If you came over from Encouragement for Today, welcome!
Today I shared a time when God led me out of an unhealthy playground. It was the playground of my mind. A place where I fed the thoughts that kept me trapped in unforgiveness or feelings of anger or revenge.
I rarely resolved anything in that playground, but it made me feel better temporarily. I could make that person pay. I could tell them the words that they needed to hear. I could show them my merits, and make them understand my point of view.
Harmless, right?
Except I wasn’t a child anymore. God was growing me into a woman of faith. A strong woman who recognized the possibilities instead of camping out in the impossible. A woman who reached for compassion instead of retaliation.
In The Unburdened Heart, I share that God calls us to take up His poured-out gifts. One of those is to grow up and leave the playground of our mind.
Will it be easy? No way. Especially in the beginning.
But one day you walk by it — that playground, those thoughts, the energy you once devoted to playing in that unhealthy place — and you see it for what it is, and you take God by the hand and dance by it, leaving it behind you so you can live fully in today.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)
Want to read the first chapter of The Unburdened Heart free? I’d love to share that gift with you today.
Listen to Suzie Eller with radio personality Susie Larson on Faith Radio on Laying Hold of Forgiveness. Discover what it means to forgive so you can live free.
Today, Suzie is giving away one copy of The Unburdened Heart away to one woman who comments on this blog. Do you need prayer? Share that need. Are you on a forgiving journey? Tell us what God is showing you. Has God asked you to leave the “playground” for something greater? Where is He leading you?
Blessings Suzie,
I am struggling through the forgiveness journey with my husband and step-daughter. I have had my world and the world of my children turned upside down by their “behind the scenes” actions and decisions. As hard as I am trying to forgive their actions and lies as I know that I am not in control of their consequences but God is and I am trying to let go of 6 years of intense hurt and destruction. It is the playground of my mind that sometime just stops me in my tracks. It is the ability to erase the memories and the obvious fallout that is so difficult. My step-daughter is still making very bad choices and every time I see her so much anxiety is stirred within me. I am struggling with healing, she is a reminder of 6 really bad years for me and my children, please pray for me.
Thank you for your wonderful words and encouragement.
Resting in His arms, seeking His face,
kareng
I love your last line: resting in His arms, seeking His face. That sounds like an intentional walk into the depths of God’s presence. it is in there that you find what you need. Stay there. Seek it out. Let God give you wisdom, and direction, and peace, regardless of another person’s actions. Let Him move in to the raw and broken places and make you become a habitation of His presence and joy. That’s my prayer for you today, Karen.
God is truly AWEsome! I love the way He shows up, sometimes like a vapor waifing through the cracks of my broken life, sealing behind Him the good work He has done.
I call it a ping pong match in my head. The thoughts, the conversations, and all the other ugliness that consumes this playground of my mind, back and forth….back and forth…..Sadly, it never shuts down and I visit it most when I’ve been hurt. It’s a place of (immediate and temporary) comfort because I can kick and scream and swear and justify MY actions while cursing theirs and telling God ALL they deserve. Lol…I’m chuckling because as I recall MY actions during this process, I’m sinning worse than those who hurt me! Is an ugly, repetitive nightmare and my angry outbursts, resentment and unforgiviness leave me feeling like an abuser who is filled with regret afterwards.
I’ve had 4 major “slaps upside the head” this week and two were very serious. You bet I wanted to lash out…and I did get angry. The first two times admittedly was sinful anger in which I’ve asked forgiveness and repented. By the last one I recovered in less time and I’m committed to renewing my mind daily, hourly, every minute and second as needed. I can not allow anger and unforgiviness to rule my hurt emotions! The ping pong match is the constant casting down of the wrong thoughts, renewing my mind, and putting on right thoughts. (Phil 4)
Forgiveness is hard. Very hard, especially when it’s someone who has sinned against me, more than once, with no regret or remorse. But I know that they too are precious in His sight and I need to pray for them and forgive them….until there is no debt owed, like Jesus did for me! That’s when I’ll be truly free. I’m standing on the promise that God is not punishing me, but rather that He LOVES me too much to leave me in this condition.
Thank you for this post today, It spoke directly to me and brought me revelational comfort. It was the Vapor of Love, letting me know He’s permeating the cracks of my brokenness. I’m not “there” yet or even close, but I know Who leads me and He wants to help me. I won’t pretend this isn’t excruciatingly scary and painful, but if this pain is for my good and His glory, then I will humbly put one foot in front of the other and walk this out….not in my strength or perfection, but with trust and in faith. I will surrender and not give up.
God bless you and thank you for all your encouragement!
I also visit that “playground” from time to time. A common thought of mine is “I should have said”.
God is showing me that pride gets in the way of me letting go. Would love to have your book!
“I should have said” is a common entryway into that playground, and yet how much good does it do? It puts us in a light where we get the last word, right? But instead, what if we stepped back and looked at the whole situation and thought about what words should have been said so we know how to speak with truth and grace next time, or to follow up with a conversation at the right time with the right motivation, or to thank God for the words we didn’t say that we couldn’t take back. Such a great comment, Samantha. I know many relate. <3
Thank you Jesus for Suzie’s words of wisdom! I’m dating for the first time in 25 years. My first date was exactly 1 year after my ex-husband’s suicide. My mind is a constant playground or better yet-amusement park with the grandest of roller coasters. One day I can’t picture living without my boyfriend, the next day, I’m dwelling on his faults and thinking its time to walk away. I struggle with knowing if walking away is from God or the enemy. This morning, in my time with our Lord, I came to understand its time to grow up, face problems and stop running for the protection I easily find by keeping others out of my life. Thank you for allowing God to use you in my journey to healthy relationships!
Let God be your needmeeter, Jackie. No one person is big enough to fill another up, and that type of pressure is so devastating to relationships. But when we fill up with God, to overflowing, we splash out on our relationships, and no longer look to others to do what only God can do.
Hey Suzie you are very inspiring I thank you for sharing. Righ now and since August God has been helping me with forgiving my husband/fiance. One month prior to our august wedding my cousin passed away from a drug overdose. It was such a hard time because both my parents struggled with addiction and i grew up with this. My cousin was more of a brother to me and i didnt know how much he was hurting. So Ive been working on forgiving myself for not being there for him and taking him to church. I realize i couldnt make him go but i was slcking at inviting him. Then two weeks prior to our wedding my husband disappeared and I found out after two years sober fell into the hands of satan for the time being. Well we both made the decision to go thru with the wedding but our pastor refused to marry us. Both my husband and I decided for him to go into a year long Christian rehab facility Life Challenge. My dad was there 7 years ago and has been on fire for The Lord ever since. My husband and I even though we are spending this year apart know its for Gods bigger plans and everyday I have to escape my playground of satan to remember this is one short year and without this program and year away my husband could be dead. It’s a struggle to forgive at times knowing I was suppose to be married and spending this year with my husband but I’m willing to give up this year so he can work on his relationship with God. Thanks for sharing and inspiring.
Your pastor sounds like a caring and loving shepherd, ushering you into a place of health before marrying. I pray that this year is a place of growth and discovery of who you are to God, and what He has for you and for your husband-to-be. I’m so sorry for the loss of your cousin. Addiction is such a tool of the enemy to destroy lives. My heart hurts with you over that loss.
Thank you for your wise insight and encouraging words in a very difficult area.
I am trying to forgive my husband and adopted teenage daughter. This isn’t what I had wanted or planned and I want to run back to the “playground” and remind myself of this everytime troubles arise – which has been a daily struggle for the past year, intensifying every time. I feel lied to and deceived. We have a wonderful marriage and great kids. I love him immensely. But if I let my mind linger in the “playground”…boy oh boy can I really mess it up!
