If you came over from Encouragement for Today, welcome! I’m so glad you are here. Today’s devo covered a tough topic, but when you’ve been impacted by evil, you need space to be able to talk about it in light of faith.
If you have encountered evil, though few may understand what you’ve faced, God feels sorrow that it took place. If there are people who have told you that what happened to you is God’s will, or that somehow the end result was that God would somehow receive the glory, please understand this:
The evil one’s purpose has never been for God to shine.
Your Heavenly Father grieves over the pain you suffered, so much so that your Savior walked up the road willingly with stripes on His back, wore a crown of thorns pressed into His brow and suffered death on a cruel cross to offer healing and restoration. Sin and the plans of the evil one make Him righteously angry.
A few weeks ago I shared Liz’s story. She and her family were impacted by an evil act by someone they trusted.
She had a choice. Personal tragedy could make her bitter or better.
When someone hurts your child, bitter seems like a natural choice.
But what Liz shared through her example is that forgiving was not allowing evil to continue, but it was also a choice to let God be angry for her.
There is legal justice. She is protecting and advocating for her child, and protecting future children from harm.
But choosing better meant that anger and bitterness isn’t going to be her new identity due to the choice of another. That’s powerful!
It’s also very hard, which is why better is a supernatural response. It’s bigger than we are capable of. God can do a work in your heart that makes no sense in relation to the circumstances.
When you choose better in an instance like this, those who look to you find a fierce, strong woman of faith who has been battered, but not broken. Afflicted by not crushed. Perplexed but not in despair. (2nd Corinthians 4:8)
When I talked with Liz face to face, she was all of those things — battered, afflicted, perplexed, still in the midst of a trial, pulled in different directions by loved ones who wanted her to pretend it didn’t happen.
She was also strong, resolute, joyful, and fully anchored in who she was to God.
If you are trying to move past the effect of evil on your heart or life, please understand:
#1 – You are not responsible to fix or bear the consequences of another’s sin.
That’s God’s job. Listen, God loves us all. So much so that He longs for those bound by sin to meet a wall of their own sin and kneel at the cross to find deliverance and wholeness.
When people say, “If you really want to forgive, just let them go. Release them from their sin,” it fails to consider that God loves us all so much that He longs for those bound by sin to meet a wall of their own sin and kneel at the cross to find deliverance, wholeness, and a new path.
As you allow God to be angry for you, it allows His righteous response — to both be grieved by the sin and pursue the sinner, to lift a burden you were never intended to carry.
#2 – It’s time to forgive so you can live
What might happen to that person or event that impacted such evil? I’m not sure, but while that unfolds we surrender our thoughts, our hearts, our family, our life to a God who loves us, living free of the burden of revenge or bitterness. Keeping our heart open to the path God takes us through this extremely harder path of our faith.
I’ll choose one winner randomly from the comments below. Please feel free to share your prayer requests, your questions, your thoughts about today’s topic.
I highly recommend this book to ANYONE who has struggled with forgiveness. I’ve read many books, but none quite like this. It has changed my life. You will read it once, and then over and over again. You will cry as you discover that your wounds (as deep as they may be) can be healed! Jacqueline
When I picked up The Unburdened Heart I worried that it was just another “feel good” book about forgiving others. Halfway through the first chapter I knew my worries were unfounded. Suzie has made forgiveness real in an honest, raw way. Her approach to forgiveness of self and those who have hurt you, along with her step-by-step process, complete with definitions of the types of forgiveness, brought me to a place of healing. Michelle
I have read this book twice now from cover to cover and I treasure this book! What a life changing message! I thank God for Suzie, for her compassion and wisdom and for being able to speak so gently about circumstances, events and persons that have negatively and tragically altered or impacted our lives in a manner that so many of us struggle to hide and cover up not only from ourselves, but from the rest of the world. The walls that I so carefully constructed around my heart over many years are now coming down and I am experiencing the freedom of an unburdened heart! Marilyn
Indeed … “battered, afflicted, perplexed, still in the midst of a trial, pulled in different directions by loved ones” as you described … is where my heart is today, after coming home from yet another court date.
I soo wish it could all go away. Or moreso, that it never happened in the first place! And yet, I know God’s heart is grieved over this abuse, too. It is oh soo very humbling to think that I’ve been given a gift, to have had a taste of what God the Father endured when His Son was tortured and crucified. I don’t want to treat that gift lightly.
I know we’re supposed to forgive, and I say I have… But I often revisit the situation and get upset all over again. So, I guess I haven’t….. I’m now 30 and I’ve been holding in this pain for almost 20 years. My parents separated when I was 6 months. My mother passed away when I was 11 years old from breast cancer. I moved in with my father and his parents. It was an easy transition because I went to their house every weekend. Even though I moved I with my father, I never saw him. He was always with the woman he cheated on my mother with. He also had a child with this woman while my mother was in the hospital dying. When I was 16, his mother (my grandmother) passed from endometrial cancer. I was heartbroken. It was like losing my mother all over again. He allowed his sister and niece to take over and they were so cruel to me. They always told me no one wanted me and their elderly parents had to take me in. They also told me I would never be anything. Those words sting and still hurt now and hinder me from trying anything new because I hear those words.
3 weeks ago I had a hysterectomy because I’d suffered from endometriosis for 10 years. I at least expected my family to call more or even visit. Maybe 2 phone calls! My in laws drove 10 hours to spend the week with me after surgery and all my husband’s family calls me multiple times a day to see how I’m doing. I’m grateful for them, but it makes me feel bad that my family isn’t doing that. And, I’m insecure about how my dad treated my mom. My husband is soooo different and I’m confident he would never treat me that way, but I often push him away. I sometimes think he will leave me because I can’t have children and didn’t have any before my surgery. I also feel he will find someone better than me and would leave. Then I hear the harsh words from my aunt and cousin. I think my rape incident ties into this too, because apart of me felt all men treated women bad and maybe it was supposed to happen. Plus, I was just plain embarrassed and didn’t think anyone would believe me.
