I recently found out that I had cancer. . . again.
The very next Monday my husband called me from his car. “Babe, something’s wrong.” He was on the way to the emergency room with pressure and pain in his chest, worse than anything he had ever experienced.
“I don’t think I’m going to make it,” he said. I thought he was talking about making it to the emergency room.
That’s not what he meant. When I reached the emergency room I ran back to him and found my healthy-eating runner in a full-blown heart attack. Two days later they did a double bypass.
It’s been a hard few days, friends. He’s had a double bypass. I’ll have a double mastectomy in a few weeks. Good friends and close family have thrown up their hands. “What’s going on, Suzie?” they ask. “Where is God in all of this?” They are looking for things that will help this make sense. Because that’s what we do when it feels like too much.
What I tell my friends is that God hasn’t gone anywhere. He’s right here — over us, under us, behind us, before us. His presence is close.
We sometimes think that faith is about having an easy life. If we are good, then life will be good. But if you look at scripture, you find good people going through difficult times. The goodness we experience is him. It’s the reality of his character in those hard places. It’s the character of his people as they show up with chicken soup and hand-written cards and lots and lots of hugs.
Knowing this doesn’t mean there aren’t moments where we struggle with all of it. The morning after Richard’s heart attack I walked through the parking lot to find his car. It was completely encased in ice and I didn’t have anything to get rid of the ice. So I climbed in the ice-tombed car and pushed the heat up to 90 and sat for 30 minutes. While it thawed was the perfect time to cry without anyone hearing me.
I wept over the fear of almost losing him. I wept over the double dose of news we had received in less than a week. I wept over the fact that I didn’t have an ice scraper when I needed one.
Since that time, our news has got a little better and I’m grateful. Richard came through the double bypass well. Though I still have to have a double mastectomy, they caught it earlier this time. No chemo for this girl!
Why am I sharing this?
Because I’m not the only one who sometimes feels like it’s too much. We all land in that trench at some point. What I love best about our Savior is that he has already climbed in that trench with us. We are not alone. He’s a deep well of peace that holds us until we come out on the other side.
If you will, pray for #teamEller over the next few weeks. I’ll still be sharing and writing, for that’s a privilege. But I’d also be honored if you’ll pray as we face this mountain, climb it, and arrive on the other side. I treasure that you are fighting with me.
Want to worship with me today? Let’s shut it all down for a moment and lean into these words:
Peace be still.
You are here so it is well.
I’m not going to be afraid.
You are greater than this storm.
Praying for you as you pray with me. For that’s what friends do.
If this encouraged you, these blog posts might encourage you as well.
- The riches we find in the deep
- Following Jesus isn’t a charmed life; it’s a changed life
- 10 scriptures that help you in the battle