Thank you for the offer of prayer; it is greatly appreciated and words will never suffice to express the depth of gratitude.
JulieB
Father, lead Julie to a place of healing and wholeness and joy that has nothing to do with others, but so tied to You and Your love and strength for her. Close the gate to this place where her thoughts lead to bitterness, or intensify hurt so that healing is delayed. Bless this marriage, and give her the tools to know what to do (or what not to say or do) with this daughter who is struggling in her teen years. Shine a light on the real issues so that they can be worked through with wisdom and in peace. It’s not easy, Father, but with you it is possible. In Jesus’ name, amen.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you spoke on this topic today. I don’t think it’s a coincidence it was one of the devotions I read. I believe God is talking to me about my playground. I called it my imagination and I know I go there when real life is painful, at least that’s when I discovered it. But of late, I realized I still do it. If I’m not on those swings that go just the right height, or the slide that never gets too hot it burns my skin, then I am thinking of the place. This avoidance has caused so much disappointment in me. You see I have taken it a step further. I imagine what people mean rejecting the words they say. I write their scripts. And I only believe them if their words and my scripts match. Thanks for writing about something a lot of us probably do. Now to just give up the playground, and put my script-writing pen down.
What powerful insight! I love it when God shows us exactly what is taking place, and how it keeps us from His best. You are so right. Hand God the pencil today, sister. Let Him write the next chapter, and let Him be the One that speaks to other’s hearts. That frees you to live fully as you.
It took me a long time to forgive my spouse and I am still processing forgiveness for my step mother in law. They hurt be badly by lieing and manipulating a situation, which almost ended our marriage. I also need prayer as I have a consult appt today at a doctors office from a previous surgery.
Father, cover Jen with your wisdom and healing power as she goes to the doctor today. Give her all that she needs and surprise her with unexpected joy in the midst of uncertainty.
Thank You, Suzie!
The fact that this topic popped up in P31 this morning is yet more confirmation that God is pulling me away from my playground. I can feel the slow death in those round and round destructive thoughts and long for the exit! I have been able to put away some of the past hurts and conflicts and make amends with some significant people in my past who I’ve entertained on the merry go round, but there are a couple who remain (including my husband) with whom I need to embrace conflict and hopefully healing. I could definitely use prayer as my playground thoughts have become utterly habitual and breaking free is very, very difficult. Thank you for your post! (And I very much enjoyed the image of you and your grand daughter. Thanks for sharing that.)
Becca J.
You are welcome, Becca. Elle and Luke and Jane all love hanging out with their “Gaga” in the playground. That’s the only playground I want to play in. The other one? It’s emotionally satisfying and yet crippling at the same time. I have real life to enjoy and to fully celebrate, so working through conflict in a healthier way (speaking truth with grace at the right time, and then living at peace as far as it depends upon me) allows me to fully be in the moment as I wrestle with Luke, or swing Elle high in the air, or run after Jane, or cuddle little baby Audrey. I have life to live. So do you! Let’s close the door to the unhealthy playground of our minds, and go where God leads instead. <3
Thanks for your encouraging words, It appears God knew just exactly what many women needed to hear.
You are welcome, Diane. 🙂
I have been working with my Christian counselor on forgiveness; what it means, what it looks like, what it will be when I finally and truly forgive my husband and his mistress (and intended future wife) for all the hurt they’ve caused me and our daughter. I vascillate between ignoring thier existence and mentally slapping them in the face with the boldness of their sin.
And yet neither of these makes me feel better, nor does it change their decisions or behavior.
So God has been working for the past 3 years to pull me out of the playground, but I just can’t get myself to walk out the gate.
Please, please pray that I will trust Him to deal with their sin, to praise Him that I do not have to pronounce judgement, and to find peace in Him that what others mean for evil, He means for good.
Thanks!
I’m reaching with both hands to draw you to that place. Let’s open the gate together, and then with God’s help, put the padlock on. You have life to live, my friend! You and your daughter are impacted by the freedom, or lack thereof, in this hard situation. I pray that peace floods your heart today.
I have been praying over a situation for a long time. It is a conflict with an old friend that has gone through phases that are at times more manageable than others. This person is in my life on a regular basis as is their child with one of mine. When the child models the same behavior as the parent, the conflict is heightened and the trips to the “playground” become more regular. I really felt like your post was for me. It was the first e-mail my eye went to as the inbox was flooding with e-mails this morning. I so needed this. My soul needs this. Thank you for your insightful words. I would love to read your book.
Oh Angie, it’s hard when our children are hurt too. We can handle conflict or speak truth, but our motivation is to be at peace “as far as it depends upon you”, which simply means that we handle the situations with grace, with a heart to work through the conflict, and to understand what we can do or fix, and what is not ours to fix.
I need to forgive multiple people & am finding it very hard. Part of why it is harder to forgive these people is b/c they don’t think they did wrong, though they did. Forgiving these people when I know there is no closure to the issue is very very hard for me. I don’t want to be bitter & I recently read that to forgive is a choice & NOT a feeling or an emotion. Please pray God gives me the strength & courage to make the right choice even though others made a wrong one &bin the process hurt me a lot.Blessings on you & all at P31 today.
But how long, LRF, will you wait to be free? If it depends on their admission or apology, you may be stuck years from now. Perhaps your freedom will lead them to that place of apology, but if not, you are free and those you love are not affected or impacted by the hurt they see in you. We talk about this in Chapter Three where Karen forgives her dad long before he was able to change or see the error of his alcoholism and the effect upon his daughter. I share that my bio dad never was able to see the impact upon his many children, but regardless I am free, and my children have a momma that is free. Choose today, sweet LRF, to run after all that God has for you in this area of forgiveness.
My family needs prayers – we are caring for my Dad as he struggles with the end stages of lung cancer. He keeps asking “how long will I be like this”? I try to reassure him that God is in control and when He is ready for him to go home with Him, Dad will no longer hurt anymore. How difficult to watch him hurting and my Mother starting to miss her partner of 59 years already. We need strength to continue to care for them and for peace to let go when it’s time for Dad to go to heaven.
Oh Pat, what a hard place to be in. Father, cover this family and this hurting Father with Your heavenly presence. Move in to this room. Wrap your healing presence as You usher this beloved dad and husband into Your presence, and to a place where He can be made whole as he celebrates with his wife. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Thanks so much for your insight and encouraging words today. I have struggled with negative thoughts over a lost friendship in which I was hurt last year (someone who I thought was my best friend, but seemed to look at our friendship as conditional). I blamed my self and let Satan influence my thoughts to lead me into hurt feelings and loneliness over it. I realized this past weekend when we were both at a social event that there are so many other people who love me for ME and that I am worthy to so many others. I can’t believe I let one person influence my negative thoughts in such a detrimental way. My family has told me that reconciliation will lead again to hurts and the negativity that I was around is not healthy for me. This person was rude to me as we were leaving, but I have learned to let it go and start the healing process. What is hard is that I will encounter this person on a frequent basis as we live in a small town and have children close in age. Please pray that I will be led to handle this in the best way to avoid future hurts and conflict and that I will find others close by who will be true friends to me. God Bless you, Suzie!