I have 3 older brothers and they can remember catching him in public with this other woman. They absolutely do not want anything to do with him. Since I’m the baby and only girl I try to have that daddy/daughter relationship. We talk, but he’s really not interested. He would rather be friends. And my relationship isn’t very good with my brothers.
I desperately need to forgive and totally close this chapter of my life so I can be totally free and not ruin my marriage because of things I make up in my head. Liz and Suzie, can you please tell me where to begin? I’ve prayed and cried about all this, but it just won’t leave.
Sigh … Life has thrown you for a few curves, has it not??! I’m so sorry to hear of all the significant losses and heartaches you have endured.
I truly believe you would really benefit from Suzie’s book, “The Unburdened Heart” … Excellent resource for anybody facing awful things, or awful people, from their past!!
Liz, I have Suzie’s book and will start reading it today! I will keep you posted on my progress, and I’m sure I will have questions for you and Suzie along the way!
Am reading a book called sober mercies by Heather Kopp in which she tells her story. It resonates with Courtney’s story so well. Though I am not an alcoholic her book hit home with me in many areas. Her forgiveness of her family, and herself is amazing in itself. I encourage Courtney to read it.
Thank you Suzanne for this devo. In the past I have had a hard time with forgiveness, with forgiving others, forgiving myself. Sometimes in my still moments events from my past, or things I try to remember or forget still pop up in my mind. See, I found out in my early 20s that my mom now was not my biological mom, which would explain why she treated me “differently” than my siblings. I was upset, angry at both the mom who raised me, my father for never telling me, and for my biological mother for some reason or another for walking out. I’m in my mid-40s now and have never met or have ever had any contact with my biological mom. Those events caused me to rebel when I was younger (before I was saved), I became bitter and resentful, and I made some bad decisions/choices that to this day I still feel shame. I know God has forgiven me, and though I have never told my parents this, I have forgiven them, now I just have to forgive myself. Thank you again.
May God grant each one of us the grace, mercy, humility, courage and desire to forgive others as He has forgiven us. Thank you for reminding us that these struggles are not our burdens to carry alone and that God wants to step in and heal our wounds, if only we will submit to his authority and power to allow him to do so. May God bless each of you.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25
I have been struggling with forgiveness for over 20 years now. The church I grew up in had me “kicked out” and told me to never return. Why? Because I had sinned. That’s all I was told. I was told to kneel and ask forgiveness in front of all the deacons and church staff. I asked that the pastor, who also had sinned, kneel with me. He refused and said that he was blameless. He told me I was no longer welcome in the church I grew up in where all of my friends were. I was also very active with the children’s ministry and the youth ministry. The pastor went on to tell all those who i ministered to and was friends with (lifelong friends), that I was evil and could not be trusted. They were not to speak to me anymore. This crushed my heart. I am now in my 40’s and still have trouble trusting a church family. I want to get back into church, but it is so hard. I thought I had forgiven the past, but somehow i just can’t get over it. Help me!
I would love this book for my 16 year old daughter. She was sexually abused at the age of 9. I think she has forgiven the assailant, but she is bitter toward people in general. I know it stems from this experience. I just want her to have peace that only God can provide! Thank you for today’s devotion. I have already forwarded it to her 🙂
I loved your devotional today! This one hit me hard, as forgiveness is something I’m still struggling to wrap my mind around. In my life, the need for it goes on. Past forgiveness is often easier for me than future.
Hits home. While I’m not currently dealing with evil outside of my home, I’m working through sin and forgiveness inside my home. We know that God does not orchestrate the sin, he’s sad, angered by it, but I am looking forward to seeing how God will use this situation, repentant hearts, changed lives … to bring healing to others, for the good of His Kingdom. Thanks for the encouragement today.
wow. what timing. going thru some serious issues surrounding forgiveness in our family and church family right now. your devotional really hit home. would absolutely love to read this book and explore the whole issue of forgiveness in depth. I know we are to forgive but it’s a lot easier to say it than to actually put it into practise when everything else shouts no, you can’t forgive that! there is so much deep hurt and pain. can we say the words offering forgiveness without the true feeling and heartfelt meaning it behind the words? I can’t answer that one. what do you think?
As a Believer, I feel pressured that I must forgive my Ex, just as my sins were forgiven by Jesus. But he has never apologized, or taken responsibility or accountability. Therefore, I don’t want him to think that I condone or excuse him for what he’s done. I know I need to forgive him for my own healing, but I’m not ready yet as I’m still in a nasty 3 year trial.
Debbie, I feel your pain. My Ex has done horrible things to me and I thought that I had forgiven him. Currently, he is in a place in his life where he has to depend on my kindness. I truly thought that I was responding to him as a Christian but then the Lord kept saying to me regarding my Ex husband, “forgive.” I thought that I had BUT when I began to check my motives for being “kind” to him, I realized that my motives were not pure. I wanted him and everybody else to recognize that I was helping him in spite of the way he treated me and for him to feel ashamed of himself and for everyone else to say “she really is a good Christian woman.” Now I feel ashamed. And I ask God’s forgiveness. And I have admitted my motives to those who have witnessed my “kind” behavior towards my Ex husband. I’m on the road to FREEDOM! And I thank God for placing people in my life that share motivational messages (with a mirror attached to them) for me to take a honest look at myself. I pray that you choose to honestly forgive, so that you can start to live freely. I have been divorced for 7 years after an ugly 3 year trial. Cast all of your worries/cares on the Lord and let Him do the heavy lifting because He is able. Many, many blessings to you and your family.
I have a friend that is going through something so similar. Her husband of 20+ years was having an affair and has left her. I would love to give her this book.
Oh Suzanne, how this devotional was written by you just specifically for me today. I wrote to you months ago when my husband asked me for open marriage and you replied directly to me (thank you). Months have passed, we have been separated for 11 months, and I have recently discovered that he has been answering personal ads as a single man, has goals to live with another woman and have a child with her (and we have 2 daughters ages 22 and 17) and yes he has sent nude photos to women online. I continue to lean on God’s grace and provision during this time and am meeting with my pastor next week and an attorney this week. I desperately need to forgive so that I can heal. Thank you for your prayers.
