Do you have a question about faith, family, or feelings? Let’s talk. Let’s pray together. Send your email to firstname.lastname@example.org and mark it “Dear Friend”. Today a mom and mother-in-law responds to Friday’s post, Holiday Blues.
After reading your devotional on family and holidays, I am right where you are. We have a young grandbaby that we rarely get to spend time with. Her mother is jealous of any relationship my son may have with us and finds every excuse imaginable to stay away from us. She only wants to share her time with her parents.
We have spoken in love with both of them, they only say that they don’t have time and are busy they both work. I work, but we always time we have for them. I have prayed and asked God to help me accept this, but I am so very depressed that things are this way .
Can you please pray for our family? I have told my husband I either just want to leave or not even live. It is so hurtful the way she treats us. Our son allows her to be the leader of their house. My husband has tried to talk to him alone, but to no avail. I am so lonely for the love of my son and his family. Our son lives only 15 minutes away.
Will you lift us up in your prayers and if you have any advice, please send it my way. Hurting mom and grandma.
I hear the hurt in your email, but may I be honest? I also hear the disappointment and anger toward your daughter-in-law.
I’m going to make a bold suggestion. I’m going to ask that you begin to pray that God would place a love for her in your heart that equals that of a precious daughter, rather than a daughter in law. Love in your words over her. Love in your belief in the person she is and can be.
You see, we can’t change others, and we often spend a lot of time trying to “fix” what we do not have the power to fix. And that makes us angry, or feel like a failure, or frustrated, or even in the worst of cases depressed.
Today, pray that God would help you refocus from what you don’t have (and I’m not minimizing that) to what you do have. The love of a husband. The love of a Heavenly Father. Health. Breath. The ability to praise God. The ability to help others. Simple, yet profound things we often overlook when disappointment comes in.
As that miracle begins in your heart, my prayer is that your daughter in law can’t help but feel the love you have for her, and that it touches her heart. But more so, that God fills your heart with renewed joy.
And on a practical level, ask if there is a different date that would work for a holiday. No pressure. And then make it fun. Love her with open arms, as a daughter. Don’t see her as “the leader of her home” or someone who is taking your son away from you, but as a daughter of your heart. Will this be hard? In the beginning, yes, but God is a miracle-working God.
I appreciate so much your honest email. Today I am praying with you!
It is me again, and I still struggle today, but I am continually staying in God”s word to be renewed.
My sweet little one was brought over this weekend and my husband and I enjoyed her so much! Our son and daughter in law stayed, but for only a couple of hours. My heart was so thrilled to see my grandchild.
I tried very hard to show love as you suggested to my daughter in law. She was very reserved,as was my son. I suggest anytime before or after Christmas for us to get together would be fine with us. They said they would let us know.
I struggle so with not being a part of their lives. Our granddaughter just barely knows us! Please, on please, continue to pray that I can see the trees and find joy, in whatever God is trying to teach me. even though I know God is near, He lives in me, I am so lonely for the love of my family!
Thank you for your prayer,
I so appreciate the Godly advice you gave to Susan. It is so hurtful when a family member acts in a way that brings pain to a Gramma’s soul. My daughter kept me from my grand son from the time he was 6 weeks old till he was 16 months old. I prayed and journaled how I was feeling. At first I was so angry and hurt I didn’t know how I was even breathing. Each day as I let go and trusted God I healed. I allowed him to prune off the unhealthy branches and I allowed myself to trust in him. I had no communication with her or her husband during this time. They wouldn’t take any calls. I didn’t know what I had done wrong. One day I got a call from her and she told me it was all about her and she was sorry. What a happy ending I thought. It wasn’t. Her and her hubby split up and her and my grandson came to live with us. For two years I encouraged her to mother her little boy but she was more interested in the party scene. In the end she left one day for a week-end holiday and never came back. She comes for visits at ramdom. Her little boy lives with his Dad and I care for him when his Dad is at work. We are heart broken inside but we kno she is more broken inside. I had blamed my son-in-law for all of this while they had been gone for almost 2 years. I wasn’t to fond of him at all when they came back. God put it on my heart to love him, be kind to him and rebuild a relationship with him. I was so upset that God wanted this of me. I screamed and shouted at God. He said do you trust me and I said yes and I bowed down one day on my knee’s and cried to him that I couldn’t do it on my own. I need his help. God delivered!!He gave me a true and loving heart for him. He showed me his mighty power that is at our disposal when we trust and give our will over to him. The good news is I listened to God because if I hadn’t when mu daughter left I know I would have not had a relatrionship with my son-in-law nor would I have