Hi Gussie,
I had to comment because I too have the same situation. For me, I am trying to really build up my identity in Christ more so I am extremely healthy and whole and like you said spend time with those that are encouraging and lift me up, not pull me down. I found that loving someone who doesn’t treat you right really destroys your identity. It is important for your own heart health to find caring people who lift you up to be around. Sometimes you get so used to shaming words from another person, you think it’s normal.. but God doesn’t treat you that way or say those types of things about you. Also I learned the more you love someone the more it hurts and there will be a grieving process where you grieve the loss of “what was”. I think that goes hand in hand with forgiving because you forgive and let that go and then you have a clean slate.
I am about to go on a retreat that this person will be at. so I too am praying that I can just have fun and focus on God and the friends that care about me. I am not a door mat and she is not perfect! So I leave her in God’s hands for whatever He wants to do! 😀
Hi, I want to correct something I said, a friend nudged me about it. When I say “I found that loving someone who doesn’t treat you right really destroys your identity.” I was meaning if in that love, you are taking to heart things that are devaluing, disrespectful and things that bring you down, and if you are not keeping your Identity in Christ, then it is destructive to your Identity. Not that you shouldn’t love your enemies or those that despite-fully use you. Just don’t let it change who Christ says you are. I don’t have adequate words because it is something I am struggling with myself. I defer to Suzie’s comment above about John 10:10.
Thanks for your insight. It is encouraging to know others face this same dilemma. And you are right about keeping our identity in Christ. I will pray for you also as you attend this retreat.
Good Morning Suzie,
I am finding that people can pull us onto the playground by acting out with their emotions or words or actions. If people do not honestly communicate to us the truth of what is bothering them or what they need, they leave us guessing.
Once we start trying to figure out what “WE” might have done wrong due to their anger, indifference, what have you… that leads us struggling across the monkey bars, squeezing our way through the jungle gym and right down the slide, never figuring out what the real issue is. This rabit trail can have our minds and emotions racing for ridiculous amounts of time. Like the robot saying does not compute, does not compute. We are not meant to be toyed with by people, God has called us to a higher purpose and we can rest in Him knowing he’s got it and we are not beholding to others that want control over us.
Blessings
Holly, What you are describing is temptation, and please recognize the real enemy in that. John 10:10 says that the enemy comes to “kill” and “steal” and “destroy”. Recognizing the real enemy focuses our attention on the remainder of this verse, which says, “But I (Christ) came that you may have life and that to the full.”
Suzie,
Will you please clarify your comment to Holly’s question? Thank you.
Karen C
A friend emailed me the link to Encouragement For Today and my first reaction was to think how great it was for God to be speaking into HER life. Then I got a nudge and God told me to reread it. I don’t enjoy focusing on the reality of my brokenness and especially when the pain is fresh. I am going through a divorce and the lies, betrayal, abandonment and pain are almost too much to bear. Focusing on the reality of my brokenness usually brings about one of two disconcerting responses: I either run to the dark place of rebellion or to the seemingly safe place of covering it up. But, I know there is another place to turn with my sin of bitterness, a place that is mysterious and invisible. In this place is God who offers mercy we need. It fights against my nature because it pains me to be dependent. Thank you for your encouraging words today. I am slowly but surely reaching out my hand for God to take me away from the “playground” of destructive thoughts and to step into peace and grace. I leave you with a quote by A.W. Tozer that keeps reminding me of how to let go, “As God is exalted to the right place in our lives, a thousand problems are solved all at once.”
Lori
Lori, In Chapter three I share Carlie’s story of going through an unexpected and painful divorce when her husband’s infidelity was revealed. It’s a powerful story of how God began to move into those raw and wounded places in the first days, when she was crumpled on her bedroom floor, tissues in hand, her thoughts and body broken and hurting. I pray that you’ll pick up this book for Carlie’s story is powerful, and a testimony to what leaving that “playground” can and will do as God leads you out. But today, may I pray for you, sweet Lori? Father, today Lori hands to you every thought for you to take captive so that she can live free, regardless of another person’s actions, regardless of a situation, for You have marked her life with Your name, and You know where You desire to take her today, and tomorrow. Free her thoughts and fill her up with Your presence and comfort and power, in Jesus’ name amen.
Thank you for today’s devotional! God has been bringing me through a path of growth and forgiveness over the past several months, and I feel more freedom and joy than ever before. I am learning that I submit to GOD, that GOD never leaves or betrays me, that GOD loves me unconditionally, that GOD enables me, that GOD thinks I am beautiful! And GOD is truly ALL I need.
I still struggle daily, and many times a day I must run to God for strength and healing, but HE is able. And I would really appreciate your prayers for me as I continue this journey. Thank you!
I love that you paired growth and forgiveness together. God loves us enough to draw us to the depths of what He offers as our Heavenly father, and as our Savior. He doesn’t leave us trapped, but if we are willing to take those very hard steps, to heal and strengthen and sharpen and transform each of us.
There seems to always be a need for Forgiveness. Sometimes it is I who needs to be forgiven. It is easier to extend forgiveness when you have asked someone to forgive you of a major transgression.
this was so perfect for me. I often play in that same playground where I am the hero and everyone knows how wonderful I am. I actually hate it there but find myself drawn there daily sometimes all day. I waste so much time thereand then feel guilty because I’ve neglected those things which are right and pure. it was a little bit of a shock or maybe revelation that other women have the same issue. Thank you for sharing this…it is a great wake up call from God to grow up and move on and put away childish things.
Today my mom is undergoing a PET scan for cancer that was recently found in her neck and lymph nodes. Just asking for prayers for her and the entire family! She has had some bitterness for several years with her in laws and others and I just ask most of all that she can let go of these feelings toward them. The bitterness is eating her up .. Thank you!
Father, in the midst of this crisis be so real to Cammi’s mom. Heal her heart and her body, in Jesus’ name, amen.
I have been trying to let go and let God. It’s NOT working. Too many hurts for too long. From things that happened to me as a pre-teen, Brother dying at young age, Parents that drank and fought all the time, unforgiveness of all kinds was the norm. Don’t talk about anything, forget about it and stuff it away. Panic attacks started when my girls became the ages that all started in my youth. I went from a Lutheran church to an AG church around that time. I performed for my small church and was involved in everything I was asked to do. Child care, singing, prayer team, teaching, cooking wed. nights etc… I also owned and operated my own business. I couldn’t do one more thing, so when the pasters wife asked me to do one more thing – I said no, I just can’t. I was told to pray about…. eventually we were told to leave the church. No one spoke to us after that and once again extreme loss. The next AG church we met some nice people and started over. I didn’t join everything and just tried to heal. My oldest met a good christian boy in youth. We became friends with the family. After a year we found out he was cheating and lying and manipulating. That family became self- preserving and attacking. We recieved horable emails telling us what he had done from outside people and it has been the worst situation I have ever lived through. (Including rape). It is on-going hurts. My daughter now has some serious issues as a result of this, and I am unable to handle any more. My husband does not go church because christians… well…
I and my family have done some counciling. It’s so tangled and complicated and overwelming. We spend more days in tourmoil and very few days of joy. She graduates this year also.
I probably shouldn’t have typed any of this. But I am in desperate need of prayers and have no one to turn to.
I read your devotion and thought maybe God was answering me??
I feel like trash thrown away and never thought of again. I need some peace and we need answers and closure and none have or probably will come. But I have to try for them.