Thank you Suzie for this wonderful post today. I very much needed the seeds that you planted in your devotion. Years of living with difficult situations at home, its very hard sometimes to not want to take things into your own hands to rectify the things that have taken place. But it is FORGIVENESS I have to keep in mind and let God handle things, which is hard sometimes. I would love the book to gain more understanding of this. Thanks so much and God bless you.
Suzie: Thanks for this posting and for your book. God has placed on my heart to minister to women who have been wounded by evil and to show them the redeeming love of Christ. I think your book will be a valuable resource to helping them through their pain.
Hilda Quintanilla on September 11, 2013 at 9:43 am
Someone recently did me very wrong at church. My heart is crushed at the evilness in a leaders heart. Her sin is so great that she has no fear of The Lord. It grieves my heart that though not surprised – The Lord sorrows at her actions. I’ve forgiven her, but I’m having issues trusting her.
I need to forgive a family member every day. Some days are easier than others. I am often left with feelings of guilt because I see my shortcomings. The person I need to forgive the most is me.
My heart cries out for all the burdens that my sisters of faith have shared in the comments above. So I pray for an extra portion of God’s mercy, healing and strength be poured out over you all.
My parents have been battered by one of their children (one of my siblings), not physically but financially. I carried this secret for 6 weeks before I realized that my parents did not know what had happened. It was not an amount of money that can easily be replaced. It has caused a great divide in our family and I pray that God will soften everyones heart and we can heal. Today’s Blog post (God Gets Angry for You) was so good for me…I have it printed and will read it every morning with my Bible study. As a human it is sometimes so hard to forgive but God is there and He can be angry for me andI need to let His forgiveness wash over me. Pray that I remember it each moment of the day.
This looks like exactly what my 14 year old daughter and I need! My daugher was sexually mollested by her best friend’s father over 2 years ago. It is still going through the court system and keeps getting delayed. We have a very good church family and support system, but my daughter struggles almost daily with this. She says she has forgiven, but she has flash backs and extreme melt downs as a result….as is very understandable. She sees counselors on a regular basis, but I know that the root of her mental stability is unforgiveness. She suffers with headaches and severe stomach pain on almost a daily basis. The doctors have not been able to find anything that really helps her. 2 days after I found out, God started speaking to me that I would have to forgive…which I have. I have very strongly advocated for my daughter with the court system and been able to change the sitting judge on the case and even get a special prosecuting attorney (2 months ago) from our state capital…because the man’s family is hightly connected with practically everyone in our small town /county court system. But I have forgiven and pray very often that this man does find and accept God’s grace and mercy of forgiveness. I know that it is evil that has caused this sin against my daughter and that God does want to extend forgiveness, love, grace, and mercy to this person and his family. My daughter has been through so much pain over the last 2 years because adults and kids have found out and many turned against her. It rips my heart out to see what she has and is still going through. I cannot wait to order and read this book with her.
WOW! Just read the first the chapter demo! I def needed to read this and I praise God for giving everyone the peace around my house so I can be in a meditative state and really study. LOL I missed 2 phone calls and evidently the family ate breakfast! I was not aware of any of this because I was so deep in this chapter! It’s easy for me to forgive but I still struggle to forgive myself and never looked at “it” this way before! Thank you for posting the first chapter Suzanne!
I have a hard time in forgiving MYSELF! I am ready to “forgive and live”! I am happily married and have 2 heaven-sent children and wouldn’t change it for the world…so I am ready to forgive myself and LIVE!
Thank you for this. My prayer this morning was asking God to remove bitterness from my heart. But it is hard when the evilness lives in my household. I am caring for my elderly parents and I am the youngest of 10. I get no financial nor physical help from my siblings for my parents they only come around to stir up trouble between my mother and I. Not to mention I am dealing with the daily changes of my Multiple Sclerosis and being a divorced single mother of three. Your message has brought me a lot of clarity.
I never understood the power of forgiveness to heal until a year or so ago. I did a bible study with my friends and for the first time in my life I realized that the person I just wouldn’t forgive, had no idea of what I was holding on to. I looked at our relationship from another angle and I realized I needed to share some of the blame, but in order to move forward with my life – I needed to let go of past hurts. I’m so thankful that God opened my eyes to that – the person has since passed away and although our relationship was never what it should have been, by forgiving, I was able to truly enjoy the time we had left together.
i’ve been rolling a situation over and over in my mind for weeks. Normally, when i have trouble with someone, i think on it for weeks and do not have any peace and it disturbs my everyday taks. I would like to forgive and be free pray for me.
This is just another gentle hug from God telling me that no matter how bad a particular person in my life has hurt me, forgiveness is my only choice. Thank you!
I’ve been walking up a ladder and all I see below me is darkness. I’ve stopped halfway because I’m tired, no, exhausted. I feel defeated. I feel like I’m back at Step 1. I feel hopeless. I forget God’s goodness. I forget all He’s done. How easy it is for us to forget His victory…. But I know He’s at the top of this ladder. He’s saying it’s worth it. When I can no longer convince myself to go up one more step, how do I let Him carry me? How do I surrender what I’ve been trying to do on my own for a while now? What does that look like? No longer on my own strength, but on His? With a prayer? With idleness? With that?
Reading your devotional today really hit home for me. After going thru a divorce 7 years ago I still harbor angery feelings at my ex. I know that God can change any situation if we give it to him, but I have been so guilty of giving it to him and then taking it back.. This make me realize that I need to let it go. I can not change him or the situations surrounding the divorce, but I can thank God for his forgiving Mercy and Grace and just just pray for him. I want God’s love shine thru me to him and make him want to become a different person.. Thank you for helping me see that I can not change the situation, but God can. You have blessed me today.
