We lost Richard’s dad this past week.
As we prepared for the funeral, my son pulled out several battered cardboard boxes. They contained hundreds of photos, 61 years worth.
Ryan sorted them into piles. One pile held the early years of my father-in-law’s life, along with his parents and siblings. The next contained pictures of Jimmy’s wedding to his beautiful wife, along with photos of their four boys as they grew up. Next, he created four heaping stacks of photos. These were pictures of the four brothers and their families as they became dads and granddads.
I pointed to one last large pile of photos. “What are those?” I asked.
“Nothing, really,” he said.
I sat down and looked through them. There were photos of Mount Rushmore. A scenic view of a lake. An interesting sign on a highway. All landscape photos. All of them tied to a story, I’m sure. A vacation. A weekend trip. There were a lot of them, and after awhile I put them down. It’s not that they weren’t interesting. Some were.
But they didn’t even come close to those that captured Jimmy’s people.
Like this one:
Richard’s dad is in his twenties. My husband, Richard, is about five and standing between his two younger brothers. We giggled at their matching shirts, pants, shoes, and ties. If you look close you can see three ornery, rambunctious boys posing for the camera on a cold Easter morning. The youngest’s smile revealing he is about to bust standing so still.
I do love the landscape in this picture too. The scattered hay. Weeds. You know that spring is coming, but winter dominates for now. But without the people in this picture, it’s just weeds and an overcast sky — at least for those mourning the man proudly standing behind his boys.
Capture your people while you can
When we arrived home, I realized that there were lessons in these pictures.
For example, take that landscape picture. Maybe it will hang in a frame on your wall. Maybe it will be something you can show others on Instagram, and that’s awesome.
But don’t forget about your people.
Capture them laughing. Capture a photo of that little one, even if he’s crying, because he’ll be grown up before you know it. Take a picture of your husband. Your friend. Look for those moments that tell a story, for one day you’ll want to retell it.
This next picture is of three of my littles (and their second cousin) who came to say goodbye to their great-grandpa. They played hide and seek among the bales of hay on his farm. One day we’ll talk about that day, and what it meant. We’ll tell them how Jimmy was a third-generation farmer and how he loved feeding his cows. We’ll smile at the memories of playing in the barn, and the connection between the cousins. How this is something that defines the Eller family, for my husband has over 30 first cousins and they are like brothers and sisters. My children have several cousins and they are also close.
So rare. So good. So awesome that it’s going down yet another generation.
Allow others to capture you
Allow others to take pictures of you, even if they aren’t picture perfect.
Don’t worry about filters and angles. Don’t worry about the fact that (like the picture below that I almost deleted) you don’t have makeup on, or your hair is messy or you are wearing slippers, or that angle isn’t your best for your face or your thighs.
For one day, you’ll look back and see how beautiful this moment was all along.
How Caleb saw his Gaga and Big Dad snuggling and he laughed as he climbed in to be close, too.
[bctt tweet=”Don’t worry about the perfect picture. The perfect angle. Just capture the moment. One day you’ll see how beautiful it was all along. https://wp.me/p4jbdw-4tB #livingfreetogether ” username=”suzanneeller”]
Don’t forget to make a hard copy
While my in-laws took a lot less photos than I do with my phone, I realized that most of mine are still on my phone or computer.
Maybe, like me, you have 1,000 pictures on your phone and a thousand more on your cloud. Let’s print out our favorites. Maybe we won’t put them in a perfect scrapbook, but they’ll be available for those who one day will handle them tenderly.
You’ll remember that day, that moment.
You’ll remember those who you thought who would be around forever, and one day they were gone.
And they’ll remember beautiful you.
Suzie
Q: What is your favorite picture? I’d love to hear about it. Describe it. Tell us why it’s important to you.
Related posts
I have a Memory Wall. It is on an entry wall into the house that is not used very much. I have put most of my favorite pictures of my family, Grandkids as babies, then growing up, my grandparents, my parents, and my father-in-law in the army. Wonderful photos that are intertwined with a vine wall decal. My favorite place in the whole house!
Then my favorite photo of my family growing up, was when one of our friends took a picture of us after a long day of visiting and playing. It is a black and white photo. We all look dirty! I had on a toy pair of high heels that had the elastic on the top to keep them on, and I wore them with socks! We all looked ruffled but had smile on our faces.
WE ALSO HAVE COME TO VALUE OLD PHOTOS OF HOW WE ONCE WERE.
