I’m no longer satisfied with crumbs
Terri Fullerton
A person doesn’t settle for crumbs unless she is starving, scared or ashamed.
I grew up in the terror of domestic violence. Survival became a fortress. It helped me endure as a child, but it also became a prison.
Later I settled in relationships, conversations and circumstances that were not life giving.
Eating “beneath the table” seemed safe, like a fort my brothers and I built as children. Instead of tattered quilts and sheets pulled off from beds, shame and fear draped the sides. Lies clamped the self-protective blankets and held them in place.
Crumbs fail to feed our God given hunger.
Yet I settled for crumbs because I believed the clamoring lies.
You don’t deserve anything else.
There is no room for you at the table.
You are not worthy to sit with the others.
You will never get out.
No one wants you there.
It’s not safe.
When I started to hear the compassionate whisper of truth, the enemy turned up his volume of lies.
Isn’t this always the case?
I had a choice to make.
Do I believe the lies that feel true or do I believe the truth that seems like a lie?
Christ squatted down and met me beneath the table, because we have a loving God who meets us where we are. He didn’t give me bigger crumbs. He didn’t shame me. He cupped my face and asked me to trust him. He extended his hand of grace and helped me to stand.
He led me out because our faith is not deepened in our forts of safety.
That presence created a hunger that initially opened a deep wound. Longing and desire felt wrong. It was excruciating. I squirmed. I looked down. I fidgeted with my shirt and twirled my wedding ring, yet he led me to a place at the table.
He sat me in community with others. Fiery white anxiety shot through my body. It was uncomfortable. I wanted to bolt. Yet crumbs failed to sustain me for too long. At the table is where He knew I belonged.
With his faithful love, God has created a new thing in me. Today I have my identity in Christ and embrace his truth about me.
He doesn’t just save room for me at his table, he provides a feast! {Tweet This}
It’s far more than I could have ever asked or imagined.
If you’ve settled for crumbs in any area, God is gently leading you to a place at the table.
Will you join me?
Terri
I’m so excited to introduce you to Terri Fullerton.
She’s an empty nest mom of two daughters and one son-in-law. She has been married to a godly man for 27 years. She has been a teacher, mentor, Bible Study leader and served on several Ladies Retreats.
Terri writes at Conversations at the Table at terrifullerton.com. Terri is also a contributing writer for theglorioustable.com.
She is currently working on her first book.
Follow Terri at:
Twitter @Fullerton51T
Instagram terrigfullerton
FB Terri Gorton Fullerton
Pinterest @terrigfullerton
This is a beautiful post.
Thank you for your encouragement!
Love this, Terri! Thanks for sharing!!
You are welcome. Thanks, Pam!
This is good. So glad I was able to read this honest testimony of God’s redemption!
Lindsey, God is so faithful to meet us where we are. Thank you for your encouragement!
Terri, what a beautiful picture of God’s redemptive power! Even in cases less severe than yours, there is a message of hope that your words bring. We don’t deserve crumbs… We were bought at a great price, so that we can sit at the table and feast with our God. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Alisa, so true! Hope is for EVERYONE. Thank you for your feedback. Blessings!
This is beautiful, Terri! Thank you for such powerful encouragement today!
Crystal, thank you for sharing the message. Blessings!
Terri, I too grew up in a household of a tattered and torn family. My mother was an alcoholic and bi-polar. My did the best he could, but it was a household of chaos and fighting. We were all scared 90% of the time. The 10% is what I would like to remember but somedays that is not what the devil throws at me. We went from the fire to the frying pan so to speak. My dad divorced my mother and married a woman who hated children and was verbally and physically abusive. Fear became a way of life for me. I am proud to say that today that fear has subsided and I am living a life of purpose through our Lord and savior. He has saved me from my past and set me free. I have forgiven the women in my life that have cause me so much pain and anger. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Our God is able!
Connie, I know that environment well. So much is said in just a few lines sometimes. I am so thankful to our God who is able to do more than we can ask or imagine. It is for freedom Christ set us free. Thank you for sharing your heart. I shared a few songs with Opal that encourage me.
Cheering you on, Connie!
Terri, this is fantastic! Thank you for your wonderful imagery, as I can picture all of that, especially Christ squatting beside you! This is one of those posts I will always remember as I tell myself, ‘Don’t settle for the crumbs.”
Brandy, thank you! I need to get this on a bracelet or cuff.
Until you shared this, I had never really thought about sitting at the feast table with Christ. But oh how He wants us too!! Some days it is just mind-numbing to think that He does. Thank you for your willingness to share and teach us where we belong!
Brandi, to be honest, the first time I heard of the feast table with Christ, I thought Why would anyone want to do that? I had a lot of pain around the table. But God has been so faithful to show me how much He longs for our company and how He wants to lavish us with good, nourishing things. I am so grateful to have a God who is a Good, Good Father.
This resonates so strongly within me. I was married to a person who told me he married me because 1. I came from a poor family and knew how to work hard, 2. I would work hard, and 3. I didn’t expect a lot out of life. basically, he was telling me that he wanted a slave instead of a wife. It took a long while and a lot of healing, but I came to realize I was worth a lot more than just work, work, and more work, and hand-me-downs and leftovers. God really does love His precious daughters. I really needed to see this devotional today.
