Today I want to welcome a #livefree friend who I love like crazy. Her name is Laura Polk.
She is brave and courageous and loves the Lord. When she began to walk as the 13th disciple, it brought up tender issues that needed to be addressed. She shares her story and I believe it will powerfully impact many women today. ~ Suzie
The 13th Disciple – The Worthy Disciple
I’d never really placed myself in the disciples’ shoes before.
But, the idea of being the thirteenth disciple fascinated me. I could imagine myself there with Jesus and the twelve. Leaning in as he told his stories, walking home each night with my mind full of everything I’d just learned.
The idea of being chosen, being so close to him, was intriguing.
Each time I closed my eyes to see it more clearly, I couldn’t see myself at the table with the others.
I was an outlier, unseen, and unnoticed. As in, I would be there, fully present in the room and yet no one would notice. Like the invisible woman in the room. The invisible disciple.
And it bothered me.
In the last years as a single mom, that is exactly what lie has felt like for me.
Sitting at my children’s school programs . . . unnoticed.
Sitting in pews at church . . . alone.
Going shopping, and to movies, and out to eat . . . by myself.
Even in ministry, I was leaving behind what I’d previously done and was setting off on a new path . . . unseen.
I’d actually come to accept the solitude, and grown quite accustomed to it. I’d learned to linger in the back. To cower in the shadows for fear of someone else making me feel unwelcomed.
Honestly, a girl can only take so much shunning until she breaks bad and shows her rear, people.
And I so didn’t want to be that girl.
The truth is that I’m a strong person. The kind that stands up for others. For herself. The kind that doesn’t take mistreatment of people kindly. The kind that would come into a room like that of the disciples, love the fact that we were ministering to those on the fringe, and join in. Help them plan. Pray over the people we might be led to serve. I’d want to be right there in the thick of it, fully present, fully serving—and yet somehow, I was hidden.
But, that’s not where God intends for me to be.
And it’s not where He intends
for you to be either, sweet friend.
He Wants You at the Table
Jesus longs for you to understand that there is nothing more important to him, than you coming to the table to live alongside him. He values your presence. He wants to hear your thoughts and challenges. He simply wants to look amongst those he is closest to—and see you there.
He Wants You to Fellowship with the Other Disciples
We are all messes. But, when we find others who are transparent, and honest, and raw in their friendship and fellowship with us, something incredible happens. Walls crumble, and we begin to build something real. Something lasting.
Jesus didn’t just choose one disciple, mentor them for a year, then move onto another. He met with the twelve. As a group. For a reason. We are meant to not only minister together, but to church together.
You play a vital role in church.
If you’ve left the church in all likelihood, it wasn’t a fear that caused you to leave, but actual incidents. And unlike others who avoid church because they fear their choices fall outside the norm, you were likely an active member at some point. You were all in. Until you felt that you were no longer welcome.
The church has a lot to learn from you in where it can reach others who feel left behind. Because truly, that is who they are called to serve. Your voice is more important now than any time in history. Don’t silence it.
Instead, turn a deaf ear to the voice that is telling you that you are not enough. That you don’t deserve to sit at that table. That you aren’t deserving of walking alongside Jesus.
And listen to the voice instead that asked each of the twelve to drop the past they had in order to move forward as his followers. To the voice that followed those he called, even when they returned to their former lives after their initial commitment to him. To the voice that didn’t give up on them. To the one who saw what others could not.
The voice that is asking you to follow him as well.
To come with him, as the thirteenth disciple.
Laura
Learn more about Laura on her blog.
Laura lives free as a “Daddy’s girl,” loved and cherished by her Heavenly Father.
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Cindy Krall’s #13thDisciple Story: Following Jesus Helps You Find Home
So powerful, Laura! I am in TEARS listening to your heart, hearing your words as I feel the same way, but don’t know if I’ve ever put it to words before. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Pam! So glad you stopped by. <3
Beautiful. We aren’t perfect. But we are perfected with each step we walk with Him.
Amen! <3
Thank you Laura! You’re words are beautiful. I recently discovered some similar feelings that I had buried for so many years. Thank you for stepping up and being bold!
Thanks, Rachelle. <3
This is perfectly timed for me. My daughter has been angry and distant at me for years. Have prayed as persons do in a desperate situation. On Mothers Day, I told the Lord I was at the end of my”rope”. Could not go on like this!!!!!!!!!!! She called not much of a conversation but did get to hear from her.. With that conversation, I internally knew the Lord ” flipped a switch” , things will now to change. I stepped out in faith one more time and was totally honest with the Lord I could not go on… He stepped in..
(((((((((((((((((((((( Berdene )))))))))))))))))))))
So glad your daughter called you. A new start. I realize that you have been hurt over many years; with God’s help you can forgive your daughter and go on to have a good relationship with her.
Berdene, I’m so happy to hear that! Parent/child relationships can be very difficult. Can I just tell you how much it means to a child when the parent sticks with it? I’m so happy that you did, and that the Lord is turning that around now. Praising God for you and this story today. <3
Oh Laura I loved this. I found myself smiling through tears while reading this. There’s such wisdom here. I sooo wish we would have gotten a chance to know each other better!!! Love you girl!
Me too, Shannon! Another day . . . 🙂
Lauea, thank you for sharing your heart today. I too have walked as an “unworthy” follower of Christ because of my feelings of inadequacy. But He made me worthy by the blood of Jesus Christ & He who called me is faithful. We all need to be reminded of these powerful truths.