AFTER 45 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, THERE ARE MOMENTS THAT CALL FOR A REFRESHING.
WHAT A BLESSING TO SEE PICTURES OF COURTSHIP THAT EVOKE ONCE AGAIN THAT INITIAL LOVE AND TENDERNESS AND SOFTEN A HURTING HEART AT THE APPROPRIATE TIME.
PICTURES PLACED HERE AND THERE ON DISPLAY ARE A JOY TO SEE AND REAFFIRM TO US HOW PRECIOUS OUR UNION IS.
as a soon-to-be-great-grandmother (in Feb. ) my heart sort-a weeps at your writing… my story is probably an all-to-often-story of many others.. I found this to be true..throughout my years in 12 step recovery programs (which saved my life) and my ‘salvation thru Christ”.
Growing up our family.. ‘my mother distanced us from family.. to some degree) I learned ‘how-to-do-that’ with my own immediate family… (yes . some of it was necessary due to ‘addiction) but the good news is that three years ago I sorted thru all our photographs..and made two boxes filled with family pictures.(one for each of our sons)
and one box for our ‘adult’ grandson..who came to live with us during his troublesome years..
That Christmas the boxes of photos was a great ‘hit’..
The next two years..were similar ..with focusing on our interaction with each other..which sad to say is pretty null and void except for the once a year Christmas ‘get-together..’ how ironic that only 2 sons..and only 3 grandsons.
(one of which lives way down south..) but the 2 sons..and 2 grandsons (locally) can’t seem to find just one day in
December..that we can all get together..
I’m glad they’ve got the photos.. but there is a sadness that .. as my one son said.’when you and Dad are gone.
brother and I (& their wives and sons) will probably never see each other again..
and more sadness..My own family.. brother and sister.. only got together a few years ago.. when my ageing parents were dying………………
.. as I keep saying”’ ‘don’t just leave the door ajar for reconciliation… leave the door wide-open to ‘love as Jesus loved us”..No greater love has a man than who lays down his life for another”
Blessings.. JOY ….
Joy, I hear your heart in this and say me too with so much of your story. I pray one day that wide open door of reconcilliation is filled with long lost family. I love your idea of gifting pictures now instead of having family divide them later. A precious gift that they will one day treasure. Have a blessed day!
Thank you so much for sharing this Suzie. Your father-in-law was a wonderful fun loving man. I can remember a conversation with him (and Gary) one day at Pack’s. It was a brief interaction, but in less than five minutes, it was so evident how important FAMILY was to him.
My thoughts and prayers are with you guys as you mourn his loss and celebrate his homecoming.
Love you.
My parent divorced when I was young and I don’t have many pictures with my daddy. He served our country so I didn’t get to see him that much. I didn’t know where he was stationed when I got married so needless to say he isn’t in any of my wedding pictures. I also don’t have many of him with my children. One of my biggest regrets is not taking pictures with him before he died. He had cancer and looked really bad so I didn’t You’re right, take pictures to capture the moments no matter how we look because someday pictures will be all that you have.
We have a picture of my daughter, my grandson, and myself around the bedside of my father-in-law a few days before he died. There were family members that didn’t want to take pictures, just because it’s such a sacred moment and you are right, it’s not a beautiful picture. And yet it is. I see a love of a granddaughter for her her grandpa. A child comforting his mom, even though he didn’t fully understand. I see hands holding, hands that reached for each other throughout the years, from strong and capable to weak and fragile. I see a daughter-in-law who once didn’t know what to think of this strong, patriarchal man who came to love him as a father.
So much story. Imperfect. Hard parts. Beautiful. Life.
Thank you for sharing with me. My Daddy was saved and was obedient in getting baptized during his illness. I’m so thankful I was there to share his going to our glorious home in Heaven. I know I’ll get to see him again someday and it will be so much sweeter than what we experienced here on earth. But first my main focus will be falling at the feet of Jesus!!!!!
My favorite pic is of my husband in the er; for the last time. He never complained and I had to sneak pictures because he did not like his picture taken. He was laying on the stretcher going on about how much he loved me and if he started telling words could not describe our love and he could never finish telling me. It is now my most prized possession; for when I look at it I can hear him telling me. Tomorrow is our anniversary his first with Jesus and my granddaughter is driving me to South Carolina so I can put flowers on his grave. Take pictures, write letters and make videos for your loved ones.