I am continually amazed by God’s timing. He put the perfect devotional in front of me today which lead me further to your blog. This line stood out to me most. “#1 – You are not responsible to fix or bear the consequences of another’s sin.” WOW- is that not a relief? My husband wanted a divorce this past June. In August, our divorce was final. A divorce was never an option for me. I loved my husband and still do. I couldn’t imagine that God would do this to me…until I realized it wasn’t God doing this, It was my husband. These decisions were my husband’s. I find peace knowing I did everything possible to save my marriage. Begging was not beneath me and I did plenty of it. Letting go of the anger, the questions, the total loss of control….letting it all go and focusing on the Lord and allowing him to come into my life and allow me to let go has been bitter sweet yet very comforting. I am so sad to not be with my ex-husband anymore. I miss him terribly. I still love him and often I reach for the phone to tell him something and then put it back down knowing I can’t. I don’t want to be angry, I don’t want to be miserable and I certainly don’t want bitterness to overcome my life. I have had to let go and give it all to God. Trusting in the Lord with all my heart to heal, comfort and protect me. It is a constant effort to choose to be better and not bitter but is becoming easier.
Today it is not my “burdened” heart that I lift up – while I’m still working on unburdening my heart, I lift up my husband’s heart…his heart is so gull of anger and bitterness and disappointment that he has a hard time seeing the blessings in our life and it makes me so sad for him…I pray for the healing power of God’s love over him and that I may continue to be an example to him even when I don’t feel like it!
My husband has Bipolar disorder and that has made for a very difficult marriage. There was some abuse both emotionally and physically in earlier years. I have asked the Lord to help me to forgive and I feel I have forgiven him. But I still think about how hard he made our lives throughout our marriage and sometimes I feel angry about that. Have I truly forgiven him just when I still think about some of the things he’s done?
It’s so hard to forgive. Feels like if I say, I forgive them, then it’s saying it’s okay what they have done. As long as I focus on who the Lord is and what He has done, I have peace. If I stop and think of all the betrayal that has been done by supposedly friends it makes me so stinking angry. Blood pressure goes sky high because of it. Fresh wounds take time to heal. Covet your prayers!
This devotional popped up on my facebook wall and it HIT me square between the eyes. I am in a pit of heart-ache and I know God is speaking LOUDLY to me. I need to hear HIM through your words!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!!
It’s not easy but I don’t know where I read this but this is what I’m working towards
It’s hard not to forgive when I know what Jesus sacrificed so I could be forgiven–as I mentioned before not easy but if you remembers all that Jesus did for all of us and still continues to forgive us and gives us New mercies everyday.
Easy to say and preach but to walk in His ways….is difficult.
I just told my whole story and had such a weight lifted off my soul knowing that God will get angry for me and how I have been fighting this battle for about 6 months now , I kept tying and typing and typing…releasing and feeling good. Typed in my email…Then realized I had been typing my story in the name section the WHOLE time,,,grrrr……See how the enemy can rob and steal! So I do have the energy to type it over but it was a good reflection time. : ) I am exhausted due to being a Kindergarten teacher of 24 kiddos! So if I don’t win the book I am, going go buy it on pay day! This is some of the best stuff I have read in a long time! I praise My Father for seeking me when I call out to him in my most desperate moments! He hears I know!
I got my second divorce earlier this year. It is hard for me to admit this as one is ‘shameful’ enough. Through this divorce, my ex is doing anything in his power to make me miserable and feel defeated. Somedays he almost wins, but that’s when God fights for me most! My ex is trying every way he can to take my kids – two from before him, and one with him- from me. It’s not over yet, but I serve a mighty God who works for me. I pray my ex will allow God into his heart as well and remove the bitterness and hatred so we can do what’s best for these kids.
True forgiveness is hard. I really want to forgive and have prayed to forgive but I don’t know how to forgive. It’s funny how you know God listens, because suddenly I start hearing about it and seeing it different places. Thank you so much for your devotion and blog!
I have so wanted your book. I read your previous book some time ago and need to read it again. Filled with great things I need constant reminders of. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts and for sharing with the world.
I have been working on forgiveness for years. Just when I think I’ve forgiven and put it behind me, the bitterness and unforgiveness creeps back in. I hope this book will help me forgive for good!
As I read the comments i understand that bitterness and being unable to forgive is not just my burden, but one shared by others..I pray often that God will help me with this sin, but it seems I get no response that can help, just words “forgive”. I will try to come to the wall and let God be angry for me. Perhaps this book will help.
I am struggling with unforgiveness towards our adopted daughter. When she first started visiting our family she behaved in terrible ways – primarily towards me and deeply hurt our relationship. I know that in order to love her the way that God needs and wants me to, I need to let go and release myself from the pain. It’s just been so hard and people keep telling me to “release her from her sin”; I’ve tried but that’s not working. It’ a work on my heart that needs to take place so that God can work on hers. Thank you for your words in this devotion / article. I would love the chance to read this book and heal.
Thank you so much for the reminder/confirmation. There is such a freeing once forgiveness occurs. I had been struggling with a couple of issues/people, it hurt because it was family. I knew in my head and honestly thought I had done that but it took a while for my heart to catch up and actually indeed become free from that burden. Thank you for these devotions, it truly blesses my soul!
It’s amazing what your mind can block or forget, yet your heart holds on to things you can’t explain. Does that make sense? I was sexually assaulted by a friend I knew, I was 16, and I told my mom after it happened, but she did nothing, ever, it happened 40 years ago….. Since I started on this journey of getting closer to God several months ago He has helped me through bitterness, hurt etc; and I have been able to forgive the person who hurt me and my mom. I always thought I was ok with it until I started digging deeper in the word, and seeking God more and more, I had stirring in my heart about this and remembered “what my mind had chosen to forget”. I though of the story of Dinah in Genesis, she was just pushed aside and the brothers went on a killing spree. I was saved by grace, and I forgave and now I’m free….Praying for your daughter and your family Liz, and all the sisters who have gone through this…Thank you Suzie……Blessings Anna Psalm 46:10 Be still and know I am God…..
