There’s a beautiful group of women I call #livefree friends. It’s comprised of women who are in all stages of healing, from putting their toe on the starting line to grabbing others to cross the finish line with them.
I love their stories. I love hearing what God is doing in their hearts! Today Sarah Koontz shares her story of loving her mom. It’s so good! In fact, it made me want to call my mom moments after reading it — just to let her know that I love her. Thank you, Sarah, for sharing your beautiful #livefree story. ~ Suzie
When you struggle to love by Sarah Elizabeth Koontz
“I want to be in relationship with people who love me unconditionally,” my mom quietly admitted, tears streaming down her face.
Like a dagger to my heart, the truth seeped into my soul and revealed something ugly I had never before seen.
I had not loved her well.
What do you do when you realize, for the first time, that one of the primary relationships in your life is broken and the fault rests solely on your shoulders?
Don’t get me wrong, up until the moment I described above, I had been confident the blame was not my own.
I had dedicated countless hours of emotional energy to building a case against my mom, finding fault in her every move.
She simply didn’t love me how I needed to be loved.
But what if, in the midst of it all, she had pulled back from the relationship because it wasn’t a safe place for her to be?
What if by focusing on the things I felt were lacking in the relationship, I had somehow destroyed everything that was good and beautiful in it?
If I could learn to love my mom in the same way, maybe in time, that love could erase the pain in her eyes.
A clean slate.
An unconditional love.
These gifts are not mine to offer, but I know the One who is the giver of all good gifts.
And I will ask Him each morning for the strength to see my mom through His eyes, to love my mom with His love.
Mom, thank you for those tears.
Thank you for loving me enough to show me your pain.
I will never be able to love you as perfectly or unconditionally as God has loved you, but I will dedicate the rest of my life to loving you better.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” John 13:34
Koontz is a talented communicator who has a passion for the written word. When Sarah is not writing, you are likely to find her covered in dirt, sitting in the middle of her garden, adoring her beautiful flock of backyard chickens. She is eternally grateful for her husband and two little girls, and revels in their simple, uncluttered life. Read more of Sarah’s writing at Grounded & Surrounded and SarahKoontz.com. Or connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest.
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