been able to be there for my precious grandbaby boy who is now 6 years old. Loving those who hurt us and are hard to love is exactly what Jesus told us to do. In Luke 7:27 But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. I know this isn’t easy to do until we can put aside the pain of being hurt by another and we can’t do it with out God’s help. My heart goes out to Susan I want her to know that another Gramma knows that pain and it hurts so deep and to fall into the arms of Jesus and let him heal those hurts and allow him to work through you to bringing your daughter-in-law to a daughter-in-love. Reading your story Susan is a bit different then mine but the same learning to love the unlovely in our eyes and hearts. My struggle is my daughter who still is away from her son now 3 years. His Dad does a greeat job but it hurts my heart that my grnadson is growing up with out his Mommy. Her visits are very inconsistent and when she came just a few weeks ago the visit was stressful and I was hurt very deeply by her. Thanks for your words today Suzie and Susan because it helped me to remember the power of our mighty God and all he can do when we surrender to his loving ways and trust in him to work through us the words, actions and love we need to give to those who mistreat us. Its easy to love the lovely. Its easy to love those who love on us. The challenge is to love those who we feel don’t love us or want us in their lives. Thanks again for your blog Suzie and your story Susan. I apreciate it and you helped a struggling Mom find her way back to trusting God with the mighty power to heal the hurts in this women and I ask that you pray for me as I do this. You are both in my prayers. A verse just came to mind about the grapevine. “Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself;it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear good fruit unless you remain in me.” John 15:4 we can’t do it but when we abide with our Saviour he can do it with us!! I pray the love you lavish on your daughter-in-love over time will be seen as it as it is given from your heart you dear Mother. We can’t fix our children but we can love on them with only a lve God can give us. Thanks for your blog and I got so much out of your devotion today. I need to do sdome fertilizing on some roots I have that need to be grounded better into the soil. Have a Merry Christmas. In Christs Love Emme
I am experiencing a similar problem however, I am the daughter in law that is being rejected by the mother in law. I have been with my husband for 12 years (married for 5 years). Before we were married my mother in law tried various things to break us up, however, my husband did not give in to her ways. It was a very difficult time. We eventually got married and my husband’s parents did not attend the wedding.
We have since been blessed with a beautiful daughter. My mother in law has said she does not want me to come to her house but my husband and daughter are welcome as they are blood relatives. This really hurts me and I have wanted to stop my daughter from going to see her however, she is only a little girl and she would not understand. We attend the same church and whenever my mother in law sees me she ignores me, she will greet everyone else but not me. I have become really angry and bitter about the situation as I do not like being rejected and worst of all I do not know the reason that she has taken such a dislike to me.
I become very upset when my husband goes to spend time with his parents but I know he needs to go and see them. I pray sometime but not very often. I am saddened by the person I have become as I am now very resentful.
Please pray for me and my family that this situation will be resolved and God will be glorified.
My dear sister’s in Christ
Just last night, I ask my husband of 40 years ( we married right out of HS) I am 57 and he is 60.
Why is it that the ones that you think Are suppose to love you most, can hurt you so deeply.
My sweet friend that has a mother in law rejecting you, may I just say this. She is the one with the issuse. How that must hurt, I can only imagine. I don’t believe when someone treats you as she does, truly knows that Christ lives in her. We are the only glimplse this world will get of Jesus, until we meet him face to face. You hold your head high and be proud that you can share your husband with his Mother,even though she does want you, God will honor you by allowing him to visit them. Begin asking God to give you a love for His word. That is where He will speak to you and pray that God will change you MIL heart .
Through all this pain I am enduring with my DIL, I have found a new love for God! He truly is all that gets me through the day. I love this sweet little baby with all my heart, and I so desire to be a Godly grandmother to her.
But, His answer to me right now is be patient my child, for I have you and your granddaughter in the palm of my hand. I hear him telling me, I have many things I want to teach you. Please believe me when I say, I have never dealt with someone that you give your love to and they just will not respond back to you in any way! This is so hard, I am so lonely for the love of that child. I cry out to God everyday to change my DIL,but for now, I am working at learning to love God in a new way, a way that is completely dependent on him.
My son is caught in the middle, but will not stand firm with his wife.Therefore, I have only Christ to rely on to Change things. I thought I could change things, but now I know that only Christ can.
And, only Christ can change your MIL!
You will be in my prayers!
Grand-mother in pain!