My husband is a worship pastor. This past June, he was asked to leave his position after 6 1/2 years. You see, there is a group of people who have their own agenda and firing my husband was number one on their list. This group decided they did not have to follow the procedures found in the constitution and by laws but rushed through the process to achieve the result they wanted. They also influenced the body of deacons by providing half truths and out and out lies about my husband. When they announced my husband’s “resignation” the church body was in an uproar and they didn’t understand why. At the following business meeting it was pointed out their “illegal” actions and they responded with anger,sarcasm, malice, and more lies about my husband’s character. That was three months ago and I still struggle with anger and deep hurt. People I thought were my friends, now look at me differently or they don’t look at me at all. I don’t have a pastor that I can talk to, who could provide some guidance. I am currently praying for God to cut the emotional ties that are binding me here. I’m afraid He will not lead us to our next church until this happens and our severance pay ended this week. I know God will never leave me, but it would be nice to have more friends to help me through it. Prayers are desperately needed and greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your words of wisdom as quoted thru Gods word. Forgiveness is a difficult thing to do, especially if you have always been a clear victim of circumstance as I have all of my life.
Thanks for sharing this with us..I would love a copy!
Jennifer Gearheart on September 17, 2013 at 4:51 pm
Forgiveness in myself is something I have been struggling with a lot lately. I am always questioning myself where did I go wrong as a mother. My 20 year old son is facing a consequence that I need to realize was beyond my control and not my fault. I have forgiven him for what he did so I can’t I forgive myself. Sounds like a book I need to read!!
I have been ‘bound’ by bitterness that is holding me fer over 43 years … I am working through with mended heart study … Yet just the thought of the situation makes me want to puke … I know I am being ‘worked on’ … Forgiveness is a hard path to walk … Especially when you are ridiculed, or criticized & hit with negativity all the time … But you have to put on a happy face …
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Indeed … “battered, afflicted, perplexed, still in the midst of a trial, pulled in different directions by loved ones” as you described … is where my heart is today, after coming home from yet another court date.
I soo wish it could all go away. Or moreso, that it never happened in the first place! And yet, I know God’s heart is grieved over this abuse, too. It is oh soo very humbling to think that I’ve been given a gift, to have had a taste of what God the Father endured when His Son was tortured and crucified. I don’t want to treat that gift lightly.
I know we’re supposed to forgive, and I say I have… But I often revisit the situation and get upset all over again. So, I guess I haven’t…..
I’m now 30 and I’ve been holding in this pain for almost 20 years. My parents separated when I was 6 months. My mother passed away when I was 11 years old from breast cancer. I moved in with my father and his parents. It was an easy transition because I went to their house every weekend. Even though I moved I with my father, I never saw him. He was always with the woman he cheated on my mother with. He also had a child with this woman while my mother was in the hospital dying. When I was 16, his mother (my grandmother) passed from endometrial cancer. I was heartbroken. It was like losing my mother all over again. He allowed his sister and niece to take over and they were so cruel to me. They always told me no one wanted me and their elderly parents had to take me in. They also told me I would never be anything. Those words sting and still hurt now and hinder me from trying anything new because I hear those words.
3 weeks ago I had a hysterectomy because I’d suffered from endometriosis for 10 years. I at least expected my family to call more or even visit. Maybe 2 phone calls! My in laws drove 10 hours to spend the week with me after surgery and all my husband’s family calls me multiple times a day to see how I’m doing. I’m grateful for them, but it makes me feel bad that my family isn’t doing that. And, I’m insecure about how my dad treated my mom. My husband is soooo different and I’m confident he would never treat me that way, but I often push him away. I sometimes think he will leave me because I can’t have children and didn’t have any before my surgery. I also feel he will find someone better than me and would leave. Then I hear the harsh words from my aunt and cousin. I think my rape incident ties into this too, because apart of me felt all men treated women bad and maybe it was supposed to happen. Plus, I was just plain embarrassed and didn’t think anyone would believe me.
I have 3 older brothers and they can remember catching him in public with this other woman. They absolutely do not want anything to do with him. Since I’m the baby and only girl I try to have that daddy/daughter relationship. We talk, but he’s really not interested. He would rather be friends. And my relationship isn’t very good with my brothers.
I desperately need to forgive and totally close this chapter of my life so I can be totally free and not ruin my marriage because of things I make up in my head. Liz and Suzie, can you please tell me where to begin? I’ve prayed and cried about all this, but it just won’t leave.
Courtney,
Sigh … Life has thrown you for a few curves, has it not??! I’m so sorry to hear of all the significant losses and heartaches you have endured.
I truly believe you would really benefit from Suzie’s book, “The Unburdened Heart” … Excellent resource for anybody facing awful things, or awful people, from their past!!
Liz, I have Suzie’s book and will start reading it today! I will keep you posted on my progress, and I’m sure I will have questions for you and Suzie along the way!
Am reading a book called sober mercies by Heather Kopp in which she tells her story. It resonates with Courtney’s story so well. Though I am not an alcoholic her book hit home with me in many areas. Her forgiveness of her family, and herself is amazing in itself. I encourage Courtney to read it.
Mary, thanks for the book suggestion! I will be ordering it tonight!
God bless and hugs!
Thank you Suzanne for this devo. In the past I have had a hard time with forgiveness, with forgiving others, forgiving myself. Sometimes in my still moments events from my past, or things I try to remember or forget still pop up in my mind. See, I found out in my early 20s that my mom now was not my biological mom, which would explain why she treated me “differently” than my siblings. I was upset, angry at both the mom who raised me, my father for never telling me, and for my biological mother for some reason or another for walking out. I’m in my mid-40s now and have never met or have ever had any contact with my biological mom. Those events caused me to rebel when I was younger (before I was saved), I became bitter and resentful, and I made some bad decisions/choices that to this day I still feel shame. I know God has forgiven me, and though I have never told my parents this, I have forgiven them, now I just have to forgive myself. Thank you again.
May God grant each one of us the grace, mercy, humility, courage and desire to forgive others as He has forgiven us. Thank you for reminding us that these struggles are not our burdens to carry alone and that God wants to step in and heal our wounds, if only we will submit to his authority and power to allow him to do so. May God bless each of you.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25
I have been struggling with forgiveness for over 20 years now. The church I grew up in had me “kicked out” and told me to never return. Why? Because I had sinned. That’s all I was told. I was told to kneel and ask forgiveness in front of all the deacons and church staff. I asked that the pastor, who also had sinned, kneel with me. He refused and said that he was blameless. He told me I was no longer welcome in the church I grew up in where all of my friends were. I was also very active with the children’s ministry and the youth ministry. The pastor went on to tell all those who i ministered to and was friends with (lifelong friends), that I was evil and could not be trusted. They were not to speak to me anymore. This crushed my heart.
