Your dad didn’t show up.
You see others doing it right and it makes you angry.
I don’t know why my bio dad didn’t show up in mine or my sister’s life, or in that of other children he had with other women. . . but I do know that it’s hard when you feel rejected by someone who should have loved you.
I want to tell you something.
You are worth loving.
Maybe he has a reason for not showing up, or maybe he doesn’t, but his absence is not about you.
You are worth loving.
His not showing up doesn’t define who you are. Who you can be. Or the fact that you can love others freely.
I’d like to tell you something else.
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It’s healing to forgive.
Why would I want to do that, Suzie?
Because not forgiving affects you, but it also affects those you love. Somewhere, something, negatively impacted the man that should have been dad and he allowed that to impact you. Like a tattered piece of luggage, it can just keep going from one generation to the next. Forgiving allows you to give your children something greater than that.
A mama who is whole.
A mama who finds joy in the miracles right under her nose, rather than the absence of them in the past.
A woman who doesn’t look to a human being to fill a gap that Jesus so willingly took upon Himself to make whole.
It’s a gift, not just to your children, but to you as you cut the ties of unforgiveness that hold you bound.
You can change the legacy
My bio dad’s choice to be absent became my teacher. It showed me all the things that really matter. Like swinging with a child on a pretty spring day. Kicking tires in a used car lot with your teen. Sticky kisses and toddler temper tantrums. Every stage of my children’s lives became precious to me.
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His absence desired to lead me to bitterness and, I’m not going to lie, there were times I was tempted.
There were days when I cheered on my son’s basketball team or waited up on my daughters to come home after a late-night event, that I wondered if he ever regretted the absence in his children’s lives.
I don’t know the answer to that. But his absence only accentuates what a privilege it is to be a hands-on, full-scale eyes-in-the-back-of-her-head mom who was able to show up for good days and hard days and wonderful days.
Jesus came to heal your hurting heart
If your dad left a wound, your Abba Father sees it. Jesus’ mission statement in Luke 4:18-19 makes this girl want to dance. When people asked why he came, Jesus said that:
He came to heal the brokenhearted.
He came so that we could live free.
If your dad hurt your heart, then there’s a Heavenly Father who can make it whole again.
It will take time, work, and it’s a partnership with God, but He peels back those hurting places a layer at a time and His touch matters.
May I pray with you today?
Father, thank you for your daughter. Thank you that she is valuable and worthy and beautiful to you. Thank you for coming so that she might be healed. Thank you for the miracles right in front of her. For that child’s smile. Or that friend. For the people who did choose to show up, and for the love that they have shown. Thank you that she is yours.
- The Mended Heart: God’s Healing for Your Broken Places
- The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness
- The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future
As a free gift, I’m sharing one chapter of each book with you.
The Unburdened Heart – Chapter One
The depth of His healing that’s needed…..
That was amazing. I needed that. Thank you!!
I’m here and that’s enough.
Im here that’s enough.
Excellent words of wisdom, Suzie. God’s truths from scripture…. in order of application in my own life.
When my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will take me up.
I am fully accepted in the beloved.
Abba, Father, is my true father.
God’s peace will extend like a river… it is He who comforts me.
Forgive. Bless. Heal.
Forget my father, and his people’s house, for my KING greatly desires my beauty.
God is doing a new thing, can you not see it.
Forgetting those things which are behind, I press towards the mark of my high calling in God through Christ Jesus.
When the Lord turns my fortunes… I will be like one who dreams… then they will say of me, the Lord has done great things for her.. and I shall sing and rejoice with songs of joy and praise to my God, my true father, my Abba, Father.
I will comfort others with the same comfort that He has comforted me.
God inhabits the praises of His people. It is a wonderful thing to be inhabited by God.
I am here
I am here and so are my two precious daughters.
I am here
I am here.
Thanks for your encouraging words. My father left our family to be with another woman when I was very young. Although we continued to see him, on most levels, he was checked out and unable to love me the way I longed to be loved. Thank you Jesus that you came to heal the brokenhearted. My husband and I now have a foster daughter we are hoping to adopt. She may someday struggle with issues similar to yours. I pray that she will be able to forgive the man who didn’t show up or step up to be there for her. I pray that she will find her beauty and worth in Jesus and be grateful for the people who did choose to show up and love her unconditionally!
I am here!
I’m here by HIS grace!
I am here. Thank you for this.
I’m here. I don’t know my bio dad and my adoptive dad was abusive, so where does that leave me?
That leaves you as a beloved daughter of God who can change the legacy for the next child in line. I’m so sorry it happened. It shouldn’t have. Grab hold of the truth that God is different than people. He won’t forsake us. He walks with us as we heal, and He grieves when children are harmed when they should be nurtured. Your past shaped you, Gwen, but it doesn’t define who you are or what you can be as God heals your heart.
I am here! As a widowed mom your story touched my heart and mind today!!
Thank you for you’re encouragement.
I know your feelings of wondering what it would be like the other way and questioning why he didn’t want it that way…
Something that you said, you can love others freely, is the thing most difficult for me to do. I have been married for almost 6 years and we have 2 seriously sweet amazing little girls. I struggle though with 2 things: 1) being calm and gentle with my girls in frustrating situations but getting better with my tone rather than yelling 🙁 I know it’s horrible. 2) loving freely. Not just my husband but could be friends. Most importantly my husband though. We get along wonderfully. We are pretty good at dealing with differences and conflict. Really on all levels but the deepest we are growing or thriving. But on the deepest level. Intimacy and complete letting go. That place where you have complete trust that he loves you and will not abandon you for someone else . Trust. Vulnerability…. Those are words that are just that. But I want it I don’t want to always have this feeling that he would leave me bc I’m not good enough or that someone is better. I can only get so close.
I’m guessing this all comes from the fact that my father abused me up until I was 8 when I finally was taken into foster care ( god blessed me tremendously by giving me loving patient Christian parents that adopted me…great story for another day ) my father abused me in every way and my mother did nothing to stop it ( that second part I’m sure is or has effected me in some way just not sure yet). Anyway I’m guessing that that first part of my life has made trust difficult and maybe even impossible to this point.
So I guess I want to know: how did that affect me – meaning how did that turn into my up trust and lack of loving freely, and is that something you experienced that you can help me figure out from your personal experience ( just the inability to love freely part) I’m sure there are lots of reasons why we get to that point but how we fix it is what is going to make the difference moving forward. And for anyone reading this extremely long comment. Do you have any words of wisdom 🙂 or a helpful book you would recommend?
I’m sorry about this long comment and thank you all who read this and can help me love freely one day 😀
Bless your heart. A must read is Captivating, with the companion workbook… it will expose satan’s lies, and help you connect deeper through healing from your heavenly father. Also, Charles Stanley’s book “Emotions” and his CD series, “Healing Damage Emotions.” I strongly recommend you find a Godly therapist to help you navigate and heal through the deeper stuff. God does not expect you to go through that alone, but with Godly others who have walked the path. ASK God to lead you on the journey of healing, and He will. EMDR is a therapy technique that with a Godly therapist can help you overcome these things. A good organization, if you find a functional one is Celebrate Recovery…go on-lie for their website to find a group near you. You could be in a small recovery group, as well, as have a mentor… blessing. Prayers for your healing. kim
I’m here and I’m still hurting to the point of being numb, please help me with this and keep me in your prayers.
Found my father after 24 years & he actually wrote back this week. Not all I hoped it might me, but he responded.
