This conversation made me cry.
I’m sitting with two of my closest friends and they’re being as honest as they can about not feeling OK. I love these women. I know them. I don’t see them as anything but strong.
They are authors. They speak about God’s goodness. Yet when Jennifer shared how she felt shame when she came to the end of what she could do on her own, I wanted to pull her close and say I was sorry.
I’m sorry that people thought you were weak when you were being strong.
I’m sorry that you ever felt one second of shame.
When Holley shared her story, I sat quietly. Tears welling.
Out of all of our More Than Small Talk FB Live broadcasts, this one dipped into a personal space. One where I watched a family member struggle so many years ago when I was a child. I wished someone had held her close and shared that she was loved, she was beautiful, so many years ago.
I was so thankful that Holley and Jennifer weren’t afraid to share their stories of dealing with anxiety and depression.
One woman said this as the conversation unfolded: This was for me.
Another said, “I would have never guessed that any of you struggled with this. Thank you for sharing this. I no longer feel alone.”
[bctt tweet=”Asking for help is a strong move on your part. #livingalifeofthankyou #livingfreetogether” username=”suzanneeller”]
I know that there are many women who are strong, faith-filled women who haven’t had a safe space to talk about this struggle. I’m glad we can be that space.
What does this have to do with Living a Life of Thank You?
Oh sister, I think it’s key.
We have to offer safe space for each other. Women step into a life of thank you as we hold each other up. It can absolutely change the dynamics of our relationships when someone can say, “Sometimes I don’t feel OK.” It can change the church. It makes someone’s struggle less weighty.
Listen to today’s More Than Small Talk conversation.
In this conversation, these points were shared:
- Asking for help is a strong move.
- Shame (and the devil) is a punk.
- Don’t dismiss someone else’s battle just because you don’t understand it.
- Your struggle is not your identity.
- Your struggle doesn’t mean you aren’t spiritual or brave or strong.
And hey friend, if you loved this discussion, I have some amazing news. Holley Gerth, Jennifer Watson, and I will launch the More Than Small Talk podcast on January 3rd. We’ll have some fun giveaways and announcements as we get closer to the launch, but me and these real-life friends can’t wait to connect with you every single week!
Suzie
Day #17 of Living a Life of Thank You
Q: 2 Corinthians 12:10b says, “When I am weak, then I am strong.” In what ways does our weakness make us strong?
- Genesis 16:13 says, “She [Hagar] gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”
Q: Hagar was despondent, but she received a promise. In her despair, God saw her. God sees you in your entirety. You are not defined by your struggle, but by his love for you. What is your response to that?
Challenge: See someone today who is struggling. No advice. No 1-2-3 formulas. Just let that person know that you care and that you see them.
Get to know Holley and Jennifer
Do you want to know more about Holley Gerth? She’s a bestselling author, licensed counselor, and speaker.
Do you want to know more about Jennifer Watson? She’s one of my favorite bloggers and a new author. You’ll love her site, and today’s she telling a little more about her story.
Want to connect with me on Facebook? Let’s do that right now.
I definitely needed to hear this message today. Thank you. I struggle with anxiety and feel very alone most days. We don’t have to feel alone and ashamed. God is our refuge and strength.
You are SO NOT ALONE! I watched the video in tears. As a pastor’s wife, I’m supposed to have it all together and be in some sort of “special inner circle” w/ God (which doesn’t exist, by the way), right?! No, but this was my thought process as I walked through anxiety and depression a couple of years ago. I thought surely I was the only woman in ministry who’d struggled in this way. But those are lies of the enemy. And you are so right; we DO NOT have to feel alone and ashamed… that’s nonsense! Praying and cheering you on today as you put one foot in front of the other, sister! HUGS!
i hear you Kim. I’ve been there. I’m praying for you tonight.
I watched the video last night and I wept. More layers of “not understanding” and God softening of my heart took place. I have a loved one who tried to take her precious life almost two weeks ago. Our relationship has been broken for years and years. I couldn’t understand her. Honestly, I didn’t want to understand her. God started tapping on my heart in January and asked me to send her a note, a love note from him. Due to walls of my own emotions breaking down and seeing more clearly through God’s eyes I was obiedent and sent the card. It didn’t spark a relationship, but it did start to clear away my own judgment towards this loved one. Last night as I listened to the three of you talk, I heard this loud and clear: love the person through the disease. See the person, not the disease. It was a revolutionary thought for me. I called my husband and cried. I feel so much guilt for my judgement. I pray God will alllow me to ask for forgiveness and own my part of this dysfunctional relationship. I am thankful my loved one is in rehab. It is going to be a very long road for her. Ripping walls down of hurt, pain and choices. My biggest prayer for her is that she will be set free from the shackles of bondage. Christ-Freedom for my loved one. Suzie, once again, thank you. You are touching a topic that our world places shame on instead of pouring on love. Even Christ church is guilty of it. I am guilty of it. Pouring his love and SEEING people through his lens of love can be freeing for us all. ❤️
I love your transparency and sweet spirit, Michele.