I am now in my 40’s and still have trouble trusting a church family. I want to get back into church, but it is so hard. I thought I had forgiven the past, but somehow i just can’t get over it. Help me!
Praise God for this beautiful star filled sky this morning!
Amazing message!
I would love this book for my 16 year old daughter. She was sexually abused at the age of 9. I think she has forgiven the assailant, but she is bitter toward people in general. I know it stems from this experience. I just want her to have peace that only God can provide! Thank you for today’s devotion. I have already forwarded it to her 🙂
I loved your devotional today! This one hit me hard, as forgiveness is something I’m still struggling to wrap my mind around. In my life, the need for it goes on. Past forgiveness is often easier for me than future.
Hits home. While I’m not currently dealing with evil outside of my home, I’m working through sin and forgiveness inside my home. We know that God does not orchestrate the sin, he’s sad, angered by it, but I am looking forward to seeing how God will use this situation, repentant hearts, changed lives … to bring healing to others, for the good of His Kingdom. Thanks for the encouragement today.
Great message today! A good one to remember although one of the most difficult .. I would love to share this book with my mom …
wow. what timing. going thru some serious issues surrounding forgiveness in our family and church family right now. your devotional really hit home. would absolutely love to read this book and explore the whole issue of forgiveness in depth. I know we are to forgive but it’s a lot easier to say it than to actually put it into practise when everything else shouts no, you can’t forgive that! there is so much deep hurt and pain. can we say the words offering forgiveness without the true feeling and heartfelt meaning it behind the words? I can’t answer that one. what do you think?
As a Believer, I feel pressured that I must forgive my Ex, just as my sins were forgiven by Jesus. But he has never apologized, or taken responsibility or accountability. Therefore, I don’t want him to think that I condone or excuse him for what he’s done. I know I need to forgive him for my own healing, but I’m not ready yet as I’m still in a nasty 3 year trial.
Debbie, I feel your pain. My Ex has done horrible things to me and I thought that I had forgiven him. Currently, he is in a place in his life where he has to depend on my kindness. I truly thought that I was responding to him as a Christian but then the Lord kept saying to me regarding my Ex husband, “forgive.” I thought that I had BUT when I began to check my motives for being “kind” to him, I realized that my motives were not pure. I wanted him and everybody else to recognize that I was helping him in spite of the way he treated me and for him to feel ashamed of himself and for everyone else to say “she really is a good Christian woman.” Now I feel ashamed. And I ask God’s forgiveness. And I have admitted my motives to those who have witnessed my “kind” behavior towards my Ex husband. I’m on the road to FREEDOM! And I thank God for placing people in my life that share motivational messages (with a mirror attached to them) for me to take a honest look at myself. I pray that you choose to honestly forgive, so that you can start to live freely. I have been divorced for 7 years after an ugly 3 year trial. Cast all of your worries/cares on the Lord and let Him do the heavy lifting because He is able. Many, many blessings to you and your family.
I struggle with unforgiveness and would love to read your book.
I have a friend that is going through something so similar. Her husband of 20+ years was having an affair and has left her. I would love to give her this book.
Oh Suzanne, how this devotional was written by you just specifically for me today. I wrote to you months ago when my husband asked me for open marriage and you replied directly to me (thank you). Months have passed, we have been separated for 11 months, and I have recently discovered that he has been answering personal ads as a single man, has goals to live with another woman and have a child with her (and we have 2 daughters ages 22 and 17) and yes he has sent nude photos to women online. I continue to lean on God’s grace and provision during this time and am meeting with my pastor next week and an attorney this week. I desperately need to forgive so that I can heal. Thank you for your prayers.
Thank you Suzie for this wonderful post today. I very much needed the seeds that you planted in your devotion. Years of living with difficult situations at home, its very hard sometimes to not want to take things into your own hands to rectify the things that have taken place. But it is FORGIVENESS I have to keep in mind and let God handle things, which is hard sometimes. I would love the book to gain more understanding of this. Thanks so much and God bless you.
Suzie: Thanks for this posting and for your book. God has placed on my heart to minister to women who have been wounded by evil and to show them the redeeming love of Christ. I think your book will be a valuable resource to helping them through their pain.
Mary
Someone recently did me very wrong at church. My heart is crushed at the evilness in a leaders heart. Her sin is so great that she has no fear of The Lord. It grieves my heart that though not surprised – The Lord sorrows at her actions. I’ve forgiven her, but I’m having issues trusting her.
I need to forgive a family member every day. Some days are easier than others. I am often left with feelings of guilt because I see my shortcomings. The person I need to forgive the most is me.
My heart cries out for all the burdens that my sisters of faith have shared in the comments above. So I pray for an extra portion of God’s mercy, healing and strength be poured out over you all.
I want to live fully in today…
I needed these words today and everyday it seems. Thank you so much for your insight, it is soothing to my heart and soul
Never thought if it like this, thanks. Give God our anger and let him seek justice for us! Wow so powerful!
My parents have been battered by one of their children (one of my siblings), not physically but financially. I carried this secret for 6 weeks before I realized that my parents did not know what had happened. It was not an amount of money that can easily be replaced. It has caused a great divide in our family and I pray that God will soften everyones heart and we can heal. Today’s Blog post (God Gets Angry for You) was so good for me…I have it printed and will read it every morning with my Bible study. As a human it is sometimes so hard to forgive but God is there and He can be angry for me andI need to let His forgiveness wash over me. Pray that I remember it each moment of the day.