So beautiful! Thanks for sharing so I can share with others who might need a dose of encouragement.
I’m here and I am thankful that you allow yourself to be used by God to minister to us!
I am here. I love your encouragement! Though this brought me to tears because I can relate so well, it brought a lot of things to light and much truth. I need to thank my dad more than ever for taking on my biological fathers responsibilities! Thank you for this devotional. May God bless you! 🙂
Thank you. I am going to use this to encourage my daughter.
I’m here. I am learning to be free. Thank you.
I am here. For me it was my abusive mother. I vowed to make her the best teacher of how not to mother my son. God has blessed me in my relationship with my son. It wasn’t until after my mothers death that l realized there were areas of my heart that had not totally forgiven her. She had an abusive father. When l held my son for the first time l realized what that parent/child love felt like. We can be legacy changers, Praise God!
I’m here and I’m grateful that I still have my almost 90 year old dad with us.
Yes, He is faithful to be a Father to the fatherless . . . I married a man that took my daughter as his own. We went on to have four more. He is now in heaven. My prayer daily is that all my children will allow the Father to be their father in such a perfect way as he knows to do. Thank you for sharing this. I used to doge Father’s Day, it hurt too much. This year is now different. You made a difference. Thank you so much.
thank you. my bio father died when I was 17. I was daddy’s girl. It sent me into a tailspin, angry at a God who would take him away. Today I look back and still miss him, but see God saw a much bigger picture and took daddy to his eternal home where he is not struggling any longer. For years I looked for love to fill that hole. God, ABBA, is the only one who can do that.
Funny thing is when I realized that and started living that way, God sent me the sweetest hubby. So many things remind me of my dad. I am so blessed. ABBA is the best! not just because he blessed me with a husband, but because HE NEVER FAILS.
Thank you, Suzie. I’m sharing your devotional with my brother and hope he finds healing in the truths you share. Bless you.
I’m here, Suzie. So glad to be here. And so thankful for your words. Even thought I had an earthly father that DID show up and love me and steer me to my Heavenly Father, I know so many who didn’t. Your words help me know how to help them. I’m so glad your Heavenly Father found you and you answered His call to salvation and to share His love through your words.
Thank you, Susie, for the inspiration and your prayers today! Years ago, I finally forgave my dad for rejecting me and my sister. Yet, I realize the pain still left quite a mark on me. Now, I see the way I reject and hurt others unintentionally because I’m afraid I’m unworthy of love and I’ll be rejected again. I’m struggling with this andii I ask that you please add your prayers to mine as I ask God for
healing. heal me and show me
Thank you Suzie. I have been raising my daughter who is now 14 on my own. Her dad has chosen to never really show up in her life, (in/out of jail and prison, on/off drugs and alcohol, etc.). We have battled with anxiety, depression, and anger all along. She has so many family friends and loved ones who have stepped up and given her all the support and love they have but only God will fill that dad sized hole in her soul. Your words have brought tears of sadness but overall tears of joy and hope to my eyes. I will be sharing your blog with her and also be ordering your books in order to help her heal and allow God to really come into her heart as her Abba Father.
Thank you again.
Suzie, thank you for your words today! God knows exactly what His children need to hear. I’m so grateful that He is a Father to the fatherless and defends the widow–that He has a special place in His heart for them, including me. Today we are saying goodbye to a dear man who lived his life totally sold out to Jesus. He left behind a beautiful wife, a strong son, two sweet little girls ages 8 and 2, and his brokenhearted parents. But I am convinced that our God wraps His arms of love around them and will carry all of us thru this trial.
Like you, my bio father was not part of my life. I never knew him and wouldn’t know him if I tripped over him on the street. For years I struggled with low esteem, worthlessness, inferiority because I never had a father’s love or affirmation. Thank God that He rescued me from this pit! He sees me as beautiful, woryhy, lovely, talented and gifted because that’s how He made me! I’m His beautiful daughter and He constantly keeps His eyes on me and leads me to become the strong woman He has created me to be.
Your words mirror God’s heart toward His daughters and through the power of the Holy Spirit, bring healing and hope to many women today! Thank you!
the truth in your words are so touching, I know I have a lot to work through and there is blessed assurance in knowing God will walk me through it all. Thank you
Thank you for this article. I will be sharing with my daughter who is 14. Her father is in her life to a degree but not being there for her very often has left alot self esteem issues and anger for her. I want her to see just what you have said…… She is worth loving and no matter what the reason her father is in and out of her life it does not relect on her and who she can become.
Thank you for your work and your encouraging words. I have things from my past, and sometimes I think I have worked through it all, and then – pow! – something hits me again, and I realize I am still holding on to bitterness and haven’t completely forgiven. Other times those feelings of worthlessness envelop me once again. So your words of truth from God’s perspective really help me. Thank you for using your own past for other’s good, and for God’s glory.
Every Father’s Day and Birthday…both his and mine…are difficult. He left when I was 8. When I was 34 he came back into my life for another short period of time…and we have both tried over the last 14 years to have a relationship (I think) and we just can’t manage it…I have so many days that that little 8 year old girl just waits for her Daddy to come back…I have even more days that this 48 year old woman is angry that he left that little girl in the first place…it shadows EVERYTHING…thank you for sharing with me…I needed it today…
My father wasn’t absent, but was abusive. When I was 5 and 6, he sold me to a teenage boy and his friends who lived on our street for “the afternoon” on days my mom was out of the house. She never knew and I never told. I grew up believing God would kill me, because i was told He would “strike me down” if. I ever said anything to anyone. I assumed that probably meant i would be struck with lightning, so i spent my child hood in fear and pain. Especialy during babysitting days and thunderstorms.
I grew up eventually and discovered the horror of these truths. And in time, I did forgive him. He left my mom and married again. We still talk and he reveals things sometimes about his regret for the past. The new Porsche he got back then wasn’t worth what it took to pay for it.
I say to my dad, i love you no matter what. He says back to me, Yeah, I know. And I can’t understand why.
But i do understand why. Its for me, not for him. I can’t control how he feels about himself or responds to my unconditional love. But I can control my own freedom to love. It was an awful lot of exhausting work to be angry and fight with him and hate him for what he did. I was tired all the time. I realized I didn’t want that job anymore so I gave it all to God and things got a lot easier.
I have extensive social and freindship issues, but I also have therapy and God. My friends know I’m “off” and they still like me. The ones who don’t like it, usually don’t stick around. God knows, as a social creature despite my issues and anxieties, that I need friends and I believe he has provided just the right ones for me.
Ericka, thank you for sharing your story. I believe there’s great power in revealing the hidden so that it loses the ability to live in the shadows of our heart. I’m saying this a lot today, but I mean it with every thing that is within me. I’m so sorry — as a mama, as a grandma, as a woman, as a woman of faith and hope — that you went through that. I’m truly sorry. You are worth so much more than that. You are loved for who you are, not what you can give others. You are loved because you are worthy.
Thank you so much for your encouraging words today. God knew exactly what I needed today, and He used your words to provide it. I am a single parent to a 5 year old son. His father does not have anything to do with him. In all honesty, it’s probably for the best that he isn’t in my son’s life. However, I know the importance of having a father figure in my sons’ life, and it absolutely breaks my heart that he doesn’t have that figure in his life. I pray everyday that God will place a Godly father figure in my son’s life. Someone that will love my son as his on flesh and blood. If that’s not God’s will, I know that God will fill that emptiness in my son’s heart.
