Heather Hetchler is a Come With Me study leader. She’s also a talented writer and speaker and in ministry to stepmoms.
Her invitation is to love like Jesus — yep, that’s what she said! It isn’t an easy invitation, but every invitation has a destination. Heather’s is taking her closer to Christ. Let’s see what Heather has to say about loving difficult people, even when you don’t want to. ~ Suzie
Love them like I love you
When my copy of Come With Me arrived, I dove right in. Little did I know that with each turn of the page God would begin to turn me inside out.
I admit my life is messy by the world’s standards. I embrace this truth and am grateful for a God who turns messes into a message. I’m a wife (and an ex-wife), a mom and full-time stepmom. I do life with a lot of people!
Through the first three chapters of Come With Me, I sensed God whispering ways I could go deeper. I obeyed.
Then I came to Chapter Four. God’s whisper got louder.
“Loving difficult people can be a struggle,” writes Suzie. “Let’s take it deeper, because that’s where Jesus leads the disciples. He asks the disciples to love difficult people — because difficult people matter to God.”
Then it happened — God placed a name on my heart.
I quickly responded, “God, I love everyone. I serve at Church. I’m the first person to make a meal for a new mom. I donate to charity. I pray for the hurting. I don’t unfriend people with different political views.”
God pressed in deeper. I sensed He wasn’t asking me if I loved people different from me. He was asking me if I love the people I do life with.
I continued reading.
Suzie shared a story about a little girl standing in the freezing cold with nothing to protect her from the elements. My heart went out to this girl. Had she been standing on my porch I would open the door and bring her in from the cold.
That’s when God spoke to my soul.
“Heather, you love the unloveable — those who have no chance of hurting you personally. But what about those who hurt you? Will you bring them in from the cold? Will you warm them with MY love?”
“I can’t go there right now. You don’t know the pain they’ve caused me,” I cried out.
As I said those words, I realized how ridiculous they sounded.
I felt a deep pressing in. “Do you show love?” I sensed Him asking.
Fighting back the tears I called out “but God, you don’t know how hard it is to love them. You know I don’t mistreat them.”
“Do you love them?” He asked.
“I’m nice to them. I pray for them.”
“But do you show My love to them?” God repeated.
“They’ve hurt me over and over again,” I answered.
“Love them like I love you,” He whispered.
“But God I can’t take it.”
His whisper filled my soul, “You can’t take it. I can.”
I began to weep. God was telling me to leave it at the foot of the cross.
[ctt template=”4″ link=”2Pq6W” via=”no” ]God was asking to let Him take the pain and allow Him to work in their heart and He would work in mine. #ComeWithMe @cafeSmom @suzanneeller[/ctt]
I didn’t want to go where He was asking me. It meant unprotecting my heart. I had learned how to do life with this person without getting hurt and His call meant becoming vulnerable to pain. I didn’t want to go yet I knew I would find freedom in following where He leads.
God doesn’t want me to just get through life; He wants me to live it through Him.
Is it possible the paralyzing fear that kept me from opening up to love someone who might not love me back could be the same thing holding them back?
The deeper I went with God to show love to this unloveable person — the deeper He drenched me in His love.
Is there a difficult person knocking on your door?
Perhaps it is a parent, a child or a co-worker. For some, it may be a spouse.
Will you open the door with God’s love and introduce them to a Savior who will love them in the cold?
Heather
Hey friends, Suzie here. I have another freebie for you. It’s a bookmark to print out and tuck in between the pages of Come With Me. It’s kind of gorgeous!
Download the #ComeWithMe Bookmark
And, just for fun.
If you have pictures of your group studying Come With Me, share those on social media and tag them with #ComeWithMe. I’d love to give a shout out to your group on Twitter or Facebook or on Instagram.
May I pray with you today as we wrap up this week’s study?
Lord Jesus, you call us to walk with you daily, hear your voice, and respond. Sometimes that it joy filled and easy, and at other times you lead us away from feelings to healthy and loving actions. Sometimes you lead us away from discouragement to embrace hope. Sometimes you chisel that wall we’ve built and you call us out of our comfort zone to impact the world around us. Thank you for your example. Thank you for loving us in the midst of our most unloveable ways. Thank you for changing hearts and redirecting our steps to go wherever you lead, in Jesus’ name, amen.
Dear Heather, your post was so helpful. I have had so many hurts this last four years and still am in the situation but I still show God’s love to this person in hopes that one day this person will see God’s love.
Diana,
What a light you are to the person hurting you. Through Christ we have the strength to love all and we feel His love and comfort surround us. Blessings to you and thanks for the kind words.
Heather
Thank you so much, Heather, for your well written words that challenged me this morning. My husband has been going through some health issues that require much attention from me. I love my husband and would do anything to help him, however, at the same time my aging mother is becoming increasingly needy…I have felt slighted by my (supposed) best friend…have little (if any) time for my Christian friends…I guess you get it: I am overwhelmed…and need to be refueled. What a challenge to love (all of) them like Jesus does. I awoke this morning with an urgency in my spirit to talk to my husband about my feelings, ask his forgiveness for my impatience, and to set all this down at the foot of the Cross…the best I can do is draw nearer to Jesus and allow His Spirit to flow through me. Thank you again so much for your own sharing 🙂 and thank You, Jesus, for loving us and teaching us how to love.