This looks like exactly what my 14 year old daughter and I need! My daugher was sexually mollested by her best friend’s father over 2 years ago. It is still going through the court system and keeps getting delayed. We have a very good church family and support system, but my daughter struggles almost daily with this. She says she has forgiven, but she has flash backs and extreme melt downs as a result….as is very understandable. She sees counselors on a regular basis, but I know that the root of her mental stability is unforgiveness. She suffers with headaches and severe stomach pain on almost a daily basis. The doctors have not been able to find anything that really helps her. 2 days after I found out, God started speaking to me that I would have to forgive…which I have. I have very strongly advocated for my daughter with the court system and been able to change the sitting judge on the case and even get a special prosecuting attorney (2 months ago) from our state capital…because the man’s family is hightly connected with practically everyone in our small town /county court system. But I have forgiven and pray very often that this man does find and accept God’s grace and mercy of forgiveness. I know that it is evil that has caused this sin against my daughter and that God does want to extend forgiveness, love, grace, and mercy to this person and his family. My daughter has been through so much pain over the last 2 years because adults and kids have found out and many turned against her. It rips my heart out to see what she has and is still going through. I cannot wait to order and read this book with her.
WOW! Just read the first the chapter demo! I def needed to read this and I praise God for giving everyone the peace around my house so I can be in a meditative state and really study. LOL I missed 2 phone calls and evidently the family ate breakfast! I was not aware of any of this because I was so deep in this chapter! It’s easy for me to forgive but I still struggle to forgive myself and never looked at “it” this way before! Thank you for posting the first chapter Suzanne!
I have a hard time in forgiving MYSELF! I am ready to “forgive and live”! I am happily married and have 2 heaven-sent children and wouldn’t change it for the world…so I am ready to forgive myself and LIVE!
Thank you, Lord, for grace.
Thank you for this. My prayer this morning was asking God to remove bitterness from my heart. But it is hard when the evilness lives in my household. I am caring for my elderly parents and I am the youngest of 10. I get no financial nor physical help from my siblings for my parents they only come around to stir up trouble between my mother and I. Not to mention I am dealing with the daily changes of my Multiple Sclerosis and being a divorced single mother of three. Your message has brought me a lot of clarity.
Thanks
I have really been wrestling with this issue in my heart lately. It so hard to let it go, even to God. It is hard not to be angry and hurt.
It seems that this book is exactly what I need to read. God is always at work in us.
Thank you.
I am JOYFUL because I am Forgiven and because God takes my anger and I can Forgive. God Bless all of you.
I never understood the power of forgiveness to heal until a year or so ago. I did a bible study with my friends and for the first time in my life I realized that the person I just wouldn’t forgive, had no idea of what I was holding on to. I looked at our relationship from another angle and I realized I needed to share some of the blame, but in order to move forward with my life – I needed to let go of past hurts. I’m so thankful that God opened my eyes to that – the person has since passed away and although our relationship was never what it should have been, by forgiving, I was able to truly enjoy the time we had left together.
i’ve been rolling a situation over and over in my mind for weeks. Normally, when i have trouble with someone, i think on it for weeks and do not have any peace and it disturbs my everyday taks. I would like to forgive and be free pray for me.
So thankful for His forgiveness and how He’s teaching me to forgive!
This is just another gentle hug from God telling me that no matter how bad a particular person in my life has hurt me, forgiveness is my only choice. Thank you!
I’ve been walking up a ladder and all I see below me is darkness. I’ve stopped halfway because I’m tired, no, exhausted. I feel defeated. I feel like I’m back at Step 1. I feel hopeless. I forget God’s goodness. I forget all He’s done. How easy it is for us to forget His victory…. But I know He’s at the top of this ladder. He’s saying it’s worth it. When I can no longer convince myself to go up one more step, how do I let Him carry me? How do I surrender what I’ve been trying to do on my own for a while now? What does that look like? No longer on my own strength, but on His? With a prayer? With idleness? With that?
Your words hit home today. Thank you for helping me to see things a little more clearly! Can’t wait to read your book…
Reading your devotional today really hit home for me. After going thru a divorce 7 years ago I still harbor angery feelings at my ex. I know that God can change any situation if we give it to him, but I have been so guilty of giving it to him and then taking it back.. This make me realize that I need to let it go. I can not change him or the situations surrounding the divorce, but I can thank God for his forgiving Mercy and Grace and just just pray for him. I want God’s love shine thru me to him and make him want to become a different person.. Thank you for helping me see that I can not change the situation, but God can. You have blessed me today.
I am continually amazed by God’s timing. He put the perfect devotional in front of me today which lead me further to your blog. This line stood out to me most. “#1 – You are not responsible to fix or bear the consequences of another’s sin.” WOW- is that not a relief? My husband wanted a divorce this past June. In August, our divorce was final. A divorce was never an option for me. I loved my husband and still do. I couldn’t imagine that God would do this to me…until I realized it wasn’t God doing this, It was my husband. These decisions were my husband’s. I find peace knowing I did everything possible to save my marriage. Begging was not beneath me and I did plenty of it. Letting go of the anger, the questions, the total loss of control….letting it all go and focusing on the Lord and allowing him to come into my life and allow me to let go has been bitter sweet yet very comforting. I am so sad to not be with my ex-husband anymore. I miss him terribly. I still love him and often I reach for the phone to tell him something and then put it back down knowing I can’t. I don’t want to be angry, I don’t want to be miserable and I certainly don’t want bitterness to overcome my life. I have had to let go and give it all to God. Trusting in the Lord with all my heart to heal, comfort and protect me. It is a constant effort to choose to be better and not bitter but is becoming easier.
Today it is not my “burdened” heart that I lift up – while I’m still working on unburdening my heart, I lift up my husband’s heart…his heart is so gull of anger and bitterness and disappointment that he has a hard time seeing the blessings in our life and it makes me so sad for him…I pray for the healing power of God’s love over him and that I may continue to be an example to him even when I don’t feel like it!
My husband has Bipolar disorder and that has made for a very difficult marriage. There was some abuse both emotionally and physically in earlier years. I have asked the Lord to help me to forgive and I feel I have forgiven him. But I still think about how hard he made our lives throughout our marriage and sometimes I feel angry about that. Have I truly forgiven him just when I still think about some of the things he’s done?
It’s so hard to forgive. Feels like if I say, I forgive them, then it’s saying it’s okay what they have done.
As long as I focus on who the Lord is and what He has done, I have peace. If I stop and think of all the betrayal that has been done by supposedly friends it makes me so stinking angry. Blood pressure goes sky high because of it. Fresh wounds take time to heal. Covet your prayers!