Last straw, I read your comment a while ago, and I’ve prayed for you. I’ve been checking the page to see if there’s been responses, maybe someone with wise words or something fancy to tell you. My heart just breaks to hear the pain you’re going through and the struggles you’ve faced. And quite frankly, I can’t get your story off my heart or out of my head. I wish I had the words to comfort you, although when we face struggles for long periods of time even hearing the truth sometimes seems rote. So I’m just gonna pray. Jesus, I ask for your heart over this precious woman who is hurting so deeply. You yourself were betrayed by those closest to you. Your heart was broken by those whom you love and you love anyway. Lord, I pray that you would meet her where she is today. That you would cover her completely with the peace of your Holy Spirit. That you would show her that you are the same yesterday, today and forever. That you love her Lord, not with a cheap passing love, but love everlasting. That you haven’t left her or forsaken her nor is that in your plan to do so nor will it ever be. That though you tarry, you will not wait. Jesus remind her that you are a refuge. That feelings of distance don’t necessarily mean that distance. That you have shielded her and protected her this whole time and will continue to do so out of your love for her. Father, lift her in your safe arms, keep her in the shadow of your lovely wings. Show her Lord, the tears you have shed with her. That her loss is your loss. That her grievances are indeed yours as well. That you will work all things out for good because she chooses to love you Jesus. Even when “she may not have reason.” Lord, I thank you for your blessings and I thank you for your love over this woman. I pray you will show her how great and deep your love truly is for her. Amen. Last straw, I hope you really know how much he loves you. I wish I had the perfect things to say but I hope you can trust that the love God has over your heart is true. I will keep praying for you.
Lord, I don’t have all the answers. All I know is that you suffered at the hands of people who hurt you. You understand this hurt.
Lord, I have walked in pain due to broken people, and yet You led me to healing. Lord, you see us all the same — as your creation, as your children, as your “workmanship that is highly loved”. What you have done for me and others is also held up for your precious daughter.
Thank you for the honestly of your daughter. She’s laid it all out where your light can shine on it. Lord, ignite hope inside of her heart again. It may not come from people, but you offer it in abundance. Sometimes, Lord that is a miracle where we walk away unburdened, praising you, and in other times, like you did in my own life, it was a surrendering of all that I was, all that I could not change, all that you knew that I did not know, as I trusted you to take me where you could only lead. I hear the heart of my sister, and I love her honesty, her forthrightness, and you see her, just as you did me, and love her like crazy. You see the hurts on her heart, the disappointment in people, and yet the willingness and courage to believe that God has something for her and her family, even if it seems obscured. I pray in the amazing name of Christ that she is surprised by the hope bubbling up in her heart, and the longing to find all that she needs in you, and yes, even surprised and excited about this very hard journey toward forgiving and living free she is beginning with your help and strength. Meet her right where she is today, kneel with her, wrap her close. We can’t see what you have for us down the road, but today, together, we surrender to whatever that might be, in Jesus’ name, amen.
God’s timing is always so perfect! I needed your devotional today like I need air to breath. I just visited that playground yesterday and am still struggling to close that gate today. Thank you for sharing your experience and giving me the courage to move on today. I look forward to reading your book!
Lord, thank you for bringing Suzie into my life today to bring YOUR words to my heart today. Satan most definitely had me chained to his merry go round for many, many years until God came into my life and freed me. I would love to receive a copy of your book to learn more about this topic.
Suzie,
I had the blessing of hearing you speak and then was lucky enough to speak briefly with you at your booth at the Hearts at Home conference last month. I am on the most painful journey of my life and am looking to forgive, and hopefully be forgiven as well. Life has been a beautiful, horrible challenge and God graced me with a Pollyanna spirit to deal with it. I have always been touched by YOUR words on Proverbs 31 at a time I REALLY needed them. Maybe you interpret God’s love in a way that I can hear it. I play on the playground a lot, only, I let the bullies on my swing set and let them have a go at me there. I don’t arise victorious but let them push me around. Until recently. When I remembered, I don’t judge because it isn’t my job. So, why let anyone but our Father judge me? Take that bullies. I am rubber, let it bounce off me if it comes from anyone but You (Lord)! Thank you
Oh boy – did this speak out to me. For years I have gone to that playground – and it really took your post to make me realize what a bad place the playground really is, and how it is enabling me to hold on to baggage that I should have let go long ago. Rationalization of my bad behavior, focusing on other people’s bad behavior, Not even the past really bad things but even today’s current little nits – I go there and let little nothings take away my joy.
Thank you for today’s oh so convicting post!
For somebody who woke up late after losing half their sleep last night because of the playground, this devotion is like a breath of fresh air:)! Letting go Is something I struggle with when the people who have hurt me seem inclined to believe they’ve done nothing wrong. Years ago, by Gods grace alone I was able to forgive my dad who had hurt me deeply without an apology. God really made it so easy for me to do that and fast forward years later to a marriage where I’m manipulated and a friendship of years betrayed in the worst way. I spend a lot of time praying God would stick it to them (if I’m not allowed too) and thinking about what could have , should have , would have been. It’s downright obnoxious and yet just last night in the midst , my prayer was I’m doing it again Lord, I’m doing it again. And I KNOW it’s possible to forgive without receiving an apology. I did it with my dad. Anyway, reading through the comments and seeing but how long will you let if affect you and affect those around you? I’m always trying to be the best for my family because I want to bless them. How long will I show my family a woman who’s been hurt and wears the signs of such, instead of showing them a woman who trusts God and lives by grace? Anyway, thanks for being Gods vessel today. Thanks for hearing His voice and speaking His truths into my heart.
I have visited the playground for many years with my Husband’s family. Hurtful words and actions, jealously and other things that I would play over and over again in my mind. I thank you for your words today and God is taking me out of the playground slowly but surely. Only through him can I do this…
I had just taken a short walk through my playground before I read today’s devotional. What a great visual exhortation toward excellence!
Thank you.
I would love to read this book. The playground is a familiar place, even though we don’t want to be there. Anger and bitterness have long ago sprouted in the cracks and now seem to be towering vines, reaching out in the breeze to ensnare us as we pass by or linger on the side. Just yesterday I was asking God again, when would it stop. He wanders in the jungle of the playground, hissing and spewing. Sometimes I join him, just to be with him, but mostly to try and drag him out. The struggle is so hard and days like to day, while I don’t want to leave or give up (never), I am so weak and tired.
Thank you for your encouragement. I know there is peace for us, for him. I have seen it, I have felt it, and I praise God.
I jump the chain link fence at the playground quite often and let my brain just marinate in anger, bittnerness, jealousy, and spitefulness. It is so much easier for us to go to that place and let our minds run wild rather than taking concerted efforts to control our thoughts and give the poisonous ones to God to destroy. God has recently taken my hand as well, leading me in a path of growth and self discovery as I learn to live in the real world, with it’s real problems (as you said in your blog today!)…this is a much harder environment to be in than the playground of our minds, but the rewards of following God’s guidance in the real world are so much greater than the convictions we are left with after a day at the playground.
Thank you for your honest words, your obedience to Christ in writing this, and your encouragement to my soul today. God Bless.
Thank you for your timely words. While forgiveness is a choice I make many days, and often something I choose not to do when I should (I can see imperfect progress in this battle), today your words helped me choose to leave the playground of worry. Last night I before I went to bed I read some of God’s promises. When my worry woke me in the middle of the night, I turned on my light and read some more. Your blog is a beautiful visual of leaving those worries behind and choosing to trust what God says.
Suzie: Thank you so much for your insights. That playground of our mind can seem comforting and safe, but it actually turns out to be quite dangerous to our physical and spiritual health as it actually prevents us from understanding the depth of the Father’s love for us. Life can be so painful, cruel and unpredictable that we want to retreat to our place of comfort. However, we shortchange ourselves because we are not able to see God at work in us. It is so important to live in the present, not re-live the past or worry about the future. Blessings to you in your ministry.