I am so grateful that I had my earthly father in my life, However, my so did not… So blessed that He jas a great relationship with his children and stopped a cycle
J didn’t really have my dad growing up because he was paralyzed in a serious car accident when I was a child. My brother & I visited him with our grandfather every couple of weeks for a few hours on Sunday. I would love to receive your books!
I think this also generally speaks to everyone who needs to forgive someone that has hurt them.
I agree, Judy.
Thank-you for your words of encouragement. When I saw the topic of the devotional I almost skipped it. I usually avoid Father’s Day and pretend it does not exist. My father died when I was 7 and my step-father was abusive. I have blamed God for this and have had difficulty trusting Him as my heavenly father. I have been in recovery for about 4 years but have struggled with giving my life and will completely to God and having a personal relationship with Him. I hope that reading your book will help.
Father, thank you for Belynda. Her honesty is courageous. This weekend is hard for her because of loss and abuse, so today I stand with her and ask that she sense your love in such an incredible way. Sweep peace over her heart. Go deep into those abused places and fill them up with hope and healing. Thank you for her recovery and all the hard work she’s put in. I pray that she will find a source of healing in you that will take her even higher than she imagined possible. Thank you for newness. Thank you for the hands and hearts she will touch as her heart heals, and that spills out into the lives of others. Thank you for Belynda, for her worth and value and absolutely joy she brings to you just because of who she is. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Suzie, this brought tears to my eyes. I never had my bio dad or a real dad figure for that matter. Dad’s were always alcoholics, angry or absent. My heart has had a deep hole all of my life and getting to college I started to try to fill the gap with temporary love and other men. I am almost 33, have had three failed attempts at marriage and have not been single in a long while. I cry because I have, through counseling, recognized not having dad was traumatic for me. I have a hard time trusting god and leaning on his promises, because of fear of rejection and abandonment. Thank you for this message for “little girls” out there, like me, who desperately yearn for a Father’s love. I would love to read your book about mending these heart issues. Again, Thank you.
I’m sorry, Kristen. You deserved better. I love that you are so wise to realize that men cannot fill the holes in our heart. People can be incredible gifts, but even the really great ones are not supposed to meet our every need and heal our wounds. They come alongside, and they are blessings, but it is a walk with us and God as He tenderly peels away layer by layer to expose the hurts and heal them. I get it. When an earthly dad messes up, it can skew our view of God, but people aren’t God. You matter to God. You are worthy of love. I’m so glad you came by my blog today. What a blessing. <3
I am totally and utterly speechless…..
I have been trying for YEARS to sweep my hurt under a rug and keep moving like it didn’t bother or affect me that my dad was no where around from the age of 9 to 30. I’m now 36 and though he has tried to mend things and develop a relationship, I find myself pulling away and reverting back to what I felt would never be or last from a man. Over the years, I’ve ashamedly looked for love and acceptance from men, hoping that through sex it would fill a void when it didn’t. I’m greatful that God loved me through the hurt, disappointment and misunderstanding of it all. Thank you for the blog! In reading it, I was able to give even more over to God and to be greatful that He loves me and that I do have a ‘Dad’ that I can go to, that loves me unconditionally and will never leave me. 🙂 Thank you! You really helped heal my heart today and I appreciate it!
Hi Mya, I love it when our Heavenly Father gently leads us to truth because He desires to heal our hearts. I’m so grateful you came here today. I pray that you print this out and read it every day. Just today I was reading Isaiah 43:18-19 where the prophet tells a nation to let go of the past so that God can “carve new roads in the desert and new rivers in the wilderness.”
My prayer is that today you’ll let go of the past, and embrace the truth that you matter greatly to God. I’m truly sorry for the hurt you’ve faced, but I also celebrate with the hope and healing that God has for you as His daughter. <3
I’ve never met my bio dad but I was such an excited little girl when my mother married my stepdad when I was five years old. I thought I was special like all the other little girls because I had a daddy like them now. Only he became my nightmare when he started sexually abusing me shortly after they got married. I was thirteen before I was removed from the home after telling three times. “Father” in my life has meant abandonment, rejection, pain, hurt, abuse. I cringe when I hear people refer to God as Father because in my mind, He’s nothing like a Father. He’s so much more than any Father could be. I don’t want to call Him Father or think of Him as a Father because Father’s hurt, abuse, and abandon. At least in my world. I am so thankful that God has never abandoned me, that He never wanted me to suffer at the hands of others, that He loves me more than any many on this earth ever could, and that He sees beyond all the brokenness in my life to the aching heart inside and wants healing for me. I wish the lies I grew up believing were not so hard to change, that it was much easier to embrace God’s truth rather than those lies I’ve embraced for far too long.
Thank you for pointing out that some women find these celebratory days difficult, that they aren’t all a Hallmark commercial, and for reminding us that we are loved by the only one who can truly fill our hearts.
I hear you, Jen. It can be hard if we see the word Father in light of a dad who didn’t show up, or who did and hurt us.
I love this description of Father. Ἀββᾶ – Abba
It’s a more intimate term which describes the depth of a Father’s love for us. It’s personal. It’s from one who knows us, and desires to be known by us.
Even the best of our dads can’t encompass this name — Abba.
So, perhaps that is the word that best describes what I hear you saying about God. What a beautiful post that shows how you found something greater than an abusive man’s love.
I’m so sorry that you were hurt by him. So thankful you found something so much greater.
My story is different- my bio dad was present, unfortunately. This man, my father, abused and beat not only my mother (his wife) but also his 4 daughters-then when I was about age 13 or 14 he forced me to submit to his warped sexual desires. He did the same thing to each of my sisters. We have never been able to talk about the horrors that we grew up with. The home I grew up in was filled with fear of this man. I learned to read his facial expressions when I was a young girl and learned when to hide from him (or at least try to hide from him). He had a violent temper (and his mother (my grandmother) and his sister (my aunt) knew how violent a man he was.. I was never allowed to have friends or even to be around or talk to relatives-we were kept isolated in his attempt to hide our family’s deep, dark ugly secrets that filled our home. I’ve gone through counseling. Failed marriage. Pregnancy at age 17. This kind of hurt lasts a lifetime. Suzie your book on the “Unburdened Heart” is so instrumental in helping me learn to forgive. I haven’t seem my aged mother in years because I was so angry she didn’t protect us. Now I understand and realized that my mother was only trying to survive herself. My dad beat her so bad she had to be hospitalized. I used to tell folks the reason I had a black eye or a broken tooth was due to “falling down the stairs”. It is hard for me to talk about this stuff-and I usually never do. My father was even a deacon in the baptist church-so what appeared outwardly was completely different from what was going on in our home.
Oh Marilyn, I’m so very sorry. It humbles me to think that The Unburdened Heart might have been a small help in your journey to heal. I applaud the growth and maturity that I hear in your words as you allow compassion in the picture of your relationship with your mom. You are right. You were both trying to survive. It grieves me that your father skewed your view of God as he served in the church and lived in evil in the darker places of your home. That’s not okay. Yet my prayer is that this evil will not go one more generation, not one more step, not take up one more place in your heart as you and God partner in healing. You are a courageous woman of great faith and I am reaching with a hug to let you know that you are brave, and amazing.
Words are too heavy to post in a public forum like this, but I’m here, and I’m so thankful for your words of encouragement.
