When I came through the door, they had already went deep.
Like, really deep.
I’m lucky to live close to some pretty cool women. Two are authors, Jenny Jones and Holley Gerth. Another is an amazing blogger and writer named Jennifer Watson. Then there’s Keri Bullington, who hosts a morning radio show.
Each of these women are communicators and that’s cool. But it’s the fact that they are so honest that really makes this special.
I loved that when I took my seat on Friday they had already went deep, talking about the good and hard stuff.
It’s freeing to have people in your life with which you can be open.
The disciples had that with Jesus.
There were times they expressed doubt and wonder. There were moments where they shouted at him to wake up, because they felt afraid.
Do we do the same for others?
These are some of the hard questions I’ve heard lately.
Where is God when people are blowing themselves up?
Why do I seem unloveable to those who love Jesus?
Why can’t I do what I want and still call myself Christian?
Is there really only one way to God?
Our reaction to questions like these might be to shut down the conversation.
Maybe we feel threatened, because we love God so much that it feels bad to question him or his love for humanity. Maybe we are afraid that we won’t have adequate answers, even though we are certain of our faith.
Sometimes the answers seem obvious, but we need to remember that it may not to those who are asking.
[ctt template=”4″ link=”ag16e” via=”yes” ]God is not afraid of hard questions. We do not have to be either. https://ctt.ec/ag16e+ #ComeWithMe @suzanneeller[/ctt]
Throughout Jesus’ three years with the disciples, they asked questions. Jesus answered them. Sometimes they understood. Sometimes his answers completely changed them. Sometimes the answers made sense later, when they were ready to receive the answer.
So what can we do?
Let people know that it’s okay to ask the hard questions.
I almost hear a sigh of relief from people when I admit that I don’t have all the answers. I promise I’ll pray about it. I’ll study. I’ll ask God to open both of our hearts to receive an answer.
We don’t have to pretend that we have it all figured out, or that there aren’t moments when we sit alone in the darkness and say, “What in the world is going on, God?”
Seek those answers together.
Some of my best conversations come as I say, “I don’t know, but can we pray about that together?”
God loves us. God loves that person. When we ask for his help, we can be assured that he’s listening.
Don’t use the Word to silence the conversation, but to extend it.
Pray about it together.
You’d be shocked at how powerful an offer for sincere prayer can be — when there’s no other agenda but to look for answers together. I used to be afraid to ask if someone if they wanted to pray. Until I realized that most were open to it.
If they say no, let them know that you’ll privately pray because they matter to you.
Listen
Tune in to what they are asking. Maybe there’s no words needed in the moment, but just a listening ear.
When you listen, listen all the way to the end, with no answers spilling out or spinning in your brain.
The question you thought they were asking might look very different if you really listen to what they are saying.
Ask your own questions
I’m not afraid to say that current events have shaken this girl. I don’t understand the taking of innocent lives. I don’t understand brutality against innocent girls. I shudder at the thought that we are becoming apathetic to the sight of men, women, and children killed when they are just going about their day.
I know that there’s events all throughout history that are brutal.
I realize that there has been suffering for centuries.
But all I’m asking from this little corner of the cyberworld is that we give ourselves and each other the freedom to ask the hard questions. Let’s walk through that open-door policy in our relationship with God together and bring our doubts, fears, and questions. Let’s find the wisdom we need and the peace we’re seeking, and perhaps even discover our part to play in the answers.
What might it look like for you to give others (or yourself) the freedom to ask the hard stuff?
Suzie
Related posts:
Related resources:
Free online Come With Me Study resources for you, for a small group of friends at a coffee shop, or with your women’s ministry.
This study offers free teaching videos, downloadable prayer book and journal, as well as images that you can use on Facebook, on your blog, or just between friends.
These are great for small or large ministries desiring resources to help their women grow in faith, discovering the beauty of following Jesus wherever he leads.
Yes! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this! We must allow the questions! We must ask them ourselves! I’ve found in going to God in prayer over these questions, He gives beautiful answers of grace, mercy, love, and He strengthens my faith. We may never completely understand everything and we may never get the exact answers we want, but we can get to know God more intimately. Can’t wait to see you in a few weeks at She Speaks, Suzie!
I feel so privileged to live in the United States where we are much more safe than many other parts of the world. One of the hardest questions I’ve ever been asked is why we are the fortunate ones to live here? What did we do to deserve it, but others do not? It seems to be an unanswerable question. My response? “I have no idea. But, it seems, in our great fortune comes great responsibility. The question then becomes, what am I to do to help others in need.”