Mary
Thanks for the visual of these negative thought patterns being like a place I go to – not a permanent part deep within me. I have spent the past few days trying to “remove” thoughts and feelings of impatience with someone in my life, and they seemed to be filling my entire brain.
Now, I can set them on a bench in the playground, put them into perspective, and, through prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit, walk away and leave them there.
But, so I don’t go back, I can replace those thoughts by meditating on things that are pure and lovely and of good report. Philippians 4:8 is usually part of my tool kit that helps me break a habit and acquire a more Christ-like outlook. I need to use it again. As David did, I often pray, “O Lord, create in me a clean heart.”
Wise words! I love the insight you shared. So filled with truth. Dancing with you in celebration at what God is doing inside of you.
Thank you, Suzie!
Today, I have noticed a true shift in my thinking and attitude!
Wow Suzie, you really hit home with this one. I go to this playground a lot and never really thought about it as dealing with conflict. Thank you for opening my eyes to this issue. I’ve been asking God to show me what I need to deal with in my heart and He has used you to start that process. Thank you!
Oh Bobbi, Isn’t it awesome when God shines a light on our hearts so that we can grow?
Please pray for my marriage of 27 years. Going to marriage counselor tonight with H. He moved out six months ago after 2 years of struggles, him seeking out other female friendships, going to bars where waitresses are dressed provocatively and coming home with phone numbers and emails, he says he is unhappy but really hasn’t worked on the marriage. I am standing in the gap. Pray for our children–two daughters ages 22 and 17. I am also struggling with impending layoffs at work and am worried for my future ability to provide for the girls. Struggling to rest in the arms of Jesus but dealing with worries and fears.
Oh Father, forgiving is not allowing abuse or unfaithfulness to continue. Give Evalyn strength and wisdom, and Holy Spirit draw this husband to a place of redemption and realization of the sin and the effect upon his heart and that of his family. Draw them all to a place of healing and strength. Give them the tools they need, and let this counselor breath truth into the situation and give tools needed to take the next step. I ask this in Jesus’ name, amen. You are our Healer. You are our Provider. You are our Comfort. We take this as truth today, In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Thank you for your words on forgiveness and walking away from the playground. It seems that daily I get this thought in my mind about forgiving a man of my past, who molested me, only one time in my youth and he was a teenager, but as an adult, I had grown to hate him, because that one time did more damage then expected. It helped me to hate. Then one day while visiting back home, my sister told me he was dying from prostrate cancer, she was going to visit him in the hospital, and did I want to go with her. Very angrily I said no, I’m sure she must have wondered why on both counts, you see I have only confided in my husband about the situation. When I heard what my sister was telling me, my mind was thinking he deserves to have cancer, he deserves to dye. Now as a christian I know that no one deserves to have cancer or to dye, especially when I didn’t know if he was saved, and I know that I needed to forgive him, and I thought I had. He did pass away leaving a very sad family behind. But until this morning I didn’t think about the family, and I really have not let go of that past, I keep holding it in my playground, and I visit it every once in awhile, just to make sure it is still there. Forgiveness is very hard sometimes, and I have to remind myself daily that Christ died on that cross for me not for him…and He has forgiven me so many times. Today I am going to try harder to serve Him and stay away from the playground…
I hope you will read Stephanie’s story on this blog. She has walked where you walked, and perhaps her take on forgiveness will be a blessing to you. https://tsuzanneeller.com/2013/04/03/the-unburdened-heart-study-week-6-forgiveness-unlocks-my-prison-doors-2/
I thank you for your inspiration on the hard times in my life.
I read your “playground” scenario and related. I was an unabashed hider/dreamer. But God in His graciousness could see my fantasy world as a hindrance to my relationship with Him. I was like Walter Mitty, hiding from the pain of the things I could not face and trying to make myself into the hero I was not. After God pointed out the error of my ways, and I settled the matter with Him, He brought even more pain for me to deal with – the pain of learning my daughter had been sexually molested as a child – not one incident but many. I tried desperately to sweep these painful thoughts into the corners of my mind, but God kept bringing them up. He realized I was hanging onto unforgiving thoughts, even while I was encouraging my daughter to forgive. How hypocritical could I get! But, in God’s mercy, He kept at me, revealing my sin until I came to the point where I could forgive. Because of my own experience I now get to comfort with the comfort I have been comforted with, to pay it forward! Praise God for his amazing love.
Beautiful, beautiful post.
THank you for your encouragement. I have been in that playground many times, and it is struggle to not go back there.
I read your devotion today, then went to your blog, because I’d like to win your book.
I thought I was hurting !
I began praying for the others who posted.
I have had my own playground, but after reading today, I think I’m ready to let the Lord guide each day, and quit going there.
There are others in there I want to help, but as one person above wrote, I need to trust God and show His grace, vs showing the signs of someone who is hurt.
Thank you for these lessons today.
I’m working on renewing my mind one day, sometimes one minute at a time. It is hard work, but I am determined to get there. 🙂
Praying to rest fully in the presence and peace of God rather than remaining in thoughts that are not edifying. Thank you for sharing this with us this morning.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.” Jeremiah 31:25
My prayers for you today is that these verses will become your resting place for your head, your heart, your thoughts, your day.
This is just what I need to hear today. I am working through an issue where I tend to stay at that playground you talked about. Thanks for the encouraging and enlightening words. The Lord gives us what we need each day and I needed this devotional!
Nanci
I just read your post about Entertaining those thoughts. I have been struggling with anxiety and playing the what if game with myself…that’s my playground. And, I’m working on growing and leaving that playground with God’s guidance, a God-filled therapist and with the support of my husband. But it’s not been an easy journey. So many times I want to run back to the playground and stay there…but God is calling me to something else. While I still don’t know what God is leading me to do, I am working on letting him lead me. I heard you talk at the Hearts at Home conference and your workshop inspired me so much…to be open to God’s grace. Thank you for sharing your experiences and for giving so many women encouragement.
Sarah, what a brave and courageous comment. You are taking steps up and out of the playground to live in real life with God’s help. Beautiful!
Today I am working on forgiving fellow Christians. I am horrified by the “caring” remarks and comments that have been made by some of our presumably “Christian leaders” in response to the tragedy Rick and Kay Warren are living through at this time. Having buried a grandson, I know all too well that losing a child is a horror no parent should have to endure. But the secular world is watching to see how we handle these disasters, and I have no doubt the Warrens will trudge through one breath at a time. I wish I could say as much for the rest of us … “they will know us by the love we have for one another”!
Sometimes people say dumb things, and sometimes those people are Christians. Perhaps they are works in progress, or perhaps they fail to represent the grace and love that Christ so richly gives us (like the story of the man in Matthew 18:21 who was pardoned by the King, but failed to pardon someone who owed him so much less). We should all be praying for this hurting mom and dad. I love that you are praying for them, and have such a heart to love them — if even from a distance — as a fellow believer, but also as a grandma who has walked in their shoes.
I am trying to get out of the “comparing trap”. I need to realize my worth in Christ Jesus and let go of those old hurts and insecurities. Praise the Lord, He is still working on me.
This was so well said- the visual was an attention grabber. I can picture going ’round and ’round on the spinner with the same thoughts- stuck in a place that brings NO freedom or healing. Thanks for this and for your book. I am a student of Forgiveness and I’m adding your book to my recommended reading list.
My struggle has always been this: How do you continually walk in forgiveness for someone who is not sorry for their actions or feels they’ve done nothing wrong, and is going to keep doing the things that are hurting you so deeply? How do you look past their daily actions and forgive them anyway? How do you deal with hurt and anger that is constantly “in your face?”