I am so filled with tears and sadness. I don’t quite know what to say but that I’m here. Every Father’s Day I struggle with knowing that I know my Dad and that he is alive. But in some ways he is dead because he had abandoned me so many years ago. It hurts knowing that we only live a couple of blocks away from one another but yet he doesn’t come visit. It’s so hard not to feel bad about myself and forgive him for not being there for me but be there for his other family…Thank you for sharing your message. It’s quite inspirational. Peace and Blessings Lisa
Please note my corrected email address with the “99” within the address. I initially typed wrong address. Thanks Lisa
That is a tough spot to be in. Know that I am praying for you this Father’s Day to know the unfathomable love of our Heavenly Father in ways that only the Holy Spirit can accomplish.
I have a very good dad and I love him so much. He was my mom and my dad at the same time, becuase my mom decided she wanted to live her live alone. My dad was there for me and my little sister and I have no words to thank him and to thank God for the father He gave us. We love him very much and your words are a reminder of that we need to tell him how much we appreciate his love and presence in our lives. Thank you! (I would like very much your book “The mended heart” 🙂 )
What a gift that you had such a caring father. My heart aches, though, that your mama wasn’t there for you as a child. Grateful you have the reminder of God’s love in your life through an earthly father, and praying for the God of the Universe to meet your deepest needs to unconditional love and acceptance in a way no human mother ever could. Hang in there, sweet sister!
I am reading each one of these. If I haven’t replied, please know that you matter. I am asking my precious prayer team to join me in praying for each of you today. They may even stop in and share their hearts with you.
Beautiful words…thank you. My dad was born in 1926…far different generation obviously… and while he was ultra dependable as far as providing, emotionally he was totally unconnected. So sad. Sought out similar traits in romantic relationships…didn’t make for good pairings. 🙁
The words that you spoke about your dad who won the prize that another failed to claim, is beautiful. I grew up without my father and it did make a negative impact on my life. I got married right after high school and had a child a year later and two more after that. My marriage of 14 years came to an end 6 years ago. I am now raising three kids 18, 16 and 9 on my own. There father was a disconnect when we were together and absent when we divorced. I always wanted to have a loving father growing up and I didn’t have that. My children are now going through the same thing. After looking to someone to fulfill the void for me, I realized me taking matters into my own hands was not working. I had so much anger and bitterness toward my father and my children’s father that it was affecting me in a negative way. Later in life I began to have a relationship with my father, but because his wife have not dealt with her past of his infidelity the marriage I am not able to speak or see him unless its in secret. I can only speak to him when he calls, feeling rejection. The bitterness and anger with my ex-husband came when he began to live his life the way he wanted. He began being a father figure to children that was not even his and will now be remarried, rejection. After all anger and bitterness that I had toward them, I was hurting myself. I began to look to the Lord and in prayer, I was asked to forgive. I wasn’t ready for that. When my ex-husband told me he was getting married, I spoke to him and told him I forgive him for not being my best friend, my husband, and a father to the children. I forgave my father. After this process, God was able to do his work in me. I no longer have anger or bitterness toward anyone. I have taught my children that only the Heavenly father can heal all wounds and fill all voids. Being without a father my children have and are excelling in so many ways, because I took my eyes off of what I didn’t have and put on the Lord and have left everything to him.
Struggling daily with forgiving my husband for years of dishonesty. I want to be reconciled heart and soul. I want to truly experience forgiveness for him. He is really trying to be trustworthy and the husband he is suppose to be. I just have a hard time not knee jerk reacting with suspicion and I know that I have not forgiven him…We are in counseling and it is helping us to work through the issues, but I have found nothing to help my heart understand how to truly forgive. Please enter me in your contest and pray for me.
Stephanie, did you download the free chapter I shared below for The Unburdened Heart? I pray that you will as this is a resource that can be helpful. It’s gentle. It’s hope-filled. It helps us with the difficult and freeing process of forgiving.
Lord, thank you for Stephanie’s heart to forgive. Sometimes it’s bigger than us, but thankfully you are bigger, too. I pray that you walk with her through this healing process. Fill those hurting places with your wisdom, mercy, and compassion. Live in her. Spill out of her onto those she loves. And then fill her up again. In the name of our loving Savior, amen.
No, I missed the free chapter download, but I am doing it now. Thank you for your prayer and for the free chapter. Blessings to you Suzie!
Thank you Suzie and my heart goes out to all that have commented or have been through this.
My biological parents were teenagers. I was adopted right out of the hospital. I always wondered why I was given the adopted parents I was. They divorced when I was still young. My mom remarried & my step-dad showed me the most attention and affection than anyone else in my life had ever given me. What was labeled as love was really sexual desire. A fact that I lied about to myself well into adulthood. I have now forgiven my step-dad knowing that God will judge him and I give it all up to him. Forgiving and accepting my adoptive parents has been difficult. Not only for the love I so desperately needed but for my children who do not have grandparents who love and adore them. My dad refuses to watch my children except when I needed surgery and had no other options. My mom doesn’t like to be around my girls. Both mothers and Father’s Day are difficult holidays for me. I have now moved across the country from them and at least now I don’t have to make up excuses to my children.
I thank God for my husband!! Who not only loves me unconditionally but also loves his children with all his heart. My children are so blessed to have him as a father. Thank you Lord for giving me someone to show me what love truly is.
I think you have shared something powerful. Rather than try to find love in people who are a work in progress, you have shifted your perspective to gratefulness for those right around you. How healing and powerful is that!
My dad died of cancer when I was 8 months old. Though I know that God is my Abba Father I still struggle with never getting to know my earthly dad. Even now in my mid 40’s the hurt and disappointment is still there. But God has been the best Dad I could ever have. Still Father’s Day is still hard for me. There’s a song King of the World all about a little girl being her Daddy’s little princess and the first time I heard it last year I bawled like a baby for a good half hour. Just thinking of all the stuff I never got to do with my Dad. But I thank The Lord for filling in those gaps and reminding me that in Him I have everything I need.
Thank you for this message today. I needed to hear it
Thank you for this words, I am crying inside, my hart is broken, and sometimes I think nobody care, but I am here because Jesus loves me. I am sorry that i don´t write English very well, but I understand the message of God through you, and is a blessing to read it. My father never loves me, and frequently said that i am mot his daughter, I need to heal but I don´t know how. but something i sure know is that God is good and He is going yo help me to stand up and walk free.
God bless you
Suzie, although I am blessed by my heavenly Father with a father that is all he could possibly be for me and our family, an absent father has affected my daughters and my son in so many ways, often beyond my own understanding. I am praying for them now after reading g this post….thank you and God bless!
Hi Suzie, thank you for your post “https://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/thank-you-dad/” and this blogpost “https://tsuzanneeller.com/2014/06/13/when-your-dad-doesnt-show-up-to-be-a-dad/#more-7674”
Truly your healing brings breakthrough for others! 🙂 I would like to have a copy of your books. May I know how I can get them?
I had a blessed time recently listening to Chris Dupre’s sharing about Father’s Love at “Releasing the Sound of Heaven — Changing Atmospheres” organized by Reva Alliance in Singapore. And I’m glad I read your posts on my FB feed to learn more abt my Father’s love for me. 🙂 I had a gemstone from heaven which dropped onto my lap while listening to Dan McCollam teach during the conference. So awesome to have miracles happen right in front of me! 🙂
I needed to hear this today…my father killed himself when I was 13, and it has left scars on me for years (I am now 44) it has affected my entire life in ways that no one could understand..