Heather, your post this morning is very timely. This chapter in the book came at perfect timing, I am looking at it as “God’s personal message”. Two weeks from today I will be going to a family get together that will last for 3 days and I will be spending time with this person that God knows I have a hard time loving her like He does. The pain and hurt she has inflicted has gone on for 40+ years and still continues to this day. I am reading this chapter, your post and these messages and I know this is what God requires of me but I will need every ounce of strength and understanding He can give me to get past this time together, to be the person HE DESIRES me to be while with her.
In my case it is my mom and sister. The pain they have caused me is almost unbearable. I have had to put distance in between us. While reading this chapter and your story this morning, I just started crying. I can feel God working on me and telling me to love them like He does, I know I need to . I am so scared, I just don’t want to get hurt any more. I must obey God, so I will. Just thinking about the next step, makes me sick to my stomach. Praying I will do the right thing.
That was really deep, heavy. gave me tears. we all have those people in our life that we ‘can’t handle’. you’re making me look at it a whole new way…that God can; that God can work through me. scary!
I’m very sensitive to this subject – as I’m dealing with several close relationships that are strained. I think the KEY is keeping a pure heart — a sensitivity to those who have hurt you, hoping that God will change their hearts and mend the relationship. BUT … there needs to also be wisdom and discernment. The Bible is very clear that some relationships are not healthy – and should not be a part of our lives. For example, not being “equally yoked” with unbelievers. This doesn’t mean that we aren’t to love them and be a light to them. It means that closely entangling our lives and emotions with unbelievers can be a dangerous thing — because the influence might lead us to ungodliness. Also, the Bible speaks about unrepentant sin – and those who have not taken their sin to God and see no reason to do so. Luke 17:3-4 clearly says that a person’s repentance is vital to our being able to forgive them and welcome them back into our lives. Not even God himself forgives an unrepentant sinner. Forgiving those who hurt you doesn’t mean opening your life up to them if they are unrepentant, unforgiving, or harmful to your well-being. Forgiveness is something we do for God — and for our hearts — so God can work in our lives to bring us peace toward our offenders. But if the other person(s) is unwilling to accept/extend forgiveness, and continues hurtful behaviors, it’s not sinful to keep your distance from them. In fact, sometimes distancing ourselves will help to bring an unrepentant person to repentance — when they see that we have found peace, and forgiveness toward them, and that our lives are being blessed by God because of it. Asking for the Holy Spirit to give you discernment is VITAL — as is continuing to pray for those who have hurt you, and to ask God to fill your heart with forgiveness toward them and to keep bitterness away. These scriptures helped me understand that I shouldn’t feel guilty for distancing myself from harmful people. Keeping my distance has allowed me to find peace and forgiveness toward them – and to pray for them with a more sensitive heart. Titus 3:10-11; Psalms 101:4-5, 7-8; 2 Cor. 6:14-15, 17-18; 2 Tim. 3:2-5; Prov. 13:20
I should clarify that I’m talking about forgiveness WITH reconciliation. The two cannot happen together without repentance.
Heather,
I’m a single mom going through such a hard season with my ex. This post made me cry. And think. And cry some more. It’s SO much easier to love and help strangers in need. It seems impossible to love those who choose to continue to make our lives difficult no matter how kind we are to them. I was suppose to read this today. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Laura
Laura,
My heart goes out to you. I co-parent and it can be tough. It can be easier to love people from afar that can’t hurt us. When we do life with people who hurt us or hurt those we love it can be hard to show them love. God calls us to shine love to others. Boundaries have really helped me in relationships.
Thanks for sharing your heart and walk in your writing. You are a blessing to so many.
Heather
Thank you for this beautiful mesaget. As I have sat on this coach since midnight last night the lord spoke mountains to me. I to love everyone including those of who have hurt me in some of the deepest ways.
My question was “So why do I feel u loved?” I have so many close by that are hurting me my typically reaction is they don’t love me so why love myself.
God loves me and I know this. What God point out to me was that they love me “you need to LOVE you!” What was happening is not that they dont love me it’s there storm and they are reaching out to me, end it does not mean I need to be there they just need to know I am .
I tend to never find time especially when you’re late for myself which I really I don’t take care of me. God she was showing me God is showing me and telling me while I lay here healing he loves me and I need to love me. Stop working so hard don’t worry I will take care of them and of you.
My greatest love that I have only just begun to believe I deserves it the unfailing love of GOD! I am so glad he is here to help me hear what I needed to be reminded of.
I do love me and will not be so hard on myself.
Thank you for this wonderful story and this wonderful book
Christy,
Thank you for sharing your heart. Yes — God loves you. He loves all of you. He loves you on the mountain and He loves you in your messes. The beauty is God’s love is never earned it is freely given. He calls us to give love freely to shine His light. Often others who are hurting will hurt those closest. I’ll keep you in my prayers as you journey to see you as He sees you. Never forget you are wonderfully and beautifully made. You are loved.
Blessings, Heather
Love you sweet friend!!
I have had in my heart for a family member who treated my daddy badly before he died. My first instinct is to exact a punishment on him I think he deserves…but I can feel myself letting go of that rage and hatred because it is more important to me to be God’s Daughter than to take vengeance out of the Lord’s hands. Thank you a million times for this book!