I don’t know how to truly FEEL forgiveness in my heart when each day adds new hurt onto an ever-increasing mountain; when each time I open my heart and reach out, I’m left with fresh, raw hurt. It feels insurmountable. It feels like, ‘why keep trying?’ I know my walk with God will never be as close and deep as I desire until I’m able to forgive my husband and accept him for who he is, instead of who I need and want him to be.
To hear some other Christians talk, it seems as if they all know some secret about forgiveness that I don’t. Like it’s as easy as snapping their fingers (i.e. “You just do it! It’s a choice!”) I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I seek God. I pray. No, I BEG. Often. I WANT to forgive and feel FREE. And then some new thing happens and, once again, I’m angry, heartbroken, resentful, bitter, vindictive, hateful… horrible. It all comes rushing back and I realize it was never really gone. What am I missing? I feel like a failure as a Christian, wife, and mom because I can’t figure out how to feel love and forgiveness for this man and MAKE IT STICK, no matter what he does in return.
What an honest comment, M. You are right. It can sound like “just do it”, which is why I wrote the Unburdened Heart. If you read my story, you see that I needed to forgive so that I could give my children a whole mom, rather than a broken one. As I prayed God continued to lead me to this word “forgive”. And in the beginning I did choose to walk toward forgiving simply because I trusted that God was leading me somewhere higher. But later, as a mature Christian, I began to explore why forgiveness was so important to God, and what I discovered is that it is important to God because we are important to Him. Understanding what forgiveness is not is just as important as understanding what it is. First, it’s not allowing abuse to continue (which means that we can love from a distance or speak truth or set boundaries, with a heart to heal and resolve conflict at least as is dependent on our part). It’s not stuffing it. It’s not putting your mind to it and hoping that it will magically happen. The simple definition of forgiving is to cease to carry the burden of resentment. That isn’t contingent on another person’s response. And it’s a process, and messy, and a journey, but it’s also freeing. Did you have a chance to read the first chapter and Introduction I shared above in the blog post? My prayer is that you’ll read it, and hear my heart, it’s not going to be a “just do it” mentality, but rather let’s see why God wants this for my life and discover all that is waiting for me in the journey.
I tried posting a longer comment, but it looks like it got lost. I need to find forgiveness and love for my husband of 24 years and I don’t know how. Please pray for me.
Father, in Matthew 6:8 it says that you know what we need before we even ask. I pray that as Michelle walks intentionally daily into your presence, that you would fill her up and give her what she needs. There are times God that we simply don’t have it on our own, but that is a place where we surrender to your sovereignty, and to your strength that is greater than our own. You become an armor bearer, walking ahead of us, leading us — not away from battle — but not without You showing us the way. Thank you that you are faithful. That you are powerful. That you are our Source, In Jesus’ name, amen.
I find the Father leading me to a deeper level of forgiveness. What I thought was finished, is now beginning again. I believed simply letting go was enough and now I am learning what He desires is a response of love.
Hi Susie,
My husband left me for another woman almost 3 years ago. I have 3 children who I miss terribly when they are away with their dad. We have 50-50 shared custody. I grew up a Christian and never wanted to give up on my marriage, but I had to because of the other woman. I have been down some really dark times in the past few years…depression, meds, and dark thoughts at times. I have pulled through that because of my new close relationship I have now with the Father. A few days ago I took my kids to my son’s soccer windup where my ex-husband is a coach. His girlfriend was not there thankfully. It was hard to be there for me and I remember my mind thrashing at why I was there. I wanted to run.. far away. We bowled together as a family like we used to..the five of us. My ex-husband was kind to me. I started to miss him really bad after that. I got home with the kids and cried all evening and barely slept that night. I don’t understand any of this why God lets families split apart when relationship is from God. This Friday the divorce appeal process will be over. This Friday a certificate of divorce can be ordered. It is something I don’t want to see at all. But at the same time I think seeing the paper in my hand will give me closure. I miss the way things used to be. I miss being a wife and having a complete family. I don’t know why this had to happen in this way. I tried for 3 months at the beginning to work out our marriage, but all to no avail….I was misled by my ex-husband. I also can’t really talk to my parents either. My mom has dementia from a brain injury accident (4 years ago) and my dad is an alcoholic. My only sister lives very far away. My oldest son has ADHD and it is so hard to parent him now that I am a part time single mom. I don’t know what I should be feeling towards my ex-husband. I don’t want to hate him but I know I can’t love him the way a wife does. He says he loves me differently now than he used to. He says he cares about me. It is hard to fathom a person who says and does these things. I wish I knew if he had a relationship with God. I spend lots of times in that playground you speak about. I feel like I have no one to talk to at times and that any thoughts I have can not be let out to talk to others. It is hard to trust people for me. I feel like everyone I know leaves me and I am scared to get close to people now and it is really really hard to make friends since I never had any friends outside of the people I knew in my in-law family. Anyway what you said about spending time in the playground I know it isn’t healthy, but sometimes that is all I can do to let things out and cry. My thoughts run circles and circles around. I have been to counselling but had to stop a few months ago due to financial struggles. I have started to seek out inexpensive support groups for all the types of things I struggle with: divorce, parenting ADHD teens, and maybe if I have time, Al-Anon. I miss my counsellor but I can’t see him anymore. It is too hard to say goodbye when the therapy ends. I hope that I won’t always be this way. I hope one day I can be me and be the one God made me to be. I wish I knew who that was. I would really like to also get a copy of your book.
You are in a hard place, and I am so blessed to be able to pray with you. But first, let me say how strong it is of you to reach out to groups, to pray, to seek people rather than isolation. That’s such a courageous place to be, and such a courageous woman to be.
My heart hurts with you over your marriage and your loss. My prayer is that at some point this will all become a chapter of your life — one that provided you children, one that had joys as well as sorrows — and that it will take its rightful place in your heart and thoughts as simply that, a chapter, but with more chapters to be written. Chapters of discovering who you are. Chapters of discovering God’s faithfulness in the midst of heartache. Chapters of joy. Of freedom. Of discovering new things about you, and new people who become friends and anchors in your life.
Grieving is natural, and hurting is natural. Getting out of the playground means simply that God becomes your need-meter, and He helps you meet each hurtful instance with confidence in Whose you are. So many prayers coming your way right now.
I’m behind on my reading, so it may be too late to enter the drawing for your book. But I enjoyed your post today on P31. I have quoted that scripture many times….to myself. As hurtful , angry thoughts enter my mind & then want to stay, I have to purposely make the decision to give those thoughts to the Lord, & think on “these things” instead !
Today was the very day I needed to read this devotional. I woke up in a huge funk. I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I did what I must. After helping my son start his day and sending him off to school, I had about a half an hour before I had to prepare for my own day. I was feeling so bruised, so exhausted, and so depressed, I practically leaped back into bed just hoping that the 30 minutes might give me the strength to move on through my day.
It didn’t.
I felt this overwhelming depression sliding over me. The past and its voices mingling in my mind nonstop. Aggravation and defeat sat on the counter with me as I put on my makeup. I groaned as I thought of the upcoming day and grabbed my composition book. In it I asked God for his strength. His strength to get me through just this day. I wished I could be doing something else. Wondered aloud where all this was coming from.
For the past month, I have struggled. Day in and day out, I reach out for God’s strength. Each day He truly does provide what I need. Today your devotional was one of those much needed provisions.