I grew up with an angry and depressed father who beat and almost killed my mother. He called us 4 kids stupid. I grew up thinking that all man were violent when they got angry. I grew up never wanting to depend on a man. I tolerated him because my parents were still married and I loved my mom. I can’t say that I ever loved him or had a relationship with him. He mellowed over the years was no longer violent but still moody. I blame him for my depression and how it affected my relationships with my husband and children. My mom passed away last year. My father has parkinson’s, diabetes, and congestive heart failure. One of my sisters lives with him. He is alone most of the day watching tv. He lives 20 minutes away and I don’t visit him or call him. I am new to faith. Still trying to find a church that feels like home. The only one I have found so far is in Alabama and I am in California. I feel I should soften my heart toward him but I don’t know how. I want to trust that Jesus heals my hardened heart and shows me how to forgive him. Your message gives me hope. Thank you.
Hi Karen, I wanted to let you know that there is a Christian Recovery group called Celebrate Recovery. They are all over the country in various churches, and there are people there who will come along side you and help you in your journey of healing. Go to celebraterecovery.com and there is a listing of all the locations nation wide. The churches who host celebrate recovery are usually very open and accepting and you may be able to find a good church home that way. I praise God that you have come to know Him and will be praying for you that you will find healing in Him,
I’m here !
Thank you for your words and sharing your struggles with us. Your words really ministered to my heart and I thank God for you. I was rejected by my earthly father twice! Once as a young child after his mother passed away. I’ve been told I would visit frequently but not sure the extent of his involvement. I believe it was more of his mother my grandmother. No contact with him until a little while ago when I reached out to him on social media. I debated even doing that until I saw pictures he had on his profile of him as a young boy. Wow! Let’s just saw no DNA test required. I could see myself and also my children in those dated photos. I reached out to him by sending him an email. His response was “if I’m your father” I was crushed again. God is giving me beauty for those ashes & what the enemy purposed for evil! I like you have begun to be thankful for all that I have and have been blessed with. No longer question why he chose not to be in my life or the lives of his grandchildren. That’s between him & my Abba Father 🙂
You just wrote what I needed to read/hear. Thank you for your comforting words, Suzie!
After thirty years of marriage, 4 wonderful children, my husband left me for another and his music career.
My children,, young adults, are deeply hurt. It has been almost 3 years. They are not speaking to him and my heart breaks again everyday. I have gotten through these days , only with the strength of our Heavenly Father. My children have not turned to Him for strength yet. I pray for them, and myself everyday.Your words today are eye opening, heart opening. Thank you.
I would like to win The Mended Heart book. I am here
This spoke to me… My biological father was not a part of my life until a couple of years ago when I met him for the first time. I was blessed to have a dad in my life, who adopted me when he married my mom and he has been such a blessing to me, though I did not see that when I was younger. I was in too much pain to appreciate what he did, which was he chose me, he loved me and treated me as his own.
My relationship with my biological father is still a work in progress, but I know that it was God that brought us together after all these years, and if anything I am so thankful for the opportunity that God provided for me and my biological father!
Here! 🙂 I love all the bloggers for P31. And my Dad has always been there for me and still is. I’m so blessed to have had such great parents although I know many who have not been so lucky.
This is so needed. I is difficult especially as Father’s day nears to think of my four grown children as they struggle to put off bitterness and anger toward their father. He left for another woman after 27 years of marriage. I ache as I see the deep scars this selfish sin has inflicted on my kids. Your devotion today is a well timed blessing! Thank you.
I thought I was reading my blog when I read yours. He left me after 30 years for someone else. My 4 grown children also have much anger and resentment towards him. I pray every day for healing for them and myself. Todays message helps to open my heart and my eyes. I thought I was the only one going through this. May God give you and your children strength.
I thought I had forgiven my father but the hurt came up again months ago after finding out something my husband did and still is doing.
My husband has/is worked away from home for over 20 years. I never wanted our children to grow up without a father like I did. I accepted it because I thought they at least got a call from him every day and saw him most months even if for a few days.
I’m in the process of forgiving my father, my husband, and myself for so many things
It is getting easier
Forgiving my father makes what he did to me right….Its NOT Right:(
Stephanie, forgiving does NOT make what he did right… it frees you from the prison of anger, bitterness, feelings of inadequacy, lack of peace and joy… forgiving sets you free, not him. He still has to answer to your Heavenly Father… you will be set free. Take care and pray about this. God calls us to forgive like He has forgiven us.
My heart is like shattered shards of glass. I had father that was emotional absence. A mother who was emotional absence as well. I was raped by my paternal grandfather at age of 8. Hide the secret for 29 years. My father passed before I told my mother. Broken hearted, lonliness, and excruciating pain!!!! Fear and panic have consumed me. And i just recently realized it entered when he broke my trust that day. Someone i trusted and loved violated me. I remember being very scared of him and scared in general after the rape. I have isolated myself most of my life from people especially men. Had a boyfriend at 18 and memories started to unfold. After that i cut myself off from men for 8 years!!!! I yearned for a My mate. My father fell sick with cancer in 2008 and i started try date. I was so scared of any affection. I also grew up without affection. Memories gripped my heart and still do. Now its 2014. I have had 3 relationships back to back. First one was 10 years older, not physically attracted to, had a very rare pillowcase just like my grandfather. He proposed i declined. Second one at age 35 i had sex with first time ever my life. He cheated and abandoned me. Threw me away. Month later he was engaged to lady he cheated on me with. Third was my first experience in a real relationship. My first true love. Yes at my age. Im 36 now, recently unengaged, heart broken. He left me and moved 800 miles away in a blink of an eye. I have some serious relationship issues esp trust with men. The last guy we had miscarriage. He gad previously lost a child at 20 months. He blamed me for not giving him a child. I have issues getting pregnant and i fear at my age, ill be 37 in October, that i will never process in time to get married and have my own kids. My life is in a mess. This is first time ive been on my own. I have belongings in 3 places. Trying get everything together. My life has went downhill since 2003. Lots of bad things hapoened and my dreams have been shattered. Ive been alone since May 28. I cry often. Pain feels like killing me. I want my first true love back because i made some huge mistakes but he cant forgive. We talk some but i have hurt him with my hurt.
Both books are an inspiration. Have been sharing my copy with friends. Would love to ‘gift’ others.
Tough weekend having lost both my father and my husband in the last 7 months. Thankful that I have learned to forgive my father for his shortcomings and super thankful that my husband was the spiritual leader that my boys needed and respected. God is so good.
I’m trying. I feel ridiculous for holding on to the past when there are those who have so much more to overcome than me. I struggle with loving my dad even though my mom and my sister don’t understand why; I struggle with trying to understand why I keep returning for seemingly more of “the same”; and then I feel guilty for not loving him enough. I need some help.
This is the very thing I am struggling with right now. I don’t understand how my kids dad can just walk out and forget all about them. Or how God can allow it? My kids are innocent they don’t deserve this….
I’ve struggled with rejection, bitterness, lack of self esteem, sand broken heart for almost all of my adult life. I’ve had a walk with Christ all my life and still struggle with knowing the love of Christ is enough. My heart has been trampled on many times and every time I think it’s mnded, it gets kicked around again. Learning to let God love me back to completeness is where I am now..
Thank for the wonderful encouragement. It reminded me how much healing has happened in my heart toward my father not loving me how he really should have, and it gave me hope and belief in the mother I am to my two daughters.