Great post Suzie!
I loved how you turned a question into a way to live. Beautiful!
I love point two, Looking For Answers Together. That’s a great tip for me … the one who has momentary paralysis when asked something I don’t readily have an answer for. Especially, when God is the subject. I get caught up in the fear of messing up.
So, so true! We are told to “ask and we shall receive”. I believe that also means to ask questions. When I was a young Christian I was afraid to question anything in the Bible – even if I didn’t understand it. But I heard a female Bible teacher say that she always asked God what things meant as she read & studied – and I was set free! You see, I was raised at a time when my parents thought it was disrespectful for children to question their parents, so I was afraid to do so with God. And I know there are people that ask in a disrespectful way – a judging way – and that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about asking God questions in order to understand and learn about Him and His ways. Thanks for your reminder!
Amen, we must both ask the hard questions and study to prepare to answer the hard questions. Sometimes our answer may be, I don’t know why; but, I do know that God Is Sovereign over Everything, He is almighty and if He has allowed this then He has a purpose that is based upon His Grace and His Love. The second thing I know is that He rewards those who seek Him; therefore, ALL things work together for good to those who know Him. No EXCEPTIONS, ALL things. Even when I don’t know why, I can trust who. I thought as a writer that I would never write about “Politics” or “Current News Events”; yet, as I listened to all the rhetoric concerning Orlando, I ultimately wrote this.
One Desperate Man’s Hopeless Cry for Redemption in a Futile Faith found at: https://wp.me/p7tjGE-1ck
I was compelled to present a response different than any of the news media’s rhetoric.
I didn’t know what a hard question really was, until I listened to my children ask them! Who created God? Why did He make bad people? Why doesn’t He just make everything perfect? And harder than listening to those questions, is accepting that I won’t always have the clear and perfect answers for them. But it challenges me. Those simple, and yet incredibly hard questions – from the two little people I love most in this world – challenge me to dig deeper into God’s word. I want the answers. I know most of the answers deep in my soul – and God gives me faith to make up for the answers I don’t have. But my children don’t have a mature relationship with Him yet. It’s my responsibility to be ready for their hard questions – and to do my very best to have answers. Not perfect answers. Not all the answers. But good, biblically sound answers. And along the way, I’ve discovered answers to my own hard questions. Sometimes, the answer is just trusting that we don’t have the answers. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9 I love knowing that God is bigger than me – than this world – than our finite understanding. The hard questions will all be answered very soon! For now, I will rest in Him.
I didn’t really feel like I had the freedom to ask questions growing up. I couldn’t say if it was the reality or some something I fabricated in my mind. I thought I was just supposed to believe what I was told and keep my mouth shut. So, I’m encouraging my kids to ask lots of questions. Just like RebeccaLynn said above, I’m learning lots in the process, too! Thanks for opening up this dialog, Suzie!
I needed this dialogue and Jesus knew it. I wish I could elaborate but find myself weepy at this moment and while normally my feelings just pour out onto paper I am not able to do this right now. Thanks for the posted responses, I read each one.
i don’t know the answers either. but i pray about this and i’d be happy to pray with you now if you’d like. God has us held in the peaceful, warm and comforting hands.
I would love to have you pray with me Rosie. Where two or more are gathered in His Name …He is with us. How will this happen?
I don’t understand why my response to Rosie posted as Anonymous when I wrote it as Heather Walker???
Lord, thank you for Heather. Cover her with your power and anointing and show her the next step to take and the next word to say. Thank you that you lead us, that you give us wisdom. That we are never alone in the hard places. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Yes. We must not let judgement get ahead when we talk to others. We must always be open to other people’s ideas.
I don’t understand how everyone that I have meet in person and online accepts me and sees the real me, but my own mom and sister can’t or won’t. I have tried for years to get them to accept me, they are both toxic people. I quit trying , I quit taking the abuse, and I don’t argue with them, in fact most of my arguing back with them was defending myself. They have gotten worse when I stopped . In fact I have had to block them from calling my home, block their e-mails, they would cuss me, call me all kinds of names, tell lies on me, then turn around and put everything they have done on me! I am hurt and even though I love them and I forgive them, I just don’t want to have anything to do them and that makes me guilty. How do I handle all the emotions and feelings swirling around in me?