This devotional popped up on my facebook wall and it HIT me square between the eyes. I am in a pit of heart-ache and I know God is speaking LOUDLY to me. I need to hear HIM through your words!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!!
Would love to own this book! Forgiveness is a huge struggle for me.
It’s not easy but I don’t know where I read this but this is what I’m working towards
It’s hard not to forgive when I know what Jesus sacrificed so I could be forgiven–as I mentioned before not easy but if you remembers all that Jesus did for all of us and still continues to forgive us and gives us New mercies everyday.
Easy to say and preach but to walk in His ways….is difficult.
I just told my whole story and had such a weight lifted off my soul knowing that God will get angry for me and how I have been fighting this battle for about 6 months now , I kept tying and typing and typing…releasing and feeling good. Typed in my email…Then realized I had been typing my story in the name section the WHOLE time,,,grrrr……See how the enemy can rob and steal! So I do have the energy to type it over but it was a good reflection time. : ) I am exhausted due to being a Kindergarten teacher of 24 kiddos! So if I don’t win the book I am, going go buy it on pay day! This is some of the best stuff I have read in a long time! I praise My Father for seeking me when I call out to him in my most desperate moments! He hears I know!
I got my second divorce earlier this year. It is hard for me to admit this as one is ‘shameful’ enough. Through this divorce, my ex is doing anything in his power to make me miserable and feel defeated. Somedays he almost wins, but that’s when God fights for me most! My ex is trying every way he can to take my kids – two from before him, and one with him- from me. It’s not over yet, but I serve a mighty God who works for me. I pray my ex will allow God into his heart as well and remove the bitterness and hatred so we can do what’s best for these kids.
Been learning a lot about forgiveness lately. It’s so much more complex than “forgive and forget”!! Enjoyed this post! Great timing for me!
True forgiveness is hard. I really want to forgive and have prayed to forgive but I don’t know how to forgive. It’s funny how you know God listens, because suddenly I start hearing about it and seeing it different places. Thank you so much for your devotion and blog!
I have so wanted your book. I read your previous book some time ago and need to read it again. Filled with great things I need constant reminders of. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts and for sharing with the world.
I have been working on forgiveness for years. Just when I think I’ve forgiven and put it behind me, the bitterness and unforgiveness creeps back in. I hope this book will help me forgive for good!
As I read the comments i understand that bitterness and being unable to forgive is not just my burden, but one shared by others..I pray often that God will help me with this sin, but it seems I get no response that can help, just words “forgive”. I will try to come to the wall and let God be angry for me. Perhaps this book will help.
I am struggling with unforgiveness towards our adopted daughter. When she first started visiting our family she behaved in terrible ways – primarily towards me and deeply hurt our relationship. I know that in order to love her the way that God needs and wants me to, I need to let go and release myself from the pain. It’s just been so hard and people keep telling me to “release her from her sin”; I’ve tried but that’s not working. It’ a work on my heart that needs to take place so that God can work on hers. Thank you for your words in this devotion / article. I would love the chance to read this book and heal.
Karla is the randomly generated winner of The Unburdened Heart! An email has been sent to her.
Thank you so much for sharing that we can’t do this by ourselves. We need God’s help.
Thank you so much for the reminder/confirmation. There is such a freeing once forgiveness occurs. I had been struggling with a couple of issues/people, it hurt because it was family. I knew in my head and honestly thought I had done that but it took a while for my heart to catch up and actually indeed become free from that burden. Thank you for these devotions, it truly blesses my soul!
It’s amazing what your mind can block or forget, yet your heart holds on to things you can’t explain. Does that make sense? I was sexually assaulted by a friend I knew, I was 16, and I told my mom after it happened, but she did nothing, ever, it happened 40 years ago….. Since I started on this journey of getting closer to God several months ago He has helped me through bitterness, hurt etc; and I have been able to forgive the person who hurt me and my mom. I always thought I was ok with it until I started digging deeper in the word, and seeking God more and more, I had stirring in my heart about this and remembered “what my mind had chosen to forget”. I though of the story of Dinah in Genesis, she was just pushed aside and the brothers went on a killing spree. I was saved by grace, and I forgave and now I’m free….Praying for your daughter and your family Liz, and all the sisters who have gone through this…Thank you Suzie……Blessings Anna
Psalm 46:10 Be still and know I am God…..
My husband is a worship pastor. This past June, he was asked to leave his position after 6 1/2 years. You see, there is a group of people who have their own agenda and firing my husband was number one on their list. This group decided they did not have to follow the procedures found in the constitution and by laws but rushed through the process to achieve the result they wanted. They also influenced the body of deacons by providing half truths and out and out lies about my husband. When they announced my husband’s “resignation” the church body was in an uproar and they didn’t understand why. At the following business meeting it was pointed out their “illegal” actions and they responded with anger,sarcasm, malice, and more lies about my husband’s character. That was three months ago and I still struggle with anger and deep hurt. People I thought were my friends, now look at me differently or they don’t look at me at all. I don’t have a pastor that I can talk to, who could provide some guidance. I am currently praying for God to cut the emotional ties that are binding me here. I’m afraid He will not lead us to our next church until this happens and our severance pay ended this week. I know God will never leave me, but it would be nice to have more friends to help me through it. Prayers are desperately needed and greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your words of wisdom as quoted thru Gods word. Forgiveness is a difficult thing to do, especially if you have always been a clear victim of circumstance as I have all of my life.
Thanks for sharing this with us..I would love a copy!
Julia
Forgiveness in myself is something I have been struggling with a lot lately. I am always questioning myself where did I go wrong as a mother. My 20 year old son is facing a consequence that I need to realize was beyond my control and not my fault. I have forgiven him for what he did so I can’t I forgive myself. Sounds like a book I need to read!!
Perfect words for me today.
I have been ‘bound’ by bitterness that is holding me fer over 43 years …
I am working through with mended heart study …
Yet just the thought of the situation makes me want to puke …
I know I am being ‘worked on’ …
Forgiveness is a hard path to walk …
Especially when you are ridiculed, or criticized & hit with negativity all the time …
But you have to put on a happy face …