Suzie, thank you very much for your post. I am sorry you needed to go through challenging times at a very young age, I understand. I’m not able to read the other women’s posts as it is still too ‘triggering’ for me and I need to be very careful to stay as grounded and calm as I can. I endured so much trauma within my own family at such a young age that I developed a Dissociative Disorder which I am working to overcome.
I would love to receive your Unburdened Heart book as I am on disability and have limited funds. I had an enormous desire to be a mom, however I don’t think that will happen as I am 38, recently divorced and not ready to be in a new relationship.
I am still working through The Mended Heart book you wrote.
Have a blessed day.
Hurting so much….
Thanks for this message. We compare not only what other dads do and our doesn’t but it we too often compare everything in our lives to what others have or are like!
This speaks to me as well, even though I had a wonderful dad growing up. My husband recently left myself and my infant son and told me I’m not worth it. So this message that I am worth loving is important. Thank you for your words.
Your words touched my heart today, thank you.
My question is this: like many of these precious ladies, my father wasn’t there for my sister and me. He has 6 children by 4 different women. He never married my mother. I’m his 1st born. His 2nd born is actually 3 1/2 months younger than me. He came in & out of our lives for moments at a time. We would go years without seeing us, then he would pop back for a few weeks with all kinds of promises… then of course, there were the other men in our lives growing up that we should have been able to trust, but violated us. I have forgiven these men. But deep down, know that I am not worthy of really being loved (I know this is not true – I have been a follower of Christ for a long time). So… all this to get to the question… how do I get past this feeling of unworthiness? Like when someone is nice, (in my head) there is an ulterior motive. There are a lot of other things like that, but I don’t want you to think I am totally crazy. How do I believe my husband really loves me? Or even my adult children? Or mother? Or anyone? I do have to say, I do believe my grandbabies do… & every now & then think it’s a maybe on the husband… everyone else, not so sure.
for me unworthiness is an emotion that I allowed to rent space in my head for free.
I made a determined decision that NO ONE was going to be allowed to “make me feel” anyway, however, no one can make you feel any thing anyway. It is a choice.
You choose to put yourself first, your emotional well being, your belief in Jesus Christ. He says you are worth, He says You deserve to be loved!! Choosing to be in a life where you are chained to approvals is exhausting (*thank you Jennifer Dukes Lee) and making that choice to make yourself first, has to come from deep within.
Affirmations daily, that you are a child of the OneTrueKing, Putting up Bible Verses that say God’s design is to love you unconditionally, making notes to yourself, that the love Jesus Christ has for you is so important, and so worth of being first in your life!
Sticky notes in the mirror, Sticky notes in the car, Sticky notes on the fridge, the wall, the computer, wherever you need them, journaling to yourself (*make it private if you need to)
Remember as a child when the teacher caught us doing something wrong, she would make us write sentences to drive it into our head that the rule was the rule?
God’s rule, you are loved, You are Worthy, You are the Princess/Child/Bride of the ONETRUEKING
as Jennifer puts it, letting go of your need for approval and seeing yourself through God’s Eyes.
You don’t know me from Adam, no one here does, however, I want you each to know, that you have been prayed for, and that I KNOW in my heart, you are worthy and loved!!!
You are a blessing. : )
People are not God, and that means that what broken people spoke into our hearts does not even come close to the truth spoken by God. Saturate your heart in the words God speaks as a Heavenly Father. In fact, your beautiful question has prompted me to share that as my next blog post. What a Heavenly Father speaks over our hearts and how that refutes the untruths we hold too close.
I’m here! Totally relate … no bio dad, emotionally missimg mother. Thank for the devo today. It was something I needed to hear from God.
I am nursing a broken heart from a broken engagement & so need all the help I can get. I pray every day.
Your words about an absent father–well, that pertains to me, too. I had a dad who was severely critical & emotionally distant for most of my life. However, in the last couple of years of his life, he did become kinder and more mellow.
Sometimes you start to feel as if the scars are all healed, and then, for no reason at all, it overtakes you again. Not just one bad thing in life, but an entire life lived with one abuse after another. Loving God all the while.
That’s the layer process. : ) I think it’s merciful that it works that way with some. That God knows us enough to allow us to heal one layer at a time. I love your heart for Him. It rings through your comment so clear. <3
What a perfect devotional for Father’s day weekend. With having 2 absent father figures in my life it’s always been a struggle for me…have I really forgiven??
Hi Tracy, sometimes forgiveness comes bit by bit, moment by moment, as we offer it up over and over again, letting go so that we can be free, whether anyone else signs up or not. I’m so sorry for the absence of your fathers, but so hope-filled at what I know God can do in that absence with His presence. You are worth loving.
God has been dealing in great depth with me about my own burdens & brokenness… I’m sure reading either of these books would be a helpful expression of much of what I’ve experienced and felt amidst this process of being emotionally healed and progressively set free. ~ Thanks for your consideration! ~
This has happened to my daughter, she and her dad were very tight until about 15. He has been in a midlife crisis ever since and there is no relationship anymore. He left me so I have to be very careful
with her because she is so angry. I would like her to have a relationship with him but it is out of my control.
I absolutely hear a heart of a mom who wants to do the best thing for her baby girl since her heart has been hurt. I pray that she feels the love of a mom who will do her best to make her world safe. I pray that her mom will feel the love of a God who will walk with her through this hard place. Thank you for loving your daughter enough to be there, to take the hard words and the anger, and return love in their place. You are amazing.
What a wonderful post! I would just like to add to those who choose to say yes to Jesus like I did. He can and will fill that void of a father that is not there so much better than a human could any day. Say yes to Jesus and choose to forgive as he forgave us. It will set u free!
I’m here, and God is working on mending my broken heart and I so thankful.
I’m praying with you.
For me it was my mom…i read your words and, at times I can believe them( you are worth loving) other times the hurtful words said scream louder. I can say you are correct, forgiveness is healing. I can change things, though God and with His help, I can be free!
Heather, I can relate to what you said. I had so much abuse in many forms, however I am not capable to hear any words that are anywhere demeaning, derogatory, etc. I have to fight daily the ‘inside chatter’ that was said to me from so many key members of my family of origin and so much of it was re-visited and it ‘triggered’ me back to multiple forms of abuse due to what opposing counsel family law attorneys said about me when they had no idea who I was as a person, what I had lived through, how it had affected me and how remaining in a divorce process for 3 years kept the traumatic memories replaying.
I will keep you in my prayers.
I love Lysa’s TerKeurst’s words in When a Woman Says Yes to God. She shares that there are truths we can hold onto, and lies that that we refute with that truth. One lie is that a broken person’s words define who we are. A truth that refutes that is this: (Psalm 139:13-14 ESV) For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who loves you. That’s your truth. That’s what you hold out as truth. Share it as often as you need until it soaks in as truth.
For years my dad had a distant relationship with me while raising a family I was never made a part of. He died in January. I guess every year I struggled through Father’s Day, hoping the next year would be better. This year I’m grieving the loss of that hope, and struggling to avoid feeling like I wasn’t worth his love.
I truly pray daily to love & forgive anyone whose ever hurt me. All my life my mom has rejected me and then I married into a family who they’ve done the same except for my father-in-law. I don’t feel I have friends only on social network. Please pray that God will have His way in me to shine for His glory! Thank you with all my heart:’-)
Cheryl, may I pray for you?