So true, Lynette. <3
Thank you for sharing. This is a powerful reminder, that regardless of what I feel I need to continue to step out. I’m no longer a single parent, but for twenty years I have served the Lord alone as I faithfully wait for my husband to take up his cross and follow God. I feel very disconnected in the church, so I serve outside. I appreciate this encouragement to share my voice inside too.
So glad you stopped by, Jackie. So glad to hear how you’ve continued to serve despite your challenges. We need your voice! 🙂
Beautiful, Laura!!! I can relate to so much of your story. You did an amazing job of describing what so many of us face in life. I’m praying that God will move on behalf of the women who feel unworthy and place a desire in their hearts to rise above the hurts and choose to follow Him. We need these warrior women to fulfill their destinies to bring forth the harvest that God has coming! Thanks for sharing this with us!
Love this: warrior women. 🙂 Truly, that is what we all need to realize about ourselves. <3
Love this, Laura. I especially love how you pointed out that Jesus met with all the disciples – together. Can you imagine the quarrels and misunderstandings that may have happened? Yet Jesus sowed into each of their lives and taught them how to sow into the lives of others. Such a wonderful example for us. Thank you for sharing this timely message, sweet lady!
Thank you, Kristine! <3
Oh Laura! I always ADORE your words. I’m sitting here in tears, praying that I’ve been the fellow church family member to single parents that I should be. You are a treasure… a true blessing. I’ve said this before, but it is an honor to know you. To read your truthful, transparent words. To walk with you in this journey of Life. I only wish I lived closer to you…. I’d scoop you up and do movies and dinner and fun with you, sweet friend! I’d sit in that pew with you, holding your hand (I did this for my friend Kelly, who lost her fight to cancer two years ago… my thoughts are also on her as I read your words). Honey, you are brave, and strong, and AMAZING! You have so much to offer, and any church would be BLESSED to have you as a part of their family. Thank you for teaching us. Thank you for allowing us to learn from your vulnerability, from your hard places. I seriously just love you. I’m not quoting anything from this, because I LOVE IT ALL! Thank you for sharing, friend!
Thank you, Crystal! I think about you all the time when I’m writing. I love that there are others out there who not only want to understand, but want to make a difference for other single moms. It makes me feel like I’m making a difference, and makes me want to reach out even further. <3<3<3 Love you to pieces <3<3<3
Laura, I am blown away by your heart and by what God is doing through you. The enemy thought he won, but he is losing big as you raise your voice to share strength, courage, and faith. I’m cheering you on, friend. Thank you for sharing today. <3
Suzie, thank you so much for giving me a voice here. It means the world to me. As does you consistent place as a cheerleader in my life. Love you so much <3<3<3
Beautiful devotion today! I was once a single Mom, and did feel left out sometimes. But it made me so much stronger as I relied on the strength God gave me through Jesus to raise my two boys and still participate in all that I needed to during that time. Now i do my best to try and reach out to those who are alone in this world, and help them remember that Jesus loves them! God Bless!
Thanks for your perspective as one who’s been there! <3
Laura, not only is this great writing, it also reflects your vulnerable strength. Your post is so beautifully empowering. You have so much to offer. I look forward to more of your not-so-silent words!
Isn’t she great?
Thank you, Terri! You guys are truly building me up today. <3<3<3
Beautiful, Laura. Just beautiful. I want to reach in here and give you a hug. Thank you for candidly sharing. Thank you for uncovering “real”. Thank you for this post and being willing to be the 13th disciple. (And by the way, LOVE the hair. You’re such a beautiful gal, inside and out.) #goJesus
Ahh . . . the hair! Constant battle, that one, lol. But, thank you! And thank you for the encouragement. <3
Beautiful message, Laura! You are so approachable and relateable on video.
Aww, thank you, Julie! That part was scary for me. <3
Laura, can I tape your voice just so I can hear it now and again? 🙂 Your tender yet tenacious spirit shines through girl. I can’t tell you the smile it brings me to see you step out…in the open…and share in this great big way! I am certain your story will touch many more women. Thank you for stepping out so it could touch me. XO
Thank you, Cindy. I appreciate the way you continue to cheer me on! It means the world to me. <3
Beautiful job here, Laura. I’m so proud of you, friend. You are a champion and a hero! 🙂 How encouraging to me today to remember that Jesus wants me at the table with Him. You’ve touched a chord with the thought of not being worthy to come to the table. I’m so grateful that He wants ME too! 🙂 Thank you.
Thank you, Betsy! I’m also grateful for another table you once pulled me to. <3
Cheering you on! “Stir up the gift of God which is in you” 1 Timothy 1:6
Thanks, Angela! <3
Thank you, Laura for these wonderful words of encouragement! I have been a single mom for the last 17 years. My boys are now young adults and on their way out of the nest. I have felt this way so much of those years, and I quit church a few times. In my heart I wanted to be in church, and eventually I would stiffen my spine and go back. Then another incident would happen when I was rejected, or in some cases just flat out told that I wasn’t worthy because I was divorced. And I would quit church again. Thank you for speaking out and lifting up single moms in such a beautiful way!
Thank you, Michelle, for stopping by. This is the very reason I write. I don’t want any single mom (or any other woman for that matter) to believe the lie that she is not worthy or welcome. Thanks so much for your added perspective. <3
Great message Laura! So proud of all you do and share. We are all in this journey together. And one point or another we all experience similar things. Thank you so much for sharing your journey to encourage others. Thank you for sharing your Faith and for doing your best at being the 13th disciple!
Thanks for the encouragement, Kathy! So glad you stopped by. <3
Laura,
You are amazing! Your heart. Your faith. Your courage. Your words. You stir hearts and point to Jesus with such beauty and love. Thank you, dear friend!
Much love,
Lori