Your dad didn’t show up.

You see others doing it right and it makes you angry.

I don’t know why my bio dad didn’t show up in mine or my sister’s life, or in that of other children he had with other women. . . but I do know that it’s hard when you feel rejected by someone who should have loved you.

I want to tell you something.

Something important.

You are worth loving.

Maybe he has a reason for not showing up, or maybe he doesn’t, but his absence is not about you.

You are worth loving.

His not showing up doesn’t define who you are. Who you can be. Or the fact that you can love others freely.

I’d like to tell you something else.

[ctt template=”4″ link=”tcTy4″ via=”yes” ]When we forgive the past, we give the next generation a greater future. #livefree @suzanneeller[/ctt]


It’s healing to forgive.

Why would I want to do that, Suzie?

Because not forgiving affects you, but it also affects those you love. Somewhere, something, negatively impacted the man that should have been dad and he allowed that to impact you. Like a tattered piece of luggage, it can just keep going from one generation to the next. Forgiving allows you to give your children something greater than that.

A mama who is whole.

A mama who finds joy in the miracles right under her nose, rather than the absence of them in the past.

A woman who doesn’t look to a human being to fill a gap that Jesus so willingly took upon Himself to make whole.

It’s a gift, not just to your children, but to you as you cut the ties of unforgiveness that hold you bound.


You can change the legacy

My bio dad’s choice to be absent became my teacher.  It showed me all the things that really matter. Like swinging with a child on a pretty spring day. Kicking tires in a used car lot with your teen. Sticky kisses and toddler temper tantrums. Every stage of my children’s lives became precious to me.

[ctt template=”4″ link=”Fm55R” via=”no” ]We can change the legacy we were given, and hand our children something greater. #livefree[/ctt]

His absence desired to lead me to bitterness and, I’m not going to lie, there were times I was tempted.

There were days when I cheered on my son’s basketball team or waited up on my daughters to come home after a late-night event, that I wondered if he ever regretted the absence in his children’s lives.

I don’t know the answer to that. But his absence only accentuates what a privilege it is to be a hands-on, full-scale eyes-in-the-back-of-her-head mom who was able to show up for good days and hard days and wonderful days.

Jesus came to heal your hurting heart

If your dad left a wound, your Abba Father sees it. Jesus’ mission statement in Luke 4:18-19 makes this girl want to dance. When people asked why he came, Jesus said that:

He came to heal the brokenhearted.

He came so that we could live free. 

If your dad hurt your heart, then there’s a Heavenly Father who can make it whole again.

It will take time, work, and it’s a partnership with God, but He peels back those hurting places a layer at a time and His touch matters.


May I pray with you today?

Father, thank you for your daughter. Thank you that she is valuable and worthy and beautiful to you. Thank you for coming so that she might be healed. Thank you for the miracles right in front of her. For that child’s smile. Or that friend. For the people who did choose to show up, and for the love that they have shown. Thank you that she is yours.  


Related resources:

As a free gift, I’m sharing one chapter of each book with you.

The Unburdened Heart – Chapter One

The Mended Heart – Chapter One