Lord, thank you for Cheryl and your love for her. I pray that you fill those places where she is hurting. Fill her up and over with all she needs, and thank you for being a friend who never leaves or forsakes. Thank you for her feeling your tangible presence today. In Jesus’ name.
Understanding God’s love as my father is so challenging as that’s been such a noticeable and painful absence in my life. As a mom, it’s really affected my confidence. What’s normal parental love? What’s normal burnout? If I need a break am I becoming my father? I feel like a house with a cracked foundation. 🙁
Hi Becky, you are right. It’s hard to know what’s normal and what’s not. May I recommend one of my first books (it’s one of “heart” books that I’ll always love) and it’s called The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future. It breaks down those questions, and helps us to define what it looks like to grow a new branch of our family tree, to shift our perspective, to weigh what is worth bringing in or discarding from the past. It’s very practical and offers lots of insight and help as you become the mom you desire to be. Please check that out. https://www.amazon.com/The-Mom-Want-Be-Rising/dp/0736917551/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1402934211&sr=1-1
What I love about your comment is that I hear your heart to be a good mom. If you need a break, you aren’t becoming your father. Your a busy mom that needs to nurture herself just as she nurtures those precious babies. Give yourself grace. Celebrate what you’ve done to change the legacy. Keep growing!
Your devotional today was a divine appointment for me! Thank you
Just wanted to say thank you for your book, The Mended Heart. It came into my life at just the right time. Thank you, Suzie, for sharing this with us and for making the first chapter available to read online. I knew after reading that first chapter, I needed to get the book to get some answers and insight that I had been looking for. Thank you for your ministry, you have touched my life in a positively profound way. I will always be grateful.
My exact words to you Suzie Eller as well. I was crumbling and your book has helped so much. The chapter exercises help me work thru the pain. I have taken over a month off since it brought up so much hurt, however I know it is necessary to go through it to release it.
Forgiving yourself is hardest of all
Amen to that!
I need to have forgiveness in my heart and life, if Jesus can forgive me for my issues i should be able to do the same but not without Gods help…
He forgives as far as the East is from the West. I hold tight to those words. Because there are times I’m still trying to forgive myself when my God has forgiven long ago and sees me on the path to wholeness. He loves you, Judy. He sees your heart.
Thank you for this. I really needed to read this. I have placed myself in His hands and am believing Him for total healing and restoration. Some days I just cry out because with the healing there has to be honesty. Thank you again.
such hurt can only he taken care of by the best Abba Father.
Free book or not, thank you, sincerely, for your encouraging words. God bless you and your ministry;-)
Suzie, Free book or not I see my friend’s name in the things you’ve shared and will pass on a copy of your book, “The Mended Heart”. I know what it’s like to be a victim but I also know the joy of overcoming. I had to want it enough to choose it and God did the rest! Thanks for sharing precious words of life!
I am a little sensitive to your statement. I try to choose this every day, however sometimes the abuses have been so severe that you form a ‘dissociative disorder’ which doesn’t always allow you to ‘choose it.’ It isn’t as simple and black and white. If it were, I would have been totally healed and cured of this already. I devote all my time and energy to ridding myself from the brain and body effects of this. I am in my 30s and I am on full-time disability due to this right now.
I have a very difficult time hearing other people say they just made a choice and then God just did the rest. I feel it is very misleading. So people, which includes me have to spend years and dedicate their lives to recovery. My choice was made so many years ago and I have been at it and praying about it, forgiveness, serving others, etc. Just praying doesn’t take away symptoms.
Jodi, everybody heals at their own rate. We can’t compare. The process does take time for all of us, but how much time? That’s not important. It’s that it is taking place. I used to think that people should forgive or heal like I healed (long, long time ago) but then God helped me to see that He was an individual God. Sometimes miracles are those that people spring to their feet and walk away healed, but others are over time. Both are miracles. Both are gifts. Both are powerful. I’m so thankful that both you and others on this blog today are sharing their stories of healing, no matter where you are in the process or how long it takes. It’s beautiful to know that God heals.
Thank you for the Encouragement! I am struggling with so much today!
Suzie, thank you for sharing…thank you for listening to HIM and for sharing His good news with others! God does heal broken hearts and He restores Joy to the Joyless. Praise God!
Really appreciated this meditation. Thanks!
I shoved hurts, brokenness, started turning to an angry, bitter one who hasn’t seen as you say truly miracles in front of her… Thank Papa God has been peeling one layer at a time, thankful for it! It is a process, I choose to forgive!
I can relate. I stuffed so much pain (shame, worthlessness, guilt, rejection, humiliation, etc) for half of my life and it turned into anger and bitterness that I wasn’t even aware of until it came exploding out of me when I felt as if I was literally dying. For over 1 calendar year, I was fighting to stay alive as my mind became so tortured that it was as if my physical body did indeed want to die. I was very frightened and was alone during this time!
I often say that over the past 20 years I’ve felt like Shrek — there’s a scene where he tells Donkey (this is an animated film) that he’s like an onion, that he has layers. I’ve felt God peeling away a layer at a time and that was merciful. The process of healing one layer at a time allowed me to deal with things one layer at a time, grow one layer at a time, celebrate one layer at a time.
I wish I had read this post 10+ years ago! Thank you for sharing.
It’s never too late, Sarah! So glad you joined us in this conversation. <3
I so needed that! My mother raised me with my dad whom she met after my birth because the man who made me left my mother pregnant
I met him at the age of 38 & he acted as if I were mi his next woman
Im so glad that my dad who chose to love me -loved me as a true daughter.
God protected me from having a pervert as my father.
As I say-anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad.
I’m dealing with a rejection from my husband. its been going on for several years but I’m FINALLY getting it. He’s blaming me for a lot of things. Right now it seems like I cant do no right by him and it just hurts. Luckily God knew this was coming and laid stepping stones of joy for me to rest upon.