Wow, what genuine hearts. Thank you all for sharing and speaking about this. I’m not sure how to say this but talking about dark topics this was very enlightening. God bless you all.
I agree. We need a safe place where we can gather together and talk about living free regardless of our struggles. <3 God is faithful!
Thank you so much for this message!! Tears were falling several times!! I am a single Mom & often struggle as well as feel alone. I do have a supportive family, but they expect me to be strong regrading any issue! The message, it’s ok not to be ok, is what I need to hear because when I am weak Jesus is strong!
My mom, the strongest woman I know, has Dementia. She has taught me, through the struggle, to laugh!! Also Susie thank you for your statement regarding, a love one a child who is going through struggles, to hear them!! I feel very empowered this morning because of your message, but more so because of Jesus’ love and compassion! I needed to be reminded of that! Thank you ladies!
Diane, if this conversation was just for you then it’s worth it. You are not alone, friend.
Duane. My mom has Alzheimer’s and like your mom, she has taught me to laugh through the disease. It’s a rough road to walk, but I see Jesus in this journey her and I are walking through everyday. I’m so thankful he is with us through the tough times.
I have a young adult child that sporadically struggles with anxiety. It completely takes me by surprise and fuels my own anxiety. And the fact that I can’t “fix” us undoes me.
Just see her. She’s more than her struggle. God has a plan for this sweet girl, and he loves her like crazy. Lord, I pray for this mom who loves her daughter so much. Give her clarity and help, and show her the way you see this and the way you see this daughter. Thank you for a strong mama who wants to fix her daughter, but for a strong God that holds us close in those places where we can’t fix a situation or a person. Instead, you walk with us. You are a Healer, and we trust you for that. But you also use our greatest weaknesses as strengths, and we are so thankful for that.
❤️
Most days I’m ok trusting God for reconciliation with my daughter but there are those other days…..those days I miss her with every fiber of my being, my heart cries, the enemy reminds me that my choices created this situation and I feel shame. I feel like I should be handling this better. Sometimes I’m just so tired. Sometimes it’s so hard to see happy mom/daughter pics on FB. So hard to admit this because others have drawn so much strength from my walk and sharing. But it’s about honesty and on those days I am so thankful for the God who sees me and not my past choices. The cloud of depression, that sometimes follows me, is no match for the light of Christ.
Suzie thank you for the reminder of seasonal emotional transition times. I get it! For me though it’s pre-holiday emotional transition. I have found as we approached Thanksgiving until after New Years and then again now before Easter-make sense?? It when I feel so less then as families are gathering for fun times. When I am weak HE is strong and I know I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.
I adore you, Nancy. I love your transparency and your heart. My heart cries out for you, friend. I cannot imagine your pain. Lifting you and your family in prayer today and everyday. HUGS.
❤️
Should say when I am weak HE is strong IN me-He is my all, my everything.
Amen, Nancy, amen.
I’m definitely not ok, and I do feel forgotten. I have to remind myself everyday that God sees me and hears. I think the hardest part is when you’re struggle last for longer than people expected it to, and those that were so diligent in being there in the beginning stop checking on you. The messages and support stop, and it’s like being forgotten all over again. They wanted me to take certain action, or haven’t seen results and it seems like they stop caring. They don’t want to deal with me struggling anymore. They don’t want to hear the desperation any more. I went to counseling for a while, and eventually my counselor told that I was just going to have make a decision and accept that maybe there isn’t a right decision. I know God’s words, and I know that He will take care of me. I have to reach out to Him for the support I need, the relationships that I lack, and the love I need. I can reach out to God anytime, any where, and He listens. I can tell Him I’m not ok. There is no shame before Him. He knows what is going on, and how I got here. I don’t worry about His judgment. I have to accept people are going to believe what they want, but that doesn’t change my heart. God sees my heart.
Thank you so much for this. Just hearing from other Christians that it’s ok to not be ok is awesome. I have always felt I was never together enough to be used by God. I have struggled with shame and insecurity all of my life. Coincidentally (ha) everything I have read is about God seeing me and for me to just see others as He does. I needed this today!
