Have you ever struggled to know what to say?
Perhaps a friend is going through a divorce she didn’t ask for, or she just received news that she is struggling to comprehend. Maybe she is crushed by medical bills or just lost her job.
Several years ago, when I found out I had cancer, I remember watching good friends struggle with this. They loved me like crazy, but they didn’t know what to say. Now that I’m going through it again, I’d love to share what is making a difference in this season.
The fact that you want to support that one you love, that’s awesome. You love her. You want to show up. You want to do something, anything, and that is a gift. What I want you to know is that words are usually the last thing she needs. She’s overwhelmed with words — diagnoses, instructions, words of unasked for and unwanted advice (and even super helpful advice). Words are swirling in her thoughts, even as her brain needs to rest.
Right now the best words are these. It’s when you wrap your arms around her and say, “I don’t have words, but I love you. I’m here.”
May I share with you other things that are making such a difference in this hard season?
- I am grateful for friends who remember me. I am still Suzie. Everything I loved the day before I found out I had cancer again, I still love. I want to talk about those things. I want to laugh. I want every one to get rid of the sad faces around me. Friends that do this are like a cool, refreshing rain.
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- I need a safe, advice-free, place to share my fears. This will look differently for every woman. One may choose a handful of close and safe people who will let her cry. Another may choose to put it out there honestly, just to verbally process. For me, I need faith to be tangled with those very real fears. I love it when someone listen and then simply says, “I’ll pray with you” and I know they will
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- I need — but don’t always know how to receive — tangible acts of love. Years ago I marveled as friends took my children to a movie, mowed my lawn, fixed light meals, cleaned my home, and drove me to a chemo session (and stayed with me). Today I am just in awe of a home cooked meal, sometimes left on my doorstep. The group that showed up on my doorstep to sing Christmas carols brought joy. Someone brought snacks to the hospital when Richard was in surgery recently and that was so thoughtful. I don’t always know how to receive this, because I want to be doing something for you instead, but I am thankful for friends who persevere in spite of my awkwardness. <3
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- Notes and letters and messages matter. I still have every note and letter from my first battle so many years ago. Today I have a basket filled with cards. I’ll treasure them just the same. Friends have left Voxer messages on my phone, praying with me daily or leaving a silly GIF or a gentle word of, “I’m here, sis!”
If you have a friend battling right now, I want you to know that you have the power to encourage her even when you don’t have words. Don’t stay away. Just show up. Give her a hug. Let her know that you care. It makes a difference that is more impactful than you realize. Thank you for being such a good, good friend.
Suzie
Related Resources
In today’s More Than Small Talk podcast titled, “Suzie has cancer,” Holley Gerth, Jennifer Watson, and I have a very honest conversation about what this looks like, and how friendship makes such a difference. I have to admit that we all had tissue and tears, but also laughter because that’s what friends do. May I invite you to join in the conversation? You can listen to More Than Small Talk on your favorite podcast app (click to find a listing here) or at KLRC.com.
You can also join the conversation on our More Than Small Talk podcast FB page!
I wrote JoyKeeper in a season of sorrow, but wrapped in joy that could not be stolen. The words are holding me tight even now. If you long for joy that cannot be taken away, and that will hold you close no matter what season you may be in, this book is for you. 
May this message encourage you and surprise you with truths that lead to lasting, unshakeable joy, for:
Joy is more than a feeling. It’s a knowing.
JoyKeeper is available for pre-order. Buy one for you and a friend. ~ Suzie
Dear Suzie, I am here for you, via your links. I pray for you & Robert daily. Listening to you and reading your writings about are so precious to me. Know that you are loved and valued.
Hi Suzie….your words are so helpful as I have a friend battling grief after losing her youngest son.
Prayers and thoughts with you during your own journey
Dear Suzie, I haven been reading your work for 5 years. I want you to know that Unburdened Heart changed my life and I thank you for writing it. Five years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night after an argument with my husband. Feeling sad and guilty about the fight, I pleaded with God for help in my marriage. It was then that I heard the words, “unburdened heart”. When I googled those words later that morning, I found your book. I believe God worked through you to reach me and I am so grateful and amazed at how it all happened. It was my spiritual awakening.
I am sad to know you are going through a difficult season, but you are surrounded by people who love you and support you. Trust that God is by your side always. Your faith will see you through. Thank you for your courage and the light you are to so many of us.
Peace to you and yours during this special season of hope and love!
Dear Suzie, thank you for sharing, very helpful. I was also pleased to read that I am not the only one keeping baskets of get well cards (in my case from cancer 12 years ago and a grave illness 6 years ago).
Praise God we are both still here! Hoping & praying that you and Richard will both have the best recovery possible and years and years more of serving our Lord – maybe in a different way than previous.
with love,
Eva
Dear Suzie,
Praise God for the friends and support he has given you as you walk down this road a second time. Prayers are with you at this time.
Suzie, God continues to shine through your life and testimony. You have taken your personal battle with cancer and publicly shown how we all can help in the battles of life. Whether the battle is cancer, addiction, lost job (fill in the blank); you have given me examples of what I can do, through Christ.
1. Be non judgmental when they share heartache and pain. Saying ‘I’m praying’ and meaning it, is powerful, in the name of Jesus!
2. Be the ‘refreshing rain’ needed at the moment. Laughter is such a healing physical balm.
3. Seek God’s direction of what I can do at this moment. May look like a note of encouragement, a meal, childcare or fresh picked flowers (filled with God’s blooms of promise).
My friend, may you sense all the above today, in some fashion. I am praying for a blessed Christmas for you and your family. May your New Year be filled with lots of love and laughter, in Jesus’ name!
Praise God for good friends in hard seasons. These are wonderful suggestions. 2020 is looking very challenging for me too as I face one surgery on January 8th, braces and then a major jaw surgery in June. I preordered your book as soon as the opportunity to do so presented itself. I, like you, am choosing joy!!
Praying for you Suzie. I thank God for you everytime I read your piece of work. We love you💕
Suzie
You are one of the strongest gals I know and such an inspiration please know their are so
many of us that love and need your encouragements you are such an inspiration to all
of us praying that all shall be well for you and peace in this season of waiting!!
Suzie I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I read this, thinking of the sweet friends who have blessed me just this week as I brought my daughter home to heal from her Mastectomy – the friend who cleaned my bathrooms, the text messages of “just checking in” as we sat in the waiting room ; I, too, have notes and memories from friends who were there for me not long ago. And at this time of year I remember the dear friend who spent Christmas Eve with me and my daughter, who was only 4, not long after my late husband had died, so we wouldn’t be alone on Christmas morning. Those gestures mean more to me than I can ever express. I feel so out of touch these last few weeks became of circumstances, but know that I am praying daily for you and Richard, and I am truly grateful for this community.