I know these feelings of looking at other dads and daughters and I have found myself jealous cause me and my daddy wasn’t that way…My daddy was not a perfect daddy…He done wrong to my mama when I was little…Not going into detail.. He may not have always been around to help raise me..but My daddy always provided for me and my mama..I was an only child…I never wanted for anything in my life….I was always angry at my dad..They divorced when I was 14..Married someone else…But if I ever needed him for anything..He was always there to help…Bail me out of messes more of my life..I always threw it in his face how it did me and my mama, when I got upset with him..I never let him forget it..Then when I lost my mama in 94…This made me even more angry at my daddy..My mama was a good woman and didn’t deserve how he treated her…When my daughter was 2..daddy moved back to Alabama..We lived in Okla…So I really didn’t get to see him or be around him much…But I always called..I never turned my back on him or closed the door in his..My daddy past away July 5, 2003..I to moved back to Alabama after mama passed..So between 1994 and til he passed I got to be with him more…More one on one…About 2 weeks before he passed..I had went to see him..He only lived about 15 min..from…I had a husband that was about to pass away..Had to get out for a bit..Went to see daddy…It was just me and him..We had long talks about the past…He said it always worried him about how he treated mama..That she was a good woman and didnt deserve what he had dished out to her when I was growing up…I could he did have regrets…And these words came out of my mouth..Daddy..that was in the past..you cant go back and change it..Let it go so as it wont eat you up..I could see the hurt on his face as he talked about then…I knew he was sincere as to what he was saying..My daddy was a good man in many other ways..Everyone loved him,,,,Children loved him…But all those yrs. I carried around so much anger and bitterness in me…But this one day…2 weeks after this day he passed…But I had forgiven my daddy for every wrong thing he had ever done…I was no longer angry with him and wished I could have took back all those mean things I would say to him in anger…. I loved my daddy with all my heart reguardless…He was my only daddy…I never ever doubted his love for me…Cause even he wasn’t around physically a lot..He was always there for anything else I needed or wanted…He never completely deserted me like some dads do..He always paid his child support payments on time every month…Im am so proud and happy that I went to see him that day…We both got a lot off our chest…He never wanted but the very best for me…Im proud of the time we did get to share…Just me and him..I always blamed everything that happened to me in my life on my daddy…Then it went to cause my husband had passed away…He passed 5 months after my daddy…Til one day some one told me I couldn’t go the rest of my life blaming it on my daddy or losing my husband..It took a few yrs for me to ever think of that again..But that person was right…I had choices..Everything I did was cause of me and the choices I made…Today..Im proud to have had the daddy I did..to have forgiven him..BEFORE he passed..I cut it close..I have no more anger or issues with my daddy or anything else..Forgiveness is a big step…I have learned this the last few yrs…Sometimes people just make the wrong choices…But never give up…Always forgive…It takes so much off a person…I don’t regret anything…as everything brought me to where I am today…My love for my daddy is one of the biggest…My forgiveness of him was like a weight lifted off my shoulders…I have forgive everyone that has come and gone in my life….They all have taught me valuable lesseons and showed me the right way to do things…I love my God…I give all that bothers me..upsets..etc to my Lord and Savior…He has gotten me this far and has stayed with me thru thick and thin…I always trust in the Lord for everyday problems..He will see me thru anything and is now showing me the right way…If it wasn’t for the Lord..I may not have learned these things..But I know when I hand something to Him..It is taken off me and I can live my life freely…Sorry this was so long and sometimes alittle off the subject..But I just felt the need to express my self to someone cause I never have before…Oh and as for the jealously I use to feel about daddys and daughter that were always close…I no longer feel that way…I was always daddys girl..Even when I didn’t see or know it…Always Always forgive who has done you wrong…Cause when they are gone..you may have to live with those regrets for not letting them know…I don’t want any regrets in my life..Even though I do have few..but not with my mama..my daddy or my husband…..I don’t want to be eat up the rest of what I got of my life with any regrets…Hatefulness toward anyone…If I got to hateful..I stay away from them…I love my life now…I feel so free anymore…I don’t feel weighed down by things anymore….Don’t let the petty stuff bother me…I don’t worry..What is going to happen is going to happen..Worrying wont help..Give it to the Lord…Let Him be your guide and show you the right way of life…Always forgive anyone and everyone..Always…I just cant stress this enough these days..I am still learning about what He has to offer to me…And what I should do about things that aren’t in my control…..Sometimes you may not forget the hurtful things..But you must learn to FORGIVE..If you never do anything…Never be jealous of something you never had or wanted..There is a reason for these things..Just believe and let go..Sorry again..Guess Im on a roll. I will hush now..Thanks for listening or reading..Hope it makes sense…
It makes total sense. I hear forgiveness. I hear wisdom. I hear choices made to live free. That’s powerful. Thanks for sharing! You are a blessing.
Thank you so much for this encouragement. I know when God is wanting me to see and deal with something, He keeps sending the message over and over. This is one of those times. This has been a very difficult week for that reason. I am worth loving. I am worth loving.
You are definitely worth loving. <3
Forgiveness has been the key to healing over the scars from my birth father being absent. I place my trust in God, my heavenly Father, who has walked with me every step of my journey . As I look back, I have never been alone. Praise! Having the model of trust from God, and forgiveness, has allowed me to open my heart to others.
Thank you Suzie, for reminding us of the infinite love of our Heavenly Father and how through Him, we can change our legacy!
Brought tears to my eyes, but glad I was here to read this.
Brought tears to my eyes, glad I was here to read
Your post. Thank you!
I’m here ,I dont know what to say but TY!
I’m here! God loves me.
I am finding that one must find total forgiveness to heal the pieces of brokenness! It’s often a long process.
Amen and amen! That’s wisdom.
My heart is spiritually blessed and enriched each time I read what God has inspired you write !!!
Here I am.
Thank you Lord for each story that has been told here, that each person had the courage to stand up and say, “this is me” and I am desiring Your help.
What a blessing!
Thank you Lord for the willingness of others to share their story to help others like Suzie has done.
Lord please take each heart here and give them the confidence to know that Your Approval is the only one that is necessary and that you love them enough, just the way that they are.
Thank you, Laura. I’ve been asking God to send encouragers and prayer warriors for those sharing their story.
I am here with bad memories of a drunk for a dad and a cheating ex husband I look to my Heavenly Father as my only Father who holds me in his heart as I do him.
My dad left when I was 2 and married another woman and adopted her 5 kids. I never saw him again for 32 years. He looked for me after his wife died and was a part of my family for a year. Then he chose to leave my life again. I wondered what was wrong with me that he met me and then dropped me again. It has left a hole in my heart that I pray God will fill up one day and let me forget.
Mary, there are times that we have to step back and realize that we can only fix us. Your dad’s abandonment is his issue, and not yours to fix. That doesn’t leave you powerless. You still have the ability to learn from his mistakes, to allow his abandonment to become your teacher. I know that sounds hard, but hear me. It can teach you to love those in your life well, to be present, to fully find joy in those who do show up, and even to offer compassion for a broken person who is a work in progress. But don’t let another person’s mistakes or choices keep you stuck. I pray that he comes to his senses, but until then run after all that God has for you. Let go of what you cannot control to embrace what you can. <3 You are worth that.
I have never met my father, I don’t even know what his name is. But I was raised by my grandfather and step-grandmother who did what they could. I make a lot of mistakes with my own children, as does their dad, but we do the best we can with what we have.
I met my bio dad twice, and the last time I “saw” him was at his funeral. He was a stranger and I hold no anger toward him, but compassion for whatever it was that led him to his own broken places.
We do make mistakes, but thankfully there’s always room to grow, to change, to learn! I look at the legacy I was given, and there are good things in there, but also those I can unpack and put in different things for my own children. We are all far from perfect, you are so right, but we also have the power (with His help) to add to what we have and give those we love (as well as ourselves) something greater. I love your honesty and I’m so grateful you joined this conversation today. Suzie
Thanks for a devotional that I really needed today, and probably many others as well. God Bless.
I’m here and feeling rather lost and broken at the moment. I know in the depths of my heart that God loves me…I just have to accept my lot in life and place my total trust in my heavenly Father.
May I pray for you?
Lord, I don’t know the extent of brokenness that Jane has suffered, but I know the extent of your love for her. I know the extent of how far you went to bring us to wholeness. Today may she sense your presence right where she is, that you kneel with her, that you reach for her, that her lot in life is not to be bound, blind, broken, or in bondage, but called and loved by name by a Heavenly Father who sees her and loves her and redeems the past to walk with us into life. In Jesus’ name, amen. Thank you Lord for her honesty and her words and her heart. Such faith and courage are inspiring!
Thank you for this post today and thank you for the chance to win one of your books!
This is hard but as a child there were several so called fathers I call them men in and out of my life.
For the first few years in my life, my mom was married to a Freemason. At this time I’ve been going through a very long and tough healing process, and looking forward to the say I’m whole.