Please remember me as I reread this devotional and work on the questions. I will do so after I get out of work and wait for my son to get out of school.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
Father, a tired mom is calling out for your help. Fill her up today. Let her know that she isn’t walking alone. Thank you for the care she gives her child, and thank you that she is your child and you will nourish her as well. Father, today we take hold of the promises that say there is rest to be found in you. Rest in her thoughts. Rest from the darkness she describes. Thank you for this beautiful, faith-filled courageous woman who turns to you, knowing that her strength is found in that relationship. Thank you that you are faithful. May she sense Your presence in a fresh new way. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Suzie, I just wanted to stop by again.
Today is a much brighter day. I want to thank you for praying for me and so many others who posted on your blog yesterday. I am praising God for releasing the weight from my shoulders again! He is so truly amazing. Thank you for being a part of that with your prayers. I work at a Christian radio station and the last thing I wanted was to reflect my pain to our listeners. God truly was at work, and I am humbled by His mercy.
I pray some day you will speak somewhere here in Arizona. You truly are a blessing. Thank you again. 🙂
Kelly
That was great and I am guilty of doing that very thing, but didn’t have a term for it. I love yours. Thanks for sharing your story…I thought I was the only one who did this! 🙂 The events of the past year have forced me to “leave the playground” and what a difference it has made in my life and my relationships. God Bless!
I appreciate your devotional for today. I too have this challenge of controlling my thoughts. What helps me also is this scripture 2 Cor 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. I am going to meditate on this scripture and the others you gave to help me overcome the play ground in my mind. Thank you Suzie
Thank you for putting a name to this issue. It’s almost like watching a B rated movie – you don’t want to look but can’t help yourself. I lost my job 14 months ago. For a long time, I forced myself not to think of my former employer and the hurt that was caused because I knew that wasn’t a productive use of my time or energy. And the last year has been amazing – God has blessed me immeasurably with new contacts, personal and spiritual growth, formal education, and hopefully very soon, a new position. Despite all of these blessings, my thoughts periodically drift back to the playground, and I’ve realized that I have not been able to really forgive. I just have to imagine myself being wrapped in His loving arms. Thanks for the helpful devotion.
Thank you for sharing this. I am in this place now where God is leading me from this playground and I realize He’s been trying to pull me away for some time now and I have refused to go. But now I am ready. I’m really tired of investing energy into negative emotions/thoughts/feelings of unforgivingness – I want to walk in this Love Walk as Christ calls us to do – even when it may seem hard to my flesh. As you wrote above, God is calling us to grow up and stop feeding on milk and I want to do this. I have been in bondage to these things for too long and I keep finding myself in the same situation with people – feeling like I’ve been done wrong, unwilling/unable to see the other side because I’m consumed with my own feelings, and refusing to mend fences or let it go. God tells us even if we’re right in our feelings we’re still called to Love and react in love, with the fruits of the Spirit and not the flesh…. i want to love people as Christ loves me. And this blog was just another confirmation that this is what God is working on in me. Thank you again.
Trista, there was so much wisdom in what you wrote above. Just follow what you wrote and see where God is leading. <3
The Lord is calling me out of my playground too. But, I am having a terrible time letting go. I dream about things being different than they are. I actually want my relationship with my husband to end sometimes because I don’t feel as stressed when he isn’t around. I know that if he weren’t around, I wouldn’t be in this holding pattern, waiting for him to keep just one promise, to share with me anything of value, to reveal anything intimate about himself. We have been married 16 years. I am tired. I am disappointed at what I have allowed myself to become and burdened with sadness at my very ungodly attitude towards my husband.
Garie, the root of this devotion is that we often go to that “playground” rather than deal with the real issues in front of us. Would you consider going to a godly counselor (one who is licensed and has tools to place in your hand) to seek help in your marriage? I hear the heart of a woman who desires to do what is right, but who is hurting and discouraged. Father, hear her heart. Lead her to biblical and spiritual and practical counsel. Move in her home. Move in her marriage. Give her the words to say to implement change, as far as it is within her power. Close the gate on a playground where she feels trapped, and lead her to the next step toward healing in her marriage, and in your precious daughter. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Gari,
I was where you are now at our 20th year, but I want you to know that if you truly give this to God, and trust Him, he will help you through…We had just celebrated our anniversary, I had just told my husband, I was not happy and if things did not change, I wanted out…that was on October 19 and October 23, on a very foggy morning, my husband was going to a Brown’s game and pulled out in front of a van that was traveling over 70 miles an hour…his truck rolled 3 and 1/2 times and he landed upside down next to a boulder. The Sheriff reported two fatalities, but then my husband moaned. He was hanging upside down, his head outside the back window, but he had his seat belt on, which saved his life. The other gentleman was killed. I was getting ready for church, upset that he chose the game over church (me), especially since I had told him several times that week that I did not want him to go, I did not have a good feeling about his going…I was getting closer and closer to leaving. My brother in law came to get me and said he did not know how bad it was, but the other man had died. I did not see him for several hours, and during that time I thought he was killed and they were just getting him cleaned up so I could see him. It was the longest time of my life, during that time I realized just how much I really did love him, and when they let me back with him, my life and his started over. The next few months were very rough, Steve was charged with vehicular homicide, and he faced a trial by jury. He lost his father, and our daughter informed us she was pregnant out of marriage…I’m telling you this because, just like with us, God has a plan for you…We now tell everyone our first 20 years died the day of the accident, and we now live fully for the Lord, trusting Him in all that we do, our marriage, was made in heaven, we just took a u-turn before it could begin. We are very active in our church, Steve is the head of missions, and is the sound guy on Sundays. I work for the church, this is my 13 year, I am a “connector” , and I am in missions, and last but not least I am a co-faciiltator of a home bible study…We have never been happier. Now, that doesn’t mean we have not been through trials, because we have. Our daughter, left her four kids for a drug dealer and got very involved in drugs, divorced, lived homeless for four months before she. her x husband and four grandchildren moved in with us for two years. During those two years, my daughter and four grandchildren were baptized and accepted Christ as their personal savior. Then they moved back to Ohio, and although not by her choice, she became homeless again, he had custody of the children, so she lost them again, but during this time she has gone back to school, gotten her CMA and is now working full time, and although she misses seeing her children, she is happy and finally realizes she is someone. I could go on and on, but all I will tell you Garie, God promises he will never leave us, and he didn’t, I felt and feel his presences every second, of every minute of every hour of every day of my life . So, hang in there and know that I will be praying for you and for the Lords will in this situation.
Thank you for sharing your heart and experience. My thoughts have been a problem for me, I struggle with ANTs(automatic negative thoughts). Please pray for me that I can allow God to unburden my soul and help me to strive for his approval and not mans. Thank you, be blessed!
Father, Jana desires that her thoughts be filled with hope. Lord, You are the author of hope. As she seeks you, may she discover that her thoughts are changed, shifted in a new direction, and that she becomes known as Jana, the woman whose thoughts automatically go to hope when she encounters difficulties. Fill her up, and over with Your living water (John 7:38). Be her Source, in Jesus’ name, amen.
This is definitely a battle I can relate to. Visiting this playground continues to keep me captive in that place of woe is me, just constantly feeling sorry for myself. I was praying just this morning that I want to get on with what God has for me and get off this merry go round of self pity. Thank you for your obedience, this devotional really struck a chord with me today.
Debbie, when God gently shows us areas like He did today with you, it is with the loving attention of a Creator who knows exactly what His child can do, if only they could see their way out. It’s His way of opening the gate. . .
I SO do this. I can’t count the times I have spent a huge amount of energy going over the issue in my mind. Often, if I chose to talk to the person it was not nearly as monumental as I’d imagined it in my mind. I was also really encouraged reading others’ comments. It helps to know I’m not the only one struggling with it, and makes me more motivated to do better. Thanks to those who shared Scriptures. I think they’ll really help on this journey.
