the light of Jesus these questions lead us away from unhealthy thinking to noticing the miracles right under our nose.
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8 NLT
This isn’t stuffing how you feel. That conflict does need to be worked through and there are healthy ways to do it.
Yet it doesn’t have to consume us or be our identity.
Today let’s shift our focus. Listen to that child’s laugh, see that beautiful sunset, acknowledge that friend’s kindness, and let’s celebrate a thousand other tiny miracles all around us.
Suzie
Join the Proverbs 31 online Bible study of The Mended Heart. I’ll see you there!
This helped me take a deep breath. And you know what? It felt GOOD! Thank you. 🙂
Suzie, oh my this is just what I need to hear! I am such a stuffer, but I love that you encourage us to work through conflict in healthy ways!
O how I’ve been there…rehashing conversations and actions. What weight to carry. I want to be free of this weight and every weight that keeps me from focusing on Jesus and more positive things. My health is weighing me down now and it’s hard to get past that. Asking for prayers please.
So timely and such healthy advice and encouragement. I’m with Cindy; I think I literally took a deep breath after reading. I’ve let my thoughts lead me in recent weeks; I’ve felt God asking me to take them back and commit them to HIM… such confirmation in this. Thank you, Suzie!
I can’t believe how timely this message is Suzie. I have spent years agonizing over broken family relationships-especially with my mother and son. Yesterday, I realized that I have no home to go home to.I most likely will never see my mother again in this lifetime. I can not “fix” all of the problems-so I have to give my heart and mind and sould rest from all of these agonizing thoughts. Please pray for me.
Beautiful words, my friend! I love the verse that you shared. And you are right, God has given us the capacity for remembering, contemplating and imagining – so these are all gifts that can be redeemed. The evil one never hijacks anything that is of little worth!
Blessings and hugs,
Kamea
I have been in the playground for a whole year. I want out of the playground.
In my rehearsing perfect conversations and scenarios, where wisdom flows from my mouth just in the nick of time, I am made perfect. I am far from the reality of stumbling over myself and saying the wrong thing. It’s a beautiful, exhausting, unrealistic place. And, it is sinful, for instead of relying on God in every situation, or admitting my mistake I just control my rehashing of the conversation. God wants to give peace and acceptance that is genuine and sincere in place of my fantasy.