Dianna, thank you for sharing that. I am so sorry for your loss and so joy filled with you that you have a picture of that last moment, and those memories of his last loving words. Thank you for coming around the table today and teaching us through your words.
Loved reading about the sweetness and deep meaning you guys are savoring in the midst of loss. This is what life is about. Thanks for sharing, Aunt Suzie. XOXO, Meagan Suzanne
Beautiful post and photos, dear Suzie! I think my favorite is the oldest photo. So funny! I agree with you…keep some of the photos that aren’t too flattering. I am thankful to be the oldest grandchild and great-grandchild in my family, because I got to know the older generations well. I knew their good sides and their bad sides. The not-so-perfect photos help us see the real person. Still praying for you, friend.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
When my oldest son died – over 4 years ago now – I was sooooo glad I had taken scads of pictures of my boys as they were growing up. And I continued taking them through their adult years as well. When you have lost a loved one pictures are a great comfort and a reminder of all the time you spent together. And, yes, print them out. The Internet is iffy and you might lose access to them.
I have a picture of my grandmother (who lived to be 102!) and my youngest son and his two cousins playing Skip-Bo after my uncle’s funeral. This was about a year before she died. It is a precious one to me, but honestly, I don’t know where the picture is, either printed or on my computer somewhere. But I can see it in my mind, and see all their laughing faces at something funny Great-Grandma has said. Thanks for sharing today, Suzanne! Your stories are always the best!
Beautiful sharing, thank you Suzie. Reminds me to print my photos! My people. My joyful memories.
I love this challenge so much. I don’t take hardly any pictures, let alone print them but I need to!
My favorite picture is of me and my mom on my wedding. We were in the back room with all my bridesmaids, family and flower girls getting ready to walk out the doors down the aisle. Just minutes before we were going to leave, I started tearing up and my anxiety level started risking, so i grabbed my mom and I said, “Mom, I need you to pray for me!” She tenderly grabbed my hands said the most peace and life giving prayer, commanding fear to go away, because this day was 100% ordained by God and I could walk in that freedom. While we’re both praying, my bridesmaid snuck a picture and it’s just so precious and special to me!
Great post, Suzanne! Twenty-two years ago both of my parents died just 3 months apart. I found lots of photos without information on them and no idea how they connected. I am still sorting and trying to label and give a story of those that are most significant. Making sure we say “who” and “when” somewhere on the back of a photo will be very helpful for sometime in the future when no one there may know or remember.
Great post! Thanks for the reminder , technology can’t trump real photos. This will spur me on to my albums and print current photos.
I am sorry for your loss, but what good memories. The little guy on the right is missing a bow tie. But it is adorable.
His bowtie is tucked under his chin. : )
Aww – great encouragement for us – thank you . Next week my husband and me will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary on our wedding date – January 30th. To mark the occasion with a milestone we thought about all the things we could do now that our children are grown and gone and there is some spare change in the bank account. WE decided the most memorable thing would be to both take the day off from work and make a full day of sitting down with all the picture and video we have of our 30 years. And take an extraordinary walk though “Our life” . I am no scrapbooker and “our life” is scattered through different phones and clouds, tapes and discs, prints and negatives – scattered in different places.
But for a day – we want to remember the little moments through the decades that have brought us this far. <3
I’m a photographer and know the value of capturing a moment in time….the value of memories!
I’ve got too many favorite photos to pick one
We recently lost my 97 year old Grandmother. In addition to hundreds of photos I had to go through, I found a video. The video was of her and I in the car. I was driving and she said, “What’s that!?! Are you taking my picture!?!” I replied, “I am”. She said “take that off there!” I glanced at her and said, “I’ll delete it later, I’m driving”. After a short pause she says, “you mean you don’t want to keep it!?!” We started laughing.
We put the video clip as the last thing on the slide show they showed during the viewing at the funeral. Friends and family gathered around laughing along one last time with their friend and loved one.
I say this because I want others to know pictures are wonderful! Also, take small video clips of family laughing or saying they love you. These will mean a lot when you can no longer hear their voices. 💚
I love this! I don’t take many pictures because I’m determined to live in the moment. But I try to keep all of the pictures, even the ones where I think I don’t look my best. I love printing out photos and putting them in photo albums. Always will. And I’m determined to keep doing it every year, looking back and picking out photos to print.
Condolences and compassion to your family…and thanks for sharing your memories while reminding us to cherish gifted moments in time along our precious journeys with loved ones on this earth.
Have a day as sweet as you, Suzie.
With thanksgiving