Today I am excited to share a conversation with Jennifer Dukes Lee. The first time I met Jennifer I felt like I met a sister. Someone I loved, and whose heart was both honest and free. In this conversation, Jennifer shares why she wrote “It’s All Under Control.” She helps us live free as we let go, loosen our grip, and admit that we can’t do it all — nor should we. ~ Suzie
It’s all under control, or is it?
Jennifer Dukes Lee never thought she struggled with control. As long as everything went exactly the way she wanted it to, she was totally flexible.
But then Jennifer discovered what happens when you try to wrap your arms around everything, thinking it’s all on you: You get burned out on hustle. You toss and turn more at night, and you laugh less during the day.
You’re so busy—caring, serving, working, and trying so hard—that you can’t even hear God’s voice anymore. It’s All Under Control is a book for every woman who is hanging on tight and trying to get each day right—yet finding that life often feels out of control and chaotic.
In this conversation, Jennifer assures us that we can:
- Overcome the anxieties and worries that burden our heart
- Prioritize our busy life so we can make choices that align with God’s best for us
- Find freedom through a new “Do, Delegate, or Dismiss” approach to daily tasks
- Let go of what God has not asked us to do, so we can shine at what he has
Listen to this conversation. If you can’t access it here, then take a listen on YouTube.
Jennifer’s publisher has agreed to give away one copy of this gorgeous, helpful book to one of you! Just check out the question below. Share your thoughts. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about this topic.
Are we willing to let go, let loose, and live free in this area?
I am. Let’s do this!
Q: Why do you think we fall into the trap of trying to do it all, fix it all, be all?
Please check out my friend, Jennifer Dukes Lee.
I know you’ll love her as much as I do.
Jennifer’s blog Take a fun quiz and learn more about this amazing book and author.
Wow this is very important about letting go and let God be in charge. I need to always surrender to God everything in prayer and not take it back in my control. Thanks for sharing this with us. “Let go and let God take over”
It seems no matter how hard I try I always have to come back to this “let go and let God “ take the reins. It seems like we all get in a hurry to try and fix whatever and forget God is there to take the burden.
Thank you for talking straight to my heart. Letting go and letting God is my daily goal. Some days are better than others and today you and Jennifer have encouraged me. I would LOVE to read the book.
I AM willing to let go, and I know that I fall into the trap of trying to do it all and be it all because I have spent a lifetime taking care of others in order to be happy. I had let my happiness depend on everyone else being happy. I was severely codependent. I am learning, thanks to God, that I am not in control of anyone but me, and that’s okay. He can be in control and I can trust Him with it all.
Thank you for your ministry, you have been a blessing to me through this season of letting go and letting God.
In His Service…..
For me it is that mix of fear and pride. If my house is a mess (or my kids or my job or….), what will people think of me? If I don’t fill a whole that I see, especially in ministry, who will do it? If things fall apart, I take responsibility even if it isn’t mine to take.
I love how God speaks directly to our needs!
Before reading this post I was asking Him what I need to let go of. Every single day I end up feeling like a failure because no matter how hard I try there are always things left unchecked on my task list. I believe God designed us to serve and care for others, our homes, and communities but He doesn’t intend for us to do it all, all the time! We are the ones who try to take it all on ourselves instead of listening to Him and following His task list!
I think this book will contain Scripture and insight to help us move toward using God’s plan for our days instead of the impossible one we create for ourselves.
I need rest
What a wonderful topic! I too struggle with the desire to control my environment, my life, etc. The trials that come my way I all too often try to “Fix” them before I hand over to God. I so want to change that. I think it is pride and the comparison we feel that push us to try to be “perfect”. But it is not our outward appearance that God sees and cares about; it is what is in our hearts. God’s light will shine through us when we truly give it all over to Him.
Holy Spirit timing. Clear. Brief. Real. Thank you for using your talents.
For me it’s about fixing and helping others because of loving them and fearing something bad might happen or they will fail and I just know I can help.
This is at work and home. I hate seeing people suffer.