Dee, you might think about doing some grief work with a grief therapist. I did that under a similar situation having to grieve the lack of support and the abuse and the family support that I never had. Forgiving people who abuse us doesn’t mean that we automatically put ourselves back in harm’s way. For me, I created a support system of friends and community groups/associations like Al-anon and Celebrate Recovery (my family members were drinkers) but in time, my grief/recovery work gave me new insights and perspectives and a better understanding of the dynamics of my relationships with family and others. I also began learning more about boundaries (there is excellent material written by Drs Townsend and Cloud available on this topic) and what healthier relationships looked like, sounded like and felt like. But I also learned that my own bitterness,anger and resentments towards them was hurting me as well as creating some physical medical issues.
I understand feeling guilty, but for right now (not necessarily for ever) it isn’t safe for your mental or physical well being to see them. Maybe when you are stronger both in mind and spirit and have done some of the grief recovery work I mentioned. I would still encourage you to pray for your Mom and sister and invite Jesus into this circumstance seeking His perspective. He knows and cares for each one of you and He is the answer to every problem I’ve ever had.
I wish you well, Dee, and have added you to my prayer list.
Thank you Heather for all the great advice! I have never thought of grief therapy and I think that is a good idea. I do need to work all these emotions. I have having sleeping and eating. My mom was very abusive growing up , beatings, verbal abuse well you get the picture. She continued with the verbal and my little sister has followed her example. Thank you for adding me to your prayer list. Hugs
Dee, I will be lifting you up in prayer before the Father. It’s good to remind yourself that God created you as unique and with a purpose. He made you beautiful and looks on you always with His perfect love. He is the One who loves you most – so run to Him when you are hurting – He is always there. It helps me to read & study scriptures that talk about God’s love and grace. 1 John is full of that – also John’s Gospel. Believe what He says above all others, because He is telling you the Truth! Love & Hugs to you, sweet girl.
Father, thank you for Dee. We aren’t asked to embrace another person’s brokenness, but to avail ourselves of your broken body on the cross. In that beautiful move, you took every sin and every aspect of sin upon yourself so that we could be whole. Lord, you give us what we need to live free even in the midst of trials and injustice. It makes no sense in the natural, but you supernaturally fill those hurting places. You help us separate a person’s hurt and actions from who we really are in you. I pray for Dee today, that regardless of whether her family members turn to you, that she runs to you and finds all that she needs. Lord, we pray for her family. Cover them with your love. Lead them to wholeness. Show them through the Holy Spirit that they are loved and there is more for them than this. I ask this in the powerful name of Jesus, amen.
This is so encouraging to me: “Open the Word. Don’t use the Word to silence the conversation, but to extend it.” Just yesterday I kind of silenced a conversation my son was initiating when he mentioned an argument in response to a question about scripture my daughter had. I felt the position he stated undermines the authority of scripture, but I was too quick to shoot it down. Thanks for this wisdom. People all around us are questioning, sometimes even people under our own roof!
Especially under our own roof and that’s not a bad thing. It means that they aren’t willing to simply live someone else’s version of faith, but to strengthen their own as they ask the tough questions. It’s happened in my own home, Betsy, and I know that we respond in fear sometimes because if feels like they are going the opposite direction of what we want, but your son’s questions (and a mom’s willingness to go back and explore it with him) is such a strong and good thing. Love your heart and your mama’s heart!
This is a sigh of relief for me. I don’t have all the answers, but God does. I feel myself telling people, “I don’t know that any human can give you that answer. That’s a question only for God. Prepare yourself to wait until He answers.” It’s a rough response, but I try to say it gently. In other words, some questions are not questions we should be asking of man. Man put us in most of these situations. I love this post dearly. Thank you for your openness and your grace. Love that I’m your neighbor at Fresh Market Friday. Have a blessed week, Suzie.
What a powerful response, Carolina. I love the honesty of it, and the fact that we lean on Christ when there seems to be no answers. That’s where our strength is found.
Love the perspective drawn here from the relationship Jesus had with his disciples and how this builds trust, friendship and support for the difficult times when we seek the same. Asking the hard questions together and seeking answers is how our faith is built strong to withstand the storms, and I’m thankful also for the ones in my life who are not afraid to ask and seek together. Thanks for this encouragement Suzie and for sharing on Fresh Market Friday!
I just love you Suzie. Love your message, love your vulnerability, love you.