This is so beautiful – and so needed. And from a woman who struggles with anxiety and seasons of depression, I have to say THANK YOU so much for sharing your stories with us. There is ABSOLUTELY a stigma attached to anxiety and depression, and all forms of struggles that stem from those things. I will never forget when I was a teenager, going through so many difficulties in my young life, including the very beginning stages of Bulimia. And I told my very good friend about it, a Christian friend, and her reaction was absolute disgust and outrage toward me. I’ll just never forget that feeling — shame, rejection, and a deep feeling like I was broken and unacceptable. I’m thankful that, although it took many years of battling through the disease, Jesus never rejected me and never gave up on me. I am so thankful that now I see the enemy’s game plan: make believers feel unacceptable in the eyes of everyone, including God, and burden them with relentless guilt, shame and hopelessness – all in an effort to keep us from the truth, which is that we are not only accepted, but chosen and called children of the Most High! There is NO SHAME in our struggles. We have to learn that, or they will keep us chained. “In this life, you will have troubles. But take heart, I have overcome the world.” Amen! Christians especially need to reject this idea that we are above things like depression and anxiety. I have heard so many in the Church telling people, including me, to just “have more faith” or “fake it till you feel it.” It’s such a lie. God gives us faith – we don’t muster it up by our own strength. And people who fake it usually never truly feel it – because they’re too busy focusing on the superficial. We need to get real – and honest! I’m not saying to sink into our problems and just assume a “this is how it is” attitude. That’s not what God wants for us either. We just need to be okay with admitting we’re not okay sometimes – and to support one another as the Bible commands that we do, lifting one another up and “spurring one another on toward love and good deeds.” I just loved this! Soaking it in deep this morning!
Sometimes these posts hit so close to home that I want to say yes yes yes this is me. And sometimes I do say that because I know this is a place where we can. But then there are times I’ll talk myself out of it because I feel like I’ve said that too much and people are going to get tired if me saying the same thing over and over. There are probably others that feel that way. There is not an easy fix to these struggles. And we have to learn that it’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to admit over and over that this is what I struggle with. And if someone gets tired of hearing it that’s their problem, not ours. Talking about it, admitting it, sharing with others is key to overcoming because you know you have people praying for you and encouraging you. Not to mention you know you aren’t alone.
Yes, JR! Bring it into the Light of Jesus! He’s the best one we can go to – and the first we should go to. And then, going to SAFE people who will listen, encourage, and perhaps share their godly wisdom with us is also so needed! We are NOT alone. xoxoxo
JR, I think the most helpful words in life besides love-words are “me too” and “I see you or I get you.” Your words pour wisdom on us all. Do not ever feel you comment too much. What is too much anyways? We stand here as His daughter’s to uplift and encourage each other. I appreciate your comments very much.
I love your hearts and your willingness to be transparent! Suzie, I was crying right along with you.
Our struggles can be the cracks in our hearts where God’s love shines through the brightest really touched me. I am a 68 year old who until recently thought I had too many cracks in my heart, dents in my armor, etc. to be of use to God. Now my prayer is – open the cracks of my heart wider, Lord to let your love shine through to others.
Thank you for the truth of your words ❤
Adrienee, in my “Thrive” devotional Bible I read something last week that gave me encouragement and reminded me that our age doesn’t matter. We have a purpose in all ages and stages of life. The devotion is called, “No Limits” and the “Treasure of Truth” states, “Our age doesn’t determine our usefulness; God does.” Let those cracks in your heart grow and shine His love. Shine His Light!
Wow ladies, crying in my car here, thank you so much for this video, this whole series. What a burden to feel like a fraud and like I should have my problems figured out by now. Im the go to gal who secretly struggles in my personal life and today hearing your message I just felt Jesus telling me, See I told you its ok to not be ok. Long road ahead now that I have received this truth, but truly inspired and engaged again to keep going. Thank you, God bless you.
If this was just for you, then I’m so glad we had the conversation. : ) We’ll walk that long road ahead with you.
Sacred spaces are needed for conversations like these.
Want to make sure to listen to your podcast. Please update all of us on the information. Thanks for your honesty and realness. It feels super safe. You three are great together.
Thanks, Pam! Our podcast launches January 3rd and will be found on all outlets such as iTunes, Spotify, etc. It’s titled More Than Small Talk. <3
I love this conversation-I too go through periods of depression and it’s such a blessing to have this safe place to be open, honest and to also receive prayer and pray for those who comment needing prayer. Devil is definitely an unrenlenting punk but we belong to God and his grace, mercy, love and protection are unending.
I thought I would chime in, long after the original post, to say that for me, I’ve learned so much of my emotional/hormonal health stems from my diet/exercise/sunshine, etc. Yes, Jesus is with us all the time, and never forsakes us, hallelujah, but when I look to bad foods, or even friends to bolster me up I am not truly loving myself and therefore, I am not able to love Him or others either. Once I healed my digestion, worked on better sleep, and found boundaries for negative people and interactions, that light at the end of the tunnel grew larger and brighter. I still have ups and downs now and then, and I find myself wary of entering into someone else’s darkness if they aren’t ready to look for His light. I have those days, too, and Jesus sits with me there, too, as He encourages me to make healthy healing choices for myself.