The problem is God uses the suffering for His own purpose and my preventing that can impede His plan for them. I need to discern when God wants me to intervene and when I have to let go.
I remember the parable of the lost son. His father didnt try and stop him or run after him. He allowed his son to learn the hard way. I find that difficult but it’s all about trusting God with a plan I cant see yet.
Control for me is about my fear of suffering both for me and others. It’s about coming to terms with the fact that we will suffer in this world and like Paul we have to embrace it.
Because we want to ‘prove’ to others we are ‘good’. Hanging onto the devils lives of pleasing people and having people like us for what we do or strive to do. I want to let go and let God guide me. Rest when He says rest, go when He says go, not by my own ambition or praise or longing to ‘be worthy’. but because He is my God and He loves me. and this is the ‘work’ He has for me and for me to turn and give Him the glory!
I always feel like I have so many people relying on me – my kids, my parents’ my employees- it’s easy to start feeling like it’s all up to me and the panic of that feeling makes it easy to try to control it all and forget that if I’ll just lay it at the foot of the cross and “key” here is to actually let go and walk away – to actually release it to Him once I lay it down
I am dying to let go but feel like, if I do, I will have no control over anything!
I am praying over all these ladies who have commented, and feeling distinct relief that I am not alone! Once I finish the book that I am currently reading (The Mom I Want To Be), I will be picking up It’s All Under Control. Praising God for Suzie and Jennifer, and all the other wonderful anointed women that He has placed to go before us so that we can benefit from their wisdom, experiences, and healing in Him. You give us hope, ladies!
This is something I have been struggling with for a while actually. I constantly feel like if I don’t do it, it won’t get done. So I end up running myself ragged trying to do it all. I’m slowly learning that not everything has to get done when I think it should or how I think it should, and that I need to learn what the most important thing to focus on is versus stuff that isn’t as important. Thank you for the chance to win this book. It sounds really interesting.
Was thinking so much about this very thing yesterday and today. Lots going on in my orbit right now. Trying to hold on tightly to Jesus and more loosely on things( and others) that are their responsibility and His responsibility. He is teaching me daily.
Women nurture instinctively and we need to remember that all our worrying only adds to our stress and won’t benefit anyone. Letting go and allowing God to do what only He can do is very freeing.
It is a trap! Like Jennifer said, even Jesus asked for help. If you are trying to do it all and not asking for help – are you robbing someone of the chance to bless you or others? We as the church are supposed to work together to help each other and reach out to others outside our community. This is what our country needs with all that is going on. Reach out and help someone.
I am a perfectionist so for me it is the question of will it be done right? (according to me). This shows a lack of faith on my part. Faith that whoever I assign the task to will complete it on time and according to my directions. Faith that God has it all under control so I can let go. I know in my heart that it will be alright but my mind tells me to hold on and micromanage. In doing so, I not only lose my own joy, but I rob someone else of a blessing and the joy of serving.
I think we try to do it all to make ourselves feel like we are loved and accepted when we need to rest in Him. But I think we also do it as,an expression of the love we carry inside wanting to help others and forgetting that we simply don’t have the ability to do all things for all people. Then we live stressed lives trying to do more instead of being His daughter’s and doing only what He leads us to do.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I know for me that the feeling of needing to do it all/fix it all/be it all began with my low self esteem from childhood and trying to prove myself. I was constantly trying to overcome the negative voices in my head. After my health issues developed and I had to fight my way back to working full time, it was about pushing myself to see what I was still capable of and not wanting to admit that I couldn’t do something. Then a few years ago people in a position of authority over me judged me as weak and unworthy because I have a disability. It was years of being bashed and bullied on a daily basis, during which my self esteem plummeted to the lowest it has ever been. Thankfully God gave me the strength to make it through and now I find myself in a more supportive and encouraging place. I am trying to find my balance, to accept that I don’t have to do it all, and to trust that no matter what God will see me through any challenges I may face.