That’s the key, Katie. It does take so much energy, and our time here is limited. Who wants to make it to the end and realize that we spent so much time and so much of who we are in a place where nothing is resolved, and yet it pushes those roots of anger or hurt deeper and deeper. On Thursday I’ll share scriptures and additional help on how we take our thoughts “captive”.
Oh, Suzie, I am, sadly, in that place right now. You expressed it so exactly. I don’t want to be on that playground — especially the merry-go-round of emotions — any more! By God’s grace. Thank you for boldly proclaiming what we need to hear. God certainly knew that this was for ME today! May God’s blessings continue to flow upon you, your family, and your ministry.
Cheryl, I hear you. By God’s grace may you walk out of that playground, shut the door firmly, and when you are tempted, recognize that playground for what it represents and what it keeps you from discovering. Love, love this comment.
This really stirred within my spirit as it has for many others. I was spending time in the playground instead of getting the rest I needed during the night. The verses you and others have shared will be what I meditate on tonight and in the future. Thanks for your “encouragement today”.
I too need to LEAVE the playground. So tired of men doing bad things to women and not wanting to think ALL men are alike. I was to marry a man and found out he was not who I thought he was for over 2 and a half years.Second “christian” man I was to marry and thankfully God revealed his “hidden” things.My husband had left me for another woman……….this after remaining with him(3rd time) that I knew about with other women.How do you get the trust back and not feel all men are the same and even want to try again?????????Just want to stay safe where I am when I get whole again.Wish so bad I had never met him. Was in such a good place…happy with just the Lord and me!
Our small group has been discussing doing your book in the Fall. Now, I’m convinced it is the book for us. So often, we just sit around and play in our own mind! You are so right! Thank you for your perspective and what you are bringing to so many women.
I think I’ve lived in the playground of my mind for most of my life. I’m an introvert and I think it is a natural escape mechanism for me whenever I didn’t want to face reality. But God has been leading me out of the playground, especially in the last year. He has been teaching me how to live in His presence and what it really feels like to have His joy and peace. I too, am a grandma and I am especially aware of His joy and peace when I’m spending time with my grandsons. Sometimes I wonder how much I missed with my own kids when they were little – because I was preoccupied with the merry-go-round thoughts in my head at that time. Leaving this playground behind is still a struggle. Sometimes I feel like I take 2 steps forward, then 3 back again. But I know God is not giving up on me. He guides me and encourages me through Scripture, Bible study, Christian radio, and devotions like the one you wrote today. Thank you.
Wow! God is so awesome in His ways! I was in the middle of my husband calling me out on my ugly behavior towards certain people in my past and present. I was hurt, embarrassed, angry and remorseful. I really thought I had victory in this area…not yet. Then in my crying, I find your devotion and it was as if God was gently telling me He will help me through this if I am willing. He still loves me even after my ugly behavior. Wow! I must get your book. I have so much more ” growing up” to do in the area of forgiveness and letting it all go. Thank you for your post and I will begin following your blog now. God bless you for allowing Him to use you to speak to others.
I went to a “Zozo”about this time last year and did a whole lot of forgiving others and asking for Gods forgiveness. I had many pictures from God of who i am and how he sees me and gave me tools to help me ever since. It was good and releasing. I renewed my relationship with God and am on a journey with him. I have had to trust him and let go on a regular basis. Those thoughts and things i struggle with keep coming back to haunt me and try to make me and feel like giving up. I have to continue to keep being forgiving, to check my thought life, to trust him and take hold of his promises. I am glad i can still praise God even if i am going through difficult circumstances and he still speaks to me and uses
me.
Terri of tgreenslumc@gmail.com is the winner of today’s giveaway of The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness. I have sent an email to Terri notifying her that she has won the book.
I am reading every comment, and trying to respond to many of you. Thank you so much for sharing so honestly about your victories, insight, struggles. . . we are all in this together as believers and followers of Christ. I celebrate each aha moment, each step forward, and each surrender to whatever God is speaking into each heart. <3
I needed this and even though I am a day late, God is right on time! I was entertaining thoughts on how I needed to “tell off” someone who is being unfair to my daughter in school. This is a teacher/leader in her life. It is time for me to grow up and practice God’s word. He had already convicted me about my attitude and this devotion was a timely confirmation. Thanks!!!!!! Diana
November 2011 my journey began- a journey of not recognizing my husband- a journey of him turning my parents and children against me by saying I was emotionally unstable and difficult to live with… That I caused our marital problems… Long story short, I found out that PTSD that was triggered to severity by stress led my husband to turn to another woman, who pursued him aggressively for months – a game to her securing married men from their wives…I learned later that my husband was 1 on a long list… I also learned that over years trying to battle his PTSD on his own, led my husband to seek sex from other women twice before…leading to a path of guilt/shame and a double-mind…. I never knew until he broke and began balking me for all his troubles (actually not until many months later)…I was so broken and confused… I found myself so broken I considered suicide… I dreamed Gid would take me home to heaven. All this is to say, I now know my husband was sick. I have forgiven him and the woman. But, I battle pain, hurt, fear of the future, insecurity, grief and sorrow from my broken dreams… I don’t want this struggle. I pray for God’s healing daily. I want my true joy restored. My husband is working and trying so hard to heal and move forward… We have good days and I draw close and then fear sends me to a pit of pain. Please pray for me to leave this playground of my mind permanently. I would love to read your full book. I pray for full restoration and to overcome my fear of suffering again as I did emotionally… I pray to trust God to “handle” it. I KNOW He was with me last year and I gained peace. I want that peace in the midst of this trial again.
Wow, Suzie you are a beautiful example of “be ye holy just as I am holy”. That is my deepest heart’s desire but I have been lied to that it’s not possible because “I’m only human”. I know perfection is not possible for us this side of heaven but as Jesus modeled, holiness definitely is. So here’s my story, not quite a testimony yet but I know the Lord is writing that as we live and breathe starting right now…I built my playground as a young child to escape horrific abuse and neglect. Sadly I decided to live there after marrying someone that continued the cycle of abuse. Over time I expanded it and even remodeled it over the years adding more sophisticated “toys” such as psychologoical diagnoses of myself and others in order to escape reality. The scariest part is I fabricated a “god” in there that I could manipulate and control using scripture because I had grown up steeped in religiion. When the real God, the Lord Almighty, didn’t play (obeying me is what I wanted) I would throw a temper tantrum. Lord have mercy!! Thanks and praise to the risen Saviour, although it is excruciating for me to go through and I’m sure for Him to do and watch, He is dismantling my playground. I feel freedom pursuing me so I ask for your prayers for courage and strength so I do not give in to fear and deception. Abba Father, loves me and loves you too!!
In reflection on a past post of yours I need to speak more deeply with my own mom about her past. I know some, but I’m guessing not all or enough for me to understand my own past. To help explain my father and their relationship. I need understanding and prayer over these issues. And eventually more healing.
Thank you so much for a encouraging blog today.. I have a hard time forgiving myself but when it comes to others.. it isn’t hard to forgive them. I wonder why its like that? I also want to thank you for a chance to win your book. If I don’t win. I will forsure purchase it.
This is me the playground in my mind, I really need prayer God has been dealing with me about this to lay it down, and I do but then for some reason I go back and pick it up. Everyday it is a struggle I always saying the verse whatsover is pure, honest……think on those things and I have noticed that my mind is becoming free but I want it to be free now and I need patience.