Opal, you most surely are precious. You are far more valuable than any amount of work, more valuable than all your past mistakes. There are a few songs that come to mind that help me. (They may be on YouTube)
Beautiful, Mercy Me
Atlas: Daughter, Sleeping At Last
If We’re Honest, Francesca Battistelli
Be Kind to Yourself, Andrew Peterson
So humbled and thankful God used my words to minister to you.
Oh Opal, I’m so sorry. I hear a strong woman stepping into those things that seem incredibly hard to believe but who will remain there until they become truth. That’s courage! That’s faith! Cheering you on from here, and reaching with a huge hug to say how proud I am of you.
This so speaks to my heart, Terri. I have been eating the crumbs for so long but God is beckoning me to the table to partake of the feast. He is so patient though, waiting for me to be so enticed by what lies ahead that I willingly go, he won’t take me kicking and screaming because am afraid of the unknown, no, he is patient to wait until the excitement of what he has for me completely obliterates the fear and lies from the one that doesn’t want me to feast at the table with Jesus. Thank you for sharing!
Nancy, I know how hard it is especially when you don’t know what is being served. He is patient, yet He longs for more for us. For me, it wasn’t excitement that obliterated the fear and lies. I am not saying He won’t do that for you. He has many ways to achieve His good purposes. Keep pressing forward. The freedom will make you never want to go back. Come sit by me.
He took me kicking and screaming, Nancy. : ) I hear you. I really do, but sometimes he takes us gently by the arm and leads us to new territory out of a deep love for us.
The image of Jesus cupping our faces with his nail scarred hands humbles and comforts. I love you, friend! It is a holy honor to get to sit at your table.
Thank you, Andrea. You always make me feel welcome.
This is the best you have ever written…It is so moving. It has stunning practicality wrapped in breathless beauty. The ways you encourage never cease to amaze me.
Robin, thank you. It’s all from God. Thank you for your encouragement!
You are an incredible writer. : )
What Robin and Suzie said… These are some of your best words, Terri. A brilliant balance of heart and skill.
Beautiful image Terri. I never thought about the fact that we sometimes stay beneath the table because we feel like that’s where we deserve to be. Wow! So thankful for His grace and love today. Thank you for sharing:)
Thank you, Kristine. I appreciate your words.
Terri, this really is the best you’ve ever written and so timely for me, in dealing with some things from my past that I clearly recognize and prohibiting me from moving forward in my future. Thank you for your beautiful words and your encouragement.
Deanna, God’s timing and orchestration is stunning. Thank you for your words. Keep pressing on and lean into the hard.
This touched me on a such a profound and deep level as I feel as if you’re talking about my story..
no post has hit me so deeply. Thank you. It was only Christ that continues to bring me self worth..who challenges the lies of shame, deprivation and feelings of doom..I will keep this post nearby for those times when the lies try to sneak through the back door!! What a beautiful testimony and such a gift. God sent me to you today at #raralinkup!
Kathy, reading your words gives me chills. I think there are a lot of women who share this story.I am so humbled and honored that God used me to speak to you.
Kathy, you are in my prayers today.
Your writing draws me into God’s loving presence changing my heart.
It’s a wonderful gift. Thank you.
Your writing draws me into God’s loving presence .
It’s a wonderful gift. Thank you.
Carol, thank you. I don’t think I grasp how God uses my writing. Pray I am obedient to wherever he leads me.
Terri..How Beautiful the way you describe Jesus meeting you where you are..Mine wasn’t a table but rather drunken nights when my parents came home..The beatings my Mother took..Once when I was older I dared to ask her WHY?..Why did she stay? she said after when he sobered up she was treated like a queen..I had a tough time believing in Love because it always hurt..I learned that no mane would EVER lay a hand on me because they would feel my wrath..But it was a wrath I wanted to prove I couldn’t stop it as. A child BUT I wanted to show myself what I would have done..I had a lot of anger issues..Like you, God came to me..He showed up in songs and I started to pray and slowly I learned His Love does not Hurt..That is what I see is hard for many, we see Him our Father but we must learn He is not like our earthly Father..I can look in my life and see the ways He touched my life..Terri It is people like you who are not afraid to say ME TOO..so we know we are not alone..God Does Love and He NEVER HURTS..okay I said I wouldn’t tear up..at least they are tears of All He has done in my life..Thank you ..God Bless you
Marta, I can read between the lines of what you didn’t share. I really appreciate you reaching out, too. I had a tough time trusting in his love, I fought it for a long time, longer than I wish I had. In a mixed up way, love is so much more vulnerable than hate. I am so thankful we have found that we can trust the good, good Father.
You speak truth. We are never alone.
Blessings,
Terri
Terri, I’m thrilled for all those whose life you touch with this message! Thank you for risking gift. It’s quite beautiful!
Thank you, Pam. It is humbling. And a joy to see that the enemy is trumped by God.
Thank you, Terri, for writing this. It is a beautiful visual rendition of our Savior and how He longs to be with us no matter where we are … we are not alone, never alone.
Tammy, Something new I have learned recently is not just that he longs to be with us and heal brokenness, he is like jumping up and down excited when we say yes to his invitations. This is so eye-opening to me. I am skipping inside. I think it may be joy.
You are right, we are never alone.
Oh TERRI, how fabulous are your words. And how lovely a place at His table He set for you. Hugs my new very special and precious friend. I love you. And your WORDS! Susan
Susan, thank you. Thank you for being someone who welcomed me at NLR around another table.
I needed this affirmation and feel hugged by God. Again.
Terri, this is beautifully written! I love you and I love your heart. Thanks for sharing it again with us. Blessing you, sister!