I am familiar with this pattern of behaviour – I call it “saving the day . . . for everyone”. I’m not sure if it truly is, but it feels like women especially are prone to trying to fix everything. I think it fills our internal need to be sufficient and perfect, but our sufficiency and sanctification is in Christ Jesus. I working on casting all my cares to God, acknowledging Him in everything and waiting for His leading on what to do, if anything, through the Holy Spirit. It is a work in progress, please help me Lord.
It is very hard to let go of control! Great post!
I think my generation grew up being told we had to be strong women. To do it all…get an education, climb the ladder in a career, make your own money, buy your own condo, raise families, and look like a Victoria’s Secret model while we do all these things. As I have gotten older I have tried to unlearn these things and remind myself to look to see what God says I need to do to find my worth. It’s an ongoing, daily work in progress but not finding satisfaction in the world’s way, I cling to God’s way. Thank you for the quick but meaningful chat today!
We are people pleasers It is easier to say yes then to disappoint someone by saying no.
We as women have had it ingrained to put everyone and everything before ourselves. And when we do something for ourselves we are guilt ridden. So the calendar gets full, the yeses keep coming, and we are so bogged down we do not know what to do.
I think that I fell into the trap of trying to do it all, fix it all and be all because I am a little perfectionist., and sometimes have not patience and sometimes think that if I don’t do it all go to be a mess or other no go to do it as I want or like. Very wrong ah? Wow, I was listening the video and God talk to me. I need to let go, let loose and live free and do the things God want me to do. I like a lot what Jennifer said: When I am willing to dismiss thing that God no call me to do, and when I am willing to delegate in others for help, then I have time for or I can do what God want or call me to do. I expressed this in my own words as I heard and understood. I have to understand that I am human not a machine and I have to take care of my body who I the temple of the Holy Spirit. Wow, wonderful words, wonderful book! I have to understand that I need to rest and hear the voice of God. He is our strength. Hallelujah! Glory to God! Thank you ladies for share your heart with us! Blessings!
Yes, I want the book.
Just because we can do all things through Him doesn’t mean we have to, He doesn’t expect us to.
Rebecca, I love your sentiment… Just because there’s nothing that’s impossible when we work with faith through His power … love … patience … wisdom … might, that doesn’t mean we are assigned every task that comes along. “I *can* do all things” doesn’t mean “I must do *all* things.” As you said, “He doesn’t expect us to.”
I love this!
I was a “do it all, fix it all, be all” girl for a long time, and while it felt good, what I didn’t realize was the burden I was laying upon myself everyday. I think perfectionism played a huge role in this, and the attachment to the phrase “if you want it done right, do it yourself.” I’m seeing myself and my roles in life a little differently these days, but I know I still have a long ways to go. Thank you for this devotion, Suzie!
I really needed this post. I am a single mom who has sole responsibility for my kids for the past 10 years. It’s so tiring to be the dependable person all the time…along with wanting to be the constant helper for my kids and friends. It is hard to let go of things. I love her phrase to “Do, Delegate or Dismiss”. …this is such good advice.
Well, we truly all want things to go well. I don’t think this issue is because we’re trying to be God to people. But that’s what it turns into. We are to (our God-given purpose) nurture our babies, and over time, allow them to fall and learn, and celebrate their differences. Sometimes that is overgeneralized onto husbands, extended family, colleagues, etc. If we can’t “let go” of being a savior to people, we don’t allow them to see The Savior. We become a wall. That, to me, is the number one reason for learning to step back. I don’t want to do or be what God is supposed to do or be for someone else. It’s a good feeling to be the “giver of life” to our babies. But we just can’t afford to continue to grasp for that “good feeling” beyond our babies. When God is my source for feeling significant, the need to require that from others diminishes.
I love your idea: do delegate dismiss. I like to be in the center of things & it’s very hard to give up control. But I must try a new way as I’m overwhelmed @ times !
My mother was this way….the center of family that holds it all together….that’s what I learned. And of course it’s a control issue. To feel like we have control over something so precious seems our job…